Life is always by our side, so it can be affectionate, and at the same time, it can be the most heartless. Therefore, do not be deceived by the life that is beside you.
***
“Hold your head up straight. Don’t act like Elliot.”
At his father Liam’s words, Bernard licked his dry lips with his tongue. His parched mouth stung, so he took a sip of champagne.
“If only Elliot wasn’t sick…”
When Liam mentioned his twin brother, Bernard’s head drooped slightly. It was a party frequently attended by publishing industry people. A place where only those who loved books and had invitations could participate—it had certainly started as a small gathering, but gradually became more exclusive as it turned into a networking affair, raising the barrier to entry.
Perhaps it was because it had become a prestigious gathering that even celebrities occasionally made time to attend. Liam, who ran a small-scale publishing house, had scraped together all his connections to barely obtain an invitation, then stamped his attendance at the party every month. Bernard was embarrassed by Liam’s pretentiousness.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to attend this party.”
“But Mr. Gusto said he really wanted to see you, Elliot.”
“Couldn’t Bernard go instead? We’re twins, so… if he pretends to be me, no one will know. I’ll tell him everything to say. Then it’ll help Father’s business too. Right, Bernard?”
Gusto was a famous author Liam desperately wanted to sign a contract with, and rumors were secretly circulating that he had recently started writing. The reason Liam wanted to bring Elliot was simple. It was because Gusto had once specifically pointed to Elliot and called him his muse. According to the original plan, he would have brought Elliot along to win Gusto’s favor and secure the contract.
“If only you had social skills as good as Elliot’s, but what are you doing?”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Anyway, you’re such a failure. Do well! If you mess up, you’ll regret it. This matter is important.”
Even when Liam scolded him with a displeased face, Bernard’s face only grew paler. Bernard was used to this treatment. He was coldly treated everywhere and was a person accustomed to hearing criticism from others. Counting back to when it started would be too far back to remember.
Elliot and Bernard. The two were twins born mere moments apart, but the texture of their lives had been different. Unlike Elliot, who had been constitutionally frail from birth, Bernard was healthy. It looked as if he had grown by stealing all of Elliot’s vitality.
Perhaps that was why. The couple, Liam and Sarah, especially doted on Elliot. Elliot, who had to be hospitalized at the drop of a hat, monopolized all their attention. Bernard, who was left alone at home to grow up, had learned how to fry eggs and pack sandwiches since he was seven years old.
Bernard was a child who grew up well on his own. He knew how to hide his opinions, exercise restraint, and had great patience. However, he had never been praised. Taking care of himself so as not to need his parents’ help since Elliot was sick—that was taken for granted for Bernard, a duty no different from an obligation.
As he grew, he developed an increasingly dark personality. Bernard Weil was a figure alienated from his family, and at the same time, he had to take on the role of receiving all kinds of sighs and irritation from his family. And this naturally led to abuse. Because Bernard was someone who could be treated that way. If one were to look for reasons for his misfortune, there were so many trivial ones that they could be kicked around underfoot.
Because of this environment, Elliot and Bernard, despite being twins, showed starkly different aspects. Elliot, sparkling and lovely like the sun, and Bernard, gloomy as if crushed by shadows. That was the public’s assessment.
“I don’t know when he talked so much about the work with Mr. Gusto, but that kid is really admirable.”
“…Did Elliot say that?”
“Mr. Gusto excitedly brought it up first. He said the part he was stuck on opened right up thanks to Elliot. He blabbed on and on about how the success of his previous work was honestly thanks to Elliot’s help, but then the old man wouldn’t sign a contract… Just wait and see. This time he’ll definitely sign with us. Otherwise, why would he have called Elliot his muse?”
Liam’s excited voice continued at length. A faint smile spread across Bernard’s face but quickly evaporated. He had previously had a conversation with Elliot about Gusto’s work. Bernard, who loved Gusto’s work, had shared all his opinions to his heart’s content, and Elliot had passed those opinions directly to Gusto. Gusto was greatly pleased and praised and elevated Elliot. It was the hidden truth that Liam didn’t know.
But he didn’t feel wronged. Elliot had surely done it without any malice. By chance, an opportunity arose and he said something, and Gusto got excited alone and rambled to Liam. Feeling wronged was out of the question. After all, things he said… no one would listen to them carefully anyway.
“But why isn’t this guy coming? I wonder if he got lost somewhere again… You go out and look.”
“Me?”
“Well then. Should I go out when I have business to do?”
Bernard, who answered “No” quietly, left the party venue. The bright lights were gradually growing distant. He descended the stairs while glancing around. There was no telling when Gusto would arrive. Liam had probably sent Bernard outside because he was anxious that Bernard wouldn’t fulfill his role properly. Having brought him as a substitute for Elliot, he must have found Bernard, who was clearly different from Elliot, suspicious.
“It’s hot…”
The night breeze was warm, as if summer was just around the corner. Feeling his cheeks flush, Bernard stood blankly in front of the large mansion. Cars were lined up in a long row along the wide roadside. If they hadn’t come early, they would have wandered for a long time unable to find a place to park. He was fiddling with his hands and about to send a text to Elliot asking if he was feeling alright when—
“Elliot.”
At the sudden call of his name, Bernard looked up half a beat slow. Someone was staggering toward him from the darkness.
“…McGordon?”
Unable to be certain of the other person, he hesitantly opened his mouth.
“Yeah, Elliot! It’s me… Chris… Damn it, they said I could see you if I came here, and it’s true. Ugh! You never answered my calls. Hmm? Why did you do that?”
“I don’t know… what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play dumb! If you granted… what I asked for! We were supposed to have din… ugh, dinner together. But you’re pretending not to know?”
As the other person drew closer, the smell of alcohol became terrible. Bernard stiffened and backed away hesitantly. Chris McGordon. A college classmate of Elliot and Bernard’s, he was someone who had persistently bullied Bernard. Bernard’s breathing trembled finely. He needed to retreat. Right now, he was at this place in Elliot’s stead. So he couldn’t let it be discovered that he was Bernard.
Let’s run away.
That thought came first, but the moment the question “Where to?” followed, it was discarded. Chris approached right up to the stiffly frozen Bernard. He grabbed Bernard’s shoulder and poured out drunken rambling.
“Ugh… do I look like, a sucker, ugh, to you? Even you, huh? Me… damn it… don’t look down on me!”
The force hitting his shoulder was gradually growing stronger. Elliot and Chris were friends. It was famous within the university that Chris chased after Elliot wanting to have him somehow. It wasn’t anything particularly special.
Elliot was especially a beauty with ambiguous lines who was popular regardless of gender. Among them were occasionally those who manifested as bad-quality stalkers. Like now. Bernard swallowed dry saliva.
“If you were… going to go to the party… you should have, answered my calls. What the hell… do I look like to you? You?”
He should have told Chris, who was making a drunken scene, to calm down or to stop. However, Bernard couldn’t say anything. The violence engraved into his bones made him freeze, and at the same time, he felt a sense of crisis that his identity might be exposed if he made a wrong move.
“…Look at this?”
Chris looked Bernard up and down and his eyes gleamed. It wasn’t difficult to read what intentions that sinister expression held.
“Bernard, this bastard… those glasses you always wore, where did you leave them?”
“I’m… n-not…”
“You frustrating bastard, hey! Fuck, what are you doing?”
Bernard hurriedly touched his left ear. Previously, he had been beaten by Chris and his eardrum had torn and healed. He felt as if tinnitus was ringing in his ear. His breathing quickened and his heart beat rapidly. He thought he had answered no, but in that brief moment, the memory evaporated.
The drunk Chris had a more raw expression than usual. Bernard naively thought first, “How did he know?” then immediately stiffened his face. It was his fault. Stupidly, it was his fault for getting nervous first upon seeing his abuser and making a mistake…
“But, hmm? Come to think of it, ugh, definitely… it’s plausible? This is interesting… you’re dressed up like this too… you dog-like bastard, you pretended to be innocent at school…”
The force roughly grabbing his chin made Bernard’s lips press tightly together. He would definitely hit him. Because it was a familiar pattern, Bernard squeezed his eyes shut when—
“I heard it was a quiet party.”
An unfamiliar voice suddenly interjected. Bernard’s breathing burst out roughly. In front of the mansion fence, in the dim night shadows, a small light sparkled once, then thick cigarette smoke wafted up.
“I heard it was a quiet and useful party. But why is it so full of the smell of alcohol?”
“What the, shi—”
“How about sobering up.”
It was a very slow voice. The other person whispered languidly and seemed to have not an ounce of fear. The person who whispered in a calm tone as if reciting an evening menu came out under the streetlight. Bernard’s gaze was fixed on the other person like a wedge. The other person was a very beautiful man with black hair and blue eyes.
“It seems an inappropriate person has attended the party, so I’m planning to report it, but I wonder if sobering up still requires time. Still, you need to be sober enough to give a statement to the police, don’t you?”
The man’s pronunciation was slurred because he had a cigarette in his mouth. Standing under the streetlight, he was smiling quite warmly, unsuited to the situation.
