# Chapter 17
“Arden, has Arden ever had sex?”
I choked at Rite’s sudden question. Whether from embarrassment or choking, my face turned bright red. Rite calmly offered me a glass of water while looking at me.
“Here, water.”
“Ah, thank y—”
I coughed as I barely managed to thank him and drank the water. As the warm water went down my throat, I calmed down a bit. Seeing that I had calmed down, Rite asked again.
“So, has Arden ever had sex?”
“…Where did you hear about such things?”
“Cal told me.”
I remembered Lucy’s words about Cal being a troublemaker. I worried about what this Cal might have told Rite.
But I hesitated several times before I could bring myself to ask Rite about it, and finally managed to voice my question.
“What exactly did he tell you?”
“Something pleasurable that only adults do.”
That’s not wrong, I thought, fidgeting with the innocent water glass.
“And he showed me a book too.”
“What book?”
“A book with pictures of people having sex.”
I should have known. When I was young, there were kids who carried such things around too. But they weren’t 12 years old. While thinking that kids these days grow up so fast and wondering if that made me a stuffy adult, Rite pressed me.
“So, have you done it?”
I didn’t know how to answer. Should I say I have, or should I say I haven’t?
The parenting books had repeatedly emphasized that caregivers should never lose a child’s trust. Would I lose Rite’s trust if I lied here? If so, did other guardians casually confess such things to their children?
I must not have hidden the confusion on my face well, because Rite stared at me intently and muttered.
“So you have done it.”
I didn’t say I had… I objected only in my mind.
“Have you done it recently too?”
“…Do we have to keep talking about this?”
“Can’t you do it with me later instead of doing it now?”
“W-What are you saying?”
I stammered involuntarily from shock. Rite was looking up at me with an innocent face as if wondering what the problem was.
“That’s not something you do with just anyone.”
“Are there conditions?”
“Conditions… I suppose. It’s something that lovers who love each other do.”
“I know that.”
Rite’s clear purple eyes looked straight at me. His expression was quite serious.
“That’s why I’m saying we should do it, Arden.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at those words spoken with such a serious face. Though the wording was explicit, it was no different from the tantrums children typically throw with their primary caregivers.
Like saying “I want to marry mommy” or “I want to marry daddy.” I never had someone to throw such tantrums to, so I’m not sure what it feels like, but I felt proud that I had become such a familiar caregiver to Rite.
Rite twitched his eyebrows in displeasure at my chuckle. I pressed my finger on those eyebrows and smiled.
“You won’t be saying that later, I bet.”
If I were to ask him later if he remembered this conversation, he might get annoyed and deny ever saying such things. Even though he was growing physically fast, seeing him throw tantrums like this showed his mind was still that of a child.
“I think you’ve got one more subject to study.”
Rite remained grumpy despite my words. While I was at a loss. How on earth am I supposed to teach that? I sighed while pondering such concerns.
* * *
Though his body had grown rapidly, he was still a child who had only been born into this world five years ago.
A child like that absorbing information from groups of children like a sponge without any filter doesn’t only bring positive influences.
I was trying to teach him something at home to prevent that as much as possible, but there were many limitations for me who had never properly learned. Still, I couldn’t do nothing.
I cautiously broached the subject.
“Rite, do you know how babies are made?”
At my words, Rite confidently nodded.
“They grow on trees, right?”
“Trees?”
“You said you picked me up from under a tree.”
“…Just because I said that doesn’t mean you actually grew on a tree.”
Then? Rite tilted his head and asked. I mechanically recited the sentences I’d been carefully considering for days.
“When a woman and a man have sexual intercourse, that is… the sex you asked about, it happens. When a man’s genitals become sexually aroused…”
“Then what about a man and a man?”
“Uh…”
I froze for a moment at the unexpected question in the middle of reciting my rehearsed words. After collecting myself, I answered Rite’s question.
“They can’t make a baby.”
“Then what do they do?”
“They either live just the two of them, or if they really need one, they adopt?”
“Adoption is not an option.”
Rite shook his head with a resolute expression. Why? This time I questioned Rite.
“You said you adopted me, right? But if you adopt another child, you’ll treat them well just like you did with me. What if that child starts liking you?”
“…”
“What if you end up liking them more than me?”
I burst out laughing in disbelief after listening quietly to what he was saying. When I snickered slightly, Rite frowned and lightly slapped the desk with his palm.
“Don’t laugh, Arden.”
“What are you saying, Rite? You and I aren’t a married couple.”
“What’s a married couple?”
“A pair who become family by mutual agreement.”
“That’s exactly like us.”
These weren’t on my list of anticipated questions. How should I explain this so it’s easy to understand?
“No. You and I are caregiver and child.”
“What’s the difference?”
“A married couple usually involves a relationship with sexual feelings toward each other, and you and I don’t have that kind of relationship.”
“What’s sexual feelings? Why don’t we have them?”
It felt like two questions came back for every one I answered. Ah, do we really have to do this? I lived fine without receiving this kind of education. Such thoughts came with the urge to quit. It was embarrassing trying to explain these things to a child.
“So, that sex you mentioned… I’ll call it sexual intercourse. They’re the same thing. So, the urge to want to have sexual intercourse… how should I put it? It’s more like an instinct…”
Even as I spoke, I could feel I was rambling incoherently. Rite too was staring at me with a face that didn’t seem to understand.
“You need to feel a certain peculiar emotion toward the other person. You don’t need to know about this stuff yet.”
“That’s unfair, saying no without even giving a reason.”
“How is that unfair?”
“Adults are weird.” Rite blurted out words that were truly childlike and then pouted. Is he sulking? I watched Rite’s mood and handed him the learning materials I had prepared in advance. It was a paper with drawings of reproductive organs.
I thought a curious child like him would quickly cheer up if I showed him something new. As expected, Rite turned his head to look at the desk.
“This is the structure of reproductive organs. This is female, this is male.”
“I don’t have those.”
“…No, you do. They’re just not fully grown yet.”
I continued speaking calmly, trying not to feel embarrassed. This is just education, I told myself repeatedly like a mantra.
“A man’s genitals undergo erection and ejaculation. Erection is a phenomenon where the autonomic nervous system causes the blood vessels in the corpus cavernosum and corpus spongiosum, which are rich in blood vessels, to close, filling them with blood. This naturally causes expansion.”
I explained while pointing to each drawing with my finger. Rite moved his gaze following my finger with quite a bit of concentration.
“If you stimulate it more, ejaculation occurs, which is the phenomenon of semen coming out from the testicles. It stores sperm in here and when ejaculating, it releases and discharges them out of the genitals. If this enters a woman’s body, there’s a probabilistic chance a baby will be created.”
When the explanation was over, Rite stared at me. He seemed to have something to say, but soon gave up and shook his head before looking at the book. He was even frowning as if it was difficult to understand.
I had prepared to explain as simply as possible, but it seemed this was still too difficult.
“Then was I made like this too?”
“I suppose so?”
“Then who made me?”
Rite’s question brought back faces from old memories. The Emperor and Empress of Artalis.
On the first day I went to the Imperial Palace, I did see His Majesty in the large hall, but I didn’t see his face since I was bowing my head. I only saw his back from a distance, or portraits hanging on the palace walls.
The Emperor had blonde hair and blue eyes, a typically handsome face. The lines were bold, and even in the portrait, his dignity was palpable.
I had seen Her Majesty the Empress a few times in person. She had dark black hair and blue eyes, and looked fragile.
And Rite also had black hair. I glanced at Rite’s hair. Pini had relayed many stories related to the Empress. Though black hair is a common color, and the rumors are hard to believe…
“…I don’t know that either, but it’s not important.”
Rite’s birth wasn’t important. Because I would definitely raise Rite to escape his fate.
“Still, they’re people to be grateful for. They gave birth to you, after all.”
“Is that something to be grateful for?”
“Pregnancy and childbirth are difficult things.”
In truth, I didn’t sincerely think that way. I felt no gratitude whatsoever toward those who abandoned a newborn baby in the Winter Forest with the intention of killing it. Perhaps they didn’t want blood on their hands, so they didn’t kill him directly.
Thanks to that, Rite is alive like this. Sometimes, very rarely, I felt a sense of triumph. I wondered what expression they would make if they knew the child they abandoned to die was living so well.
It resembled the feeling I had when I passed the engineer’s exam. When I heard the news of passing the exam, the first emotion I felt wasn’t joy or satisfaction.
I wanted to let the parents who abandoned me know that I was living well. I thought I had gotten rid of such petty and childish emotions through various experiences, but it seems that wasn’t entirely the case.
