# Chapter 13
“What is this, Arden?”
“It’s your room.”
“…My room?”
“Yes. It’s a bit empty now, but it’ll become more comfortable as we fill it little by little.”
Rite didn’t look as happy as when he got the tree house. I became anxious and started making excuses about the sparse room, but Rite’s expression grew darker.
Only then did I cautiously ask while observing his reaction.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you like it?”
“Why is there a bed?”
“Because you’ll be sleeping here now. Don’t you like the bed?”
“Who’s supposed to sleep here?”
“Well, obviously you, Rite…”
Rite’s voice gradually changed to an accusatory tone. Faced with this unfamiliar side of Rite, I trailed off.
“You mean I’m supposed to sleep here alone?”
“Yes. You’re all grown up now, so you should sleep separately.”
“I don’t want to.”
I couldn’t hide my confusion at the immediate rejection. Why was he acting like this? He was so happy when he got the tree house, and having a personal room should be even better.
“…Why not?”
“I want to sleep with Arden.”
“Rite, you need to become independent now. I should have done this earlier, but I kept delaying the house repairs…”
“I don’t want to!”
Rite shouted loudly. At the same time, the curtain fluttered violently. Hadn’t I closed all the windows? I blinked in confusion.
Why was he angry? Why was he sulking? I tried to find an answer by recalling the parenting books I’d read, but unfortunately, nothing came to mind.
“Did you trick me?”
“What do you mean I tricked you…”
Rite’s words were shocking. How many times had I read parenting books? Trust between a caregiver and child is extremely important. But to say I had tricked Rite? I felt wronged, but my heart sank with worry.
“I didn’t even know you were making something like this… I helped with everything you asked me to do… I was happy thinking we were playing together.”
“…”
“But that was just to separate me…”
“No, that’s not it.”
“What do you mean it’s not?”
Rite glared at me with fierce eyes. This was the first time the child had been so angry. He had never glared at me or spoken resentfully like this before.
“This isn’t about that. Everyone becomes independent.”
“I don’t want to. I won’t become independent.”
“Don’t be so stubborn. Once you actually have your own room, you’ll find it comfortable and nice…”
“Why can’t I sleep with you?”
He wasn’t listening at all. What was bothering him so much? I was confused.
“This is your own space, Rite. Becoming independent means I’m respecting you too. And also…”
I wanted to explain logically, but my words got all mixed up, and I couldn’t think straight. I ended up rambling incoherently to Rite.
“I won’t come in here without permission. I’ll have to knock and get your permission before I can enter this space…”
“Why would you need to knock to come in?”
“Because it’s your personal space?”
“Why do I have to live separately from Arden?”
“I said it’s your personal space, not that we’re living separately. We’re in the same house, just using different rooms.”
“I already said I don’t want that! Do you dislike me? Why can’t we sleep in the same bed? Arden is mine!”
As Rite spoke rapidly in excitement, horns sprouted from the top of his head. He took a deep breath after finishing his words.
The last statement was a bit strange, but Rite was probably just blurting out whatever came to mind in his excitement, so I didn’t point it out. To be precise, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to point it out.
“I don’t like it.”
“If you tell me exactly what you don’t like, I can fix it.”
“Everything. I don’t like any of it.”
“Then I’ll fix everything.”
Perhaps because I indulged his tantrum or because he had vented everything, my answer seemed to dampen his anger somewhat from before.
Right now, anything I said would only provoke more anger. Both Rite and I needed time to think calmly. I looked around to divert Rite’s attention. A carving that Rite used to like caught my eye.
“Look at this, Rite. You used to like this.”
Though it was from a few years ago. I swallowed that fact and waved the carving in front of Rite’s eyes. Pini had said it looked like a goblin from the forest, but it was clearly a bear.
Rite just blinked, not understanding what I was doing.
“I’ve filled it with things you used to use. I’ll put the sword Pini bought for you here, and I’ll make a bookshelf for your books. You’ll need a desk too, right?”
“…”
“As we fill it up one by one, you’ll come to like this space.”
Rite looked like he neither sympathized with nor understood what I was saying, but at least he wasn’t shouting or glaring anymore. I awkwardly smiled and waved a butterfly carving too.
Rite passed by me as if he didn’t care whether I was waving a bear or a goblin, and headed toward the wall where the bed was placed.
I thought he was going to check the bed, but instead, Rite stood in front of the mobile hanging on the wall. When he tapped it with his hand, the well-dried pine cones and wood pieces swayed slightly. Rite just kept gently touching the mobile and staring at it.
Rite’s small back looked so dejected. I didn’t know whether I should hug the child who seemed downcast about his impending independence or leave him alone, so I just fidgeted with my fingertips.
Night inevitably came. It was the first night sleeping apart from Rite. I ran my hand over the awkwardly empty space beside me. The bed wasn’t particularly large—if anything, it had been cramped—but with Rite gone, it felt too spacious.
I read a book in the darkness by the light of the lamp at my bedside. “How to Raise Your Child to Be Smart.” It was a book I had been reading since shortly after I found Rite in the forest.
It had been very helpful, and I felt like tracking down the author and begging them to write five or ten more volumes covering the entire process until the child becomes an adult.
In the night with all lights off, I recalled the child’s gaze that had followed my back even as I laid him in bed and left the room.
I could vividly remember those purple eyes looking up at me in the darkness, as if asking if I was really going to leave him there. Even though we were just sleeping in separate rooms, I felt like a heartless person who had abandoned a child in some harsh place. My heart felt heavy with unnecessary guilt.
I should have made the room earlier. If I had, he might not have shown such intense resistance. I had been too lazy. I shouldn’t have delayed the house repairs because it was troublesome and difficult. That’s not how one should approach raising a child. But regret came too late.
Outside the room was quiet. It was silent except for the sound of trees being lashed by the sharp wind. I worried about everything—would the child cry? Would he have nightmares? Would he be cold? I had all sorts of concerns but couldn’t bring myself to go to his room.
They say the most important thing when implementing sleep independence is the guardian’s resolve. I needed to be firm.
I closed the book, worn with my fingerprints from reading it so much, and turned off the light. Lying down on the bed alone, I felt empty when I closed my eyes. I wished something heavy would press down on me. I wished I could sleep holding something warm and soft in my arms.
Perhaps sleep independence was necessary for me, not just for Rite.
On a night when sleep wouldn’t come, it was quite difficult to keep my sanity with my eyes closed in the darkness.
* * *
It was the second day since Rite’s independence. Today, we hadn’t practiced control even once. Partly because Rite was much more subdued than usual, but mostly because his horns hadn’t appeared at all today, so there was no way to practice controlling them.
In another sense, this meant that Rite hadn’t experienced anything exciting all day today.
“Rite.”
I called out to Rite as he was heading toward his room at bedtime. I could see his back flinch noticeably. Nevertheless, Rite didn’t turn around to look at me.
“Would you like me to read you a book?”
An awkward silence filled the house. The child had spent the morning in the tree house, and after lunch, he had stayed in the house with me the entire time. Despite this, he had tried not to make eye contact with me.
In response to my offer, Rite still showed his back to me and shook his head. With nothing to say, I fidgeted with the corner of a children’s book. “The Story of Therse and Eden.” It was a story that everyone in Artalis knew. Even after much time had passed, the legend of Therse and Eden remained very popular.
Although Rite had read this fairy tale before, he always enjoyed it no matter how many times he read it.
When I remained quiet, Rite soon went into his room. The sound of the door closing seemed unusually loud. Is it puberty? The thought made me nervous. That period all caregivers fear when raising a child.
It’s too early for puberty. I reassured myself as I entered the room across from his and closed the door.
* * *
The awkward atmosphere continued the next day. The only difference was that Rite didn’t go up to the tree house at all today. Whenever I left due to the awkwardness, Rite would somehow end up nearby.
Yet he wouldn’t speak to me or make eye contact, which made it difficult to know what to do.
I could feel his gaze following me when I wasn’t looking, and when I turned my head, Rite would pretend he hadn’t been looking. So I would turn my head back and continue what I was doing, and inevitably, his gaze would follow me again.
What should I do? I pondered while pretending to read a book. Again, I felt his gaze following me. In times like this, it seemed better to leave him alone to think rather than confronting him. So I pretended not to notice his gaze, but it was quite distracting.
“I’m going out for a bit.”
So my choice was to remove myself from the situation. Before Rite could answer, I grabbed my coat and went straight outside. It seemed both Rite and I needed some time alone.
