Bernard blinked slowly at Rhino’s sudden remark. Then a smile spread across his face—an attitude that clearly took Rhino’s words as nothing more than a joke.
“Are you saying this to stop me from crying?”
“Never mind…… But who do you like? It’s not someone like McGordon, is it?”
The conversation kept going in circles. It was a common occurrence between Rhino, who wouldn’t get to the heart of the matter, and Bernard, who didn’t want to talk about everything.
“Why are you bringing up McGordon?”
Reading the doubt in Bernard’s voice, Rhino swallowed dryly with an ‘oops’ feeling.
“I heard some news about that bastard being hospitalized, and it just came to mind……”
“He didn’t even show up at graduation. What else is there?”
Bernard’s eyes widened. The car’s speed went up and down repeatedly. The dashboard was spinning uselessly.
“He got caught up in a violent incident. Got beaten up pretty badly, they say. With the shit he usually pulled, it’s not surprising.”
Bernard felt his earlier melancholy lift slightly, surprised by the sudden news about Chris. So that’s why he wasn’t seen until graduation. But who on earth? That was the first question that came to mind.
“Chris McGordon doesn’t seem like the type to just take a beating, does he?”
“Does it matter?”
At the counter-question, Bernard’s lips closed. The car, having left the city center, stopped on a quiet roadside. The open plain had nothing but the wide four-lane road.
“Just remember one thing. I’m always on your side.”
The topic changed once more. Bernard tried to say something about how embarrassing that sounded, but once again tears clung painfully to his throat.
No matter how much Rhino said he was on his side, if he knew the object of Bernard’s one-sided love, he might wear a look of reproach, even if just for a moment. To be in love with his brother’s lover…… It was truly sordid and miserable.
Bernard leaned his cheek against the car window and looked outside. When a person becomes accustomed to yielding, life becomes quite simple. He blinked hard, feeling like he might burst into tears again.
Perhaps it was better that the night he spent with Rubens became a secret between just the two of them. When he thought about it, wasn’t it enough that Rubens had been curious about Bernard and tried to find him? He simply chose the other side because Bernard hadn’t revealed himself properly. It was his own doing. Bernard didn’t try to think deeply about it.
“Should we eat before going in? You probably didn’t get to eat much there.”
“Yeah. I want something indulgent.”
“Wendy’s, where we went last time?”
“Not bad.”
While exchanging trivial conversation, Bernard organized his thoughts. Everything was over. In whatever form it had ended, perhaps it was fortunate. Rather, he might need to apologize for stealing that one night by borrowing Elliot’s name.
Bernard tilted his head, resolving to apologize sincerely if a moment came later when he had to tell the truth. Until then, wouldn’t it be okay to leave it as his own secret? Water stains spread on the car window. Ignoring the sobbing sounds, Rhino turned on music. A pop song with a melancholic mood flowed from the car speakers.
Bernard actually wasn’t okay with anything. Even if he had lied, he wished Rubens would know that the person that night wasn’t Elliot. But since luck had never once come to Bernard…… this time too, such a great miracle didn’t happen. The two of them would end as nothing to each other.
As always, Bernard’s wishes had never been fulfilled even once.
***
When Bernard returned home, the house had an unusually boisterous atmosphere. Liam greeted Bernard with an already heavily intoxicated face. Elliot, sitting in front of him, had a somewhat awkward expression.
“Bernard, you brat…… on such a joyful day, where have you, hic! been going around? Huh? Elliot brought over someone amazing……”
Slurring drunkenly, Liam struck the dining table a couple of times. Elliot gestured to Bernard, who was standing there stupidly, to hurry and go to his room.
No one asked Bernard where he’d been or what had happened. The atmosphere of such a household greatly influenced the establishment of Bernard’s low self-esteem. Through long-standing abuse, Bernard grew up thinking everything was natural and that he deserved to be treated that way.
“Did you tell them?”
“Rubens-ssi brought me home.”
“……Everyone must have been delighted.”
“Yeah, Father has always wanted to meet amazing people.”
He climbed the stairs with Elliot, who had quietly followed along. There was an unhideable happiness glimpsed in Elliot’s somewhat cheerful voice. Bernard suddenly felt an impulse to tell him the truth. When Bernard’s steps stopped while climbing the stairs, Elliot’s steps behind him stopped as well.
“Do you really not remember your first meeting with him?”
“……Why do you keep asking that? I want to remember too, but it seems I drank too much. Rubens seems disappointed, but he says he understands.”
Of course he wouldn’t remember. Bernard’s face fell somewhat. The words that it was he, not Elliot, who had spent the night with Rubens rose to the tip of his throat. His stomach churned at the way the address shifted between Rubens-ssi and Rubens.
“That must be unfortunate. For you and for him.”
“But we’ll have plenty of time together, won’t we? We’ll be making new memories.”
Elliot, smiling brightly, was just as he always was. Bernard felt somehow lonely and mocked himself.
“Bernard, just in case, I’m telling you in advance.”
“Hm?”
“……You’re not having strange thoughts, are you?”
Standing two steps below, Elliot looked up at Bernard intently. Bernard’s words caught in his throat and he fell silent. Whether he read something in Bernard’s behavior or not, Elliot soon smiled gently as if it were nothing.
“I was teasing you. Why are you so surprised?”
“……Ah. R-right. Yeah. Well then.”
Elliot, who had been watching Bernard laugh awkwardly for a while, climbed the rest of the stairs without concern. He didn’t even leave a good night greeting. Wondering if something had upset Elliot, Bernard worried anxiously but couldn’t find any clue. He just stared at the empty stairs before returning weakly to his room. Always, as it had always been.
News of Elliot’s romance spread quickly around them. Considering the paparazzi who usually followed Rubens, it might have been natural, but contacts came flooding in all at once at a faster spread than expected.
Liam clearly thought this was an opportunity. He talked several times about how, since Elliot was dating such an amazing man, whether it was short or long, they should take everything they could get. Bernard ignored Liam’s vanity and just read his books.
A few paparazzi shots circulated but were soon buried. There was no direct announcement from Rubens’s side, but with several photos being posted openly, the public was treating it as established fact that he was truly dating.
<Rubens Hurt, in a Passionate Love with a Younger Lover?>
Bernard watched the comments on the gossip-like story posted in internet news, then closed the window. It was worthy of being a hot topic. While Rubens had always denied all romances, this time he showed no reaction whatsoever, which instead fanned the flames of people’s interest. The public, knowing that his current lover was a man, was especially curious about his partner.
This wasn’t the first time rumors of Rubens’s passionate relationship with a man had surfaced. Many people had sent him love calls, and Rubens’s side didn’t discriminate by gender either. However, this time Elliot’s personal information spread particularly quickly. From a good university, congenitally weak in health, excellent social relationships, a kind nature that helped anyone wholeheartedly, and a handsome yet beautiful appearance. On top of that, the Cinderella story that everyone commonly loved.
But strangely enough, the public’s interest didn’t stop at Elliot. As the fact that Elliot was a twin became known, the public also became interested in Bernard, and the more intense that interest became, the more harsh criticism Bernard received. Posts comparing Elliot and Bernard were frequently uploaded to the internet, then deleted. The netizens’ self-policing action telling people not to be too curious about ordinary citizens didn’t seem particularly effective.
“I don’t know why you have to suffer like this.”
“It’s not particularly surprising.”
“What’s not surprising?”
Rhino irritably closed his laptop. Just when Bernard thought that for someone who’d been invited over to hang out, he was seriously absorbed in his laptop, it turned out he’d been reading gossip the whole time.
“Well……” Bernard opened his mouth, then blinked. He had always been accustomed to others’ hostility and malice.
“Not everyone will be interested in me for that long.”
“……What nonsense are you talking? I’m worried that unwanted attention might stick to you.”
“Who?”
At Bernard’s question, Rhino’s face crumpled. Instead of answering, he plopped down on the opposite sofa and flipped through TV channels with a displeased expression.
Rhino, who had been living independently for a long time, was currently receiving training to take over his father’s business. Given his personality, which had no great interest in management, Bernard had thought he would agonize quite a bit over giving up rugby, but Rhino just shrugged, saying it had only been a brief hobby.
“Aren’t you bothered by Elliot’s romance?”
“……Huh? Why would I be.”
“You like him.”
A simple answer was exchanged. At that, Rhino’s eyebrows curved slightly. Between his narrowed eyes, his gray pupils glistened with an indiscernible emotion.
“When are you finally going to believe me when I say I don’t like him?”
“But…… at first, everything you asked me about was about Elliot.”
When Rhino first stayed by Bernard’s side, all the classmates’ reactions were the same. Since there was more than one or two people who tried to win Elliot’s favor through Bernard, everyone said in unison that Rhino would be no different.
“……I had to do that so you’d feel comfortable with me.”
Pressing the remote button once more brought up a news channel. At Rhino’s sudden words, Bernard’s eyes narrowed. Not knowing how to deal with Rhino, who seemed to be going through an untimely adolescence, an awkward silence continued, when suddenly a phone notification appeared on Bernard’s phone.
“Hello. This is Bernard Weil.”
– Excuse me.
He thought the number looked somehow familiar, but at the voice that came back, Bernard’s heart sank with a thud. With a face from which the subtle lingering smile had evaporated, Bernard tensed up and sat up straight. Rhino’s expression, watching him, hardened slightly. But Bernard, without the presence of mind to examine Rhino’s expression, moved his lips wordlessly before slowly opening them.
“……What.”
– This is Rubens Hurt. Is it all right to talk for a moment?
It was contact from someone who should never have called.
