# Chapter 41
Dohyuk thought of Seungmin.
Those worried eyes appeared vividly in his mind, as if painted there. When he returned to headquarters and was dispatched on missions with Seungmin, it was always quiet. Only now did he belatedly realize how much trouble Seungmin must have gone through, pretending not to be himself while trying to clear up misunderstandings and silencing those around them. Perhaps he had been too complacent, using Seungmin’s kindness as a shield.
Thanks to that, he might have forgotten about rumors that had already mixed and distorted with time, changing arbitrarily to the point where their original form was unrecognizable.
His stomach was full. Dohyuk smiled with just his lips. Still, wasn’t Jaesik’s claim somewhat close to the truth? In the past, some Esper had shouted that Dohyuk had ignored Lee Seoyeon, an Esper who had been crying and begging for her life, and killed her instead. That expression of someone spouting such nonsense was so vivid that Dohyuk momentarily doubted his own memories, rummaging through them again, wondering if he had actually arbitrarily killed Seoyeon who was begging for her life.
‘Do you believe that Esper Choi Dohyuk can prove his worth through sacrifice?’
At that voice echoing emptily through the cave, he recalled his delayed answer in the jungle.
Well. Life had been tedious. If living ultimately coincides with dying, he wondered why one had to struggle all day while dying anyway. Rather than humans merely extending their lives, wouldn’t it be better for those who shout that they want to live remain instead? Rather than grandiose words like usefulness or sacrifice, more petty words suited him better.
“What are you thinking about?”
Before Sangjun left, Junseo, who had disappeared somewhere and then reappeared, sat on the prettiest piece of wood Dohyuk had made and asked with his beautiful face.
Dohyuk, who had been staring at the ground lost in thought, barely raised his gaze. Though he’d worried about seeing a disappointed expression, Junseo’s face remained unchanged. He was simply sitting in place, furrowing his brow as if his armor was uncomfortable, trying to get used to it. It was fascinating how the additional armor he’d put on when entering the dungeon covered his neckline and chest, mysteriously transforming his impression into something strangely ascetic.
“I wasn’t thinking about anything.”
“You looked like you were thinking about something complicated.”
“…”
“Why are you speaking formally when it’s just the two of us, hyung?”
Junseo smiled brightly. In that moment, Dohyuk felt as if his mind had suddenly cleared. Strangely, he felt reassured. Only then did he realize that he had been submerged up to his neck in cascading worries. And that that smiling expression had blown breath onto his lips.
Worry? About what?
Dohyuk, who had been restless at his peculiar emotional state, whispered like a sigh, as if making an excuse.
“I was going to ask you to tell me if you were uncomfortable. I don’t know what rumors you might have heard.”
Even as he spoke, his heart was pounding. Would he be caught saying these hollow words? Words he never would have uttered first if Junseo hadn’t shown his usual smiling face.
It was a bad spoiled act, pretending not to know while instinctively realizing the other wouldn’t push him away, yet still seeking definite confirmation.
Junseo, who had been quietly looking at Dohyuk, fidgeted with his lips before slowly opening his mouth. As his lips, redder than usual, parted, his snow-white teeth were revealed. Despite his appearance being stimulating enough to grasp one’s attention in an instant, Junseo spoke in a rather childish tone that clearly showed his hesitation.
“…What should I do.”
As if truly troubled, Junseo fluttered his long eyelashes and fell into contemplation. Dohyuk held his breath, waiting for his next words. His smooth brow narrowed slightly as if burdened with some great worry.
Then, spreading his arms wide.
“I haven’t had many chances to comfort others until now. So…”
He smiled brightly.
“Shall I guide you with a hug today?”
The sound of leaves rustling against each other in the wind somewhere seemed like a song. The refreshing timbre, like water pouring from a high place, resembled Yu Junseo.
Round eyes curved sweetly into a smile, as if waiting for Dohyuk. Feeling saliva pooling in his mouth, Dohyuk momentarily stopped breathing. Like someone conscious of their own breathing, all his movements were awkward beyond compare, and he just pressed his lips together without even swallowing.
Junseo waited patiently for quite some time without urging him.
“…I haven’t done anything to deserve guiding.”
Even after spitting out those words with a cracked voice, only after some more time had passed did Dohyuk flow into Junseo’s arms slowly, like a wounded animal seeking its grave.
It was a snow-white evening.
***
“Hyung worries too much.”
Junseo said in a slightly sulky voice. This was because Dohyuk, despite all his pleading and clutching at his collar, had only accepted 5 minutes of simple guiding before quickly breaking away from his embrace.
Just 25 more minutes, no, just 35 more minutes.
Junseo only licked his lips. Anyone watching would have thought the Esper and Guide had switched places. Clearly, he was enjoying it too! Yet he pushed Junseo away with those blazing eyes that looked like he wanted to devour his partner any moment. It seemed like if Dohyuk participated in a marshmallow experiment, he could become a marshmallow factory manager in no time. His patience was admirable.
“I didn’t explain properly. Because it might be sudden.”
And every time he pretended to be fine, pretended nothing was wrong, while secretly digging holes like that inside. And all he did was worry about others.
“Even though I don’t have many friends, do you think I wouldn’t have heard such rumors when taking you on as my partner Esper?”
Of course, Junseo liked that Dohyuk worried about him.
How could he not find it cute that someone who had lived in a world so different from politics and backroom dealings was now worried about him, someone who had grown up feeding on those very shadows like snacks.
The problem was that Dohyuk worried about everyone except himself.
“…Ah.”
“You’ve heard a lot of rumors about me too, right?”
In fact, there are baseless rumors, and there are rumors based on facts. In Junseo’s case, it was the latter, but he felt no pang of conscience as he asked Dohyuk back.
“Do you think those rumors are true?”
With the most charming expression possible, Junseo gently leaned against Dohyuk, bending his waist halfway to look up at him, and whispered softly. Dohyuk, completely falling for it again, shook his head slightly.
Junseo, as if satisfied, pretended to rub his cheek lightly against Dohyuk’s shoulder before straightening up and moving away.
“I made my own judgment about you too. That’s why I asked you to be partners.”
Dohyuk’s auburn eyes resembled a tree trunk. His personality was like that too. Solid and steady, but if he were to properly break, he would fall over and rot away. And even then, he wouldn’t blame the wind and would just become nutrients for other trees.
Who are you being so noble for?
Junseo secretly mocked while quietly admiring his well-sculpted face.
“But…”
“Even if my judgment is wrong, that’s my responsibility, not yours.”
He wanted to take the hand of what was curled up deep inside him, hiding tightly, and untangle all the knots.
If he could smooth out paper that had been trampled and damaged by others’ touch, and find the lost words.
Then it would become a poetry collection made of the most beautiful words in the world.
Just imagining it made his heart swell, and Junseo gazed quietly at Dohyuk. The jungle sunlight that didn’t disappear even in the evening poured through the leaves onto Dohyuk’s hair.
He would keep it only on his bookshelf.
He wanted to make a uniquely beautiful bookshelf out of the finest walnut wood, place it in a deep room that no one knew about, and read it only by himself. Carefully, tenderly, so that not a single piece of paper would be creased.
Dohyuk, unaware of what Junseo was thinking, pressed the back of his head repeatedly and advised as nonchalantly as possible. Though pretending to think nothing of it, his nape gradually flushed as if the gaze was burdensome.
“…You’re going to get scammed living like that.”
“If I get scammed, you’ll punish the scammers for me.”
Junseo, who had been dreaming with pitch-black eyes, smiled slightly. When he demanded it as if it were obvious in a voice mixed with aegyo, Dohyuk sighed but answered.
“Haah, alright.”
Ah, Junseo loved that worried gaze so much.
He wanted to count the long nights, aching for it every time.
***
The first day in the dungeon passed by aimlessly.
As Dohyuk had expected, the dungeon interior seemed not to have been reconfigured, as there were no monsters or other gains. However, Dohyuk, who hadn’t been able to sleep all night because he’d been standing watch, was only able to go in for a nap around 6:30 AM thanks to Sangjun’s consideration. Even though his sleep time would be at most only about two and a half hours, even that short time was precious on a long-term mission.
Junseo, who had been awake since 5 AM and had stuck close to Dohyuk continuously, suddenly lost his talkativeness when Dohyuk entered the tent. Sangjun spoke to him in a small voice.
“You weren’t stuck to him all night, were you?”
“Well.”
There was absolutely no sincerity in that brief response.
