He released the lip he’d been biting and slowly breathed in. He didn’t want to feel uncomfortable meeting other people in the elevator. He got in the car and put on the hoodie he’d taken off again. He roughly swept his face with his hand and slowly got up from his seat.
“I’m going crazy.”
It wasn’t difficult to explode what he’d been suppressing and suppressing. But after that, this emptiness always remained. It felt like he’d vented everything that had built up until now on someone who didn’t know anything.
The emotions that had been roughly surging inside Siwoo disappeared in an instant as if they’d never been there. He’d felt this feeling before.
That was also when he was with Evan, in a situation similar to now, when there was trouble with him.
Thoughts endlessly tangled in his head and accumulated fatigue rushed in. The tears that had been flowing uncontrollably also stopped as if they’d never been there.
Top star? Popular star? Evan didn’t know him. It was absurd to say you know someone after seeing them for just ten days. If it was a place where he had to rub against someone and climb up with another person’s help, he would have climbed up long ago. He already knew too well that it was useless unless he climbed up on his own with his own effort.
His proposal felt sweeter than a devil’s deal, but the sweeter it was, the more terrible the end would be.
Siwoo leaned against the elevator wall and looked at the rising numbers. Amusingly, his home was on a high floor. Since when did I start liking high places?
“Evan. You picked the wrong person.”
In a very short time, Siwoo cleared away his complex emotions. He’d been thinking of fulfilling his military service obligation after college graduation, but it would be fine to enlist a little early. It would be good to regress before that too.
He wanted to just jump into bed, but Siwoo diligently moved according to his routine. If it were normal, he should have organized everything including his travel bag and rested, but he couldn’t quite do that much. As soon as he entered his home, Siwoo turned off his phone first. He took off the clothes he was wearing, washed up cleanly, and took two sleeping pills. Finally, Siwoo burrowed into bed and curled up his body.
When his head was endlessly complicated, what Siwoo chose as an escape was sleep. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep easily, he also took sleeping pills.
His eyelids that had been blinking steadily gradually became heavy. The number of blinks decreased.
He didn’t want to be chased anywhere, at least while escaping.
Since regression started, he thought for the first time. When he sleeps like this and opens his eyes, may it be that eighteen-year-old day when regression always starts, that narrow semi-basement room.
* * *
“Damn it.”
Evan spat out a curse and kicked the chair in front of him. In the end, he made him cry.
His eyes glaring at him were full of resentment. He knew he wouldn’t accept it easily. A cornered mouse bites the cat.
Because his hastiness had pushed him too far into a corner, he couldn’t chase him as he ran away.
Needlessly kind, even in this situation he gave polite greetings to the managers. His steps were neither fast nor slow. But he couldn’t hide his heaving shoulders.
The elevator opened and a small figure disappeared inside it.
Siwoo completely disappeared from his sight.
He wanted to run down right now and grab him. If he followed down, he would definitely corner him again.
Strength naturally entered his fist, and his jawline stood out because of his tightly clenched molars.
“What are you doing? Aren’t we leaving?”
He barely took his eyes off the hallway where he’d disappeared and pressed his cap down low. The mask he was wearing with effort cracked. But he couldn’t take off this mask. He’d endured well until now, but the fact that he now had to be separated from Siwoo pushed him to the extreme.
The face that had turned pale from the airport incident and the vivid red marks remaining on his neck shimmered. The eyes that glared at him, not hiding their resentment, came to mind.
“Try to set up a schedule.”
Now to see him, he had to contact him and get permission. Even that was only possible for as long as he permitted. He might avoid his contact because of what just happened. If so, he had to drag him out. If he hadn’t known, he would have lived not knowing, but now that he knew, he couldn’t return to before.
“You said you wanted to rest after ‘Journey’ filming ends.”
“Just set it up. Include Kim Siwoo too and adjust other conditions as you see fit. But if Kim Siwoo doesn’t appear, I won’t go anywhere else either.”
Having finished saying what he wanted to say, Evan put earphones in his ears. Siwoo’s sweet voice melted by his ear. Was there anyone more frustrated than himself at this moment? Honestly, he had no idea at all what to do.
He needed information. He had to find everything, not just the surface of Kim Siwoo that he’d licked as a fan, but deeper, even the hidden dark parts.
“Damn it.”
Thinking of Siwoo, Evan kicked the chair in front again. It hadn’t even been 5 minutes since he disappeared from his sight, but his instinct was searching for him. And it growled to bring him back in front of him again. How much longer could he suppress his nature with reason?
The beta managers weren’t affected by the pheromones Evan released without hiding. But they knew him well enough not to miss the heavily sunken atmosphere.
The truth he’d hidden like crazy for 5 years.
Ocean’s leader Evan’s public image was thoroughly manufactured. A nice person who smiles well and feels like a gentle neighbor oppa. It was crafted to give off a kind and warm feeling.
But in reality, he was a terrible realist and cynic. He grasped situations faster than anyone and moved accordingly. Perhaps all his actions came from calculation.
Even at the moment of contracting with the agency as a trainee, he was thoroughly the one in power. The contract was made with the conditions Evan wanted, not the conditions the agency wanted. From deciding debut members to album concept and even debut date, he was involved more ruthlessly than the director.
And Ocean’s journey, debuted under his plan, was unstoppable. He didn’t do anything unless it was what he wanted. Whether broadcasts or anything else, the choice was his. Moreover, there had never been a single loss from listening to his words.
Rather than harsh words and actions, he arbitrarily changed the atmosphere. He simply overwhelmed everything with atmosphere.
Eighteen years old. That age they describe as not even having dried blood on the head yet. When they first met, what he proposed was just one thing.
“Let’s do as I say. I’ll show you the compensation directly.”
The first reason the agency grabbed the hand of this cocky kid at the end of puberty was his perfect appearance with not a single flaw to pick at. Next could be cited his family that couldn’t be treated carelessly.
Ocean had no such thing as a difficult trainee period. His family fully supported Ocean.
For an idol to rise to stardom, there were several conditions.
Basically, the members’ skills and appearance, issues that could stimulate people’s curiosity from debut. And money.
Generally, singers debuted through music broadcasts. Ocean’s first stage was also a Korean music broadcast. The difference was that the first stage flowed in real-time on famous billboards around the world.
Lastly, he was an alpha. There was no more terrible reason than this.
Even if it was a program everyone declined, the moment Evan picked it and appeared, the situation flipped. Conversely, even if it was the best program, if Evan declined it, it was over.
Even now, getting broadcasts was not difficult at all. Because everyone wanted to be with Ocean members, but suddenly conditions were attached.
The manager turned on the search window and searched for the name Kim Siwoo. The pretty face he’d just seen wasn’t easy to find. Not wanting to annoyingly dig deep to find it, he left the search window and accessed Evan’s SNS that he always monitored.
When did he upload this again? Looking at the time, he’d just uploaded it.
Inside the airplane. A person wearing a cute eye mask with brown-colored animal eyes drawn on it sleeping. The eyes and nose were covered by the eye mask, and the lower face was covered by a white mask. What was visible was only the forehead line and black hair.
‘missed’
The manager raised his hand and rubbed his face. As it was, inquiries about Kim Siwoo and Evan were flooding into the company. About the meaning of ‘found’ uploaded at the program’s start and ‘missed’ uploaded as soon as the program ended, Evan would absolutely never open his mouth.
Since they wouldn’t hear any words through him, they had to meet this person Kim Siwoo directly. The manager who returned to the search window had to swallow the sigh that burst out. The ‘Journey’ side said they wouldn’t block news coming out from today. They were going to put effort into promotion from now on.
Already, a one-line article about Evan and Siwoo’s joint return to the country had appeared.
Right now it was a one-line article, but soon there would be official news with photos, and when the other members returned with a twelve-hour gap, that would also attract attention in its own way.
The agency Kim Siwoo belonged to was a small-scale agency with an unfamiliar name. They wouldn’t be able to properly handle this situation. Just now, seeing that they sent just one clueless manager to the airport, they didn’t have the ability to resolve this situation.
He had no choice but to go there himself after dropping off Evan.
Because the small agency’s homepage had already crashed and the phone lines would be on fire.
“Ah! Make sure it doesn’t reach Siwoo’s ears that we made such a proposal from our side. You know what I mean, right?”
“Did you become close while filming?”
Whether his emotional organizing was finished, as the heavy suffocation disappeared, the manager threw out the most ordinary-looking question.
“Let’s say that.”
At the brief answer that returned, the manager entered the phone number of Siwoo’s agency he’d just seen into his phone. It seemed like he would become someone in close contact with this company.
