Strangely, Bernard felt a faint anxiety at Elliot’s words. Shaking off the emotion that wetted his chest, Bernard carefully asked.
“Do you like that person, Elliot?”
“I like that person. And that person said they like me too.”
Elliot blinked his delicate eyelashes several times, casting a deeper shadow. His green eyes looked as sweet as honey. At the action of tightly embracing his back from excitement, Bernard forced himself to smile a little.
“Alright. Introduce them to me. I’ll wait.”
“You’ll really, really like them.”
“That much? …It’s making me anxious instead.”
“I can guarantee it. We can even bet on it.”
Bernard nodded, not wanting to disturb the excited voice. Elliot always wanted to brag to Bernard when something good happened. Though Bernard never had anything to brag about.
“If I win the bet, next time help me with Mr. Damon’s work critique.”
“I’ll help you with that anyway, so don’t worry and hurry upstairs to sleep.”
“Really! Thanks, Bernard. Sleep well… I’m sleepy too.”
Something kept gnawing and scratching at his insides. Unable to release the strange anxiety, Bernard just laughed emptily.
“Hey, Elliot.”
“Yeah?”
“…I have something to confess.”
“Can’t you tell me later? I’m a bit sleepy right now.”
At Elliot’s face that seemed to have no malice, Bernard’s mouth shut tight. Elliot smiled warmly and waved his hand. The door closed with a small whisper of “Sleep well.” Bernard’s sigh continued long as he looked at the closed door.
Bernard bit his lips, recalling what he was about to say for a moment. Was he planning to say he had impersonated his brother’s name and slept with someone he didn’t even know well? So if someone came to talk about such a thing, to please tell him?
Rubens’s face kept coming to his mind. He tried to sleep, but suddenly gripped the edge of the blanket tightly at the fear that made his hair stand on end.
Bernard always admired brilliant things. The warm scents of sunny places, not shady ones. Don’t they say people are drawn to opposites? He did so even knowing a terrible ending was predetermined. The people he liked always liked Elliot. Perhaps it was only natural.
Why did emotions he thought would pass by as if nothing keep stirring his insides like this? He tossed and turned, trying hard to erase Rubens’s face that kept coming to mind. It was soon the weekend. Since Elliot seemed like he would introduce his partner, he had to cancel his appointment with Rhino in advance.
***
Bernard’s life was aligned with Elliot. The sickly Elliot’s face would turn red if the wind was even slightly cold. Each time, people around looked for Bernard.
When life is aligned by others’ will, the first thing you learn is giving up. Bernard learned how not to desire, and also learned how to endure for a very long time.
“Hello.”
When he pressed the call button at the suddenly ringing bell, Rhino’s voice poured out noisily from the other side of the phone.
– I know you canceled today’s appointment, but can’t you really reconsider?
“I can’t. Elliot wants to have a meal together.”
– Can’t that guy Elliot even eat alone?
“You know better than anyone that it’s not like that.”
Bernard’s voice naturally became gentle as if admonishing. At that, the sound of a deep sigh came back through the phone.
– When will Elliot graduate from you?
“But, if Elliot has to be with me, doesn’t that mean you can see Elliot a bit more?”
At Bernard’s answer tinged with laughter, Rhino spat out some incomprehensible groans several times as if holding something back, but soon seemed to give up and changed the topic.
– The next appointment… you definitely have to keep it. Got it?
“Yeah, I promise.”
– Alright, rest well…
It was a voice that seemed somehow listless. Bernard wondered whether to say he would definitely bring Elliot out next time, but quietly hung up without adding anything more. Even though he knew about Rhino’s unrequited love, he felt sorry now for not having created even one occasion with Elliot. Elliot loved someone else now anyway, so he thought he should have at least tried to set them up earlier.
Rhino was a celebrity within the university. The period when he was most famous was when he joined the rugby club, and he had even been publicly courted by a popular cheerleader girl. Almost all the girls who had fallen for his solid physique befitting someone who played sports, or his sensitive impression that seemed somehow irritable, made a fuss trying to talk to him. Thinking about how he became friends with such a Rhino, it was really absurd and strange.
“You’re twins with Elliot Weil, right? Is that right?”
It was while studying in the school library. Rhino, who suddenly approached, pulled out the person sitting next to Bernard and sat down, then asked loudly without warning. Too flustered, Bernard maintained silence, losing the timing to say something to him for asking so rudely.
“Should we get to know each other? I have something I’m curious about.”
As usual, Bernard thought Rhino was the type who would try to become close with Elliot through him. In fact, even after the library meeting, Rhino didn’t hide his curiosity about Elliot. However, Bernard generally refused, saying he couldn’t tell him. By that point, people would usually turn their backs, saying gloomy Bernard Weil was acting expensive despite his place.
But Rhino stayed quite faithfully by the side of the unsociable Bernard. They had several overlapping lectures, talked about assignments, or he even received help from him a few times.
There were days when he followed him to the boring library to study, and on days when Elliot was absent, he would drag Bernard out to eat together.
It seemed a relationship that could be called friends was vaguely formed then. Though it was a combination that didn’t seem to match in others’ eyes, Rhino didn’t deny his relationship with Bernard. When someone teasingly asked what their relationship was, Rhino would casually embrace Bernard’s shoulder and answer they were friends, and rather it was Bernard who stayed silent. Thinking about it, it was around that time that Rhino stopped bringing up Elliot to Bernard.
“Is it okay? I can’t tell at all…”
Bernard, who had adjusted his clothes, looked in the mirror. He should leave a good impression on the person Elliot would introduce today, but his outfit looked utterly shabby. Who knew he would regret not spending money on clothes to save it. There was no doubt the difference would be clear when standing next to Elliot, but it couldn’t be helped.
“You’ll really, really like them.”
Rubens suddenly came to mind. There had been no further contact with him. Only emotions he couldn’t sort out alone remained messily.
After looking in the mirror and fixing his hair several times, Bernard eventually gave up on dressing up and left the house. He just needed to look neat. It was an occasion to be introduced to someone else’s lover anyway.
“Where do we need to go?”
“No need to go. He said he’d drive here.”
“Drive? You have a car too.”
“Just watching me walk seems to worry him.”
Elliot showed an awkward smile. He was neatly dressed today too. Their parents never spared affection for Elliot, and as much as that, wanted to show off their affection. Watching the fit of Elliot’s newly bought summer shirt fall smoothly, Bernard glanced sideways at his own outfit. As expected, the more they stood side by side, the more stark the difference.
“Did you dress up because you’re meeting my lover today?”
“Mm… I tried not to look like a nerd, but it’s useless because of the glasses.”
“That’s what I mean, take off those glasses.”
“It’s not easy. I’m used to them now.”
“Even though they don’t have a prescription.”
At Elliot’s reaction as if it was absurd, Bernard slyly averted his gaze. There was no way Elliot could understand something like saying he wore glasses because he was uncomfortable making eye contact with people even though there was no problem with his vision.
After that, Elliot’s trivial complaints continued and Bernard skillfully soothed him. And before long, a car stopped as if sliding in front of the house.
“Elliot?”
Beep, a ringing sound was heard. Bernard just stared ahead blankly. Elliot ran out and embraced the man who got out of the driver’s seat. The other person lifted such an Elliot up and spun around in place. As if it wasn’t difficult at all, he didn’t furrow his eyebrows even once, and Elliot, embracing him, continuously looked happy.
Light kisses left on the cheek and uninhibited skinship with each other, and the greetings that followed. Watching the two people’s isolated world, Bernard fumblingly touched his earlobes.
It’s strange. The ringing keeps happening.
Elliot grabbed the man’s hand and brought him in front of Bernard. The man stared at Bernard, then extended his hand with a smile full of goodwill. Bernard stared at that hand blankly, then was startled and belatedly clasped hands.
“I’m very pleased to meet you, Mr. Weil.”
“Ah, not at all.”
His voice trembled miserably. His glasses slid down his nose bridge. He wanted to scratch his earlobe with his other hand, but forced it into his pocket and Bernard raised the corners of his mouth. He couldn’t tell if he was smiling properly right now.
“Let me introduce myself for the first time.”
At those words, his heart jumped. At Bernard’s excessively surprised behavior, Elliot smiled mischievously as if he understood. He must have deliberately not told him who his romantic partner was. He must have wanted him to be surprised. He must have wanted to let him know as a surprise that it was such an impressive person. And that really was… a perfect success.
“My name is Rubens Hurt.”
That day, the man who had slept with him greeting me as my brother’s lover was a truly magnificent nightmare.
