Bernard couldn’t bear it any longer. He thought he couldn’t accomplish anything. It felt like his head was on fire and he wanted to scream just like that. The weight falling onto his shoes was too heavy. So he retreated step by step, and Rhino didn’t raise his head.
It felt like some kind of boundary line. Rhino crouching in front of the picture-perfect beautiful mansion looked like someone who could throw his whole body for Bernard. It felt like this was the last moment he could protect him completely. Bernard abandoned him and ran away. The ring fitted on his fourth finger was heavy, so he kept floundering. However, he didn’t fall. Was it because the shoelace knot Rhino had retied was firm?
When he shoved the ring he’d been wearing into his pocket and ran frantically to reach home, someone was inside the wall. Elliot, who had been examining the garden, swiftly raised his head. The smile spreading across his kind brother’s face was warm.
“Why are you so late? You said you’d come early.”
“That’s, something suddenly came up…….”
“Why is your expression like this? Did something happen?”
Elliot asked “Weren’t you going to meet Mr. Hurt?” and stroked his cheek. Bernard, who had come running as if chased by something, finally breathed and buried his face in Elliot’s palm. As the sound of sniffling continued while rubbing his lips against his palm, worry appeared on Elliot’s face.
“Did something really happen to you?”
“No… no, I just watched a scary movie…….”
“You don’t need help?”
Bernard cried like a child in the embrace that pulled his shoulders affectionately and comforted him. He recalled what he had left behind, and remembered what was shoved into his pocket. He also recognized his brother who had taken away the memory of his first night. There was no place at all to rest his heart.
“I’m, fine. Really… really just for a moment…….”
Really just a moment would be enough. Bernard planned to tear his heart to shreds at this opportunity. Affection held briefly and such would quickly evaporate in the reality that harshly pressed down. When he exhausted his heart to his heart’s content and collapsed, he would let go of everything without regret.
He would put behind all proposals like sex partner offers and run away. Since Rubens Hurt loved Elliot, if he disappeared, he would treat his fragile brother even more preciously. He believed no major accident would occur since Elliot always had the ability to captivate others’ hearts.
However, Bernard was very briefly afraid. The worry that if he, who always made the worst choices, had chosen the worst again this time, what would he do, painfully stabbed his head. He had always been urged to prioritize Elliot. However, he didn’t know about this choice. Whether he had prioritized Elliot, or whether he wanted to enjoy his own insignificant feelings for just a while.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? For soaking my clothes?”
Bernard only nodded his head. Elliot laughed cheerfully, perhaps finding it funny that Bernard was mumbling while embracing each other.
“Let’s go in. Mother said she’d make lasagna for dinner tonight.”
Elliot’s back as he held and led his thoroughly crying brother’s hand was light, but he had a complicated expression. It was the face of a person who looked sensitive and picky.
That night, Bernard was tormented by nightmares. It was a dream where his lovely brother straddled him and strangled his neck.
***
It was a sudden contact. Since it was the first time Bernard had contacted him first, Rubens obediently adjusted his schedule. Dale said he must attend the remaining schedule, but he ignored it.
After being lost in thought for a moment, he rummaged through the car pocket and took out a cigarette pack.
“Cigarette?”
“I don’t smoke.”
“I see.”
Even though he knew Bernard was a non-smoker, Rubens occasionally asked him his intention. Rubens, who rolled down the car window, lit his cigarette. Looking at his cheeks hollowing, Bernard suddenly recalled the appearance of stopping Chris on that early summer night. Though it hadn’t been that long ago, it felt as distant as a faded memory.
“As you said, I settled my relationship with Rhino.”
“He wouldn’t have accepted it.”
“…I spoke clearly, so there won’t be any more involvement with Rhino. So, so please don’t hold Rhino responsible.”
He tried hard to speak clearly, but he didn’t know how it sounded to the man. Even though he must clearly know Bernard was examining his face with a very tense expression, he didn’t give any reaction. He was just smoking while deeply immersed in some thought.
“Is that all you wanted to say?”
“…If I don’t do this, I didn’t think you’d… give me a definite answer.”
Haha. A brief laugh leaked through the man’s teeth. The strong cigarette smoke permeated the car and then dispersed. Bernard’s coughing continued briefly, but the man didn’t care.
“I see. And there’s one thing I need to confirm.”
“Yes?”
“What Roman delivered. Why didn’t you accept it?”
Only then did blue eyes scan Bernard. It was shabby attire. Elliot always came out wearing good quality clothes alternately, but Bernard was close to a one-suit gentleman. Checkered shirts, or t-shirts and such. A t-shirt with the printed logo so cracked that it had all fallen off seemed difficult to find even going to a thrift shop.
“It’s not fitting for me at all.”
Not long ago, Rubens had delivered several paper bags to Bernard. Dale Roman, while running the errand, had asked several times “if it was correct to send to Bernard Weil.” What was contained in the paper bags was simple. Five sets each of t-shirts, pants, and shirts. And one pair of sneakers. It was an amount embarrassing to say he had swiped his card by Rubens’ standards.
But those paper bags were delivered intact to Elliot. Rubens initially suspected Dale had disobeyed his words. However, Dale answered that he definitely delivered to Bernard Weil. So it was right to see that Bernard had delivered them to Elliot.
“Consider my feelings looking at you too.”
“However, taking care of even my clothes is too… I thought it was excessive…….”
“I told you to think about payment.”
However, Bernard had an attitude as if he was very unaccustomed to receiving. He couldn’t hide his anxious emotions while sitting in the car’s passenger seat. He rolled his eyes repeatedly while fidgeting with his fingernails and picking off hangnails.
“Would you have happily accepted it if Rhino McPherson gave it?”
“What?”
Rubens clicked his tongue at the question that popped out unknowingly. Even after spitting it out himself, thinking it was nonsense, he put strength into and then released the hand gripping the steering wheel. Stuck in one corner of a drive-in theater not used during the day, the silence lengthened. A boring movie was being screened. There were only two in the audience.
Not long ago, Rubens had also given Elliot paper bags just the same. The items were similar to Bernard’s, but the quality was much better expensive goods. Several accessories were also enclosed. Elliot was greatly pleased and pulled Rubens’ neck and presented a light kiss. It was a gentleman-like attitude of someone who had never done a deep kiss.
“I love it so much. I was just wondering if I should buy more summer clothes.”
“Are you thinking of going somewhere?”
“No. I wanted to look good to Mr. Hurt…….”
“In my view, you are already sufficient.”
The person who needed to pay attention to attire was someone else. Elliot always knew how to dress himself up and seemed to instinctively know how to look more attractive. However, Bernard didn’t know how to dress himself up, and seemed not to know what he should do to receive better looks.
It was the same now. When he should be gently acting cute to Rubens and begging for mercy, far from being enough, he was on edge asking not to touch Rhino, not knowing his place. Rubens narrowed his eyes and thoroughly scanned Bernard’s profile. Vermin who would just tremble and cry if pressed down.
He extended the hand that had been gripping the steering wheel and fiddled around Bernard’s neck area. Bernard shrank his neck and watched his mood. Rubens, feeling his mood improve a bit, brought the cigarette in his left hand to his mouth again and sucked.
“Throw it away.”
“…It’s still wearable though.”
“Or come out wearing Elliot’s clothes. You two look alike anyway.”
At those words, Bernard’s complexion turned deathly pale. It clearly looked like there was a related incident. A kinder stranger would have asked what the problem was, but Rubens didn’t care. Because to him, Bernard was only an object of moderate interest and moderate displeasure.
He extended his left hand out the window and flicked off the cigarette ash. The Weil family had somewhat suspicious aspects. Setting aside Liam Weil’s shameless and sordid greed, the form surrounding Elliot Weil and Bernard Weil was somewhat strange.
“Bernard is really amazing, you know.”
“What’s so amazing? He seems to read the room too much for that…….”
“Don’t speak badly of our Bernard. He really has good eyes.”
“Reading the room?”
“…No, for works. And he’s good at criticism too. He wanted to study literature more…….”
Elliot often laid out stories about his brother to Rubens. He would praise and extol Bernard and then say it was regrettable. Then Rubens would respond sensibly and praise his lover’s kind heart.
‘It’s cute that he’s using this idiot to show off wanting to make himself stand out.’
And that appearance of Elliot was also moderately necessary to Rubens. Only a person who knew how to extol himself could stand confidently even if caught up in various gossip around Rubens. Also, Rubens had a fundamental curiosity about Elliot. He said he was confident in persistent love. Indeed, how well would Elliot prove the love that Rubens didn’t believe in?
That’s why Bernard was even more necessary. He was perfect as an adversity to confirm love. If it was Elliot who cleverly manipulated his twin brother to appeal his kind and gentle appearance, he was curious what reaction he would show to the fact that his insignificant brother was warming his lover’s bed.
However, he didn’t really intend to tell him yet. Elliot Weil was quite suitable for the lover role, and there was no reason to be caught as long as he was satisfactorily pleasing. At this rate, it seemed convenient to marry appropriately and take on the socially necessary image to whitewash the company’s image.
Rubens, whose thoughts had reached that far, suddenly grabbed Bernard’s collar. The face that followed weakly with a gasp sound pressed together. When he bit his lips and pressed with his tongue, just as he trembled, his lips naturally parted. Bernard’s hands were placed on his thighs. Being deathly pale seemed to show how flustered this situation of being swayed by Rubens’ whim was to him.
“Ah, hng… ugh…….”
It was closer to crying than a moan. Bernard gasped while accepting the kiss close to violence. His mouth opened wide, and as a thick tongue pushed in and groped and scanned the inside of his mouth, his body kept shrinking. As if to open his closing lips, Rubens, who had been gripping his collar, gripped his chin.
His teeth were gently brushed, and it tasted of cigarette bitterness. The tongue’s action of tickling and scratching his palate was even coquettish. As panting breaths stuck together stickily, the seatbelt pressing down on his chest became taut. At the same time, Rubens’ thumb firmly pressed and rubbed Bernard’s earlobe. It was small heat, but it felt like excessive stimulation to Bernard.
“Ah, wait a sec…. Ah, mmm…….”
Around the time heat rose in his voice, Bernard’s phone rang. Rubens tried to ignore it, but the ringing didn’t stop and rang persistently. A furrow formed in his brow. He groped Bernard’s thigh fumblingly, took out the phone that was in his pants pocket, and smiled viciously.
Rhino.
The caller name written clearly lit up the phone screen.
“You said you settled it?”
“Ah, that.”
“Answer it. I’m curious what he’ll say.”
Bernard’s face turned deathly pale again. As if wanting to refuse, he shook his head shallowly, but Rubens didn’t allow it.
“Answer the phone, and turn on the speaker.”
The emotion rippling in his blue eyes was clear anger.
