# Chapter 19
I reached behind me and firmly grasped the child’s wrist.
“I will make sure this never happens again.”
I didn’t want Rite to be pointed at by others. I didn’t want him to hear unkind words from anyone but me. Above all, I hated the thought of Rite bowing his head to others.
That’s why I couldn’t lift my head. I had to bow my head so that Rite wouldn’t have to experience such things.
The whispering from around us grew a little louder. With so many people watching, I needed to resolve this incident decisively. Rite already needed to be careful; he shouldn’t make enemies of people so early.
“After going that far, just let it go.”
“Right. All kids grow up like that anyway.”
The people’s voices reached my ears, so the man must have heard them too.
“How hard could a child have possibly hit him anyway?”
One woman said that. That was what concerned me most as well. I lifted my gaze slightly to check and saw the man still breathing roughly while clutching his stomach.
Except for when I first brought Rite from the forest, he hadn’t been seriously ill. He wasn’t particularly weak either, but I never thought he could subdue an adult man in one go.
“Is saying sorry all it takes?”
“I will of course compensate for any damage my child caused.”
At those words, the man seemed to calm down considerably, but after a few more admonishments, he smacked Rite’s head with his palm and left.
When his hand touched Rite’s head, I unconsciously tightened my grip on Rite’s wrist. I wanted to shout at him about where he was putting his hands, but I had to endure it. This was the first time I had felt such an impulse, and the act of suppressing my anger itself felt awkward.
Only after the man had completely disappeared could I finally calm down and lift my head. Even then, I couldn’t bring myself to look at Rite’s face.
I was afraid I might unknowingly yell at the child or become angry. Deliberately ignoring the gazes of people around us, I led Rite by the wrist toward home.
“Arden!”
Rite called my name several times, but I didn’t stop. After walking for some time, Rite forcefully shook off my hand. The strength made me stagger slightly, and Rite reached out to steady me. I pushed his hand away.
“Why did you do that?”
“…Arden.”
This anger wasn’t directed at Rite. I could bow my head in front of others countless times. I was angry at myself, not at Rite.
Growing up under me, being raised by me—someone who was disliked and antagonized by many—it was all my fault that we ended up in this situation. So it wasn’t appropriate for me to be angry at Rite now, but I’d never felt so out of control before.
“Who taught you to raise your hand like that? Did I teach you that?”
“That person insulted you first. So why are you apologizing? Why are you angry at me?”
“Still, you shouldn’t resort to violence first. Hitting people recklessly…”
“But he called you dirty first!”
The sound of startled birds taking flight echoed at the loud voice. Reflexively, I covered Rite’s mouth. I wasn’t curious or surprised about what had been said about me. Making loud noises in the forest was dangerous. That thought alone filled my mind.
“Shh. At home. Let’s talk about this at home.”
“But why do I have to endure it? I’m still angry, why?”
“Rite, enough…”
“Why are you bowing your head to that person, why?”
Rite shook off my hand and continued to rage. Still not satisfied, he stomped his feet and ruffled his hair.
I felt somewhat sad.
“There’s nothing good about standing out among people.”
I hadn’t wanted to teach Rite such frustration and humiliation. It felt like I was ruining everything.
I bit my lip hard. Even biting hard enough to make my lip swell didn’t hurt at all.
“I told you. There’s nothing good about letting others know you’re different.”
That’s what I answered when Rite asked why he couldn’t have horns. That people would think badly of those who are different.
“When mingling with people, you shouldn’t show that you’re different from others. It all comes back as my weakness.”
“…”
“So you mustn’t harm people either. It makes you too conspicuous. You need to be ordinary. Ordinary enough that no one turns to look at you.”
Do you understand? At my question, Rite still looked at me with defiant eyes.
After staring like that, when I stroked his head a few times, the fierce look quickly faded. Soon, his purple eyes were brimming only with hurt and resentment.
“Is it because I’m different that you apologized?”
“Huh?”
“Because I’m different from others. Because I have horns and my arms are strange, is that why you can’t get angry? Because you’re afraid they’ll find out I’m different?”
Isn’t this exactly what it means to feel upset? When Rite asked if all this was because of him, it felt like a part of me was crumbling.
I’d never felt this way when I was looked down upon as a lowborn engineer in the imperial palace, when I was tried as a traitor before people, or when I was exiled here with people pointing fingers at me.
All of that required only that I endure and let go. They were things I could just give up on myself.
It seemed like my gloominess had been passed on to the child I raised.
“No. It’s not your fault… it’s all mine…”
“…”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Rite.”
Even if it was a lie that would soon collapse, I didn’t want Rite to know. I embraced Rite and muttered those words over and over again. Rite quietly remained in my arms without saying anything.
I wasn’t sensitive enough to know what the right answer was. Dealing with people was harder than understanding complicated blueprints. For me, everything not found in books was difficult.
* * *
“Hello.”
It happened while I was shopping at Lucy’s store. I flinched and shrank my neck at the voice beside me.
Since Rite had hit that person, I had become wary of everything around me. I needed to pay attention to whether any strange rumors about Rite were circulating.
When I turned my head, a young man with brown hair was standing there. He didn’t seem to have any particular hostility.
In such a small village, most faces were familiar, but he was the kind of person I couldn’t immediately place.
He was one of the few unmarried men in the village and seemed popular among the villagers due to his neat appearance. I say “seemed” because this wasn’t something I had observed myself, but information I had heard from Lucy.
What was his name again? I was sure Lucy had told me his name, but I couldn’t remember it.
“Hello.”
“I see you’re out shopping.”
I nodded and was about to turn away when the man continued to make conversation.
He spoke amicably, asking if I liked cooking, saying that he quite enjoyed it but still couldn’t cook as well as his father, and so on.
I was uncomfortable with a stranger being so friendly and tried to leave, but then the man mentioned Rite’s name.
“That’s Rite beside you, right? I heard you’re looking after a friend’s child.”
I tensed up again.
“Yes. Somehow it turned out that way.”
“Hello, Rite.”
The man bent down to meet Rite’s eyes and greeted him, but Rite didn’t respond. He just stared blankly at the man, then turned his gaze to me and pulled at my hand.
“Arden, I’m hungry.”
The man was taken aback by the blatant disregard. I wondered if I should scold him for being rude or just let it pass.
A strange person speaking to you for the first time can make you uncomfortable. I’m like that too. Having come to that conclusion, I decided to let it go.
Instead, I offered a slight excuse.
“He’s a bit shy around strangers.”
“All kids are at this age.”
When I made the excuse, worried he might spread rumors about Rite being ill-mannered, the man smiled as if it was fine.
As the situation began to get increasingly uncomfortable, fortunately, the man created an exit for us.
“I think I’ve taken up your time when you’re busy.”
“It’s okay. Well, I’ll be going now.”
Arden, hurry. Rite urged, pulling my hand. I quickly gave a nod of acknowledgment and was led to the counter by Rite’s hand.
I placed the potatoes and bread I’d been holding onto the counter and waited for Lucy to ring them up. As Lucy was placing each item in a paper bag, she looked around and whispered in a low voice.
“I heard about what happened with Gaebe?”
Gaebe? There was no face matching that name in my memory.
“Oh, don’t worry about it. He’s been like that since he was young. That’s why he’s still living alone without any children.”
Only then could I identify the name’s owner. I recalled the face of the man who had been lying on the ground in pain. I kept my mouth shut and withheld comment.
When I didn’t respond, Lucy’s gaze shifted to Rite standing beside me.
“Rite, how do you have such pretty eye color? Ea is also going crazy about how pretty they are.”
So it finally comes to this. I glanced at Rite standing beside me.
Rite showed signs of discomfort. I too found it difficult to brush off Lucy’s words as ordinary compliments.
People who had shown no interest before were now conscious of Rite’s existence after the recent incident.
Since I wasn’t with him all day, there must have been many more comments I hadn’t heard.
Purple eyes were beyond rare. I had thought only protagonists in novels described as beauties had such eye colors; I had never seen them once in real life.
He already had many features that set him apart from ordinary people, and with his unusual eye color on top of that, my worries had been increasing lately.
The worry that he might stand out too much. Plus, eye and hair colors like these usually brought along other questions.
“Are Rite’s parents like that too?”
This was exactly the question. Trying not to show my surprise, I smiled awkwardly.
“No. Both parents have blue eyes. Rite’s are a deep blue too, but they look purple when they catch the light.”
When I gave the prepared answer, Lucy tilted her head and stared closely at Rite’s eyes. I felt cold sweat forming. When I clenched my fist, Rite’s gaze shifted to my hand.
“Really? They look perfectly purple to me.”
As Lucy shrugged and looked away, I quickly pushed Rite’s hat down firmly on his head. Rite, now accustomed to this, obediently lowered his head while wearing the hat.
