What could be done? Though they had nothing to do with the family’s honor, he had raised them as his children nonetheless. Still, even a mouse hole gets sunlight—they all took after their mother and became increasingly beautiful day by day. Sanwol had entered the palace a few years ago and, as he’d hoped, became pregnant with the Emperor’s child. The problem was what came after.
If what Sanwol gave birth to was a princess, all of this would become a mirage. To somehow continue conceiving until she bore a prince, they needed to keep the Emperor’s feet returning, but the Emperor had never had a second child with the same concubine in his entire life.
“Will His Majesty truly be pleased?”
Yoon Yun-gyeom swept over his son with a dubious expression. In truth, eunuchs could be quite a delicacy if one played with them. After Sansan was born and he learned of the existence of congenital eunuchs, he had occasionally sought out and embraced such beings out of curiosity.
They generally had little body hair like women, and their nipples were beautifully colored unlike men’s. They also tended to be small in stature with small cocks. Naturally, their holes were also small.
When he bored into those narrow places and pounded them, they’d writhe in pain and sometimes even ejaculate with their small cocks, which was quite a sight to see. What came out was close to plain water with no seed and didn’t smell fishy.
Of course, many couldn’t ejaculate at all. Those types would turn red all over, panting and suffering in agony. The way they whimpered exactly like young beasts had an aspect that strangely incited a man’s sadism.
But the truly interesting point wasn’t that. Among them were mixed some so bizarre it was hard to speak of. It was such a grotesque story that people still hushed it up, but those who’d bedded around in back alleys knew about it here and there.
Some congenital eunuchs could conceive. Meaning that despite being male, they could bear children.
No one knew when such people had begun to appear. However, in Hagyeong where nothing was impossible with money, one could watch a pregnant eunuch take both a woman and a man simultaneously if one desired, or watch them give birth to offspring. One could even suckle the milk that temporarily swelled.
Yoon Yun-gyeom had paid money and participated in such things several times. They didn’t even have female genitalia like hermaphrodites. He had clearly seen with his own eyes a child being born through the anus.
The eunuch courtesan who gave birth at that time definitely had only a cock attached. He’d watched from right under his nose, so there was no mistake. What came from the slightly swollen breasts was also breast milk. Yoon Yun-gyeom, who had gone to suckle until the threshold wore down until that one’s colostrum was completely gone, could assert it.
Briefly recalling the eunuch courtesan who had offered milk with a face stained the color of shame, Yoon Yun-gyeom soon clicked his tongue in bitterness. He’d tried to bring that one into the household because the image kept appearing before his eyes, but the courtesan had crossed the River of Death following their child who hadn’t lived even a few days.
In any case, for such reasons, Yoon Yun-gyeom, who knew all too well how children born as congenital eunuchs and abandoned lived, considered himself a virtuous father. At best they became palace eunuchs, and those who couldn’t even manage that lived and died as spectacles wandering the red-light districts—that was reality.
Yet he hadn’t cast out this one who was both a eunuch unable to continue the family line and inadequate to boot, but had fed and housed him until the age of twenty-five, letting him live without knowing the world’s harshness—so now it was time to receive that virtue’s reward. If Heaven wasn’t indifferent, perhaps his son could also conceive like that one.
“You know as well, don’t you, sir? I’ve never seen beauty to match Sansan’s anywhere in Hagyeong. It’s not new for His Majesty to occasionally establish residences for male concubines in the imperial palace and embrace them, so there’s no reason he wouldn’t catch his eye.”
“His beauty may be so, but the child is a simpleton……”
“I’m also quite worried about that, but we have no choice but to leave it to fate once. What can we do? He was already born a simpleton.”
With a final tsk tsk from Yoon Yun-gyeom, the conversation between husband and wife concluded.
During all this, Sansan sat with his mouth shut as if he’d eaten honey, just looking down at his knees while holding back tears that threatened to spill. Even if he didn’t understand everything, how could he not know that both his father and mother were disappointed because he was inadequate?
Unable to become a child who satisfied his father and mother’s hearts, the one who was most sorrowful in all his life was, no matter what anyone said, Sansan himself.
***
“Jusa of the Ministry of Works, Lord Yoon, his wife Lady Lee, and Young Master Yoon have arrived.”
Even after entering the palace, Sansan’s party had to ride the carriage for quite a while longer along the high red walls before finally arriving in front of Yeongnyeong Palace, Concubine Yoon’s residence.
Chief Eunuch So of Yeongnyeong Palace, who had been anxiously pacing around Dongiljangg since earlier, hurriedly approached them. Chief Eunuch So guided them to Yeongnyeong Gate with a friendly attitude.
Sansan and his parents passed a large pear tree in full bloom, went through the front hall to reach the rear hall, and then had to wait again briefly for Concubine Yoon’s permission to be granted.
“Show them in.”
Through the red curtain screening the door, the voice of Concubine Yoon—Sanwol—came from inside. At that voice he’d longed for day and night, tears welled up in Sansan’s eyes.
“Mother, look at that. I’ve never seen such high walls before. It’s also my first time seeing so many people. Wow, how are they all,”
“Hey! What did your mother tell you? I said you mustn’t chatter carelessly inside the imperial palace. Close the curtain quickly and sit properly. And when you meet Concubine Yoon Mama later, don’t think of acting familiarly like before. Keep your mouth shut tight and only answer when asked questions. Quiet as a dead mouse, understand?”
“……Ye-es.”
“If you happen to meet His Majesty, what did I tell you to do?”
“Be gentle, be respectful, if he asks questions, answer properly……”
“And?”
“If he wants something from me, just close my eyes tight and stay still, doing as His Majesty does……”
“Right. Never forget. You only need to do that well. If you don’t listen properly this time, I’ll never bring you again when visiting Concubine Yoon Mama.”
“I’ll, I’ll listen well.”
It hadn’t been long since he’d made that promise with his mother. Sansan held back the urge to run and embrace Wol and cry his eyes out. He followed closely behind his parents, constantly looking around at the splendid interior.
“Father, Mother!”
As they entered the main hall, Sanwol, who had been standing, approached with quick steps while being attended by a court lady.
“We pay our respects to Concubine Yoon Mama. May you enjoy great blessings. Have you been well in the meantime?”
Mother and Father knelt on one knee and offered their greetings. Sansan also clumsily imitated the palace greeting method he’d practiced beforehand.
“Please, please rise.”
Watching Wol bend down to help Father up, Sansan also sensibly stood. Inadvertently rolling his eyes, he met the gaze of his younger sister who was looking at him. It had been exactly two years since they’d parted without knowing when they’d meet again.
“……Orabeoni.”
In that moment, he saw moisture well up in Wol’s jewel-like eyes. Sansan also felt like crying. He barely calmed his surging heart and spoke the words he’d wanted to say when meeting his younger sister.
“I congratulate you on your pregnancy, M-Mama.”
Pregnancy, congratulate—in truth, these were all unfamiliar expressions to Sansan. They weren’t words he originally knew, of course, but things Yeon had sat him down and repeatedly taught him last night.
Having heard until his ears rang that he absolutely must not act with Wol as he used to, Sansan had felt deeply lonely inside. It seemed as if his closest blood sibling had now become an existence from a distant world.
But it wasn’t so. Though more beautiful and lovelier, Wol was still Wol. Instead of mocking him as an idiot like others naturally did, his kind younger sister who had slowly and repeatedly taught him what she knew and had never once hesitated to play with him.
The last image of his sister, who had cried until her eyes swelled saying she didn’t want to become a concubine, leaving in a palanquin with puffy fish eyes, had never left his mind.
Was it because he was an inadequate older brother? Until then, Sansan had never seen his sister shed tears in front of him. That foolish self who could do nothing but cry along with her—had there ever been a time when he hated and loathed himself as much as that day?
“……Thank you, orabeoni.”
Sanwol, who couldn’t embrace him as before with so many watching eyes, lightly wiped away tears with her fingertips and instead responded with a bright smile. Sansan smiled back.
He was the more grateful one. For staying healthy without harboring bad feelings. Though she’d entered the imperial palace crying and wailing, now his sister was smiling with a comfortable face while carrying the Emperor’s child. His Majesty must be treating her well then, Sansan felt relieved. He truly thought it was fortunate.
All while not knowing what his mother and father were imagining as they watched them.
Footnote:
Hagyeong (하경) – Capital city of the Ha Empire
Hermaphrodite (반음양/半陰陽) – Person with both male and female genitalia
Mama (마마) – Honorific title for high-ranking palace women
Orabeoni (오라버니) – Formal/respectful term for older brother
Colostrum (초유) – First breast milk after birth
River of Death (저승 강) – Metaphor for crossing into death/afterlife
