The murmuring voices grew distant as the air shifted to something calmer. Eunha walked slowly along the route, pamphlet in hand. He leisurely appreciated the artwork. There were pieces magnificent enough to draw out exclamations, and pieces that were difficult to understand.
He was standing in front of one of the difficult pieces when, at some point, Gu Haebin leaned over and spoke quietly.
“Would it be too much to say I could probably paint something like this too?”
“…It is a rude comment.”
“But honestly, it’s true. It’s probably because I have no eye for art.”
Eunha lifted his head. He looked up at the large canvas frame hanging on the wall. It was a painting where no clear object or form was visible.
Even though he’d been dragged by his mom to frequent exhibitions and various galleries since childhood, when it came to these profound and difficult works, he still felt at a loss each time about what he should be impressed by. Perhaps that’s precisely what made them so valuable.
“It just looks like a kindergartener’s doodle, but they say paintings like this cost tens of millions of won.”
“Mm.”
“Are you putting on airs? Acting all good on your own. While agreeing with me.”
“Because it is disrespectful. And it’s also true that we have no eye for art.”
“With this size, it’s probably way over 5,000.”
“……”
“If they gave a huge discount and said 3,000, would you buy it or not?”
“I wouldn’t buy it.”
At the immediate answer, Gu Haebin giggled. Eunha also chuckled. It was while they were having such frivolous conversation. Suddenly, the sound of high heels rapidly approached from behind.
“Hey.”
Before long, a familiar elegant perfume fragrance swept in. Eunha stiffened his expression sourly for a moment, then quickly composed himself.
When he turned around, Eunha’s mother, Kang Yeojin, was standing there. She glared at Eunha sharply.
“Lee Eunha, you……”
“Hello, Mother.”
And then she changed her face in an instant. Very warmly and gently. Yeojin smiled and lightly grasped Gu Haebin’s arm.
“Yes. Hello, Haebin-ah. Every time I see you, you’re becoming more and more handsome. Hm? You look so handsome today.”
“Ahaha, thank you. So I should excuse myself from here for a bit, right?”
“I like you even more for being so perceptive. Thank you, Haebin-ah. Thank you for today. Auntie is always grateful to you.”
“Not at all. Then please talk with Eunha.”
Ah. Don’t go. Eunha regretfully watched Gu Haebin, who greeted them composedly, move away to the other side. He stared at the back of his head, then turned his attention away. He resumed his artwork appreciation that had been briefly interrupted.
Pretending not to notice, he tried to keep his gaze fixed on the canvas, when Yeojin, who had clicked her tongue behind him, approached and jabbed her fingers into Eunha’s side as if pinching hard.
“You should have contacted your mom to let her know you came, shouldn’t you?”
“You said before that I just needed to show up.”
“Even so. If you came, you should at least greet me. Stand by mom’s side, show your face politely. Hm? How many times have you been to events like this? Being my only son……”
“I have an older sister too.”
“You call that talking? Eunseo is in Canada right now! I’m the one who misses her the most.”
Yeojin, who had raised her voice quietly, revealed her longing for her daughter living abroad for a moment. Eunha let out a light sigh and turned around. His throat felt stuffy.
As he began walking toward the exhibition hall exit, Yeojin immediately followed right behind.
“Where are you going?”
“To smoke.”
“…I keep telling you to quit that damn smoking.”
Nagging. Nagging…… It’s not like I’m one or two years old. Eunha quickly fell into a mood where his head felt covered in scribbles. He knew it was all part of her concern, but as someone with a disposition that readily felt stressed by interference, dealing with his mom was indeed an exhausting matter.
He went outside. As he headed to the smoking area following the directions, Yeojin came along beside him as if she would go with him. Even linking arms affectionately at some point.
She had been asking briefly about his recent situation when she spoke as if something had occurred to her.
“By the way, did you see?”
“See what?”
“I mean boys your age. The ones who attended with their nice, good girlfriends.”
“…What about that?”
“No, just, you know. Because it was pretty to watch young people affectionately holding hands, linking arms together. To mom.”
Eunha entered the smoking area without saying much. Perhaps because they were concerned about aesthetics, he had to go quite far into a secluded spot. While he was taking out his cigarette pack and lighter, Yeojin clapped her hands once as if something had occurred to her.
“Oh right, Seongjae. The one who’s a year older than you, Eunha. The eldest grandson of Songhwa Mulsan. He’s going to marry the young lady he came with today. They’ve already booked the venue.”
“……”
“Right! Sujin. Your friend Sujin is getting married soon too, isn’t she?”
“What exactly are you trying to say?”
“You don’t know even after asking?”
Smack, the hand that struck his forearm stung.
“Don’t you have anyone? You bastard.”
It was a voice with teeth clenched tightly. Eunha ignored it and lit his cigarette. He deeply inhaled the filter and exhaled the smoke forcefully, when Yeojin turned her head sharply and waved her hand elegantly.
“Ugh, Eunha-ya! The cigarette smell.”
“Then why did you follow me all the way here? Go back inside.”
“This is the only place where I can say these things.”
“What things are you talking about……”
“You.”
Yeojin, who had been throwing around vague topics in circles, suddenly looked directly at Eunha.
With a face as if she had swallowed everything she wanted to say. She glared with force in her eyes, then bit her lips tightly.
“…Are you still living like that, Eunha-ya……”
“What am I doing?”
“Are you still with men……!”
Having started to raise her voice, Yeojin gasped and swallowed her breath, then unnecessarily looked around at the quiet surroundings. Then she pressed her body much closer to Eunha and whispered carefully.
“Gay…… are you still doing that kind of thing……!”
When he didn’t answer, Yeojin immediately glared fiercely and smacked Eunha’s forearm repeatedly.
“What are you trying to do, really. Really!”
“Ah, stop. Mom. It hurts.”
“That’s what I want to say. I’m hurting! I hurt more. When I think of you, it feels like this is going to tear apart. You know?”
She pounds her chest as if she’s about to burst inside. Eunha emptied his pupils hollowly as if fed up. She showed no signs of backing away even from the smell she so detested, so he put out the cigarette. If he could, he wanted to plug his ear holes with earplugs.
“What are you really trying to do?”
“What do you mean what. Aren’t you tired of this? Nothing changes, yet you say the same thing every time.”
“I’m tired. I’m going crazy from being tired! But does that mean I let go? Give up? As a mother?”
“Why can’t you?”
Father had let go a long time ago. He was a son already thrown out of the house long ago. He’d been called the family’s disgrace, received genuine contempt from those who wanted to strike him from the family register, and had been beaten nearly to death.
Only Mom couldn’t let go of her attachment and kept harassing Eunha like this. She’d find marriage meetings, and whenever there was a decent event, she’d force him repeatedly to attend, and if he didn’t listen, she’d even make things difficult by seizing the weakness of his friends and shaking him with it……
When he was forced to attend like that, she’d busily go around showing her face here and there with Eunha in tow. She made her son, who was with her and perfectly fine, visible to people’s eyes. As if she was trying to widely publicize that Lee Seunghak and Kang Yeojin’s son, who had gone quiet without any particular news after graduating from university domestically, was actually doing just fine without any problems.
“How can I do that? How can I give up! You’re not just anyone, you’re my son. You’re my child I gave birth to with labor pains.”
“……”
“How can I abandon you……”
Her voice gradually becoming tearful made him feel uncomfortable. Eunha turned his gaze to a distant place. When Father had beaten and stomped on him with a blood-red face as if catching a rat, Yeojin had protected Eunha from the side, hitting her husband’s back, biting his arms, throwing her whole body as if he wasn’t her husband but her mortal enemy. Screaming at the top of her lungs asking if he was trying to hold a funeral for their child, crying as if losing her mind……
Those intensely powerful moments were engraved in his head like scars. Eunha looked down at his mom while ruminating on those times.
Would she still be so hurt?
Can’t she let me go……
He felt sorry for a moment, then soon became indifferent again.
