In an instant, his blood ran cold and his fingertips tingled. He couldn’t think at all. The middle-aged man reeked of alcohol and giggled. At the distance that felt like he’d touch him again any moment, Wooyeon’s breath caught.
“Uncle will buy you a drink.”
“…Customer.”
“Want to date me?”
“Why are you doing this!”
When the man reached out to grab Wooyeon’s arm, Wooyeon shouted and shook off that arm. Feeling like his heart was dropping, Wooyeon clutched his chest. The middle-aged man staggered from the force of Wooyeon shaking him off, then unable to contain his anger alone, let out a shriek.
“Fuck, are you ignoring me too?”
At the eyes that even felt insane, Wooyeon’s breathing quickened. It wasn’t that there was no response manual for times like this, but his mind was blacked out as if scribbled all over with a black pen. He roughly ran both hands down his face, then gradually approached Wooyeon who was backing away.
“You were the one who smiled sweetly and wagged your tail like a girl first, weren’t you? Huh?”
Wooyeon censored whether he had ever done such a thing even implicitly. Did I do that? When I approached earlier, or when I first greeted him? But no matter how much he thought about it, it didn’t seem like he had. No, he definitely had never done that.
“Okay, I get it. How much, how much do I have to pay?”
There was no way Wooyeon wouldn’t understand what the man meant. Wooyeon looked at the man with surprised eyes. The man thrust both hands into his pants pockets in an awkward posture and rummaged through them. Wooyeon’s lower lip trembled.
“Fuck, are you mute? I’m asking how much I have to pay…”
“…”
“And who are you?”
Along with the sound of someone’s approaching footsteps, a shadow suddenly fell in front of Wooyeon. Wooyeon raised his eyes wet with moisture and looked up. Someone had come between the man and Wooyeon.
Though Wooyeon could only see an uncommonly tall height and broad shoulders, he could tell who it was. It was Kwon Jeonghan.
Jeonghan said nothing, and instead only took out his wallet from his coat and rummaged through it. Soon Jeonghan pulled out some 50,000 won bills and several checks from his wallet and held the money out to the man.
“Wha, what’s this?”
Even while drunk, the man’s eyes immediately changed when he saw the considerable amount of money. Though he seemed flustered and stuttering, his desire for money was primal. Having pulled out the hand that had been rummaging through his pocket, the man froze and alternately looked at Jeonghan’s face and the money.
“Do you need more?”
With an expressionless face, Jeonghan put his fingers in his wallet again and carelessly pulled out more bills. And when Jeonghan held out the money to the man again, the man’s eyes, which had been as small as buttonholes, widened.
“Leave.”
“Ah, ah!”
The middle-aged man, with a face as if all the alcohol had worn off, took the money Jeonghan offered with both hands. He was quick to leave the convenience store. Seeing the man completely exit the convenience store, Jeonghan turned back toward Wooyeon.
“Sunbae.”
Wooyeon felt as if all the strength had drained from his body from the emptiness money brings and the resentment with nowhere to go. Wooyeon slowly raised his head and met the gaze of Jeonghan who was calling him. Jeonghan was looking at Wooyeon with a face that seemed somewhat annoyed. Wooyeon briefly closed and opened his trembling eyelids.
“…Why did you give him money?”
It was probably money he couldn’t earn even if he worked at the convenience store for a month. Even while knowing that Jeonghan had definitely done this for him, Wooyeon couldn’t understand Jeonghan. Perhaps he didn’t want to understand. Wooyeon disliked the fact that the man had received a large sum as payment for harassing him, and resented Jeonghan for unhesitatingly offering money to such a man.
“I hate bothersome things. If I can send away trash like that by giving money, it’s cheap.”
Jeonghan sighed and approached Wooyeon. Wooyeon swatted away Jeonghan’s arm that was trying to wrap around his shoulder, just like before. He felt angry and sad at the same time for no reason. Though Jeonghan had ensured his safety from the drunk, he kept getting angry. It wasn’t just because of the money.
At the emotion leaking out somehow, Wooyeon tried to pass Jeonghan and go toward where the broken glass was. Wooyeon kept thinking that Jeonghan’s words about hating bothersome things weren’t only directed at that man from earlier.
“Sunbae.”
Wooyeon, who had swatted away Jeonghan’s hand again, crouched down in front of the broken glass. Inside the green broken glass, soju was still pooled transparently. He heard Jeonghan’s sigh again from behind. He tried to ignore it but couldn’t.
“Don’t touch it, you’ll get hurt.”
Wooyeon swatted away Jeonghan’s hand that was grabbing his arm again. Wooyeon absolutely couldn’t raise his head. The truth was he wanted to confront Kwon Jeonghan about why he only came now. He knew it was an absurd thought even to himself. Ridiculously, tears that hadn’t flowed earlier fell drop by drop.
“Sunbae, I said don’t do it.”
“Ah…!”
While crouched in front of the broken glass, stacking the shards neatly from the largest, Wooyeon looked at the inside of his finger at a stinging sensation. He thought he was cleaning while avoiding the broken parts of the glass, but his index finger was bleeding, though he didn’t know when he’d been cut.
“That’s why I told you not to touch it.”
This time Jeonghan’s voice seemed to have some anger mixed in. As Wooyeon just stared while holding the lower part of his bleeding finger with his other hand, Jeonghan sat in front of Wooyeon on one knee. Eyes wet with tears met Jeonghan’s gaze. Jeonghan sighed again, then pulled Wooyeon’s hand toward himself.
At the fresh blood seeping out, Jeonghan pressed Wooyeon’s finger down with the hem of his shirt. It was probably a shirt he couldn’t buy even if he worked at the convenience store for several months. Wooyeon felt even more miserable for no reason. Without sobbing, tears continued to fall drop by drop.
“Listen to me, please.”
Jeonghan didn’t mention Wooyeon’s tears. Their gazes became stickily entangled again. This time Wooyeon didn’t avoid Jeonghan’s gaze either.
Jeonghan put more strength into the arm holding Wooyeon’s wrist, and Wooyeon’s hand was pulled along. And with his other hand, he held Wooyeon’s hand and stroked the inside of his palm with his thumb. Soon Wooyeon’s cut index finger entered between Jeonghan’s slightly parted lips. The sensitive fingertip touched the moist tip of his tongue. Before he knew it, Wooyeon’s tears looking at Jeonghan had stopped.
At the alpha’s saliva touching his cut fingertip, his heart beat incessantly. Wooyeon inevitably lowered his head. Even Wooyeon didn’t know what emotion was swirling inside his chest. The hem of the expensive shirt was stained small with his blood. Wooyeon closed his trembling eyes.
The dirty thoughts he usually despised were trying to encroach on him. Wooyeon thought that perhaps Jeonghan could be the person who would pull him out of this tiresome, hamster-wheel-like repetitive life, who could become an escape route.
Should I just pretend not to know and go along with Jeonghan’s tune, win his heart, and try to unfold my life? Just once, should I try being greedy?
Wooyeon had such thoughts that he’d never had once in his entire life. And he couldn’t stand himself for having such thoughts even briefly, feeling materialistic and like trash. Wooyeon’s cheeks became wet with tears again.
* * *
Around 2 AM, after finishing his convenience store part-time job, Wooyeon returned to his studio apartment dragging his tired body. As soon as Wooyeon closed the door and put his hand on the switch, with a clicking sound, yellow light came on and illuminated the narrow room. Wooyeon’s face revealed in the light was expressionless like a doll.
With a clicking sound, the light turned off and on again repeatedly. He didn’t even know what he was doing. After turning the light on and off like that about a dozen times, Wooyeon came into the room as if he’d given up.
Wooyeon took off and hung up his outerwear, then went into the bathroom to simply brush his teeth and wash his face. Below Wooyeon’s face dripping with water, the sink caught that moisture. The sink had broken recently, so it was a temporary sink he’d bought—the cheapest one from the internet—and installed.
Wooyeon looked at his own face in the mirror. Above his face that had turned pale from washing with cold water, his lips wet with moisture were stained red.
‘You were the one who smiled sweetly and wagged your tail like a girl first.’
They were words spoken by a drunk person, trash-like words that didn’t need to be kept. But somehow, as if stuck somewhere in his ear, those words wouldn’t leave.
Wooyeon placed his palm on the small mirror whose corners were chipped and rusted through the cracks, and slid it as is. Wooyeon’s face reflected in the mirror was distorted and reflected over the water marks.
Coming out of the bathroom, Wooyeon opened the zipper of the makeshift fabric wardrobe and took out bedding and a pillow. Wooyeon had no time to think or worry. He had to sleep even one more minute so he could work and study again tomorrow.
Turning off the light and lying down on the bedding again, Wooyeon curled up his body and tried to sleep with his small face buried in the pillow.
How much time had passed like that? Wooyeon’s phone vibrated and rang in his hand. Wooyeon always slept holding his phone in his hand in case he couldn’t wake up.
Opening his eyes that wouldn’t open easily to look at the phone screen, it wasn’t the usual alarm. At the call from the hospital, Wooyeon’s heart dropped. Wooyeon, who had sat up on the bedding, answered the phone.
“…Hello?”
「Seo Wooyeon-ssi, this is Hanshin Hospital. You need to come to the hospital quickly. Your mother is in critical condition.」
Wooyeon’s eyes blankly faced the small window mounted close to the ceiling. In the darkness, an even deeper darkness rushed in.
