Dohyeong swallowed dry saliva as he waited for Wootae’s words.
But whether he knew his feelings or not, Wootae hesitated and agonized for a long time, unable to continue his next words.
“Hyung, it’s okay. You can tell me.”
He thought Wootae was anxious that he might get hurt. That he might get hurt again and hide in a corner.
But the current Dohyeong was different from before. He had long abandoned the appearance of always running away and being desperate to hide himself.
Because he had risen up overcoming all adversity, and because he had vowed not to hide over just any matter from now on.
“I.”
Wootae hesitated for a moment, then opened his mouth with difficulty. As if having made some decision, he nodded to himself and faced Dohyeong.
“I’m in favor.”
And at the sight of him smiling brightly, Dohyeong was flustered. What? The end of his questioning voice was trembling slightly.
“I’m saying I’m in favor if it’s Yuchan.”
“…There’s no such thing as being in favor or not. I—”
“Can’t it be because he’s a friend?”
Again, he lost his words. At his question that pinpointed exactly what he had been thinking, Dohyeong could only nod his head awkwardly.
“Why should that be a reason?”
“Well…”
“What, because he’s someone you’ve been watching since you were dating Jung Haesung… no, was that even dating? Anyway, because he’s someone you’ve been watching since the early days of your marriage?”
“That’s part of it, but.”
“Or because he’s someone who’s watched you thoroughly down to your very bottom?”
Dohyeong nodded without being able to say anything. It wasn’t strange that his gaze was directed toward the floor again.
At the sight of him fidgeting with his clasped hands, Wootae let out a big sigh. Then he moved to Dohyeong’s side and firmly grasped those hands.
“Can I make just one old-fashioned statement?”
Smiling awkwardly and nodding was the maximum expression Dohyeong could manage.
“People can’t always show only their good side. You know that well too, right?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“That means people aren’t always good either. There are times when you hit rock bottom, and times when you climb back up as if nothing happened. Like me now, or like you.”
He could feel the warmth enveloping his tightly held hands. Dohyeong had to press down hard on his lower lip at the warmth touching the back of his hand.
Because unknown emotions welled up at Wootae’s words and touch.
“In such a situation… what kind of person do you think would be most needed?”
At the completely unexpected question, Dohyeong looked up in surprise. And he quietly faced Wootae.
“…Someone like you, hyung?”
It seemed Wootae was the same in that it was an answer he expected but didn’t anticipate. He smiled awkwardly, nudged Dohyeong with his elbow, and rubbed under his nose.
“This kid is buttering me up.”
At that sight, Dohyeong smiled faintly. And he chewed on Wootae’s question once more. What kind of person would I need most right now? For instance.
“It would be best to have someone like Yuchan by your side.”
The name he had tried not to think about popped out of Wootae’s mouth. Startled, Dohyeong slowly turned his head to face Wootae.
“I’m saying you need someone like Yuchan, Dohyeong.”
With those words, Wootae once again firmly enveloped Dohyeong’s hands. Then, as if agonizing for a while, he chose his words and carefully began speaking again.
“Of course, I know. Yuchan is a good friend. Loyal, thoughtful, warm, kind, witty, fun. On top of that, since you’re in the same profession, you’ll form common ground with each other. You started the same way, but there are differences, so he might become a stimulus for you.”
Everything Wootae pointed out one by one was not wrong.
While reciting about him, Yuchan’s image flashed through his mind. He seemed like the type of person who should never be missed in life.
A person like the sun.
Always staying in that place, giving warm light. Even when clouds sometimes gather heavily, just knowing he exists beyond them can give strength.
Even when storms raged through the barren, parched heart, wasn’t he the only person who warmly embraced him?
It wasn’t that Wootae’s words were wrong, nor was Yuchan’s existence lacking.
That’s precisely why, in the end, he couldn’t keep him by his side as a lover.
“But hyung… because he’s that kind of person. So, all the more—”
“It’s good to keep him as a friend. But wouldn’t it be better if he were a life partner?”
Life partner. It seemed like a word he wouldn’t have a second time. As he stared blankly at Wootae, he spoke calmly.
“If it’s true that Yuchan likes you, Dohyeong, you should open your heart a little too.”
He knew. He also realized he needed to do that, but he couldn’t answer easily.
Because even though he was the one who asked for time to think in the first place, he hadn’t given even a corner of his heart.
“I fully understand what you’re worried about. Why you’re hesitating too.”
“Yeah…”
“But Dohyeong, if he’s someone you have to keep by your side anyway… wouldn’t it be okay if that were love?”
Love. At the direct word from Wootae’s mouth, Dohyeong lifted his head.
Is it okay for me to do such a thing, hyung?
Does the word love even suit me?
Perhaps I came this far because I forcibly grabbed onto a word I had no connection with.
Countless words circled in his mouth, but Dohyeong couldn’t give any answer. He just stared blankly at Wootae, opening and closing his mouth.
“Now you should be loved too.”
But at the following words, tears suddenly welled up.
“You’re more than qualified.”
The answer, as if looking into his very heart, firmly grasped and shook Dohyeong’s chest.
“Kim Dohyeong’s prime isn’t something that can only be enjoyed as an actor.”
In the end, without continuing his words or following the tail of his thoughts, he bowed his head deeply. He chewed his lips hard and held back his tears.
“I hope you’re not struggling anymore.”
But even that was brief. In the end, he entrusted his body to the warmth of the two arms hugging him warmly and burst into tears out loud.
To seriously consider and think about Yuchan’s confession.
It was another assignment given to Dohyeong.
***
A week passed like that. In the end, no contact came from Yuchan.
Of course, Dohyeong didn’t have the courage to contact him first either. It was because of the worry that Yuchan might become more troubled by his contact.
Only after a long time had passed did he send a message. It was the result of agonizing for a very long time.
Choi Sunshine
It’s really starting now
Let’s do well
See you tomorrow, Yuchan
He didn’t receive a reply, but Dohyeong didn’t dwell on the disappointment. Perhaps he thought he had no right to feel disappointed.
Of course, he was worried. Perhaps Yuchan, who had gone through all this because of him, was sick and tired of it. Perhaps he no longer wanted to be involved with him privately.
No, if not that, perhaps he was in such a difficult situation that he couldn’t receive anything except work-related contact.
Of course, all these worries were emotions Dohyeong had to embrace alone. Perhaps he didn’t want to say out loud that he might have caused harm to Yuchan.
After spending time with his worries all tangled up, the day of the production team MT combined with script reading approached.
“Hey, how long has it been since we had script reading? Right?”
Wootae, who had been driving on an unpaved road, asked Dohyeong with a bright smile. He glanced at Dohyeong in the rearview mirror, then coughed loudly, “Ahem!”
“What was it, you know. I heard Yuchan is coming today too.”
Dohyeong, who had been staring blankly out the window, was startled and turned to look at Wootae.
“I wasn’t thinking about Yuchan.”
“Who said anything? I just said Yuchan is coming.”
Dohyeong stared quietly at Wootae, then pressed down on his lower lip.
He was definitely teasing him. With an indignant expression, he turned his head sharply and looked out the window again.
Wootae would have noticed that his words were a lie. When would they contact each other? He had worried every single day whether Yuchan had been hurt by his words and actions.
He just didn’t think about it in a different way.
For instance, the feelings ‘more than friends’ that Wootae mentioned. Or the heart that thinks of him as a ‘life partner.’
He sighed for no reason. He felt frustrated inside because it seemed like too many thoughts and emotions were colliding within him.
Seeing such a Dohyeong, Wootae opened his mouth again.
“But it’s really unique. They’re doing script reading in the mountains again this time.”
“They said it’s an MT concept. Director Na likes this kind of thing, that’s why.”
That’s true. At the sight of Wootae smiling brightly as he added a word, Dohyeong also smiled faintly. And he took in the lush greenery passing by outside the window.
The situation was no different from the previous production. Gathering in groups as if going on an outing deep in the mountains, sharing stories about the work there and reading the script.
‘Hyung, it feels like it’s been a really long time since we appeared together. Right?’
What expression did Haesung make while looking at him talking excitedly?
He went back through his memories and tried to recall, but nothing particularly came to mind.
‘That’s right.’
Only the voice answering briefly came to mind.
He looked unimpressed. Even though he rode in Haesung’s car and they moved together alone, he accepted it dryly.
But Kim Dohyeong at that time only felt good about that moment. Even though he knew they were going because of work. The fact that he was in the car alone with Haesung, the fact that Haesung was with him at the moment of enjoying happiness.
Even after arriving at the destination, Haesung’s behavior wasn’t much different. They ate, did script reading, took breaks and built friendships, but Dohyeong was always with Wootae, not Haesung.
Sometimes actors would stick together to examine the script and have conversations.
‘…Now that I think about it, hyung and I never did that.’
It was no different from the behavior he showed at home. It wasn’t like there was no connection between Yujin and Yehyun, but individual reading with Haesung never happened.
Therefore, most of Dohyeong’s individual readings were with Soyeon. He thought that made sense considering the relationship, but he couldn’t help feeling regretful.
‘At this rate, rumors might start about Dohyeong-ssi and me. We’re stuck together so much.’
It was clearly a joke, but he didn’t laugh or respond. No, it would be more accurate to say he couldn’t.
All he did was nod his head and take in the letters with his eyes.
He was busy cramming into his head what lines to deliver and act out, what emotions to reveal.
He occasionally felt Haesung’s gaze, but it didn’t stem from jealousy or disappointed feelings.
It might have just been Dohyeong’s own thoughts.
‘…He was just looking at me as actor to actor.’
Haesung’s eyes were rigid. It was an utterly dry gaze.
‘Today, Soyeon sunbae-nim helped me a lot with reading.’
Even at the words thrown out to provoke jealousy, Haesung was indifferent.
‘That’s good. You two have a lot of overlapping scenes.’
His gaze was still directed at the script.
Dohyeong, who had been recalling those memories, quickly shook his head. In the distance, he could see the lodging where they would stay for three days. It was a pure white, five-story building. It was his second visit, but every time he saw it, he thought it was a truly upright building.
In the gardens prepared in front and back, white tables were always spread out. Sitting in the many chairs, they talked about the script and had small conversations.
Dohyeong, who had been chewing on memories from some time ago, took a deep breath.
“Hyung.”
At the following call, Wootae glanced at Dohyeong in the rearview mirror.
“Huh, why?”
“I’ll do well.”
Dohyeong’s following words were nothing less than a vow. As if reaffirming to himself, he muttered firmly.
“Yeah, let’s do well.”
Wootae also nodded and answered as if supporting Dohyeong’s resolution.
At those words, Dohyeong smiled brightly. After realizing he wasn’t alone, he gained confidence that he could overcome anything.
Let’s do well. The moment he was reaffirming to himself once more—
His phone vibrated. His heart sank. And the moment he saw the screen, Dohyeong’s brow furrowed slightly before returning to its place.
Jung Haesung
I wanted to say I’m counting on you for the next 3 days, but since we’re in a difficult relationship to say it face to face. Let’s do well, Kim Dohyeong-ssi.
One was a message from Haesung.
Choi Sunshine
Dohyeong, are you on your way?
Maybe because I arrived faster than expected, I’m bored
When will you arrive?
Ah!
Sorry I couldn’t contact you
I… actually had overlapping routes
You were very worried, right?
And the other was a message from Yuchan.
What is this, Dohyeong muttered to himself as he quickly turned off his phone screen and lifted his head.
A situation he didn’t want anyone to catch him in. Why he was having such thoughts, Dohyeong still couldn’t tell.
