“Ah, sorry.”
Anyone would dislike having their body touched. Still, he remembered that after they’d gotten somewhat close in the past, Kwon Isoo would just let it slide without a word. He’d found Kwon Isoo’s face so fascinating—wondering why he was so pretty—that he’d look him over from every angle and even made ridiculous requests.
‘…Isoo, why are your eyelashes so long? Can I touch them just once?’
‘Your skin is so nice. Can I poke your cheek just once?’
Kwon Isoo, unable to bear it any longer, would frown and say something.
‘Knock it off, Do Yeonjae.’
But sometimes, seeing Yeonjae’s face with his mouth hanging open blankly, he’d chuckle.
‘You look like an idiot.’
That’s how it was…
The distance that had grown between them suddenly hit him hard. Do Yeonjae hurriedly withdrew his hand and glanced at Kwon Isoo, struggling to hide his embarrassment. Contrary to his expectation that all sorts of verbal abuse would come flying, he just quietly looked down at his own wrist. Then he muttered lowly.
“What a fucking idiot.”
An idiot just for grabbing his wrist! While Do Yeonjae’s face colored with shock, Kwon Isoo didn’t offer any explanation and gestured to a staff member in the corner. The staff member approached hesitantly, clearly not wanting to get caught between these two people whose awkwardness was beyond measure.
“Can we film now?”
“Ah, yes. Noona, please.”
Do Yeonjae belatedly came to his senses and answered. As she adjusted the phone camera angle, she asked what they’d do for the final gesture.
Oh right, we need to coordinate that too… He’d forgotten, caught up in teaching the choreography. Do Yeonjae racked his brain. What would be good? Something that looked appropriately friendly while not making Kwon Isoo recoil.
“Arm around the shoulder… no, there’s RAYEON’s signature pose, let’s do that.”
He hastily corrected himself because Kwon Isoo’s expression had turned cold when he heard “arm around the shoulder.” It was also more standard since challenges often ended with signature poses.
Do Yeonjae demonstrated the pose using both hands.
“Like this.”
At the fairly complex hand gesture, Kwon Isoo frowned and asked.
“What does this even mean?”
“The light…”
Do Yeonjae decided not to bother explaining that in RAYEON’s worldview—where darkness without sunlight persisted eternally—it was a gesture of the five boys becoming one to emit light and save the dystopia from that darkness. The embarrassment from imitating saviors on variety shows as a rookie was already enough.
“…It just exists. Something like that.”
Between RAYEON, which drew in otakus with a worldview good for immersion, and NEOS, which emphasized unique artistry with their own popular compositions, there existed an unbridgeable river. Lucky them, they don’t have to save the world…
When he mumbled his answer, Kwon Isoo narrowed his eyes, but he didn’t seem to have asked out of great interest either. Soon he mimicked the pose. Perhaps because his fingers were long, the hand gesture looked even more impressive. Do Yeonjae nodded, saying that was right.
Then the actual challenge filming began. While RAYEON’s song played, Do Yeonjae suddenly recalled that this moment—dancing while looking at the camera together with Kwon Isoo—was definitely something his past self had desperately wished for.
“……”
Thinking that way made him feel strange somehow. Once the feeling became strange, it didn’t easily return to normal even after filming ended.
The obvious fact that they’d have to return to their original distance after the challenge… made his emotions churn even more.
“Thank you for your hard work. Thank you.”
The staff members who’d finished their perfunctory greetings filed out of the practice room one after another.
Even during all that, Do Yeonjae still stood in place, hesitating uncharacteristically. Without even realizing what he was hesitating about.
The selfish contradiction of avoiding Kwon Isoo while anticipating their reunion held his feet in place. That voice saying it wasn’t particularly fun, that had lost interest, and that expression clearly showing boredom throughout filming. Kwon Isoo would probably completely settle their old connection after this brief meeting. Even though that’s what he’d hoped for when he came, how strange. Why am I…
Ah, right. The album.
Whether fortunate or unfortunate, an appropriate excuse to continue talking came to mind. He quickly brought over the album he’d signed in advance and handed it to him.
“Kwon Isoo, here. It’s the 7th album.”
Kwon Isoo stared intently at the album cover with the signature, then snatched it away. He’s not going to use it as a ramen stand, right? While blinking anxiously, he added one more thing.
“Call me when you guys comeback. I’ll make time.”
Originally, challenges between different groups were a give-and-take concept. If Kwon Isoo filmed a RAYEON challenge, it was right for him to film NEOS’s as well.
At those words, Kwon Isoo with his indifferent face looked down at Do Yeonjae. He rubbed his brow, then let out a laugh and spoke in a voice that sounded exactly like mockery.
“You don’t need to do that out of obligation.”
“……”
That sneer poured oil on the feelings that had been quietly simmering.
His eyes unconsciously filled with intensity. Do Yeonjae glared at Kwon Isoo for quite a while, as if picking a fight.
And the words that came out were quite impulsive.
“It’s not out of obligation.”
I don’t know. Whether this surging emotion is anger, guilt about the past, or something else entirely.
What’s certain is that those eyes…
“I’m your fan, Kwon Isoo.”
Kwon Isoo’s cold eyes suddenly made him feel miserable. Shamelessly so.
* * *
“…What is a fan?”
The noisy space quieted in an instant. It was because of the words suddenly uttered by the youngest member, whose mood had been low all day. Baek Sian, who had long since finished eating and was farming gacha resources in a game on his phone, answered indifferently.
“That’s not exactly what you should say right before a fan signing starts, is it?”
“…I guess not.”
“Yeah, that’s— Ah. Hyung, that hurts. Stop poking me!”
At the shrill scream, Do Yeonjae, who’d had a gloomy face, raised his head. Next to Baek Sian, who was clutching his side and grumbling discontentedly, Hayun was looking at him with a deeply worried expression.
“Yeonjae, why suddenly…?”
Actually, the RAYEON members had already noticed Do Yeonjae’s unusual state. As Baek Sian said, before the fan signing started, they’d ordered food matching their individual diets delivered to the waiting room to eat… Even though 20 minutes had passed since the food arrived, Do Yeonjae’s bowl of rice was still heaping.
There’s kimchi stew and Do Yeonjae isn’t eating.
This was quite a serious problem.
Today, before the media interview, Do Yeonjae had gone alone to film a challenge with NEOS’s Kwon Isoo. The members could easily guess that something must have happened there.
So they’d been waiting for him to say something, but… what’s a fan, out of nowhere?
“Youngest. Did puberty hit you?”
Kang Ihyun laughed heartily, saying his random thoughts resembled his younger sibling who’d just entered high school. It was a laugh forbidden in front of cameras to preserve his actor-like image.
“Umm… Isn’t consistently looking up their news being a fan?”
When Ihyun’s joke didn’t improve Do Yeonjae’s expression, this time Hayun stepped up. Not knowing what was wrong, but wanting to answer the question first.
“Like listening to a singer’s new songs, or seeking out an actor’s new works. That kind of thing.”
“……”
Do Yeonjae quietly mulled over Hayun’s words.
In that sense, he was indeed Kwon Isoo’s fan.
Even though he personally avoided Kwon Isoo, his music playlist was always filled with Kwon Isoo’s songs. He listened to those songs most of the day. Also, he watched music shows that Kwon Isoo appeared on… when he had time, he rewatched NEOS’s year-end award show stages… watched commercials Kwon Isoo filmed multiple times…
While his thoughts multiplied infinitely, Kang Ihyun objected in a sulky voice.
“How is that being a fan? That’s just being interested.”
“If you’re interested, aren’t you a fan? Then what do you think a fan is?”
“Fan? Haha… Why even say it. A fan is basically a girlfriend.”
At Kang Ihyun’s shameless comment, Hayun frowned.
“Yes, have a lovely romance.”
“Wow… You’re only cold to me, huh? You’re gentle with Yeonjae.”
“When was I?”
“See, even your voice is different. You think I’m easy because we’re friends.”
While the two same-age friends bickered, Yeo Minsung, who valued fact-checking, held his phone right in front of Do Yeonjae’s eyes.
“Here.”
What showed on the screen was a Korean dictionary search result.
[Fan: A person who enthusiastically likes actors, singers, etc.]
Enthusiastically… Shit, it’s not to the point of being enthusiastic. A heavy burden showed on Do Yeonjae’s face.
What if he misunderstands that I enthusiastically like him? Thinking that way made him feel like he’d get indigestion even though he hadn’t eaten anything. Baek Sian, unable to watch Do Yeonjae’s expression growing darker, asked.
“Why are you suddenly like this? Having a reality check before a fan signing or something?”
“Yeonjae wouldn’t be like that… When Yeonjae’s fans come to fan signings, they all leave satisfied.”
When Hayun strongly denied it, Yeonjae scratched his head awkwardly.
“I’m not really sure what parts are satisfying.”
Actually, there wasn’t much he did at fan signings. He just made eye contact with fans, listened to their stories, and had conversations. Rather, he often felt sorry that the time was too short. Still… if the fans found that time satisfying, it was fortunate.
“Those parts of you.”
At Hayun’s words mixed with laughter, Do Yeonjae made a puzzled face. Baek Sian shook his head as if familiar with this.
“Well, how many cameras film you. At the last fan signing, that thing where you wore a police cap got over seven thousand retweets, did you see it?”
“Ah… I didn’t.”
“Do some monitoring. That really came out well even to me. Anyway, if it’s not because of the fan signing, then what?”
Do Yeonjae bit his lip firmly. His face recalling the morning’s events turned reddish. This definitely wasn’t from being shy or happy…
It was distinctly the color of embarrassment.
‘I’m your fan, Kwon Isoo.’
This idiot, sea cucumber, sea anemone… Why the hell did he say that? What was there to gain? No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn’t figure out the reason.
Did meeting an old friend after a long time cloud his judgment? Imagining how his words must have sounded to him made him want to kick off his blanket right now. He couldn’t shake off the disturbance all afternoon, so his meal wouldn’t go down properly either. Because he kept remembering Kwon Isoo’s face, frowning hard as if he’d heard something he shouldn’t have.
