Chapter 80
Father listened to every word I said, his expression darkening with each passing second. Of course, by “every word,” I mean the version I’d already sanitized—the parts of my conversation with Han Jaemin I could actually bring myself to repeat.
“You’re overcomplicating this. They don’t want me dead, and I sure as hell don’t plan on working with them.”
“Let’s cut to the heart of it.”
Father took off his glasses, his gaze locking onto mine. The weight of the past few months seemed to have carved new lines into his face. For the first time, I saw him not as some untouchable figure, but as what he really was: just another middle-aged man, worn down by time and choices.
“I get that you struck some impulsive deal with Hansung. And I get that something changed hands in the process.”
His voice dropped, but the question hung between us, unspoken until he finally gave it words.
“What did you give them?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“The more you hide from me, the more they can use against me.”
“I’m sorry. But I can’t.”
“Then let me ask you this.”
“…Go ahead.”
“Did you boost your mana illegally? Because what I’m really asking is—can I even fix this?”
I hesitated. The truth was so far beyond what he could handle. Necromancy wasn’t just forbidden by the country—it was banned globally. But even if I told him that, what could he do? Worry? Panic? Neither would change a thing.
“Can’t you fix anything? You’re capable of more than you think.”
Father stared at me, skeptical. I met his gaze with a shameless shrug.
“Just make sure my study abroad is set up properly.”
“You’re talking about study abroad? Now?”
“Obviously. You’re the only one who matters to me.”
“…Are you even thinking straight?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m dating Yu Hyunjae or something?”
“Yu Chanhee!”
“You know that’s never happening. Not after what you did to him. You really think he’d even look at me now? I know better. So I’m not stupid enough to let myself get that attached.”
“That’s not what I—”
“Then what? I’m already dead inside. Whether I actually die or not, what you did to him isn’t something you can undo.”
“…Yu Chanhee.”
“Why? Scared of your own kid now that you’ve done the same thing?”
“Why won’t you admit it was the only choice I had?”
“The only choice? That was your best option? Because every time I see Yu Hyunjae, I want to disappear.”
“You’re too worked up. Calm down.”
I ran my tongue over my dry lips, clenching and unclenching my fists to keep my voice steady.
“Just promise me you’ll handle the study abroad. I’m begging you.”
I didn’t wait for an answer. I kicked the door open and stormed out, only to freeze at the bottom of the stairs.
Yu Hyunjae stood there, motionless, his eyes fixed on me.
“…You—”
“…”
“Did you hear all that?”
“Hear what?”
I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t. His brows knit together, like he was trying to piece something together—something he already knew but couldn’t quite accept.
“Are you still hiding things from me?”
“It’s—”
“No excuses. Just tell me the truth.”
“…”
“Is there?”
“…Yes.”
The word slipped out before I could stop it. I stared at the floor. I couldn’t lie. That was the one rule left between us.
“What is it?”
“I’ll tell you after I get back from studying abroad.”
“What kind of secret is so big that—”
“…”
“You can blackmail your own father with it? You’ve been keeping something this huge from me the whole time?”
“I wasn’t keeping it from you, Hyunjae. I just—”
“Stop.”
“Hyunjae—”
“I’ll hear your excuses later. If you won’t tell me the truth, none of it means anything.”
He turned and walked upstairs. I stood there, stunned, watching him go. He was getting closer to the truth. Faster than I’d ever imagined. Faster than anyone.
Every dream, every stupid fantasy that flickered through my mind in quiet moments, every calculation—all of it hinged on one question: What if Yu Hyunjae finds out?
And every time, the answer was the same. The dreams curdled into nightmares. The fantasies left me in tears. The calculations always ended in red—an endless string of losses.
“You’re so selfish.”
Han Jaemin’s message echoed in my head, but now it wasn’t just his voice. It was Yu Hyunjae’s. Mine. Even Yu Dohyun’s, from my dreams.
“I know.”
I muttered the words and started up the empty stairs. I could feel the time slipping away—the time I had left with Yu Hyunjae.
***
Stifling Silence
The air between us was thick with everything unsaid. We avoided each other’s eyes, as if looking too long might shatter what little was left.
The day Yu Hyunjae submitted his leave of absence, the school exploded.
“You’re studying abroad?”
“Yeah.”
“Where? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’m pissed. Are you even my friend?”
“Sorry. It happened fast. I’m going to England.”
“You knew, didn’t you, Chanhee? You’re just pretending.”
“…I thought it was better coming from him.”
“When do you leave?”
“Next Wednesday.”
“What?”
Go Hankyul’s mouth dropped open, and the curses flew—betrayal, disbelief, how could you. Yu Hyunjae stood frozen in the middle of the crowd, unsure what to do. It was strange, seeing him surrounded like that. I forgot myself and watched, fascinated.
“But why is only Hyunjae going? Why aren’t you going, Chanhee?”
“You’d like that, huh?”
“What kind of question is that?”
I waved it off, but Go Hankyul wasn’t buying it. Everyone at school knew something was off between Yu Hyunjae and me. If this was some prestigious opportunity, I should’ve been the one going, not him. The others joked that maybe we were exiling him.
“Where in the world do you get exiled in style like this?”
Yu Hyunjae just smiled that gentle smile of his, brushing it off like it was nothing.
“They’re joking. Don’t take it seriously.”
Go Hankyul jabbed my side with his finger, signaling me to play along. I had no choice.
“You saw me in special training. I’m useless. What’s the point of sending me?”
That only made it worse. Go Hankyul looked completely deflated, and Yu Hyunjae’s eyes were empty as he stared at me.
“…Did you two fight again?”
Go Hankyul sighed, exasperated.
“Fight?”
“Yeah. You glare at each other out of nowhere, then suddenly act all lovey-dovey. Did you fight? When are you making up this time? Tell me—I’ll come back then.”
“What’s wrong with this guy?”
I watched Go Hankyul storm off, scratching the back of my head. His over-the-top reaction had at least lightened the mood a little. But the tension between me and Yu Hyunjae wasn’t going anywhere.
“Let’s talk.”
I spoke first. Yu Hyunjae, his face still stiff, nodded. We moved away from the crowd, stopping at the end of the hallway by the stairs.
“Are you going to stay like this until you leave?”
“Like what?”
“Cold. Distant.”
“I will if you are. No more hiding.”
“So that’s it?”
“Yeah. Anything else is just an excuse.”
He was right. It was an excuse. I dragged my hands down my face and sighed.
“Promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“Go through with the study abroad.”
“…You think I won’t if I find out?”
“The you I know would walk away.”
“…I can’t promise that.”
“Take everything my father offers. As much as you can, as fast as you can.”
“I already am.”
“No, you’re not.”
I swallowed hard, forcing my voice to stay even.
“Is this about when you tried to leave home?”
He was talking about the time after I found out—after I learned what Father had done to his parents. I’d come home and started packing.
“…Yes.”
“I asked you something then.”
His voice was quiet, but the words cut deep. He remembered what he’d said while holding my hand.
“If I decide, will you follow?”
“Yes.”
“And I told you not to go. You listened.”
“This is different, Hyunjae. Back then, I didn’t know. Now I do. Everything I say sounds insane. Shameless.”
“Chanhee.”
His voice grew colder, heavier, while mine cracked with frustration. I couldn’t even stand the way he said my name. I wanted to lash out, to defend myself—but what was the point? The only way out was to tell him everything. And I just couldn’t bear the thought of him hating me.
“I’ll decide.”
His words hit me like a punch. A tear I hadn’t realized was there slipped down my cheek.
