Chapter 13. Lingering Regret Stems from Remorse (3)
“…Huh?”
It would be a lie if he said he wasn’t flustered by Yuchan’s words.
Let me become someone special so I can protect you. It would be dishonest to say he didn’t know what meaning those words held.
Dohyeong, who had been blinking while held in Yuchan’s arms, chewed over his words once more.
‘This is a confession, right?’
His heart began to fluctuate wildly.
It was natural that he couldn’t sort things out. He had never thought of Yuchan as more than a friend, nor had he ever sensed they would become such a relationship.
‘…I don’t take it for granted that he was by my side when I was struggling, but I’m still grateful. Still, I…’
He was only confused about when and where his feelings might have started.
Then, he felt his body separate from Yuchan.
It seemed like it would be awkward if they faced each other like this. Because he couldn’t know exactly what a confession was.
What expression someone makes when conveying their feelings to another. What kind of look they have, what voice they use. Since there had never been a single confession directed at him in his life, he couldn’t even imagine it.
If it were a serious expression, he felt like his head would be completely blocked. If it were said as a joke, that would also be confusing.
“…I’m serious.”
Yuchan’s face was very different from his imagination.
“I only realized it now too. I’m just as confused. So… don’t give me any answer. Just listen.”
His face was burning red as if it would burst. He could see his pupils that couldn’t stay in one place, looking around everywhere.
Haa, Yuchan let out a big sigh and covered his eyes with hands that were as red as his face.
“…Why at this moment, so ungracefully.”
Dohyeong could only watch Yuchan sink down in place.
What words should he say to him who had his head deeply lowered?
“…Sorry, you must be flustered too.”
Even while looking down at his round back of the head, the silence continued. It wasn’t strange that various emotions washed over him seeing him worry about Dohyeong even in this situation.
It would be a lie if he said his heart didn’t flutter the moment he received the confession. He was human too. The resonance that the words “I like you” bring would be similar for everyone.
However, it was difficult to look at Yuchan with those same feelings right now.
He was certain that this flutter came from the simple procedure called confession, not directed at Yuchan.
After thinking for a while, Dohyeong sat facing Yuchan and tapped his arm lightly. But he wouldn’t look at him.
He just buried his face deep in his arms and quietly held his breath.
“Yuchan.”
“I can’t look at you. How can I show you this face?”
He was quite cute, more than expected, but thinking that, he pressed his lips together in a straight line.
Feeling like he should say something, he was awkwardly moving his hand as if to reach out when—
His phone vibrated loudly.
“Just a moment…”
He thought it was good timing. It seemed like the only excuse to escape this situation.
But the moment he saw the name on the screen, his hopes crumbled completely.
[Ji Wootae]
Of all people, the caller had to be Wootae.
‘If he finds out we’re like this…’
It was obvious how surprised and worried Wootae would be.
Unable to answer or hang up the incoming call—
“Kim Dohyeong, where is this guy that he’s not answering his phone?”
Wootae’s grumbling voice was heard from outside the door. It was very quiet, but a clear voice.
Even though he hadn’t done anything wrong, his heart strangely pounded.
It felt like he was in a situation where he absolutely couldn’t be caught, so he just rolled his eyes around, unable to do this or that.
‘What to do, what should I do?’
Compared to his anxious heart, Dohyeong’s worries couldn’t go further. With a “whatever happens, happens” attitude, he squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them and spoke.
“I don’t think it’s polite to answer hastily. Wootae hyung is looking for me right now too… Can you give me some time to think?”
He was so flustered that his words became faster.
Unlike how Kim Dohyeong usually was with Choi Yuchan.
Positive or negative, waiting only for Yuchan’s answer, anxiously biting his lips—
The call that seemed to have stopped for a moment came again.
‘This is driving me crazy.’
The vibration sound felt exactly like a time limit alarm.
As time passed quickly and his spine stiffened—
Yuchan, who couldn’t even lift his head, stretched out his hand.
Warm warmth touched his calf a couple of times, then groped up toward his knee. The fingertips moving slowly as if gently wrapping around something were so ticklish that Dohyeong’s eyes shook once more.
It was a sensation he had never felt from Haesung.
It was just tickling from fingertips, but a breathtaking tremor followed. Perhaps that’s why his seated body stiffened.
The moment Yuchan’s slowly moving hand touched his hand, Dohyeong held his breath and bit his lower lip.
Yuchan seemed to be just as lost about what to do.
He stayed still for a moment, then raised his fingertips and brushed past the skin. And before the sensation could fade, he extended his index finger and gently hooked it on Dohyeong’s index finger.
It was a careful movement as if it were a latch.
“…How long?”
“Huh?”
“…How long do you need?”
He could tell it was words barely uttered.
The helplessly trembling voice rang in his ears. Even though they were just hooking fingers, the heat transmitted was vivid. He was trying to stay calm, but his eyes shook back and forth.
‘How long should I say I need? How would I know that?’
That, I mean. After repeating the same words, he looked down at the phone vibrating in his hand.
He couldn’t delay time any longer. Continuously not answering the phone could arouse suspicion.
In the end, Dohyeong got up from his seat and let go of Yuchan’s hand.
“L-let’s talk later. Okay? I’m going out first!”
It was a perfect situation to spit out as an excuse.
Dohyeong ran outside without even cooling down his burning red face.
Bang! As soon as the door closed, he raised his hand.
“Hyung, I’m here.”
Even knowing Yuchan was beyond the door, the back of his head kept feeling hot. It felt exactly like he was looking at him.
“Why is your face so red?”
At Wootae’s puzzled question, Dohyeong was startled and shook his head vigorously.
What if Yuchan hears this! He was so flustered his eyes went wide.
“N-no. What do you mean my face is red?”
“It is though. Your face looks like it’s about to burst right now. What’s wrong, did something happen?”
“N-no, nothing happened! Quick, let’s go quickly. Who’s filming first?”
“No, but it is red… Hey, Dohyeong. Ah wait! Dohyeong!”
Despite Wootae’s calls following behind, Dohyeong said nothing. He was just busy cooling his burning hot face with both hands.
***
After that, Dohyeong had to fix his makeup while listening to Manager Min’s nagging that wasn’t really nagging.
Where did he get so heated, his makeup might lift, why did his eye makeup smudge, and so on.
But despite the pouring nagging, his head was floating like a cloud.
It was true that he was out of it from the conversation with Haesung. It was also true that he was flustered by his suddenly changed behavior and breathless at his words about being pathetic.
But with one word Yuchan threw, all the emotions he felt just before flew away like dust. What remained for Dohyeong was bewilderment, embarrassment, and the flutter from the confession of liking him. That was all.
No, let’s not think about it. Let’s not get excited by dwelling on it again. As he clenched his fist tightly to pull himself together—
“Is Yuchan-ssi’s makeup finished too?”
At that name from Manager Min’s mouth, his heart sank once more.
What timing.
“Yes, aren’t the other people finished too?”
Yuchan’s voice seemed to be directed right at him.
He had only received a confession, but he even suspected that every word and glance was reaching him.
He resolved that it was just his own thoughts, not to get ahead of himself.
“Everyone’s finished. But Yuchan-ssi, why are you looking at Dohyeong-ssi like that? Well, his makeup did turn out well today. Right?”
At Manager Min’s words, even his own face with eyes closed began to bother him unnecessarily.
It wasn’t that he wanted to look good or hoped he looked okay.
It was just worry that his agitation might show.
As he was unconsciously fidgeting with his nails with his fingertips, he felt someone plop down next to him. His eyelids twitched at the warmth approaching closely from the right.
“That’s right. Today’s makeup turned out really well.”
At Yuchan’s voice heard right next to him, he unconsciously cleared his throat.
He could usually laugh and say it’s ticklish so move away, but why was he so conscious that he couldn’t move at all?
He hoped the sensation of the brush touching his face would never end. He was just desperately praying that Wootae would come looking for him again to take him away, that the urging to move to the filming location would continue.
“Okay, that’s it. You can open your eyes now, Dohyeong-ssi.”
It seemed like the first time Manager Min’s words sounded resentful.
Reluctantly, he slowly opened his eyes, but somehow he couldn’t look to the side. Because he remembered himself from just before, who said to give him time to think and then ran away.
“Kim Dohyeong.”
After a moment of silence, Yuchan slowly opened his mouth. Startled by the quietly transmitted voice, Dohyeong glanced sideways.
“They said your face turned red earlier?”
What, did you hear everything? Well, you spoke so close by.
He couldn’t even answer. Yuchan’s appearance facing him was somehow annoying.
Earlier he was too embarrassed to even lift his face, but now he was even smiling cheekily.
Which appearance is real? He wanted to ask, but in the end, his mouth wouldn’t open.
“It wasn’t. I was just hot.”
At Dohyeong’s calm response, Yuchan smiled faintly.
For a long time, he didn’t know how to express his feelings toward Dohyeong.
However, now that he had ungracefully confessed after crossing the line he had tried to draw. He could feel that uncontrollable emotions were pushing his back.
He wanted to approach. He wanted to touch, to become closer. The desire welled up for Dohyeong to seek Choi Yuchan, not Jung Haesung anymore.
Close friend, special colleague. He realized he had barely maintained that framework, and the moment the framework collapsed, he admitted it was an irreversible emotion.
As he was lost in thought while quietly staring at Dohyeong, he felt a sharp gaze. At the strange feeling of his face being stabbed, his waist straightened as soon as he turned his head.
“If you’re ready, let’s move.”
At the following words, Dohyeong also turned his head. And he stiffened.
Because he met eyes with Haesung who was standing crookedly and looking down at him. At his appearance with hands thrust into his pockets, his breath caught unnecessarily.
From where had he been watching? From what words had he been listening? Even parts he didn’t need to worry about circled in his head.
“Don’t you see other people waiting? Kim Dohyeong-ssi, Choi Yuchan-ssi.”
Despite his dry voice, Yuchan acted as if he didn’t care and grabbed Dohyeong’s hand to stand up from his seat.
“Let’s go, Dohyeong. Wootae hyung went to get the car.”
“Huh? Yeah, let’s go.”
Dohyeong ended up following Yuchan without realizing it. It was an ironic situation that Yuchan, who had confessed to liking him, felt more comfortable than Haesung, who had declared a period.
It was when they were passing in front of Haesung together with Yuchan.
“…Don’t cling.”
A muttering voice brushed past his ear. Startled, he looked back, but Dohyeong couldn’t see Haesung’s expression. Only his neatly combed back hair was visible.
‘…Who was that said to?’
Only the question he couldn’t ask circled inside him.
