Close like real brothers? Who? You and me?
Revalue Entertainment’s flagship actor, Seo Nakil. An existence who wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call the most famous leading actor in Korea these days—a celebrity so famous that counting people who don’t know him would be faster than counting those who do.
For such a person to say he’s close with me. It was beyond bewildering, even frightening to hear.
While I was frozen in shock, Seo Nakil spoke calmly.
“I’m telling you because you don’t remember, but Han Ijae-ssi and I were close like family.”
The manager asked me in a surprised voice.
“No way, with actor Seo Nakil? Since when exactly?”
I’d like to know that too. I’m curious about that myself.
His shocking statement didn’t stop there.
“And we agreed to live together after this promotion period ends.”
…What is he talking about?
The gazes pouring in were not just stinging but overwhelming. I answered stutteringly.
“I’ve never done such a thing…”
“You would say that, since you have no memory.”
No. I have memories. The person who knows more than anyone here is me. And from now until two years later, until I threw myself into the river, I only lost people and never gained any.
So Seo Nakil’s words could only be blatant lies.
‘Why is he doing this?’
Why is this man suddenly appearing and acting like a close hyung? I couldn’t even guess the reason.
The problem was that someone was persuaded by his words. Min Seungwoo nodded.
“True, Ijae doesn’t talk much about himself. Anyway, if the actor is here, we can leave.”
Min Seungwoo seemed to have judged that it was better to trust the well-reputed Seo Nakil in many ways rather than leaving the prickly Kwon Seonho as the guardian.
“…True. Even if his memory isn’t complete, if they were close, he might feel more comfortable? Since the actor is so famous, he might have been cautious about mentioning it.”
Even the manager chimed in, scratching his head.
Though it was sudden since he appeared out of nowhere, they probably thought a celebrity wouldn’t bother fabricating a relationship with lies. Plus, everyone was busy with this and that to stay in the hospital room as a guardian.
Regardless of what others said, Seo Nakil stood his ground firmly without his expression changing one bit. He looked not just composed but even shameless.
It would be uncomfortable no matter who stayed. However, Kwon Seonho was indeed the most awkward among them, so if I wanted to send him out using the most moderate method, leaving Seo Nakil was effective.
In the end, I chose to stay quiet.
“Then I’ll guide the guardian to the consultation room. We need to inform you of the current condition and discuss the direction of future examinations. It would be best for the others to leave for now.”
“Understood. Let’s go, kids. Still, we can breathe easier now that Ijae has regained consciousness.”
“Yes.”
“Oh, right. Actor-nim, um… this is my business card. Since Ijae is in the middle of group activities right now. I’d like to be kept somewhat informed of the situation…”
Seo Nakil accepted the business card with elegant behavior.
“I’ll contact you.”
After people flowed out like the ebbing tide, I was left alone in the hospital room. After confirming that the door closed and I was perfectly separated from the people, I let out a sigh.
It felt like a storm had passed. My insides still churned and my heart beat unpleasantly fast. I clenched my sweaty hands into fists several times, then opened them before sighing again.
“…What do I do now?”
This wasn’t a dream or a delusion. It was too vivid a reality and a fact.
I had tried to die and firmly believed I had succeeded. But I couldn’t even die and ended up dragged to the past.
I wasn’t happy or glad. Though I acted as if something was wrong with my memory because I didn’t want to experience the same things, I knew that this pathetic response couldn’t solve everything.
I had to clean up the lie I impulsively blurted out. On top of that, I had to think about Seo Nakil who suddenly appeared. I also had to worry about what to do from now on.
“…”
Along with the sense of despair, the emotion that suddenly surged up was injustice.
I didn’t want to try anymore. I hated effort, struggle, and flailing about. The world was never on my side, and knowing this painfully, I expected nothing anymore.
I had emptied everything out and let it go. I wanted to leave after shedding everything.
Not achieving dreams, not clearing up misunderstandings or restoring honor, I had even let go of the wish to be loved.
And even this one thing won’t work out.
‘I’m sick of it.’
The world was hell and life was punishment. For me who had no dreams to achieve or relationships to hold onto, everything was just painful.
I covered my face with both hands and squeezed my eyes shut. Would everything return to its place if I closed my eyes like this? The premonition that it wouldn’t felt hateful.
“…”
How long had I been feeling such distant despair?
The door opened and Seo Nakil entered. I hadn’t opened my eyes or uncovered my face, yet I could tell the person who entered was him.
Regular, slow footsteps. The faint scent of perfume. That distinctive quiet yet comfortable silence.
Seo Nakil, standing by the bedside, asked quietly.
“Are you alright?”
I didn’t answer. Words I wanted to say, words I didn’t want to say, words I should say, words I shouldn’t say—all tangled up messily, tying my tongue tight.
Why are you even here?
Why did you lie to me?
Are you another hell I don’t know about?
“I…”
I barely opened my mouth and spoke as if gasping.
“I don’t know you.”
You don’t know me either. How could you, who belongs to a world so dazzling I can’t even imagine, possibly know this mere idol who’s just started promoting?
“We don’t seem to be anything to each other… yet you’re my guardian?”
“…”
“I only barely know Seo Nakil-ssi’s name.”
Of course, Seo Nakil had shown me kindness a few times. It was close to universal goodwill where I couldn’t even tell if it was intentional or not, and even that had been rewound in time, so it became a fact only I remembered.
Besides, just because he was kind to me, just because people all agreed that Seo Nakil was a good person, didn’t mean I trusted him.
Rather, I had to be more careful of good people. Because it hurt more when such people turned away.
“So I can’t accept this situation. Actually, I doubt doing this will make me remember anything anyway.”
Still, he said nothing. Puzzled by the lengthening silence, I slowly lowered my hands, and our eyes met as if he’d been waiting.
“…”
Seo Nakil was looking at me while kneeling on one knee on the floor in front of the bed. Even though he bent down and lowered his eye level significantly, he seemed perfectly fine.
It was difficult to gauge the emotion contained in his jet-black, deep eyes. I had never seen eyes like that, so I didn’t know what name to give to this gaze.
However, if I had to bring up everything I knew and find the most similar thing…
It would be a very strange thing to say, but Seo Nakil looked sad.
“Han Ijae-ssi.”
A beautiful, polite, kind, and cool man.
Seo Nakil, who spoke false words with sincere eyes.
“I know it will look strange. Perhaps it might seem suspicious, or frightening. Not just me, but all the situations surrounding Han Ijae-ssi will feel that way.”
He extended his hand to me. On his palm lay a black handkerchief. It was as if he was telling me to wipe my tears with it.
It was strange. Even though I wasn’t crying, he treated me like someone who was weeping. The softened tone felt exactly like he was comforting me, so I took the handkerchief as if entranced. I even felt a sense of déjà vu, albeit very briefly.
As I carefully grasped the soft, warm cloth and hesitated, Seo Nakil’s voice continued calmly.
“Trust me, Han Ijae-ssi.”
“…”
“I will be your only correct answer.”
