# Chapter 7. Nothing is Certain (2)
“Yes, it’s been a while, Writer Song.”
“I believe you’ve improved a lot since then.”
His breath caught. Along with the moment when he stormed out of the room, he recalled himself sinking to the floor in a dark room, engulfed in all kinds of thoughts.
With a firm resolve, he nodded. There was no lower place to fall, no place to be thrown out to.
“I can’t be certain, but I’ll try my best.”
“I like that answer. Good. I’m looking forward to it.”
With Writer Song’s response, the first shooting began. Dressed in a white dress shirt and white pants, Dohyeong was literally in a state where he could be dyed any color.
The interview and photoshoot took place in a two-story building. Behind Dohyeong, who had gone out to the pure white terrace, the sun was setting.
The red sunset seeping into his already white skin created quite a contrast. The vivid sunset also settled on Dohyeong’s body as he naturally posed, closed his eyes, and then gazed distantly at somewhere far away.
Writer Song photographed Dohyeong more calmly than expected. Without saying whether it was good or not, he captured in his angle the moments of Dohyeong naturally enjoying the moment.
After changing his clothes three times, the fourth and last outfit was a pitch-black turtleneck and cotton pants. The location had also moved to the first-floor garden, and perhaps because of the outfit that seemed like it would be buried in darkness, Dohyeong’s pure white face and the bright red flowers blooming abundantly on the first floor were even more vivid.
It felt like showing himself just emerging from darkness.
Because he wanted to capture the moment of peeking his face out to gradually move towards the light, Dohyeong smiled brightly.
Even though Writer Song hadn’t told him to do so, he naturally curled up the corners of his lips.
The more he did so, the faster the shutter sound became. Writer Song silently captured in his lens Dohyeong’s figure as he skillfully changed his posture according to the lighting, naturally lay down on the floor, and leaned against a tree.
“Kim Dohyeong-ssi.”
It was the first time Writer Song had spoken. Surprised, Dohyeong raised his head to face him.
Was he going to say this wasn’t right after shooting all this? Though he thought he should answer calmly, anxiety swept over him.
“Yes?”
“Would it be okay if you get wet?”
As soon as he heard those words, he turned his head to look at the swimming pool. He had heard that they had changed the water because it might be used for the photoshoot.
That meant it would be okay if his clothes got wet. After thinking for a while with his lips firmly pressed together, Dohyeong nodded.
“Yes, that’s fine. My body is strong.”
“Good. Then I’ll go into the swimming pool. Dive underwater, and when I call your name, that’s when you come up. But don’t come up completely. Just make your eyes visible. Just, just your gaze.”
It was a request to convey everything with his eyes. Without hesitation, Dohyeong walked to the swimming pool and slowly submerged himself. It felt like his entire body was freezing.
Dohyeong closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then he relaxed his body and fell backward. The sound of the shutter was followed by a splash as he fell into the water. By bending his body with strength in his buttocks, he felt himself sinking to the bottom.
This sensation was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
Sinking, settling down. When only the splashing sound of water remained clear, Dohyeong slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the water surface illuminated by the lights.
He recalled the days when he used to look at the light. That light was sometimes Haesung, sometimes himself immersed in acting just before marrying him, and sometimes his future self standing in front of the camera again after overcoming everything.
Even though he tried to reach out and grab it, it was just like back then—not even catching on his fingertips. With an aching heart, he pressed his lips firmly. Even at that moment when he could no longer bear it with the breath rising to the end of his throat, Dohyeong endured with his eyes tightly closed.
Just like back then. Like the time he endured. The path he had already traveled once isn’t difficult. Even the fear that he might not be able to escape remained no more. Because he would escape, and he would overcome.
“Kim Dohyeong-ssi!”
Finally, Writer Song’s voice was heard.
Dohyeong raised his body very slowly. When he felt his hair touching the water surface, the hope that he could go outside flowed through his entire body like tiny electric currents.
He slowly raised his face above the water surface. At that moment, an inexplicable overwhelming emotion came over him, and tears fell drop by drop without him realizing it.
It was because both his past and present selves were melted into this very instant. The process of Kim Dohyeong, who had been sinking, kicking up to the water surface again.
Because it felt like Kim Dohyeong’s another beginning was taking place right here, he closed his eyes, savoring the possibilities.
“Good, okay!”
With Writer Song’s voice full of pleasure, Dohyeong exhaled heavily and raised his head above the water surface. The stars twinkling in the pitch-black sky were incredibly beautiful, but he could only cry tears endlessly.
After the shooting was all finished and he changed his clothes, the time had already passed well beyond 11 PM. Everyone unanimously said that for a shoot that started in the afternoon, it ended early, but Dohyeong felt somewhat lacking.
He wanted to show more. He wished that somehow, someone would see the parts of himself that he hadn’t been able to show back then.
While sitting absentmindedly in a chair as the makeup team dried his hair, feeling regretful, Writer Song approached Dohyeong and extended his hand.
“Thank you for your hard work today.”
Just as the makeup team mentioned that they had finished drying his hair, Dohyeong stood up from his seat and grasped his hand.
His hand was firm. It was like he was the person who would lead him into the light. It was as if he had properly marked the beginning. His heart pounded as if it would burst.
“You worked hard too, Writer-nim.”
“…You’ve changed a lot, Kim Dohyeong-ssi.”
“Me?”
“I could see it. The desperation.”
Once again, the tip of his nose tingled. He looked down for a while, thinking, and then faced Writer Song with a forced smile.
“Thank you for recognizing it.”
“It’s not that I recognized it, but that Kim Dohyeong-ssi has finally found meaning.”
“Meaning…”
“I hope you won’t forget it from now on. That meaning is really important. Whether it’s visible beyond the screen or not.”
They say that sometimes, a single phrase from someone can pierce and tear through one’s heart.
At this moment, Dohyeong felt that Writer Song’s words had hit him exactly like that.
Whether it’s visible or not. Thinking that he might not forget this for a long time, he once again conveyed his thanks to Writer Song.
At Dohyeong’s request, Wootae delivered warm beverages and cookies to the shooting site. Only after confirming that everyone had taken one, the two of them were able to get into the car.
***
It was an especially tiring day. Haesung, who had entered the parking lot, couldn’t easily open his eyes despite Seonghyeok’s words saying they had arrived.
“Hey, Jung Haesung.”
At the final call, he slowly opened his eyes and raised his head. He nodded with difficulty at the touch of Seonghyeok’s hand patting him from the passenger seat.
“Tomorrow’s schedule is in the afternoon, so sleep in until morning. I won’t wake you up.”
“…I won’t be able to get up even if you wake me.”
He sighed deeply and rubbed his face. He was so tired that even the nagging to remove his makeup before sleeping didn’t register.
After unbuckling his seatbelt, as soon as he opened the door, he turned around and looked back and forth between Kyungsu and Seonghyeok.
The reason he was able to endure such a tiring day was because of these two people. Because they are always there to support him.
“Thanks for today too. Be careful on your way home, both of you.”
“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
At Seonghyeok’s words, he just waved his hand a few times, closed the door, and walked towards the elevator. It was quite amusing how he staggered because his legs had no strength.
After pressing the button and waiting mindlessly, soon the mechanical sound announcing arrival rings.
As soon as he got on the elevator, he leaned his back against the wall. He wondered why today was especially tiring, but there was only one reason.
‘Kim Dohyeong.’
It was because he met Dohyeong. He knew they would face each other someday, since they were in the same industry. He knew that after recovery, they would see each other embarrassingly often. But who would have known that it would coincide with his own comeback.
What made his feelings even more ambiguous was that he kept thinking about things he thought he would never realize. And the fact that from the moment he saw Dohyeong, his attention kept being drawn in that direction.
It must be because they broke up. Belatedly realizing how cruel he had been until the end. Now the things Dohyeong had done for him were coming back to him one by one.
The numerous reasons filling his head were all, without exception, stemming from his own indifference.
Really, and yet he still walks around smiling shamelessly.
Even until the moment he got off the elevator and entered his home, his eyes were dry. His head was so heavy that it felt like he would collapse at any moment.
In what state of mind did he take off his clothes, put on a shower robe, and fill the bathtub with water?
When he came to his senses, he was already soaking in warm water. He stared blankly at the ceiling, blinking his eyes.
“…It’s been a while.”
At the end of all his daily routines, there was Dohyeong.
Whenever he returned home, soaked in fatigue, a warm smile always welcomed him.
A bowl of soup handed to him because it might be too heavy on the stomach, the herbal tea of his preference that was offered as he was about to finish eating.
And the bedroom that was always neatly organized.
He knows well that it’s too late to regret and ruminate on gratitude now. They say one regrets after losing something, but this is too late, even for being late.
Of course, that doesn’t mean he intends to hold Dohyeong back again. If Dohyeong can flap his wings more vigorously without him by his side, it’s right to let him fly away. Just convey the feeling of apology.
Ruminating on numerous resolutions, he slowly got up from the bathtub. Although it bothered him that he hadn’t completely dried his hair, he didn’t feel like doing anything.
As soon as he flopped down on the bed, his entire body felt heavy.
He curled up his body after difficultly getting under the blanket. The breath he inhaled and exhaled was hot, which somehow gave him a bad feeling.
Should he take medicine? Since the shooting tomorrow is in the afternoon, he should visit the hospital in the morning.
It would be nice if sleep came with the heaviness of his body. Why does it never happen as he wishes?
After tossing and turning, when he placed the back of his hand on his forehead, he finally realized his condition. He was running a fever.
He thought it was because he had been running too hard since his comeback. The advertisements and magazine interviews lined up. Although he thought it was too early for broadcasts and hadn’t scheduled any, it seemed that magazines were a different matter.
He took a deep sigh while recalling the hectic few weeks.
‘Why don’t you take care of your body?’
Even at this moment, Dohyeong’s voice lingered in his ears.
‘You’re not a child, hyung, are you made of steel or something?’
It was a tearful voice. Back then, it had only felt annoying. He had hoped to be considered someone who would manage well on his own.
‘Just sleep. I’ll make some porridge. Seonghyeok hyung says he’ll bring medicine.’
Thinking about it now, he really was a bastard.
“Dohyeong-ah.”
He casually calls his name, but there was no way there would be a response. With the blanket pulled up to the end of his neck, he curled his body even more roundly.
“Kim Dohyeong.”
After muttering for a long time, he laughed emptily at the absence of a response. Suddenly feeling pathetic about himself, Haesung reached out and fumbled under the pillow. Then he picked up the phone that he grabbed and turned on the screen.
As always, he dialed the familiar number.
The person he thought of the most when he was sick. The person who had always been by his side.
It was the number of the person who had asked him to think of him in moments of collapse.
After a long ringtone, he heard someone answer the phone.
“Hyung… are you home? Sorry if you were sleeping. But… I have a bit of a fever, so could you come over?”
There was no answer. Was he sleeping when he answered, or was he annoyed?
“Manager Do Seonghyeok.”
Once again, he called him, but only silence returned. Haa. Taking a long sigh, he slowly closed his eyes.
Why is it that the sleep that wouldn’t come until just now now pours down so heavily?
Hyung, are you listening? He exhaled deeply, his lips fevered and slightly moving.
And Haesung fell asleep. Because he fell asleep as if a fuse had blown, he couldn’t hear the voice that followed from the other end of the receiver.
[…Sleep well. Hyung.]
