# Chapter 74
“Hmm, since you seem embarrassed about being caught, I’ll pretend to believe you.”
“It’s true. You’re the one who left work early. You didn’t need to come back and wait.”
In reality, though Junseo’s leave request had been approved, he had come to work on his own anyway, so it wasn’t exactly “leaving work early,” but anyway. He’d left without even eating lunch.
“Yes. Were you upset that I left work first? Actually, I had something to prepare at home. I wanted to try it when I was less busy. It’s a fantasy of mine.”
“What was it?”
Though he had just changed into fresh clothes before leaving work, his collar already felt tight. As Dohyuk unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and responded, Junseo smiled slightly. It was such a familiar mischievous smile that Dohyuk unconsciously tensed up.
The car, which had started smoothly, was already turning a corner. The commercial buildings, still busy with business, sparkled brightly.
“Preparing to welcome you home. When you open the door, saying, ‘Welcome back. Would you like dinner first, or a bath? Or perhaps…'”
The light turned red before they could cross the intersection, and the car stopped. The traffic signals on this road were uniquely short. The vibrant neon sign lights spilling helplessly through the window into the car colored Junseo’s face in various hues. It was a mystical face. When the red light hit, he looked bewitching, but when purple light shone, he gave off an indifferent aura. Warmth and coolness freely interchanged.
The beautiful face, which one wouldn’t even think to doubt had been crafted with divine care, turned to look at Dohyuk. As Junseo created a thin eye-smile, Dohyuk felt confused about what color the changing lights had been.
“Me first?”
His chattering voice, explaining how he’d been contemplating whether to welcome him at home or go pick him up directly and ended up coming out anyway, sounded no different than usual.
Unconsciously drawn into that slick joke, Dohyuk finally placed his hand on his forehead and sighed. His back, deeply sunk into the seat, felt stiff.
“Junseo, sometimes you act so oddly that it drives me crazy.”
“Ah. Don’t you have any fantasies like this, hyung?”
“…No.”
“That’s strange. But why are you in a better mood now?”
At those words, Dohyuk, who had been hiding his flushed face behind a deliberately hardened expression with folded arms, hurriedly buried his cheeks in his palm. Though Junseo was driving, he still managed to laugh, clearly seeing something. Before they knew it, they had arrived at the officetel building and quickly finished parking. Junseo and Dohyuk got out of the car.
“Anyway, you worked hard. Today as well.”
Dohyuk turned his head slightly away from Junseo, who was snuggling close and acting cute in the elevator. It was because he felt he might let out an empty laugh.
“Because of you, I really don’t have time to worry about anything else.”
“You have worries? Why on earth won’t this workplace approve leave requests? Just quit right away.”
“No. I need to make a living.”
“Well, since you have a dependent Guide, being completely unemployed would be a bit much. But don’t you want to change jobs?”
“Junseo, you’re subtly including yourself as my dependent.”
“Are you going to abandon Junseo? After stealing all of my lips too?”
Dohyuk, who was opening the door by entering his birthday with already familiar motions, stumbled.
“Don’t say such things in the hallway…”
“Then I’ll say them at home.”
With that cheeky remark, the front door that swallowed the two adult men closed with a thud.
Dohyuk blinked his eyes, tired in a different sense. It was still an unfamiliar home. Though clearly built with the same finishing materials as Dohyuk’s officetel, it was so well-decorated that it seemed unfair to even compare. The touch of professionals was visible throughout. The overall tone of the wallpaper was white, but it wasn’t boring due to the granite flooring used as an accent, and warm chocolate-colored oak furniture meticulously filled the spaces. The flowing curtains were all peach-colored, giving the overall atmosphere a warm feeling. It seemed like just sitting quietly and gazing at the pouring sunlight would make one drowsy.
One wall of the living room was completely opened with windows. Unlike Dohyuk’s east-facing home, Junseo had explained that this south-facing house had sunlight warmly rising up to beyond the sofa during the day. Junseo had happily instructed that he deliberately installed blinds instead of curtains on this window, saying the greenery spread outside the window breathed life into the pristine white interior.
“Hyung.”
Grabbing Dohyuk’s arm as he took off his shoes and entered the living room, Junseo turned his body around. His eyes, which looked like they had been drawn by the brushstrokes of an elegant scholar, curved gently.
“I really prepared both dinner and a bath. But I think…”
Fearing he might say something strange like “me first?” again if left alone, Dohyuk pushed Junseo halfway away. Junseo finally burst into laughter at Dohyuk’s rejection, because Dohyuk had pushed him away with such a weak force that not even a feather could have been moved.
Dohyuk always treated Junseo like fragile glass. Always fretting as if even a touch of his finger might hurt him.
“I-I’ll wash up first and then have dinner.”
“First tell me what happened at headquarters.”
Despite being the one with moist eyes, he always pretended that nothing had happened.
***
Last night, after hearing everything Dohyuk had to say, Junseo asked only one question.
“Is that the salvation you were hoping for, hyung?”
His eyes were so resolute in holding Dohyuk’s fleeing gaze that Dohyuk, wanting to break free from it, only bit his lip firmly.
“Junseo, the truth is, my desires aren’t important.”
Dohyuk had been raised that way all along. Actually, if the term “raise” includes the concept of “care,” then perhaps “bred” would be a more fitting word for Dohyuk. For a long time, Dohyuk had lived a life where his own desires were the most worthless.
A life where he deliberately closed his eyes for fear of being crushed by despair the moment he realized what was beyond the cage. A time when he could only bear the weight by burying his head in the ground out of exhaustion.
“No. They’re the most important thing.”
His lower lip, which he had been constantly biting, seemed to have finally burst. His mouth filled with the faint taste of blood. Since it was a light wound that would heal anyway, Dohyuk stuck out his tongue. He might have felt thirsty.
Someone else’s thumb touched the tip of his tongue as it licked the wound. The finger that touched his tongue brushed over his lips, making the unhealed wound sting.
Life is a repetition of contradictions. When something is too close, it becomes invisible. Dohyuk couldn’t tell if the scent lingering on his tongue was from his own lips or had transferred from Junseo’s white fingertips.
He persistently rubbed the tender membrane between Dohyuk’s reflexively closed lips. Though they were facing each other, their gazes didn’t tangle. A smile like a serene pond reflecting greenery moistened Junseo’s lips.
“Hyung, you need to learn how to desire and be greedy first.”
Why do you keep showing hope to someone like me who has nothing? How will you handle it later?
Extending a helping hand to someone who has castrated their desires to avoid realizing their deficiencies will only result in being exploited in the end. They’ll end up having their hand, arm, and shoulder completely devoured without even receiving a word of thanks.
Dohyuk didn’t want to become such a being to Junseo. It seemed too miserable to live by gradually taking away from someone so perfectly crafted when he himself was already distorted.
Please don’t allow me. Don’t comfort me saying I can take more. Don’t act so complacent when you’re not going to stay by my side until the end. There were countless things he wanted to blurt out, forgetting their age difference and speaking stupidly. Swallowing all those words, Dohyuk grabbed Junseo’s arm and carefully chose his words.
“What do you want? …I like what you want. If you like it, I think I could like it too.”
The misery and despair that he had pressed down in the corner but ultimately raised its head again faced Dohyuk squarely. Suddenly, he felt like crying. The sight of those brilliant eyes slightly furrowing in difficulty wrapped around his vision very slowly. Like water swirling as it escapes through a drain.
Dohyuk sincerely wished that Junseo would cover his eyes. The desire to remain stiffly preserved and complacent sprouted as easily as despair.
But because of Junseo’s troubled expression, Dohyuk couldn’t easily separate his lips to plead by dropping that petty wish.
“I don’t want to be chosen inevitably because I’m the only one. I want hyung to have many things. To embrace precious things one by one that you can’t easily give up.”
“……”
“I want you to willingly open your arms because you want to embrace me. Not caring even if everything else you’ve been holding spills out.”
Dohyuk stared at the eyes that were blankly looking at his lips. The tip of his tongue was parched. A heavy silence slipped away like an empty space.
“You know? I have a lot.”
“……”
“Hyung should be the same as me for it to be fair.”
Eventually, the lips that let out a short laugh slightly touched his thumb that had been rubbing between Dohyuk’s lips.
It was a minor contact without even feeling its weight. But despite how colorless that sensation was, Dohyuk’s whole body stiffened at the violent guiding that poured forth. A violent energy stirred Dohyuk up terribly, as if pouring out his inner thoughts.
“…Your personality, actually… is pretty bad, isn’t it?”
Despite merely receiving Junseo’s breath without any movement, Dohyuk eventually panted faintly. Junseo, who had been watching all those changes without blinking an eye, finally curved the corners of his eyes.
“No way. I’m kind and pretty. Only for you, hyung.”
