When Rubens’ head went a little lower, lower. Bernard blinked wet eyes with a dazed face. In his blurred vision, Rubens’ expression was still cold. As if all the winter that had yet to come was gathered on his face.
“……Elliot.”
At the name that spilled between his slightly parted lips, Bernard became self-deprecating as he freshly realized the reality he was in. His spread legs drew together as he spilled milky fluid onto his firm hand. In the rigid atmosphere, Bernard recalled one question.
‘How cheap am I to you?’
***
After that, Rubens left his seat. It was puzzling to recall that the front of his robe had been bulging when he stood up. And when he returned, he looked so neat that one couldn’t recall the act from moments ago. In a situation where no words were given, Bernard carefully only rolled his eyes.
“Put your clothes on. We’re going out.”
“Where……?”
“To pick up what I left.”
Bernard put on the clothes that had fallen to the floor with a bewildered face. He could see traces of semen staining the end of his sleeve. At the trace that reminded him of what he had just been subjected to, his ears were once again colored with shame.
“Put your clothes on properly and follow me to the garage.”
“…Is this a place I need to go?”
“Do you have the luxury to protest?”
At the firm answer, Bernard hurriedly straightened his clothes and followed. The man who seemed like he would push him down on the sofa at any moment had already settled down coldly. The man who was three steps ahead of the hurried following steps seemed somewhat angry, but he couldn’t know the cause.
When they reached the garage, Bernard gauged the position allowed to him. He was about to get in the back seat but thought it might look like a position where he was employing him, so he got in the passenger seat, and it wasn’t entirely the wrong answer as Rubens was quiet. Relieved by that, he pulled the seatbelt and fastened it, then pushed up his sliding glasses again.
He who gripped the steering wheel tapped the leather surface with his index finger. He seemed to be choosing his words. The car had stopped briefly at a red light, but before long the red light changed to green. The familiar cityscape passed beyond the car window. Bernard turned his gaze while tightly clutching his bag.
“Strange contacts must have increased.”
“Strange contacts you mean…….”
“Third-rate magazine reporters must have contacted you.”
Only then did Bernard grasp the subject he was trying to talk about. After information about Bernard, the gloomy twin of Elliot who was Rubens’ lover, was circulated on the internet, somehow finding out, various contacts flew to his phone.
[Reporter]: Contact me anytime. I’ll pay a high price.
[Bernard]: I have nothing to say about my brother.
[Reporter]: Oh my, what we want is your story. Everyone’s curious about the difference between a swan and a duck.
Recalling the text content that seemed somehow malicious, Bernard pressed down firmly on his chest. When thinking about human malice, a corner of his chest would often ache achingly.
“They’re attention that will fade soon anyway.”
“That’s unlikely.”
For people who had masturbated together, quite a plausible conversation continued. Bernard kept glancing furtively at Rubens in the unrealistic current situation.
“What are you… trying to say?”
“I was just recalling how Elliot was anxious about articles about you.”
“Ah……. That… it’s not that I’m leaving it alone to cause Elliot worry…….”
“It must be because you have no money.”
It was a mocking murmur. It was natural that Bernard’s mouth shut tight.
“I heard you’re discussing a contract for Mr. Gusto’s new book at Weil House. It seems he demanded quite a large amount.”
“Is that so…….”
It was news he didn’t know. Because Liam didn’t bother telling Bernard about business matters. If he had faithfully attended dinner, he might have heard Liam’s boastful bragging, but Bernard wasn’t shameless enough to sit facing Elliot and eat calmly. Because the fact that he held his brother’s lover in his heart often pricked his conscience.
“That doesn’t matter. There’s no reason for Father to care about my reputation.”
“Why?”
“……Because I’m like a spare key that’s not important.”
Rubens’ gaze went to the rearview mirror. Through the gap in Bernard’s bangs with his head deeply bowed, a melancholy face could be seen.
“He desperately blocks articles about Elliot though.”
“He cherishes Elliot.”
“Can you cherish only one person when you’re the same twins?”
“You do too.”
Their gazes suddenly met. The eyes that met in the rearview mirror didn’t linger long and moved away. Bernard familiarly turned his gaze out the window. Rubens, like someone who had lost their words, only gripped the steering wheel and didn’t particularly continue the conversation. It was fortunate rather. Bernard hugged the bag in his arms as if to break it.
His chest clearly ached. Whether it was because he didn’t deny it, or because his family matters were pointed out, he didn’t know. A very strange churning remained in his heart. What had been hiding between his ribs must have grown a little more. Even as it pecked at his bones with its beak, Bernard was acting like an idiot with paralyzed nerves. As if a person who had forgotten pain. As if the man in the seat next to him was his everything.
“Shall I take down all the articles?”
“……What more are you trying to demand?”
“I have no such intention.”
“I don’t understand the reason. What you wanted from me was clear.”
What Rubens had been doing was insults, mockery, and sneering toward a substitute. And additional sexual desire. The act of reaching out as if handling an easy toy and then shaking it off saying it was dirty. Because Bernard was an existence that could be treated that way.
“You should receive payment.”
At the monotonous voice, thud, Bernard’s heart fell once more.
“…Do you pay even for mere masturbation?”
“There’s no reason I can’t.”
“How generous… of you to pay well.”
“That way there won’t be any gossip afterward.”
A cold silence settled in the car that had stopped briefly at a signal. Bernard thought his weight was truly light, like dandelion seeds that would fly away with just one breath.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll refuse such payment.”
“You’ll need to get in the habit of thinking about appropriate payment in advance.”
It was an attitude as if refusal wasn’t even being considered. The signal changed, and the car that smoothly entered the store parking lot stopped. The place they arrived at was a jewelry shop in the city. He had planned to sit vacantly in the car and wait, but at the car door that opened as if telling him to get out, Bernard had no choice but to bite his lips again.
Splendid interior lights illuminated the smooth floor. Looking at the interior cleaned so neatly that faces would reflect directly, Bernard swallowed dry saliva. It was because he thought it wasn’t at all a place for him to enter. However, Rubens didn’t wait for him and walked ahead.
“I came to pick up what I ordered.”
“Welcome, Mr. Hurt. I thought your secretary would come to pick it up.”
“I had some free time.”
As the employee smiled amiably, Rubens also answered kindly. Bernard, who followed belatedly, awkwardly scanned his profile.
“The ring you ordered came out like this. Would you like to try it on?”
Ring. Bernard’s gaze fell urgently. It somehow felt like a moment he shouldn’t see. The employee laid out explanations about the ring in front of them. What kind of diamond was used, what the cutting method was, and how the ring was designed…….
And Rubens was immersed in fresh impressions while caressing the surface of the ring. It was a ring to share and wear with Elliot. He had found the person he spent one night with, and now if they put on rings proving their relationship to each other, everything would go smoothly. But somehow his heart wasn’t inclined, and as he was only touching the ring’s edge, the employee asked with a puzzled face.
“Is there anything else you need?”
“I’d like to try on the ring.”
“Ah, I see. If you extend your hand, I’ll help you try it on.”
“No, I’m talking about this person.”
Bernard was startled and raised his head. Rubens’ expression was monotonous. He was looking at the ring placed in front with a face where one couldn’t know what he was thinking. The jewel set in the ring brilliantly reflected the fluorescent light.
“Try it on.”
Bernard’s eyes blinked rapidly. It was a face discerning what words he had heard. However, Rubens didn’t add an explanation and pulled his right wrist. Bernard couldn’t bring himself to shake it off and vacantly looked at the man’s face holding his hand.
Because Rubens’ gaze was directed downward, his eyelashes stood out. The eyelashes cast over his blue eyes gave off quite a different atmosphere.
The ring caught on his fingertip. At that moment, Bernard only recalled the foolish impression that the platinum ring would suit Elliot’s white skin particularly well. The moment the ring that slowly pushed in was firmly fitted on his fingertip was so unrealistic that he could only sigh, “Ah.”
“Oh my, it suits you well.”
Bernard wanted to turn around and run away because everything was strange and unsettling. However, because the strength of the hand gripping his wrist didn’t weaken, he couldn’t even shake it off. The anxious Bernard kept checking the employee’s face. Did she notice how unnatural this situation was? Are there cases where siblings try on rings instead? Would it look like an affair? What would happen if it looked that way?
His head spun round and round. He wanted to protest, but his throat pressed tight with tension couldn’t pour out any words. Even in such a situation, Rubens seemed to be examining the ring in his own way, looking at the hand and turning it over.
“It would have been fine to use a different jewel.”
“But diamonds are still the most romantic.”
“Eternal love?”
“Of course. It’s a symbol for couples.”
The employee responded with good social skills. Bernard, thoroughly intimidated, only watched the two people’s moods and carefully added words.
“For Elliot… it will. Suit him well.”
At that moment, the atmosphere shattered sharply. The employee’s eyes widened for an instant but quickly recovered her expression. Rubens’ eyebrow curving slightly was a bonus. As if the words Bernard had uttered were the wrong answer, the employee quickly scanned Rubens’ face. He felt a subtle sigh pass across Rubens’ face. It was such a small sigh that only someone who had been rejected their whole life could keenly notice.
“Because we’re tw… twins… our sizes are the same……. Mr. Hurt said he wanted to surprise him, so he asked me to just help confirm……!”
“How hard you’re trying.”
A cold admiration followed. The one flustered by that was rather the employee. She looked back and forth between Bernard and Rubens, then let out an “Oh my” admiration and covered her mouth. Bernard’s feelings becoming miserable was a bonus.
“Really!”
“……That’s enough. I’ll take the ring. Is what I requested prepared?”
“Yes, shall I put it in together?”
Bernard urgently pulled off the ring and put it down. However, Rubens’ hand covered the back of his hand.
“Wear it.”
“What? This ring is Elliot’s…….”
At the foolish answer, Rubens’ lips twisted subtly. He examined Bernard’s face.
“Making a face like you want it, how well you do.”
