# Chapter 33
I immediately turned back, closed the door, and hurried to my room. In my haste, the door closed more forcefully than intended. Startled by the loud noise, I stepped back before regaining my composure and engaging the lock.
“Haa… haa…”
Though I had only run from Rite’s room to mine, my breathing was rough. My heart was racing as if I had sprinted a long distance at full speed. I recalled an obvious fact. Rite is not an ordinary human. A passage from a childcare book I read a few years ago came to mind.
‘Adolescent masturbation is natural. Sexual desires manifest even during infancy, not as adult sexuality but as primitive urges closer to instinct. In male children, this involves the oral, anal, and phallic stages…’
No matter how hard I tried to remember, there was no explanation about a child feeling sexual desire for their caregiver. Inexplicably, a very old classic literary work came to mind. A child abandoned due to divine prophecy. One who killed his father, took his mother, and had children with her, becoming king in the process.
My thoughts raced uncontrollably. The protagonist from that story kept overlapping with Rite. A child born with a prophecy that he would kill the Emperor and devour the country. Rite, abandoned in the Winter Forest, has nothing left but vile instincts. He would devour me, his caretaker, thrust a knife into the Emperor’s chest, and not stop there. The blind monster would take even the Empress who gave birth to him.
Such a terrible future, where nothing escapes fate, kept forming in my mind.
Even knowing it was an absurd leap of logic, I couldn’t stop these thoughts. I had promised myself I wouldn’t raise him that way. I had sworn to raise him as an ordinary person, not as a beast.
My mind was in chaos. Fear kept surging. A child lusting after me. Desiring and obsessing over someone he shouldn’t.
‘What’s wrong? Arden belongs to me.’
‘Doesn’t Arden love me?’
“No. He just doesn’t understand yet. Because he doesn’t understand yet…”
I muttered as if making excuses, shaking my head.
I didn’t raise you that way, Rite. Absolutely not.
I repeated these words like an incantation over and over. Rite is exhibiting abnormal behavior. My parenting method is wrong. Now I just need to find and fix the error.
That’s something I’m good at. If the blueprint is wrong, it’s natural for the machine not to function properly. These things happen frequently, so I can certainly resolve this. I had to believe that.
* * *
I made an unplanned outing. I believed that one action would be more effective than verbal explanations to eliminate Rite’s twisted thinking and obsession. I was only planning to pretend, but perhaps it might really become a deep relationship… When my thoughts reached that point, my stomach churned. Serious and deep human relationships were still difficult for me.
I recalled the awkward and uncomfortable morning. Both Rite and I greeted the morning as if nothing had happened. It looked convincing on the surface, but I felt a suffocating awkwardness.
Rite prepared breakfast as usual, and I too ate breakfast while facing Rite without avoiding him. I delivered to Rite the words I had carefully prepared overnight.
‘I’m going to have dinner outside today.’
Screech. The skin-crawling sound of a fork scraping against a plate made me flinch. Rite’s gaze immediately fixed on me. Before Rite could say anything, I spoke first.
‘I have an appointment. I’ll be late.’
‘With whom?’
‘…’
‘Jack?’
I didn’t answer. Rite’s gaze was piercing, but I deliberately ignored it. I was worried that he might pressure me or get angry, but Rite didn’t. He just remained silent. Leaving Rite behind, I finished my meal alone, then immediately prepared to go out.
Before leaving the house, I inadvertently turned my gaze and met Rite’s eyes. His sharp, fierce glare was intense. As if he had been watching me all along, Rite opened his mouth as soon as our eyes met, but I escaped the house like I was fleeing.
In truth, I didn’t have an appointment yet. I had someone in mind, but I wasn’t sure if they would accept my sudden request. Even if they refused, I could spend time alone and return home later. With that thought, I entered the shop.
“Welcome… Oh, Arden?”
Jack, who was standing at the counter, looked at me with a surprised face before quickly adopting the expression of a friendly clerk.
“Are you here to buy firewood?”
What should I say? Everything felt awkward. It was my first time saying such things to someone. I preferred being alone and didn’t mingle with others unless necessary. Especially after being exiled as a traitor.
My mouth went dry from the awkwardness. I stuck out my tongue to moisten my lips. After swallowing several times, I carefully opened my mouth.
“Would you… like to have dinner together?”
Jack’s eyes, which had been blinking silently, gradually widened. He moved his mouth without making a sound. He must be bewildered. Someone who refused yesterday was now making the same proposal again.
“I’ll treat you. Not at my place, but at a restaurant.”
I wasn’t interested in Jack. The reason Jack became the target was simply because he was closest to my age in this village and had been approaching me in a friendly manner recently. I felt guilty about approaching him solely for my purpose, but I couldn’t think of a better way.
“S-sure!”
Jack nodded quickly. I hadn’t expected much, so this was fortunate.
“Um, then what time…”
“I’ll come back to the shop front at 6 o’clock. Take care.”
After saying goodbye, I left the shop again. I wanted to return home as late as possible. I hoped Jack wouldn’t eat too quickly. With such thoughts, I walked through the village. I had no particular destination. I just wanted to kill time until dinner.
Jack was more diligent than I thought. Planning to arrive early and wait, I headed to the front of the shop 10 minutes before 6 o’clock. It wouldn’t be polite for me to be late when I had proposed the dinner.
“Arden.”
But I hadn’t expected Jack to have come out even earlier and be waiting for me. This meant we would start dinner 10 minutes early. Normally it wouldn’t be a big issue, but today was different. Today, the main purpose was to kill time.
“You’re early.”
“Ah, well… there were fewer customers than usual.”
Jack hurriedly offered an explanation. He seemed uncomfortable, repeatedly clenching and unclenching his hands while arranging his bangs. Looking now, his hairstyle was slightly different from usual.
“Um…”
The door that Jack was blocking with his back suddenly opened wide. This caused Jack to lose his balance and stagger toward me. Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed his shoulder, but Jack quickly regained his balance and stepped two paces away from me.
“Oh, are you okay? I didn’t know there was someone outside the door…”
“Ah, no. I’m fine.”
The woman holding a bundle of firewood disappeared after Jack’s response. It seems there had been a customer in the store.
“You had a customer, I see.”
“Ah, well, there aren’t many customers anyway, so my father said he would take care of it… No, usually I stay until closing too, but today is a bit special… I mean…”
His clear, deep green eyes darted around. He couldn’t look at me properly. His previously curly hair appeared to have been styled, looking more settled and better textured than usual. His clothes weren’t formally dressy to the point of being burdensome, but they were neat and tidy.
“You don’t have to explain everything to me.”
“Ah…”
At my words, Jack’s embarrassment was visibly noticeable. I felt a sense of responsibility, like I needed to comfort him somehow. It seemed like a habit I had developed from raising a child with rich sensibilities.
“I meant you don’t look strange at all.”
“…”
At my words, Jack exhaled as if relieved and smiled widely. His eyes curved until the irises were no longer visible. So he was someone who could smile like this too.
As I was thinking that, something felt uncomfortable. I immediately turned my head to look around, but no one was paying attention to us.
“Arden? Is something wrong?”
“…No.”
I felt like someone was watching. A wave of anxiety swept over me that Rite might have come down to the village again to observe me. But those purple eyes were nowhere to be seen.
“I must have imagined it.”
The restaurant was creating an excessively romantic atmosphere. The music playing, the tablecloths, and the old artificial flowers decorating the tables all combined to create an atmosphere that seemed both tacky and cozy. Since I had made the invitation, I thought we should go to a decent restaurant, and this place looked the most upscale. Though I couldn’t fully trust my own judgment.
Our table was the quietest in the restaurant. I found this atmosphere very uncomfortable and awkward.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been here.”
Jack looked at the tablecloth and menu with eyes that seemed to be lost in memories.
“You’ve been here before, I see.”
“Yes. When I was very young, with my father.”
“I thought this place was relatively new…”
“It is, in a way. It’s not even 50 years old yet.”
Still, it was a much older establishment than I had thought. I had assumed it would be around 20 years old at most. Feeling somewhat deceived, I scrutinized the restaurant’s interior. Now that he mentioned it, I could see cobwebs in the corner of the ceiling.
“This must be your first time here.”
“Yes.”
“Well, when you live alone, you often make do with whatever, right?”
“I suppose so…”
“Then you must be quite good at cooking.”
Not at all. I could make most simple dishes, but Rite’s evaluations weren’t very positive.
‘Arden can only tell the difference between salty and sweet, right?’
I recalled what Rite had said one day when tasting the seasoning in food I had prepared. I couldn’t remember what I was making at the time, but I did remember Rite teasing me playfully.
‘No. I can tell sour, bitter, and spicy too.’
I could be confident that there was nothing wrong with my taste buds, if nothing else.
‘Liar. You always just season with salt and sugar.’
‘What else do you need?’
Unlike me, who felt wronged, Rite seemed to enjoy teasing me, grinning from ear to ear.
‘Arden really can’t manage without me.’
“Arden?”
“Ah… no. I’m not very good at it.”
“Is that so?”
Jack smiled gently.
“If you ever feel lonely eating by yourself, just call me anytime.”
“I’m not particularly lonely…”
Despite my ambiguous response, Jack smiled faintly. After choosing our menus and placing orders, there was nothing more to talk about. Jack kept trying to lead the conversation, but my conversational skills were so poor that it was almost depressing.
“Why, there was a lot of talk like that at the last Founding Festival too.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, man.”
When silence briefly fell over our table, the conversation from the next table caught my ear. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but their voices were loud enough to reach me clearly.
