Siwoo’s hand, as he tossed and turned, reached toward the mobile phone on the bedside table.
Siwoo’s eyes furrowed as he looked at the phone screen glowing in a place filled with darkness.
1:28 AM.
A long sigh flowed from his mouth after checking the time.
Silence had descended on the dorm, which until just a moment ago had been full of chaotic noise.
Insomnia continued.
Sometimes he even thought he might go crazy. Or maybe bipolar disorder.
Just a few hours ago, he had been laughing and chatting while hanging out with the members, but now he wanted to cry.
During the day when he moved around frantically, he didn’t have time to worry about things like this. But when left alone like this, complicated problems with no answers surfaced simultaneously in Siwoo’s head.
The ‘Lucifer’ music video would be released at noon tomorrow. And starting with the first broadcast the day after tomorrow afternoon, they would be promoting their second album. Whether it was a debut stage or a second or third album release stage, such things were familiar work to Siwoo. And in his previous life when he was active as a solo artist, he didn’t feel things like nervousness or anxiety at all.
But now it was different. It had never been this hard until now.
Ocean had always been successful. So this album would do well too. The problem was himself, an imperfect being. Because of him, who had always brought bad luck, they might be harmed.
Ocean, which had been riding high on success, might fail this time.
He recalled the members who had been sweating and practicing in the practice room until late.
Knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep and would just pass time lying down, Siwoo raised his upper body to sit up and buried his face in both hands.
It’s a complete mess.
Siwoo’s right hand, which had swept down his face, touched the index finger of his left hand. The ring he exchanged with Evan. Since that day, Siwoo hadn’t taken off this ring for even a single moment. And when he felt anxious, uneasy, and like he was going crazy like this, he touched the ring. Sometimes he moved his fingertips along the smooth ring, and sometimes he slowly turned it.
I want to take it back. I shouldn’t have accepted Evan.
He didn’t know that feelings of liking someone would grow this big. Moreover, it kept growing in size endlessly. Even while regretting it dozens of times a day, the corners of his mouth would naturally lift whenever his eyes met Evan’s. Even now, as soon as he thought of Evan, his heart began to beat rapidly.
His hand turning the ring quickened. He moistened his parched lips with the tip of his tongue.
Evan didn’t ask anything or rush him. That night when they filmed the unit episode. He didn’t ask why Siwoo cried while eating the plum. Also, Siwoo didn’t ask why he shed tears either.
Honestly, managing his own emotions was hard enough. Even these indescribably strange feelings found stability when he was with Evan. When with him, Siwoo’s mood maintained stability.
Was this the price? During the time alone that came with darkness, even breathing was burdensome. Siwoo slowly breathed in while pressing his left chest with his right hand, and exhaled just as slowly. Siwoo’s gaze, as he lowered his feet beneath the bed, reached the bedside table.
Less than ten sleep inducers remained. After finishing them, he would have to get another prescription, and by then it would be during the peak of promotions, so he would be incredibly busy. The day would run so tightly that he would have to move by splitting even his sleeping time.
Above all, the question was whether he could even go to a psychiatry department, not just any other hospital.
How was this medicine prescribed? There was no one he could ask.
He had restrained himself and conserved them as much as possible, but he couldn’t hold out any longer. At least today and tomorrow, he needed to get some sleep. If he didn’t want to collapse on stage. And he needed to find time to stop by the psychiatry department and get sleeping pills prescribed rather than sleep inducers.
Even while Siwoo hesitated, time continued to flow.
His hesitating hand touched the table and soon opened the drawer.
The hand pulling out the white pill bottle trembled slightly. Siwoo, who had rolled and bitten his lower lip, clutched the pill bottle and stood up, heading to the living room.
Siwoo, who crossed the living room with only one indirect light turned on, took out a water bottle from the refrigerator. Did he really have to take it? If he kept lying down, wouldn’t he fall asleep around dawn as usual and be able to close his eyes for an hour or two? The time of hesitation lengthened.
Siwoo’s gaze briefly turned toward the air, and the LED clock in the living room pointed to 2:14.
Siwoo, who took out a pill from the bottle, swallowed the white pill with cold water.
“Huuu……”
A long sigh flowed over Siwoo’s lips again.
Why had such a curse befallen him? He couldn’t even love the person he loved freely. Now the old Evan and the current Evan overlapped in his view. He didn’t know if they were different people or the same person. He knew nothing. Who did he kiss? Who was he with?
Siwoo, who gripped the island table with both hands, bit his lower lip again at the stuffiness filling his chest. Relying on the faint light, he looked at the ring sparkling even in the darkness.
It seemed better when he liked him alone. Every time Evan’s lips touched his lips, Siwoo desperately prayed inside. Not to return again.
The end of that time when the regression had lengthened was the moment his lips touched his.
As his thoughts kept growing, Siwoo quickly shook his head. Now he had to go back to bed and lie down. And wait to fall asleep. Siwoo, who was letting out another long sigh, slowly raised his head.
It’s Evan. His scent.
“You’re not asleep yet?”
As the pheromones grew thicker and he felt a presence and saw him entering the kitchen, Siwoo closed his eyes. And he slowly opened his eyes at the familiar scent mixed with Evan’s pheromones.
“Plums.”
“As expected, our Coco definitely likes plums more than me.”
Evan, who set down a small box on the island table, said with a voice full of laughter.
“Did you drink?”
“A little. It’s late, why aren’t you sleeping? Were you waiting for me?”
Unlike the members who returned straight from the practice room to the dorm, Evan said he had work again. He thought he had come in.
“I couldn’t fall asleep.”
When Evan approached, Siwoo unconsciously stepped back. The heavy emotions that had been controlling him until just now gradually disappeared. Along with that, this time greed grew. It was just a few minutes ago that he regretted accepting his heart and expressing his own feelings for no reason.
But now he wanted to reach him. He wanted to be held in his arms and confess everything.
The secrets that make me this confused and troubled.
He had shown many strange appearances in front of Evan. Crying then laughing, and even while talking with him, he would suddenly step back the moment the word scandal came to mind. In places with cameras, he somehow tried to distance himself from Evan.
“You don’t need to worry. You worked hard enough, and there will be good results.”
When Evan approached further, Siwoo quickly reached out and grabbed the plum box. And he opened the box and took out a plum.
“I know. Our team is the best. The song is good, and the performance is good too. When everyone works so hard, there should be good results.”
Siwoo tried not to be conscious of Evan and roughly wiped the plum with the kitchen towel beside him.
Then he bit into the plum. The sweet and sour plum juice spread throughout his mouth.
The plum juice full of moisture flowed down his hand, but he didn’t even think about such things.
“Can’t you at least say you waited for me, even if it’s just lip service?”
Siwoo’s movement of chewing the plum stopped. Behind Siwoo, who was standing in front of the island table eating a plum, Evan was there.
Evan’s chest touched Siwoo’s back, and his two firm arms wrapped around Siwoo’s waist.
The moment Evan acted sulky and buried his face in Siwoo’s shoulder, Siwoo even stopped breathing. Because he knew what the hot, soft thing touching his neck was. The scent that thickly covered him and Evan’s heat, beyond warmth and approaching hot, blew away even the little bit of thought that remained.
“I want to eat a plum too.”
Evan, who said he wanted to eat a plum while rubbing his lips against the nape of his neck, lightly bit Siwoo’s nape.
“……”
Thinking a strange sound might come out, Siwoo quickly clamped his mouth shut.
A large hand moved leisurely over Siwoo’s thin pajamas. Evan’s breath, deeply inhaling and slowly exhaling, flowed down his neckline and shoulders.
“You said…… you wanted to eat a plum.”
Siwoo, who carefully exhaled the breath he had stopped, looked at the plum he had bitten into. He tried to reach his hand to the side and lift the hand holding the plum to show it to him.
“Yeah. I want to eat one.”
“Here…… Ah!”
Siwoo, who was holding out the plum he had been eating without even thinking that he should take out a new plum, ended up being startled. Evan’s hands, which had been embracing him until just now, had moved.
And in an instant, Evan stood in front of Siwoo, who was perched on the island table.
“Plum……”
Siwoo, who saw Evan’s eyes, swallowed the saliva pooling in his mouth. The sweet taste of the plum he had eaten a moment ago still remained in his mouth. As if his brain had stopped, Siwoo blankly uttered the word plum again.
“Right. I said I want to eat one.”
Evan’s answer was slow. The smell of alcohol was faintly seeping between his scent. And Siwoo showed the hand holding the plum again.
The plum I want isn’t this plum.
Evan didn’t convey his honest feelings. His brow furrowed slightly as he looked at the plum with Siwoo’s bite marks. He immediately reached out his hand and grasped Siwoo’s hand holding the plum. Then he slowly pulled it closer to himself.
The scent of plums.
He was confused whether it came from the crushed plum or from Siwoo. Evan’s lips gradually approached the plum. And yet his gaze was touching Siwoo’s face, who was looking at him rather than at the plum.
Lick-.
In the silence, the sound of Evan licking something softly echoed.
Evan’s lips and tongue touched not the plum but the fleshy part of Siwoo’s palm. Lips filled with heat seeped into the palm wet with plum juice that had flowed down.
In a space where everything seemed to have stopped, the only thing moving was Evan’s lips.
