Chapter 9
Perhaps noticing that I wasn’t throwing away the bouquet, Hyunjae occasionally left small gifts in front of my door. I also didn’t throw away the received items and placed them in a corner of my desk. It wasn’t that my anxious feelings had disappeared. Simply, my humanity hadn’t eroded to the point where I could heartlessly discard even seemingly useless things that the small child had left behind.
But I still couldn’t respond warmly when Hyunjae greeted me or tried to start a conversation. If I did, we might actually become close. In truth, I couldn’t understand my own heart. For someone who’d suffered to the point of death, I was opening my heart to Hyunjae again far too easily as time passed.
Like that, Hyunjae and I turned ten. A new semester began, and as soon as I opened the new classroom door, I saw Hyunjae crowded into the back corner of the classroom. Despite living in the same house, I only found out today that we were in the same class. I deliberately closed the classroom door with a loud bang. At the sound, the attention of the children in the back immediately focused on me.
“Chanhee’s here!”
The little kids who’d been bullying Hyunjae gestured toward me as soon as they saw me. I walked slowly in that direction. Hyunjae was tightly hugging his backpack with an expression like he was about to cry, which somehow seemed familiar.
“Isn’t this definitely Chanhee’s backpack?”
“You stole Chanhee’s backpack, right?”
“His clothes are also stolen from Chanhee.”
Young Hyunjae lowered his eyes in shame. He seemed to want to say that he hadn’t stolen anything, but also didn’t want to admit that he’d received things I’d worn and then discarded. I briefly considered how I should behave here. And that appearance must have seemed quite irritating to the other kids. Well, Yu Chanhee’s face was pretty nasty, after all.
“Chanhee, Hyunjae stole your stuff, right?”
“No!”
Hyunjae denied it weakly. I was planning to answer indifferently and return to my seat. But nothing could be easy. The familiar static mechanical sound that hadn’t appeared for a while started as the surroundings began to turn a familiar ashen color. Instinctively, my heart began to pound heavily. Nevertheless, I read the red letters appearing in the air as calmly as possible.
<Will you acknowledge? Y/N>
Now that I knew the mechanism of this world, there was only one answer I could give. As if understanding my intention just by my expression, the system disappeared faster than I’d ever known it to. I slowly opened my mouth.
“Those are things I threw away.”
For a moment, everyone was quiet. Then, after a few seconds, starting with a “puhah” laugh, ridicule began to fill the space among the children. I continued to stare at the empty space expressionlessly. I could feel Hyunjae’s gaze, but I deliberately ignored it.
“What, so that’s what it was?”
“Why are you using thrown away stuff? Isn’t that garbage?”
“He must be a garbage can.”
The devilish laughter of the children grew louder. Hyunjae’s ears and cheeks turned fiery red as if they were about to burst. Since it was the truth, it seemed he couldn’t deny it.
“A murderer and now a garbage can.”
“Kids like you should go to prison.”
The unfiltered daggers of the young children’s words seemed vividly visible.
“That’s enough.”
I slowly approached Hyunjae. Thinking I was going to help him, a tiny bit of expectation was visible in Hyunjae’s expression. It made my stomach churn. But I had to faithfully fulfill my role.
“Hyunjae is pitiful, isn’t he? He has no mom or dad, so I just gave him things to use that I’d thrown away.”
Is this what it looks like to see a large gash in someone’s eyes? I deliberately ignored Hyunjae who was staring at me blankly. “Chanhee seems really nice. Even though his brother died because of him…” I pretended not to hear the whispers behind me. I’d have to endure for a year somehow. In the end, I let out a small sigh that no one could hear.
Hyunjae smoothly followed the course of becoming an outcast. He’d been a timid guy to begin with, but his expression darkened even more. The gifts that had occasionally been placed in front of the door had long disappeared. I fiddled with the small items in the box on my desk. The flowers had already dried up and crackled, and the ring from something like a gacha machine had rusted and was giving off a metallic smell.
When I heard someone walking, I hurriedly closed the box lid and opened a workbook. It was Mom who opened the door and came in. She’d brought some snacks. Mom gently stroked my head as if she found me incredibly admirable. Since Yu Chanhee was the only child left after Yu Dohyun died, he grew up preciously in Mom’s hands in every life. The only problem was that Mother was just a powerless bystander under Father’s pressure.
“Our Chanhee, do you have many good friends in your new class?”
I recalled those faces laughing and tormenting Hyunjae. After thinking a bit, I answered.
“Yes. They’re all nice.”
“That’s good.”
Mom didn’t separately mention Hyunjae. My parents were only taking in Hyunjae and maintaining a minimal life for him according to Yu Dohyun’s dying wish; not once in my eight lives had they ever had any emotion beyond that.
“Is there anything you want for dinner today?”
“Hmm…”
For some reason, I remembered often eating tteokbokki with Hyunjae in my first life. Partly because the restaurant near the school was only a snack shop, but it was also a food that Hyunjae particularly liked. After hesitating several times, I carefully answered.
“I want tteokbokki.”
Since I wasn’t the type to usually express what I wanted to eat, Mom brightened up and excitedly left the room saying she would make it herself. I recalled that time when I would eat tteokbokki with Hyunjae and study for exams together—a time that had been so ordinary and everyday. Ah, I’m about to cry again. How annoying. I lay face down on my workbook. It would be the same formulas, the same problems, the same education anyway. Only the relationship between Hyunjae and me would change. Thinking that, the year I had to spend as classmates felt too burdensome.
The bullying directed at Hyunjae worsened with each passing day. It was wrong to assume that children’s bullying would be much the same. Because they were young, it was even more blatant and childish. Hyunjae slowly sat down, soaked in dirty water from who knows where. Then he put his hand in the drawer and frowned. Blood was flowing from the hand he pulled out.
“Ah, there’s a smell coming from somewhere.”
The boy who was virtually the ringleader shouted. He seemed to be the only Rank 2 in the class. With that boy’s voice as the cue, the children pinched their noses and frowned. Hyunjae sat still, holding his bleeding hand.
“Idiot.”
I muttered so no one could hear. Hyunjae eventually trudged out of the classroom before the teacher came in. And he didn’t come to class for the rest of the day. Since this was the first time this had happened, I lingered near the infirmary occasionally during breaks. Finally, I awkwardly asked the school nurse I encountered.
“Um, I was wondering if my friend had come here…”
“Friend?”
“Yes… He said he got hurt while playing soccer earlier…”
The school nurse tilted her head and said that no one from the third grade had come today. I left the infirmary trying to appear calm and walked down the corridor. The bell rang for the start of class. The children’s footsteps quickened. I absently looked out the window and discovered an unexpected scene.
It wasn’t very visible because it was in the corner of the playground, but Hyunjae was talking with an adult man in a suit. And despite seeing him from a distance, I realized that the man’s silhouette was very familiar. My body instinctively trembled.
Unlike before, he wasn’t wearing a hat so I didn’t recognize him immediately, but it was definitely the man who’d brought death to me in my second life. The sensation of the sharp knife tip and the pain that followed still felt vivid. Unconsciously, my fingertips tensed. Before I could wonder about the identity of that man, my instinct urged me to run away. I barely calmed myself and continued to watch the two of them. Hyunjae seemed somewhat bewildered at first, but after a few words from the man, he obediently took his hand and walked to the car.
I found the naive and weak ten-year-old Hyunjae so pathetic. That appearance of never losing hope and continuously giving out trust despite having no one to rely on seemed foolish. When no one except me would extend a hand to that kid.
Hyunjae looked like he was about to get into the car the man had brought.
Since that man had already tried to kill me, there was no guarantee that Hyunjae would be safe. And if Hyunjae died, everything would reset. Of course, the story of this novel would definitely save Hyunjae and make him the protagonist. Though I understood that rationally, I couldn’t quell this anxiety. By now, Hyunjae had climbed into the back seat of the man’s car.
Without time to think further, I dashed down the corridor, passed through the entrance, and ran wildly toward them. The car, which was about to start its engine and move, stopped abruptly. I blocked the front of the car and shouted.
“Get out!”
Without any particular response, the car’s horn blared.
“Yu Hyunjae! Get out, you idiot!”
Soon there was a rattling sound from the back seat. He seemed unable to open the door. I foolishly ran toward the seat but, fearing the car might start, I remained frozen in place and just shouted.
“Open the door!”
Bravely, I took out my phone and photographed the car’s license plate. Then I went to the call tab to report to the police. People who sensed something was wrong began to gather. At that moment, after a low curse was heard from inside the car, it suddenly began to reverse. When I hesitated, the car body, which had gone back a few meters, charged toward me. A loud voice from Hyunjae was heard from inside. He seemed to be calling my name. I looked at Hyunjae who’d barely managed to open the door and jump out. Since he’d jumped from a moving car, Hyunjae’s small body rolled on the ground. Before he could dust himself off and get up, Hyunjae raised his head and looked at me. Our eyes met. And at the same time, my body violently collided with the car.
Hyunjae’s eyes widened. My body lifted slightly and then crashed to the ground. It would be a lie to say it didn’t hurt, but I accepted it. From the moment I couldn’t ignore him, this life was as good as abandoned anyway. Hyunjae ran to me with his face full of wounds. I stared into the void with a composure that made it hard to believe I was a child who’d been hit by a car. To the point where a sane person would’ve said it was creepy if they saw my face. But Hyunjae was in a state of mind gone from sobbing so loudly. It seemed he’d received a great shock from witnessing the accident scene right before his eyes.
“Chanhee, open… open your eyes…”
“So noisy…”
I said weakly. Hyunjae’s plaintive crying was too loud. Acting like it’s the first time seeing it, when it’s not just once or twice. I made a boring joke inwardly and slowly closed my eyes.
I wonder when I’ll be able to completely remove Hyunjae from my life. At the end of the familiar flickering of consciousness, I pondered. But before I could formulate an answer, I returned once again.
As I slowly opened my eyes, in front of me stood Hyunjae, a bit younger than before, with an innocent face. I’d safely returned to the starting point. This face I was seeing for the ninth time. Soon, that face would call my name with a puzzled expression. I prepared to respond calmly.
But even after a long time, the clumsy voice calling me wasn’t heard.
“You… why are you crying?”
Instead, Hyunjae was crying. It was a quiet cry, without sound.
The tears that fell one by one began to increase to an uncontrollable amount. Hyunjae eventually covered his face with both hands and knelt down. He lay prostrate on the floor and cried endlessly. It was too heavy and desperate to be a child’s crying.
I stood blankly in front of him, unable to do anything.
Something had changed, a little.
