Theo froze as he was reaching to put down his coffee cup. Hunter’s direct question almost made him curse.
Six years ago, the day right before Hunter disappeared. It was after Taylor, the mysterious visitor, had left. It was when Hunter, who hadn’t touched alcohol, was locked in his room drinking straight from the bottle, and most importantly, it was when Theo had confessed his feelings to Hunter.
Theo still remembered that time vividly. He was so happy to see him after such a long time. Until then, it had been an unlucky streak of days where Hunter would be home when Theo wasn’t, and Theo would be home when Hunter wasn’t. It was already funny that they lived next door to each other while working for different organizations, but that didn’t necessarily make their relationship bad.
After seeing Taylor off, Theo forcibly followed Hunter as he was about to go straight into his house. Hunter tried to drive him away several times but eventually gave up when he saw how persistent Theo was.
His study smelled of alcohol. The only glass was already filled with vodka. Hunter handed it to Theo and drank straight from the bottle himself.
That day, unlike the sober Theo, Hunter was slightly drunk. Looking at him with his flushed face, Theo felt strange. Hunter’s sharp, observant eyes had softened with intoxication, and his unusually honest expression wore a faint smile.
What’s going on? Theo was puzzled. Hunter seemed unusually weak that day. When Theo asked why he was suddenly doing something so out of character, Hunter whispered, “Even I can’t always be perfect. Especially on a day like today.”
It was the first time seeing him so vulnerable. Theo’s heart pounded. To think I’d see this different side of you.
Suddenly, he became curious. At this moment, it seemed like Hunter would give him an honest answer rather than his usual slick lies.
If I confess to him now, how would he react?
In truth, it didn’t matter whether Hunter remembered the confession or not. At least he knew Hunter wasn’t the type to be troubled or deeply concerned about a confession like his.
He felt cowardly for saying things he couldn’t normally say at such a time, but he justified himself, thinking that he had always been a coward by nature, so what did it matter.
“I like you.”
It was as expected. Hunter simply tilted his glass without any change in his expression. When he didn’t respond for so long, Theo began to get annoyed. He wondered if Hunter was pretending not to hear.
“I want to have sex with you.”
Theo shouted irritably. Hunter still drank his alcohol indifferently. Show some reaction, whether it’s rejection or disgust. Frustrated, Theo snatched Hunter’s bottle.
“Can’t you hear me? I’m making a pass—”
“I heard you, so stop it.”
Hunter blocked Theo’s mouth, saying his head was ringing. And for quite a long time, they just stared at each other without saying anything. Theo quietly watched him, wondering what Hunter was thinking.
Soon, Hunter laughed. That laughter gradually filled the room. As Hunter laughed, shaking his shoulders, Theo was dumbfounded and irritated. “What’s so funny?” Theo demanded, and Hunter abruptly stopped laughing as if he’d been waiting for the question.
“How utterly unfortunate.”
“Who?”
“You.”
Hunter took back the bottle from Theo.
“Both you and I live a life rolling around in underground darkness where no light enters. If we turn on water to shower, the blood soaked into our skin would dirty the floor, and far from helping those who are dying, we’d mock them and kick them away.
“What an ugly life it is.” Hunter got up from his seat, staggering. Like he was performing in a musical, he spread his arms exaggeratedly and shouted while looking at the empty space. “Yet despite being such worthless beings, we actually long for light. Just like moths to a flame.”
“We must endlessly yearn for light. We must desire what we can never have. And then we meet our end in the very light we’ve so desperately wanted. Like moths, meeting a reckless but beautiful end.
“Like those magnificent moths that burn themselves to death, consumed by light!” Hunter glared at the ceiling with crazed eyes.
Bewildered, Theo crossed his arms. This guy must really be drunk. He clapped for Hunter’s brief speech, saying he understood. “Yeah, yeah. Whether they’re moths or dung flies, they’re all amazing creatures.”
“You understand, right?” Hunter said with a hint of laughter in his voice.
“What you’re feeling isn’t love, kid.”
Theo stopped clapping mid-way. “What?” As he frowned, Hunter shook his head as if there was nothing he could do. “You still have a long way to go.” Hearing Hunter’s murmur, Theo stood up abruptly. “What does that mean?” Theo’s expression crumpled.
“I am not your light, and you are not my light either. Without light, we would just exist as stupid moths and meet a meaningless end. There’s no worse life than that. Because an end that isn’t beautiful has no value at all.”
Theo rolled his eyes irritably.
“You keep talking about light, light, but why is that so important that you’re making such a fuss? Life is just about enjoying it my way and that’s it. Whether it’s beautiful or not, everything ends when you die, so why should I worry about such things? It’s giving me a headache.
“And what’s with the moths? I’m a human being, Hunter. Who are you comparing to those fragile insects that die when you flick them?” Theo protested strongly.
“…Your arrogance seems to have no intention of being fixed.”
Hunter approached with a cold gaze and patted Theo’s shoulder as if dusting it off. “I had my suspicions. You’ve always been like this.”
“Sadly, in that aspect, you take after your father exactly.”
That was the moment.
Theo unconsciously felt the urge to strangle Hunter. A single sentence from him had ignited a fire.
“Who, takes after whom?” Theo stood threateningly close to Hunter. His heart was racing, but for a different reason than before. His anger was rising so much that his vision was turning black.
Hunter didn’t even blink. He was utterly cold. The boiling emotions flared up even more when their eyes met.
“Theo.”
“Fuck, don’t touch me.”
Theo jumped up from his seat and flung the study door open as if to break it. He was in a dangerously bad mood. To think he’d be laughed at. To be denied. His face burned with the heat rising within him.
When Theo arrived home, he broke everything he could lay his hands on. Hunter’s mockery still lingered in his ears.
I take after my father?
Even after throwing a pool cue to shatter a window, or smashing a television into pieces with a dumbbell, his anger didn’t subside. Now even the malfunctioning sound of the television sounded like mockery directed at him.
“You’ll die just like your father.”
He seemed to hear Michael’s voice from somewhere. “In a truly miserable way!” Theo grabbed his head. Damn it.
Theo tried to calm his excitement. He spent the entire night like that. He resolved to visit Hunter again the next day and talk to him once more. After making that promise to himself several times, Theo jumped over the wall of Hunter’s house as soon as the day broke.
But by then, he had already disappeared.
The emptiness he felt at that time was indescribably immense. That he would disappear like this. And right after hearing my confession, no less.
Theo finally smiled slyly at Hunter, who was now facing him.
“Yeah. I want to pounce on you right now.”
What nonsense. Theo was dissatisfied with his own answer. What do I mean, ‘pounce on you?’ He just wanted Hunter to be flustered or annoyed. As long as he doesn’t put me in the same category as my father like he did then. Theo took a sip of his coffee and gauged Hunter’s reaction.
“Haha.”
Hunter laughed. Thankfully, it was different from his mocking laughter back then.
“Sorry, but I’ve never embraced a man before, so I might not meet your expectations.”
“What?”
Theo responded stupidly.
“Who’s embracing whom?”
“I’d embrace you.”
“Are you seriously saying you’d be on top of me right now?”
“Why are you so surprised? Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“What the hell are you talking about! Of course I’d be on top of you.”
“Well, that doesn’t suit you.”
“Huh?”
Theo was dumbfounded. Has this old man finally gone senile? Who’s on top of whom? Even a third party would see that I should obviously be on top.
“Are you serious, Hunter?”
“If you want to confirm my sincerity,”
Hunter leaned forward and lightly cupped Theo’s nape.
“Come see me again tonight.”
