The uneasy premonition became clearer the more he read through the proposal. So the PD-nim seemed to want… a song produced by Kwon Isoo.
Music recording, busking, and even thinking about releasing a project single. So that’s why they said it was an interesting combination. Music variety shows are trending these days, and with a producer and main vocal combination, it would be good for producing a high-quality song.
Kwon Isoo and I working on a song together…. Before he could even finish the thought, a sharp voice from his memories dug into his mind.
‘You said you really wanted to debut with me too. You said if I made songs, you’d sing the guides and do everything for me.’
He had rejected Kwon Isoo who had said all that. It was practically an opportunity he’d kicked away himself. On the radio, he had joked around saying he wanted to work with Kwon Isoo, but he’d never once thought it would actually become reality….
“If it’s a Kwon Isoo song, it’s guaranteed to be a hit! I want to tell you to definitely say okay… but are you two actually close?”
Do Yeonjae fell silent at Baek Sian’s honest question. Sian hyung was right. There was no ‘hot friendship’ to begin with, so what. There was nothing to worry about. Even if he said yes, Kwon Isoo would clearly be repulsed… no, wait a minute.
‘Huh, is this the first time you’re hearing about it? Kwon Isoo said he’d relay it himself and asked for your number.’
What? Then that meant. Do Yeonjae asked the manager urgently.
“Kwon Isoo said he’d do this?”
“Yeah, otherwise why would he ask for your number?”
Do Yeonjae’s pupils shook finely. That doesn’t make sense. There’s no way. What on earth was he thinking?
‘No. He only said he’d relay it, he didn’t say he accepted.’
He didn’t know what kind of ‘relay’ that would be. Seeing how he contacted him but never once brought up the program, maybe he was giving him a hint to refuse on his own.
That makes sense. He was just angry the whole time we were messaging… and since it’s a schedule involving a senior from the same company, it would be awkward for a rookie to refuse first. Of course, Kwon Isoo didn’t seem like the type to care about anyone’s opinion at all, but anyway….
“…….”
The jumbled thoughts that had been continuing stopped at some point. Putting aside the worries about Kwon Isoo that he couldn’t know the answer to right now, Do Yeonjae asked himself a more realistic question.
‘What do I want to do?’
I…….
He sank into the past with a somewhat sunken face.
Do Yeonjae had been preparing to apologize to Kwon Isoo for a very long time. Though things hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped after they actually reunited.
In the past, the words he’d carelessly thrown to stop Kwon Isoo. The guilt over that. Even if it couldn’t be helped at the time, even if there was a good reason for it, the fact that he had hurt Kwon Isoo was definitely true.
Do Yeonjae’s personality was simpler than expected. He only focused on areas he was interested in, and once he cut something off, whether it was a person or an object, he didn’t think about it anymore. He’d never had such an uncomfortable feeling left over from any human relationship. Only Kwon Isoo was like that. Only he remained like a stain that wouldn’t disappear.
That’s why he could tell. The reason why, behind the desire to ignore Kwon Isoo’s disgust, there also coexisted a desire to apologize to him. The reason why he wanted to set right their out-of-season relationship even in that way was….
Because he wanted to become close with Kwon Isoo again.
That kind of expectation definitely existed. From the time when he knew nothing, the memories of practicing all night with Kwon Isoo, secretly escaping the dorm to eat cup ramyeon at the convenience store, and being the only one who got in trouble the next day because only one of them ended up swollen. Kwon Isoo, who glared at the trainer and argued, ‘I was the one who said let’s go out, so why are you scolding Do Yeonjae,’ was still vivid even now.
What power did he have, being just a trainee? He was foolish. Kwon Isoo was. That time when they didn’t know what was ahead, when there were no calculations.
He missed us from back then.
Yes, that’s probably what it was. When he taught Kwon Isoo RAYEON’s choreography, it felt like returning to the old days. Captivated by that strange feeling. He must have said those words because he wanted to become close with him again.
‘I’m your fan, Kwon Isoo.’
If it was just an apology to reduce guilt, he could just do it quickly and be done with it. But expectations about relationships were accompanied by fear.
After NEOS’s debut, it wasn’t only Do Yeonjae who didn’t seek out the other person. Kwon Isoo didn’t look for him either. What was the reason? The answer came easily. After seeing the disgust in Kwon Isoo’s eyes that day.
Kwon Isoo really hates Do Yeonjae.
The more he read his hatred, the more he felt the thorns planted in his sharp words, the further his initial resolution kept getting. If he apologized and Kwon Isoo didn’t accept it. Then.
It would really be completely over.
The act of clinging to possibilities is highly addictive. Because you don’t have to face a miserable end, and you only need to rely on vain delusions.
He’d been running away like that. He’d been ignoring it with all his might…….
He couldn’t avoid it forever.
He wasn’t a five-year-old kid.
“You’re obviously going to do it, right? Hyung thinks this is a good opportunity. It’s not common to get offers from a production company this good. As long as Kwon Isoo appears, the buzz is guaranteed, and with your vocals, Yeonjae, honestly the side giving the song benefits too. I think you two can have a win-win situation.”
At the manager’s words, an unfamiliar feeling welled up. Opportunity… right, maybe this is exactly an opportunity? To set right the relationship with Kwon Isoo. Do Yeonjae slowly caressed the word ‘friendship’ on the tablet screen.
If he accepted here, what kind of reaction would Kwon Isoo show? He’d probably hate it. He might get angry asking why he didn’t refuse tactfully.
But even so…….
Even if it ended badly, it seemed like it would be okay. Working on a song with Kwon Isoo. Because he could do something he’d wanted to do for a very long time.
Do Yeonjae, who had been silently lost in thought, soon opened his mouth.
“Yes, I’ll do it.”
After saying it, he felt refreshed inside.
If you don’t like it, you refuse, Kwon Isoo. Because I don’t want to.
* * *
“It’s ridiculous. Why are they resolving a conflict that’s years old specifically by going on TV? They should’ve just talked it out between themselves earlier!”
“…….”
Do Yeonjae, who had been passing through the living room, stiffened with a start. When he turned his head creakily, Baek Sian was lying sideways on the sofa watching TV.
On the TV screen, some survival variety show famous for being harsh was airing, with the title ‘Each Other’s Hidden True Feelings, and a Tearful Reconciliation…’
“For years you didn’t think to talk to each other? You’re both adults. Do you have that little courage? If even one of them had contacted the other earlier, things wouldn’t have come back with only misunderstandings piled up like this… *sniff*”
And Baek Sian, who he thought would be getting angry, was on the verge of tears from being heavily immersed. Do Yeonjae, who had unconsciously tried to argue back, closed his mouth.
Then the moment the two people on TV embraced, the tears that had pooled in Sian’s eyes finally rolled down. Seeing the tears flowing toward his temple because he was lying sideways, Do Yeonjae shook his head and moved along.
After entering his room, he sat down on the bed with a troubled face. The words he’d just heard seemed to poke somewhere in his chest.
‘Why are they resolving a conflict that’s years old specifically by going on TV?’
……Right.
Why was I trying to do that?
After passing the dice to Kwon Isoo, honestly speaking, Do Yeonjae thought the program would be canceled quickly.
So when he heard the news that a preliminary interview had been scheduled, he was really quite surprised.
He really said he’d do it? Kwon Isoo?
He naturally thought he’d say he didn’t want to. Could the staff have forced him? Kwon Isoo reluctantly accepting to appear due to pressure from his manager—it was hard to imagine, but considering that he was only in his second year since debut, it wasn’t an impossible scenario.
Maybe I should’ve just refused from my side after all. Since it’s already confirmed, I can’t undo it, but… inevitable regret set in.
It made sense. In the current situation, there was no way filming would proceed smoothly, but he’d accepted out of momentary greed and now seemed to have taken on a huge burden.
Just the problems that came to mind immediately weren’t just one or two. Starting from the conscience issue of lying and pretending to be close when they weren’t, to the obviously awkward atmosphere at the filming location… and the inconvenience it would cause the staff because of that.
Just imagining it already made him dizzy. To think this was all the butterfly effect of saying ‘Yes, we’re close’ on the radio. He couldn’t believe it, so Do Yeonjae had spent a week burying that fact.
There’s no way to turn back now, so it’s annoying to worry about it and get a headache. I’ll think about it later…. Like that, taking vocal lessons, exercising, fulfilling schedules. Doing the lives that fans wanted too. Living like any other hiatus period, the preliminary interview was now right around the corner, the day after tomorrow.
Seeing how there’s been no particular contact until now, it seems Kwon Isoo didn’t accept with a welcoming heart either.
For now… I should call. Do Yeonjae blinked his eyes slowly, then pressed the call button on his phone with an unenthusiastic gesture.
[Kwon Isoo]
The ringtone continued for quite a while. At the end of the monotonous waiting tone, an irritated voice came through.
— Ah, fuck. Who is it…….
It was a voice deeply sunken, drenched in sleep. Surprisingly.
“Were you sleeping?”
He checked the clock at the top. It’s 2 PM right now. Maybe because he composes, his day and night are fundamentally different. Or maybe he’s just a heavy sleeper. Thinking about it, even during trainee days, Kwon Isoo had the hardest time waking up in the morning.
But there was no answer to the question of whether he’d been sleeping. After hearing some busy sounds over the phone for a moment, Kwon Isoo’s voice came close again.
— What the fuck were you doing for a whole week…….
“Huh? What?”
— Ha…. What do you want?
“I think we need to get our stories straight.”
The phone became quiet again. Kwon Isoo? When he called in a puzzled tone, he asked back in a low, cracked voice.
— Get what straight?
