# Chapter 6. Nothing Is Certain (1)
They say learning something new is a joyful thing. At least in this moment, he could proudly say that statement was wrong.
Throughout his time staring at his phone, Haesung’s brow remained furrowed. The flood of articles and posts that appeared as soon as he searched for “Choi Yuchan Kim Dohyeong” together caught his attention.
It’s fortunate that Seonghyeok and Kyungsu are betas; if either had been an alpha or omega, there would have been serious trouble by now.
He could feel his pheromones raging as much as his sharpening nerves.
<The Persistent Connection Between Actor Choi Yuchan and Actor Kim Dohyeong>
Reading an article posted by a blogger, his head began to throb more and more.
They had been particularly close since their debut, and photos taken together would occasionally appear on SNS. Restaurant tours, day trips.
Sometimes they even enjoyed leisure time together, watching movies or playing pool.
At that point, Haesung had to blame his memory for quite some time. No, maybe this was proving Yuchan’s point about how little interest he had shown in Dohyeong.
He placed his phone on his knee and let out a deep sigh. Come to think of it, he had never properly visited Dohyeong’s SNS.
From the beginning, he had learned about the existence of his account from Seonghyeok, so there was no room for excuses.
Nervously biting his nails, he leaned forward and brought his face closer to the passenger seat.
“Hyung.”
“Ah, you startled me.”
Seonghyeok, who had been texting someone, hugged his phone toward himself and glared at Haesung with an irritated expression.
“Dating someone?”
“Would I have time for that? Why, what is it?”
“You look like you’re dating.”
“I’m not, I wish I had time for that.”
How strange. Haesung muttered as he glared at Seonghyeok, then pulled himself forward in his seat. The distance between the seats was probably set wider for the convenience of passengers in the back seat, but at times like this, it was extremely uncomfortable.
“Did you know that Dohyeong and Choi Yuchan-ssi were close?”
He was just genuinely curious, but what came back was Seonghyeok’s surprised expression. And then a deep sigh that could have sunk the ground. Still gripping his seatbelt tightly, he half-turned his body and gestured with his chin.
“First, sit properly and listen.”
“It’s fine.”
“Hey, what if you hurt your face by accident? Who would get the blame then, you? Or Kyungsu?”
“It would be Manager Do.”
“That’s why I’m asking you to sit down.”
It was clear that if he persisted with his stubbornness, he would get thoroughly scolded. Nodding his head, he leaned back and stared at Seonghyeok.
“You’re probably the only one who didn’t know they were close. They debuted at the same time. They appeared on variety shows together a few times, and also what was it… Right, they were on some sports program too. Dohyeong had no athletic ability, but Yuchan was good at sports. There was a huge fuss about their good chemistry because of that.”
Haesung unconsciously nodded at the mention of Dohyeong’s lack of athletic ability. They had tried to start exercising together several times, but he often gave up because his body couldn’t keep up.
For activities like squash or climbing, it was actually more comfortable for him to go alone. At some point, though he couldn’t remember when, he even began to want to go alone.
“I think they also did a web drama together right before you two got married?”
“Yes, that’s right. A drama based on a webtoon. It might not have been a hit, but the two of them got some word of mouth for their good chemistry, right? Everyone liked that they looked similar to the characters.”
Seeing Kyungsu also adding to the conversation made him feel quite unpleasant. It was also a moment when he painfully realized just how uninterested he had been in Dohyeong.
It felt as if they weren’t talking about the Dohyeong he knew, but rather about someone he didn’t know at all.
For a moment, the series of events that had led to their breakup flashed through his mind.
His fingertips tingled. His entire body stiffened, and even his thoughts came to a halt. Seonghyeok seemed to be saying something, but none of it reached his ears.
What had he seen, and for what reason had he pulled Dohyeong down so far?
‘What do you know about me, hyung?’
He recalled the sight of that night when Dohyeong had cried as he spoke to him.
The tightly clenched fists, the red and swollen eyes and nose. And those eyes that flickered with despair.
That day, Dohyeong had expressed his resentment toward him for the first time. He cried out, asking what Haesung really knew about him, where and how much he had observed to speak so carelessly, but…
‘Who would know you better than I do, Dohyeong?’
Back then, he had trampled Dohyeong mercilessly. He had bound him with words he should never have dared to say and made everyone take it for granted.
How cruel it was—that moment when he had inflicted an indelible wound on Dohyeong kept flashing through his mind.
“Hey, are you listening?”
“…No, actually I didn’t hear anything.”
“Are you seriously messing with me, hyung?”
Despite Seonghyeok’s irritated tone, Haesung said nothing. He just rubbed his face a couple of times and let out a series of groans.
The sighs he swallowed inside were bitter. He grabbed the area around his neck, which was hollow and burning, and squeezed his eyes shut.
With his head bowed as if he were about to collapse forward, he silently repeated Dohyeong’s name.
***
He exhales a tense breath. After finishing makeup, he was instructed to wait briefly until the shoot began. Though the sofa was certainly plush, he couldn’t understand why he felt so restless. He clenched his fists tightly then released them, gripped his knees firmly then let go, repeating this several times.
“Dohyeong.”
He turned his head at Wootae’s voice approaching from behind. At some point, Wootae had gently placed a cold bottle of water on his shoulder and firmly gripped his other shoulder.
“Don’t forget what I always say.”
Dohyeong chuckled softly at the hand tightly squeezing his shoulder. He grabbed Wootae’s hand firmly and nodded.
How could he forget Wootae’s words? The most radiant person in the world, a person with potential that couldn’t be exchanged for anyone else. He had always encouraged him with kind words.
If he were to lose confidence here, it would be no different than denying all the days he had walked firmly believing in those words.
At the very least, he shouldn’t trample on someone else’s expectations. Even if he felt inferior or inadequate, that was solely his own perception.
He composed himself. Then, he took a deep breath in and out, releasing the tension that had built up inside. I can do this, I am a more radiant person than anyone else. I am a wonderful person. As he was continuing his thoughts, repeating this dozens of times…
“Sorry for making you wait so long. One of the cameras was acting up, so replacing it took some time.”
A magazine staff member who was going to feature Dohyeong’s interview walked over and sat beside him. Then they explained the upcoming schedule.
“After completing the interview, we’ll do the photo shoot. If we start the interview now, it will probably finish by the afternoon. Then you’ll get a wardrobe explanation and have your makeup redone. We’re going to capture Kim Dohyeong-ssi from sunset to night, which was initially suggested by Photographer Song.”
“Photographer Song?”
It was an unavoidably tense name. Song Hyunwoo. He was the first photographer in Dohyeong’s entertainment career who had suspended a photo shoot.
‘There’s no depth to your emotions.’
He had spoken firmly, shaking his head.
‘There’s nothing in your eyes either. Whether it’s pathos, happiness, or hope. You need to show something to make the shooting worthwhile.’
Visibly irritated, he had stormed out of the set, saying they should find someone else. From what Dohyeong heard, he had boldly paid the penalty fee afterward, and later rumors suggested that this was simply his usual personality.
A person who wouldn’t even press the shutter if he didn’t feel inspired to capture the subject in his frame.
After that, whenever Dohyeong did magazine shoots, he always wore someone else’s face. Either the role he had to play at that time, or the character he had just finished portraying.
Gradually, he thought things had improved. Though it pained his heart to know he wasn’t capturing the true Kim Dohyeong, what could he do? It was still far better than not being able to be a subject at all.
And now they say that Photographer Song had made the suggestion first. As he clasped his hands tightly and parted his lips, the staff member conducting the interview smiled gently.
“He said it would be the time that suits the current Kim Dohyeong-ssi best. Don’t be too nervous. Just be natural and show yourself as Kim Dohyeong.”
Had those words always been so comforting? No, perhaps it was the realization brought by the time that had passed, he thought.
Having lived wearing so many masks until now, he might have lost sight of his true self. Perhaps that’s also why Haesung hadn’t faced him either. He had pondered such thoughts throughout his time trapped in darkness.
Since he had spent enough time reflecting on himself, it was now time to show what he had realized.
It was fine to move slowly, as long as he took a definite step forward.
Don’t fear failure, don’t even think about failing. After reassuring himself several times, he nodded.
The interview began with the press of the pre-prepared recorder’s button as a signal.
“Hello, Kim Dohyeong-ssi. It’s been a very long time. Have you been well? No, actually, I feel a bit sorry for asking such a question. ‘Doing well’ or ‘not doing well’—I’m sure the time you’ve had can’t be judged in such simple terms. I apologize if I’ve been rude.”
“No, it’s fine. Everyone asks that, and honestly, I always wonder how to answer. Um… at some points, things were so hard that saying ‘I’m doing well’ didn’t fit, but after enduring that time, things became a bit more bearable. And now, beyond that bearable stage, things are improving a lot. I’m at a point where I hope someday I can answer, ‘Actually, I was doing well during that time too, I just didn’t realize it.’ Is that a sufficient answer?”
“It doesn’t seem like it was a smooth period. Still, thank you for overcoming it and coming back to us. Well then, how have you been spending your time? Did you develop any new hobbies or anything special you’ve been doing?”
Interviews had always been overwhelming and burdensome moments, but this was the first time it felt so comfortable.
Even the question about how he had been doing didn’t cause much emotional turmoil anymore. After all, the standards for doing well or not doing well differ from person to person.
As the long interview was coming to an end, the journalist, after a brief hesitation, reluctantly opened their mouth.
“By the time this interview is published, news about the start of filming for Director Na’s drama—your comeback project, right?—will probably be out. When that happens, everyone will know that Kim Dohyeong-ssi and Jung Haesung-ssi are meeting again.”
As expected, the topic of Haesung was unavoidable.
After pondering for a moment, Dohyeong nodded and smiled bitterly.
Yes, that’s right. As he quietly answered, a bitter smile also appeared on the journalist’s lips.
The lack of follow-up questions was probably because they didn’t know how he would respond.
“I can’t say I’m comfortable with Jung Haesung-ssi. Regardless of what our relationship was in the past and what happened, he’s still my senior after all. I think the fact that we stand in different places also plays a role. Well, ultimately, I don’t think it’s a matter of comfort or discomfort. It’s work. An actor taking on a role and acting—that’s all. I don’t intend to attach any other issues or emotions beyond that.”
Seeing him answer so calmly, Wootae slightly turned his head and tightly shut his eyes.
As the person who had witnessed firsthand how difficult it had been for Dohyeong to get to this point, his current response moved Wootae deeply.
Well done, Kim Dohyeong, he repeated those words to himself several times.
After the interview ended, the journalist extended their hand to Dohyeong.
Understanding its meaning, Dohyeong silently took that hand.
“I look forward to your future endeavors, Kim Dohyeong-ssi.”
Though it might have seemed like nothing special, tears welled up unexpectedly.
His nose started to sting, but soon that heat subsided.
He couldn’t cry after having his makeup done, could he?
No sooner had he released the firmly clasped hand than Photographer Song approached Dohyeong. As if to show that he hadn’t changed much from back then, his gaze was still fierce.
“It’s been a while, Kim Dohyeong-ssi.”
