# Chapter 21
Dohyuk found it disconcerting that his desires would stir uncontrollably whether he wanted them to or not. He’d heard those crude jokes before—about how guiding from a high-compatibility Guide was supposedly mind-blowing. Sometimes when guiding was unsatisfactory and headaches pounded his skull, he’d grumble about wishing he could experience that supposedly blissful guiding. But now that he was actually in that position, the self-loathing was overwhelming. While Junseo was seriously doing his job, here he was getting aroused by it. Was he not a human but a beast?
“That’s…”
On the first day Junseo had helped him practice, Dohyuk had unconsciously pulled Junseo close, embracing him while panting, and then as soon as he’d come to his senses, he’d screamed “Aack!” and bolted from the guiding room. After that, Dohyuk had insisted on more reserved guiding—only holding arms or a couple of fingers, minimizing the contact area. Despite Junseo’s attempts to coax him otherwise, he’d remained firm, causing Junseo to reluctantly take half a step back. Dohyuk thought they’d found a compromise, but judging by Junseo’s expression, it seemed he’d been holding back and finally erupted. To be fair, even Dohyuk thought he’d been acting rather timidly for someone who’d firmly declared he would help with guiding as much as possible.
Seeing Dohyuk’s tightly closed mouth, Junseo pressed his own lips together. His shoulders drooped visibly even to Dohyuk’s eyes. What is he, a Maltese puppy sad about missing a walk? Dohyuk clicked his tongue and was about to make excuses when Junseo spoke first.
“Do you dislike it that much?”
The gaze that had been swollen with anticipation lowered. Something glistened as it faded along the corners of his eyes, like overripe fruit collapsing and falling helplessly to the ground.
In an instant, Dohyuk’s neck stiffened. His hands moved faster than his thoughts. Even in that moment, he regretted that his gloves prevented him from feeling Junseo’s skin, which would be as soft as whipped cream. He gently lifted Junseo’s chin, raising the half-lowered face, and met those fragile eyes. Dohyuk realized a half-beat too late that what he’d glimpsed wasn’t tears but merely a reflection of light.
Dohyuk’s rigidly fixed eyes relaxed in relief. Still, concerned about Junseo’s pale face, he lightly brushed beneath his eyes. Junseo, seemingly surprised by the fingers caressing his eye area, slightly closed his eyes. Even at this tiny movement, Dohyuk flinched, his hand trembling momentarily.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
Pretending to respond primly, he nevertheless nuzzled his face against the hand that still touched him, like a young animal seeking affection.
Junseo, who had been simply resting his face against Dohyuk’s hand, apparently found the sensation of the glove displeasing. Soon, he enveloped Dohyuk’s one hand with both of his. When he casually tried to remove the glove, Dohyuk hurriedly attempted to stop him.
“Wait…!”
But Junseo’s voice was quicker.
“I won’t guide you.”
His dejected voice, like a child who’d had chocolate cookies snatched away, poked at Dohyuk’s crown. When the person whose eyes had been sparkling blindingly bright just moments ago now whispered gloomily, Dohyuk froze as if bound by his words. Junseo continued his movement. As he removed the black glove, Dohyuk’s large body stiffened. His chest, tightly wrapped in a black shirt, remained motionless, as if he was even holding his breath.
“At first, I thought you disliked touching me.”
The hand that had been covered only in dead leather now flushed red with Junseo’s warmth. Feeling sweat forming on his palm, Dohyuk bit his lip. Though he tensed unconsciously, Junseo merely held his hand, as if to prove he wouldn’t perform guiding.
As though verifying something.
“…”
“But that doesn’t seem to be the case, does it?”
His hands were soft.
Even if a genius sculptor spent all day refining plaster, they couldn’t create something so delicate. Those white hands entangled Dohyuk like silk threads. The dark eyes scrutinized every change in his complexion and expression. A gaze persistently seeking the vital point of its prey. It was a look all too familiar to Dohyuk. The Guide, who had likely never hunted once in his life, wore such eyes with surprising ease.
“Other Espers say my guiding makes them nauseous. Is that how you feel, hyung?”
“No!”
“Then why are you so reluctant about my guiding?”
“…”
“You know what? An 88% matching rate might not mean much to you, but it does to me. You’re all I have.”
His voice suddenly heated up. A voice that clung viscously, like heated sugar syrup caramelizing. That sound catalyzed a boiling heat throughout Dohyuk’s body. Thankfully, he normally ran hot. Hoping that Junseo, who held his hand, wouldn’t notice this feverish energy, Dohyuk tried his best to maintain a composed face. He didn’t have the confidence to admit while sober that he was sometimes so aroused by Junseo’s guiding that it became unbearable.
“That can’t be. You’re just not used to it yet. You’re S-class. Once you adapt a little, you’ll soon be able to guide other Espers too. Don’t give up already.”
In his complicated feelings, Dohyuk failed to properly observe Junseo’s expression.
A gentle voice urged Dohyuk on. It had a strangely low saturation, like the chilled autumn wind. When Dohyuk raised his head, the eyes that met his were still smiling.
“How is my clinging to you ‘giving up’?”
Meeting that face brought a surge of indignation. Something so faint that he couldn’t even remember it must have coiled tightly somewhere in his mind. Otherwise, whenever that face approached and whispered softly, he wouldn’t feel such a disorderly heart.
Being completely swayed by something beyond his control, part of him wanted to just quietly accept it, while another part wanted to fiercely rebel. Dohyuk fixed his gaze on the meat, which was now hardening and drying.
“I said I’d just help out for a bit. And you’ve been doing really well lately.”
“Then do it with me, okay?”
“…”
“You just said I’m doing well.”
“We are doing it. What I mean is, don’t rely on me too much. Don’t you find it difficult working with me?”
“Am I not expressive enough? I really like it. Hyung, don’t tell me… You don’t like doing it with me? I’m certain that can’t be true?”
While Dohyuk was in the midst of this argument with Junseo, he felt a gaze. The waiter who had been busy serving special cuts of meat stared at Dohyuk and Junseo with a surprised face. When Dohyuk slightly raised his eyebrows with a puzzled look, the waiter hurriedly bowed his head at the sharp eyes, placed the meat down, and left.
There should still be plenty of business hours left. With a bewildered expression, Dohyuk tilted his head before looking back at Junseo. Junseo was still sticking out his lower lip like a child making a sad face to get a toy. A facial expression that would seem annoying if done by anyone else appeared astonishingly melancholic on him.
You ask if I dislike it? It’s so good that it’s a problem.
Sighing deeply, Dohyuk adjusted his grip on Junseo’s hand from his side. When Dohyuk moved his hand, Junseo, who had been extremely tense, realized that Dohyuk had no intention of letting go and soon added an eye-smile, like a cat melting.
“…What do you mean by ‘certainly can’t be true’?”
“What’s not true is not true.”
“Haah. Anyway, the most important thing is, I’m uncomfortable with guiding that involves a lot of contact. Junseo, it’s not that I dislike you, it’s just that I’ve never received that kind of guiding until now, so it’s… awkward for me. I don’t dislike your guiding.”
Junseo, who had been examining every corner of Dohyuk like reading a book, finally smiled smoothly. It was somewhat twisted and misaligned, but strangely, that made it seem more alluring. It was like watching a flower that had been carefully cultivated and watered day and night finally burst into bloom.
“Really?”
Such a happy expression just from hearing he didn’t dislike it. With his lips pulled up in a wide smile, Junseo rested his cheek on Dohyuk’s palm. The texture and warmth of Yu Junseo’s skin clung blatantly to his bare hand. Strength drained from his entire body. He was terrified that if he moved even a finger wrong, he might cause irreversible harm to the face leaning against him.
Junseo spoke in a whisper. Each time he moved his lips, they almost—but not quite—brushed against Dohyuk’s palm, causing a tickling sensation.
“Please cherish my guiding even though it’s still very lacking.”
Somehow interpreting Dohyuk’s constantly sliding gaze, Junseo made a sad face. Dohyuk cleared his throat with several “ahem”s, chewing his lips intensely before finally speaking.
“…I do cherish it.”
“Then can I guide you?”
The face that pushed cleverly as soon as Dohyuk gave the slightest opening appeared completely innocent, despite his actions. And yet, there was that strangely half-dejected gaze that kept checking Dohyuk’s reaction. Feeling a throbbing headache coming on, Dohyuk exhaled deeply what must have been his umpteenth sigh and spoke in a husky voice.
“Tomorrow. Let’s do it tomorrow.”
“Really? Let’s do it properly tomorrow.”
“Alright.”
Was it his imagination? The deeply dejected face brightened in an instant.
***
After returning home and taking a cold shower, Dohyuk pushed his chilled body under the blanket.
‘How is my clinging to you giving up?’
Dohyuk sighed deeply. Did Junseo act that way knowing the garbage dump that was his mind?
The guiding he’d received in a drug-induced, confused state had become shackles binding Dohyuk. Otherwise, his body’s excitement every time he saw Junseo couldn’t be explained. He truly was Pavlov’s damn dog.
