Chapter 16. Lingering Regret Stems from Remorse (6)
It wasn’t only Yuchan who was flustered by Haesung’s words.
Dohyeong also had to stare at him blankly, unable to hide his surprise.
In fact, it was somewhat natural for him to know. Since Haesung was particularly affected by his pheromones, he used to clear his schedule before and after Dohyeong’s heat cycle in preparation for a rut coming together.
It was just a little surprising that he still remembered.
“Dohyeong-ah, really?”
At Yuchan’s surprised question, Dohyeong nodded awkwardly with a smile.
“Yeah. It’s not really something to talk about at a drinking table though….”
“You should have said something anyway. We almost had a big problem. What about Wootae hyung? Where is hyung?”
“He’ll be here soon. I already contacted my manager. Over there, at the table by the door. The managers.”
Yuchan frowned at Haesung’s appearance of taking care of everything from one to ten without giving him a chance to act.
He clenched his fist for no reason and patted Dohyeong’s shoulder.
“I’ll go tell the director quietly and come back. Wait.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
Yuchan, who had been grinning, got up from his seat and strode toward the director. While watching him get caught up and receive a couple of drinks while trying to say something, Dohyeong slowly turned to look at Haesung.
Where should he start asking? What should he say first? While barely gathering his complicated thoughts and connecting thought to thought, when he finally opened his mouth.
“Habits don’t change easily.”
At his casually thrown words, he unconsciously gripped his thigh tightly.
“There are habits that should be forgotten too.”
“I just didn’t forget because it’s similar to rut timing. You don’t need to think unnecessarily.”
“Please don’t make me think such things.”
He was a little surprised at Dohyeong’s appearance of not backing down from a single word.
A poker face that didn’t show emotions. The modifier given to him was quite grateful at times like this. He suddenly felt relieved.
“…I have something I want to ask. Something I couldn’t ask earlier.”
“Ask before your partner comes.”
“That night, why did you call me?”
His chest felt stuffy for no reason as he was filling his glass, but his hand stopped abruptly at Dohyeong’s casually thrown question. The glass was only half full. He quietly looked down at the alcohol swaying and rippling.
Why. He hadn’t expected that question to reach him. Dohyeong had rarely questioned him back. Usually, he would just agree with his actions or words.
He was about to say it was a mistake, but then the thought that it might hurt Dohyeong even more wandered through his head. If it wasn’t a situation to apologize, and if his thoughts would only continue to add to Dohyeong’s wounds.
It would be better to give it to him as it was.
“…Just.”
“Just?”
“…When I was in pain, it was a familiar number that came to mind.”
Dohyeong’s eyes wavered.
Both the words that he was the person who came to mind when in pain, and the story that the number he pressed was his.
His chest hurt as if it were being torn apart. He was about to ask what was the point of doing this now, but he kept his mouth tightly shut with strength in his lips.
No, what was he trying to do by not just shaking but completely tearing apart a person’s heart when everything was already over?
He recalled himself who had been trying so hard until now. Kim Dohyeong who had made steady efforts to enter Haesung’s fence.
It was a desire to be firmly imprinted in his memory. He had wanted to be at least one of the people who occasionally came to mind.
Even if it wasn’t love, even if it wasn’t called love.
Right, he had been okay with that.
But having something like this happen after breaking up was cruel.
The words that he was someone who came to mind when in pain and the fact that he had called because of that overlapped, making his head confused.
Glug glug, the sound of filling the remaining half of the glass was heard. When Dohyeong, who had been quietly watching that scene, was about to say something, he felt a touch patting his shoulder from behind.
“Dohyeong-ah, let’s go.”
It was Wootae. His worried eyes and expression clearly represented his feelings.
“Did you drink a lot?”
At Wootae’s question, Dohyeong smiled faintly and shook his head.
“No, I’m fine.”
But that wasn’t true. Wootae looked at Dohyeong’s flushed face, then looked back and forth between Yuchan and Haesung.
It would be one of those two. Maybe both of them. Thinking that way made him unnecessarily sensitive. He grabbed Dohyeong’s arm and pulled him toward himself.
“Let’s go quickly. Did you greet the director?”
“Ah, I have to go now. I’ll be back.”
Soon Dohyeong got up from his seat. He seemed to have something he wanted to say to Haesung, but soon he kept his mouth tightly shut and walked toward the director without a word.
Wootae watched such Dohyeong and then turned his head slightly toward Haesung.
He usually didn’t drink much, but he had seen him fill his glass and drain it, then fill and drain it again three times.
He knew Haesung could handle his alcohol well.
When was it, the day the two had invited him to their house not long after they got married. Wootae had gone drink for drink with Haesung. He remembered himself rambling drunkenly to him back then.
To make Dohyeong happy, to cherish him. Just to regard him more dearly than anyone else in the world.
Of course, that wish was shattered not long after.
“Ji Manager-nim.”
Wootae’s eyebrows twitched at Haesung’s voice.
Did he know he was staring? Did he have eyes in the back of his head too?
“Does Dohyeong take his medicine properly?”
“Medicine? What medicine?”
“Suppressants.”
“He got them again last time, so he would have taken them. I check by asking from time to time.”
Kim Dohyeong was someone who would quickly forget or overlook things if not properly checked.
Since there was no one beside him to take care of him, he had to take good care of him.
It seemed like it was just that time now too, so when they got home, he should nag him to rest well. He nodded while making that resolution to himself.
“Dohyeong isn’t that careless.”
“…He would be careless.”
His muttered words hit precisely, but he didn’t bother to pay attention.
After a while, Yuchan and Dohyeong returned together.
Judging by Yuchan’s flushed face, he seemed to have received quite a lot of alcohol from the director and staff.
“Hyung, get home safely. Dohyeong, you get home safely too.”
“Yeah, don’t drink too much, Yuchan. We have script reading starting next week.”
“Got it, got it. Don’t worry.”
Was it such a pleasant thing to have someone worry about him?
Yuchan reached out and roughly tousled Dohyeong’s soft hair.
Don’t do that, Dohyeong pushed him away with a grumbling voice, but a bright smile spread across his lips too.
With a farewell greeting, Dohyeong and Wootae left the restaurant. Only after hearing the sound of the door closing did Haesung raise his head.
When he let out a short sigh and withdrew his gaze, his eyes met with Yuchan who was staring at him quietly.
“Do you have something to say?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Go ahead.”
How strange. The fact that the temperature difference when Dohyeong was there and when he wasn’t was so stark.
Hmm, Yuchan, who had been sighing long, leaned back against his chair and crossed his arms. He couldn’t understand why Haesung was glaring at him as if he wanted to kill him either.
If they were really over and he had no lingering attachment to him. Wouldn’t it be right not to care what kind of appearance he showed with Dohyeong or what kind of feelings he approached him with?
Or was that the difference between dating and marriage?
Yuchan, who had been thinking for a while, took a deep breath. Then he whispered quietly in a voice only Haesung could hear.
“My feelings for Dohyeong. They’re exactly what Jung Haesung-ssi thinks they are.”
He would understand. He wanted to say he liked him, but it would be troublesome if other people heard such talk for no reason.
Of course, even speaking like this, people who would understand were bound to understand.
“…I see.”
But Haesung accepted it more calmly than expected. He nodded and drained his glass once more, then met Yuchan’s gaze for a long time.
“The fact that it doesn’t matter means I don’t have to read Jung Haesung-ssi’s mood, right? Of course, I’m not saying I’ve been reading your mood until now. I’m just… asking because I wonder if Jung Haesung-ssi has any lingering attachment left.”
Again, his intention of saying something similar to Soyeon was curious. Certainly his feelings weren’t like that. He who had been swallowing while gripping his glass tightly slowly moved his mouth.
It seemed like today was also a day when alcohol didn’t sit well with him.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t be blurting out such uncharacteristic words after just a few drinks.
“If I have lingering attachment, are you saying in a roundabout way that Choi Yuchan-ssi wouldn’t even be a match?”
And those words nicely provoked Yuchan.
Ha, Yuchan snorted loudly and pulled his body forward, placing both arms on the table. Then he opened a new bottle of alcohol and filled Haesung’s glass while shaking his head.
“Or that Dohyeong has lingering attachment for me.”
At Haesung’s words, Yuchan’s movements stopped abruptly. It was because he had hit the mark.
He hadn’t thought Dohyeong had completely forgotten Haesung. He knew all too well that the emotion called love leaves traces in some form or another.
Sometimes it remains as lingering attachment, sometimes it remains as regret that scratches at the chest. Or it could become unresolved longing, or remain as a small room that doesn’t leave the mind.
It was a matter of how diluted the memory was. He hadn’t bothered to ask what kind of transition period Dohyeong was going through, what process he had entered, because he was worried he might stir things up for no reason.
When Haesung actually asked, he didn’t have the courage to answer. It wouldn’t be proper for him to judge and answer Dohyeong’s state.
“Is love-hate also lingering attachment?”
But this much should be okay. If it was those words Dohyeong had carelessly let slip once, he was certain there would be no problem in conveying them to Haesung.
Until the moment he drained the alcohol in his glass, Yuchan’s gaze remained fixed on Haesung without leaving.
Murderous intent was clearly embedded in their eyes facing each other.
“Even if that too is lingering attachment, it’s not something Jung Haesung-ssi should speak of.”
“….”
“How has Kim Dohyeong been living?”
He ground his teeth. The conversation they had at the shop came to mind and made his insides burn for no reason.
“How has Kim Dohyeong endured until here?”
“…….”
“You don’t have the right to say such things.”
At Yuchan’s low, sunken voice, Haesung only chuckled and rolled his eyes. And you, he put strength into his mouth that was about to ask back.
Had he said he liked Dohyeong? Right, then he would be someone qualified to say such presumptuous words. So now should he just live carrying only guilt forever? Should he fold away his belated curiosity toward Dohyeong and leave everything to Yuchan?
In the end, without even trying to organize his complicated mind, he silently filled his glass.
The word “lingering attachment” that Soyeon and Yuchan spoke of wouldn’t easily leave his heart.
