It was a kiss close to showmanship. Rubens’s fingertips pressed the hollowed part behind Bernard’s ear. Hands large enough to cover from his cheek to his entire ear. Rubens’s eyes narrowed. He wanted to pry open Bernard’s tightly shut eyes.
The parted lips were small, and the tongue hidden inside was hot. The sensation of lips being pressed and entangled was primal. It was difficult to distinguish whose wet breath was being swallowed and whose sticky saliva was clinging together. Bernard’s hand, which had been gripping his forearm, urgently crawled up and grabbed Rubens’s shoulder.
The thick tongue filling his mouth completely and rubbing reminded him of sexual intercourse. Bernard’s eyelashes trembled pitifully. His eye area was hot and flushed. Even at the jeering laughter of the people around them, he didn’t feel embarrassed.
Bernard was rather tormented because he knew this kiss didn’t hold meaning directed at him. He loathed himself for panting over such a trivial thing, and at the same time feared what reaction Elliot would show if he found out later. He didn’t want to be hated. Fundamental fear scraped at his insides.
Bernard’s world had a narrow space. And now, Rubens was rapidly filling that narrow space. Bernard desperately clutched Rubens’s clothing as if he would fall off a cliff if he let go of Rubens. His hands slipped several times, repeatedly grasping the clothing again. It was pitiful.
Within that, Rubens felt an inexplicable satisfaction. He slowly turned his gaze and met the one who was staring at him. The one who had introduced himself as Rhino McPherson was standing as if nailed in place, watching them. Rubens glanced at the anger-filled gray eyes and laughed shallowly.
When he scratched and rubbed his nails against Bernard’s tightly gripped nape, the shoulders that trembled with a rustle, when he coaxed the tongue and pressed it down like a very affectionate person, the lips that opened more desperately, and the throat that panted rapidly as if suffocating—he liked it all.
‘I’ve gone mad.’
Rubens mocked himself. He recalled Elliot kissing him with a shy smile. If his relationship with Elliot was the flower fragrance of spring blowing extremely affectionately, Bernard resembled the long rainy season he wanted to avoid.
Rubens found Bernard’s one-sided affection, falling persistently like rain, annoying. That gaze becoming desolate alone bothered him, and at the same time, he was strangely satisfied with the baseless premonition that his rainy season wouldn’t end.
“Bernard.”
Rubens could be endlessly cruel to Bernard. So he deliberately called his name. As if whispering a dream. As if enchanted by those words, Bernard opened his eyes. His wet eyes glistened. Rubens felt a deformed stability in the finely trembling pupils.
Rubens was displeased with Bernard, who swept away his mood. He decided so. Rubens wiped away the overflowing tears with his thumb and swallowed his breath. Bernard Weil was in love with him. More tenderly than anyone. He couldn’t let go of his feelings toward his sibling’s lover and acted pitifully. It was an excited emotion that couldn’t be ignored.
Rubens realized that his hand, which had been gripping his shoulder, was now faintly pushing him away, but he didn’t pull back his body. The two appeared like perfect lovers to others. People cooled their unnecessarily heated cheeks toward them kissing without regard for public places because they were in burning love.
No one dared to guess Bernard’s inner thoughts. The envious gazes and occasional jealousy that followed were perfect acting. Only Rhino was silently furious.
“……Rubens. I—”
“Let’s talk later.”
Unlike the confused Bernard, Rubens seemed calm. He ignored Bernard’s longing gaze and tenaciously examined the inside of the party venue. Then he soon spoke with a clean smile.
“There are many things I want to confirm with you.”
Rubens’s touch caressed Bernard’s nape. Bernard’s shoulders curved roundly inward. Advice poured in from here and there not to be too mischievous to his lover, but Rubens only smiled and showed off his affection.
Someone watching them said to Bernard.
“You two get along so well that I’m jealous.”
“No, that’s not—”
“You must be happy to be loved like this. To have Mr. Hurt as the lover who will support Mr. Weil wholeheartedly. How worthy of congratulations.”
“……”
“You’re truly a well-matched pair. Isn’t that right?”
At the words added by the party’s host, Bernard gradually lost his words, but no one cared. ‘What a shy lover.’ People thought so, and cheerful laughter spread at the host’s geniality. Bernard looked at Rubens with an anxious gaze.
“Are you tired? Shall we go back and have time alone together?”
Rubens whispered in his ear while tightly embracing his waist. At the affectionate voice, Bernard’s nape turned bright red. He was so affectionate that vain anxiety kept raising its head. However, Bernard collapsed helplessly at the immediate sweetness. His conscience belatedly stabbed his heart saying this was wrong, but it was useless.
Perhaps Rubens might recognize the truth. His toes inside his shoes flinched and curled. Hell and heaven were too close, and the one passing between them was too faint-hearted. Rubens kissed Bernard’s ear as he lowered his head without answering and laughed.
“It’s early, but Elliot’s body isn’t well, so we’ll go back first.”
Rubens, who checked his watch, gave a brief farewell. People burst into disappointed exclamations at their early departure, but Bernard was inwardly relieved. There had been a separate purpose for attending the party, but now it didn’t matter. The sensation that had clung wetly to his lips kept being recalled, and the fluttering emotion was rather painful.
The bird hidden inside his ribcage must have grown a bit more. The cage had become smaller, so it kept struggling to escape. That was why it was painful, and why he kept having foolish delusions.
“Let’s go, Elliot. Take my hand.”
Bernard had no strength to refuse Rubens. Nevertheless, the reason he couldn’t easily resent him was because in the end, he himself had chosen this reality. He should have forgotten that night and not come here. That would have been wise.
“I’m sorry.”
The frail apology was no different from a cry. Rubens pretended not to hear and grasped Bernard’s hand. He felt someone’s burning gaze from behind, but the man didn’t look back. This was an exhilaration he had often felt when doing business.
Bernard Weil and Elliot Weil resembled nothing of each other. Though they had similar appearances, fundamentally the two had different textures. Rubens was not satisfied with Bernard’s faint-heartedness. However, his desolate affection was fragrant, and at the same time nauseating.
People often speak all kinds of slander about taboos. It is rotten and inedible. Very wicked and cunning, and the moment one indulges in it, one will suffer eternal agony. Rubens generally acted cynically about such taboos, but he also knew well how fragrant such things actually were.
The forbidden fruit was too close.
When someone asked if he loved Elliot, Rubens answered yes as if he had been waiting. But the reality was a bit different. He was very satisfied with a lover who suited him well, pleased with the light and delicate body, and the characteristic loveliness untainted by the world also looked good.
But in contrast, Bernard was an unpleasant and messy person. It was impressive that he had graduated from the same prestigious university as Elliot. A person who lived in the shadow of his sibling, insignificant even after graduation. He recalled others’ evaluations that the resemblance was rather close to a curse.
“What is it?”
Rubens slowly licked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. Was it so easy for a cruel heart to settle in when holding something small and delicate in hand? Strange. His throat was dry. Had the intoxication of the champagne, which must have been low in alcohol content, been too sweet? A sticky sensation remained.
“That you couldn’t finish the job?”
Rubens leisurely opened his mouth.
“That you acted pathetically?”
Bernard’s complexion paled slightly.
“Or that you created a love triangle-like situation with someone you call a friend over me?”
Bernard’s distant expression was sweet. Rubens felt the impulse to lick his cheek. A poisoned tongue placed its tip upon it.
“Or if not that…… are you sorry for daring to harbor unspeakable feelings for me?”
