Chapter 74
I woke up inside another dream. I knew it was a dream for one simple reason: I felt happy. Curious even in a dream, I tried to trace the source of that happiness. Slowly, I followed the thread of my emotions. The answer came easily, as it always did in dreams. It was because Yu Hyunjae was lying beside me.
We were adults, just like in a dream I’d had before, lying side by side in bed. It was a quiet, warm morning. I got up without waking Yu Hyunjae and left the room. The house was exactly as it had been in that dream. I walked slowly to the living room and carefully drew back the curtains. The day was bright and clear. As I gazed outside, someone wrapped their arms around me from behind.
—What are you doing up alone?
I held the hand resting on my chest and answered.
—Just feeling happy.
—Enjoying the everyday, huh?
—Is that what it is?
I laughed naturally. A world where happiness was ordinary—this was definitely a dream. But I didn’t hate it. Yu Hyunjae, still holding me, shuffled toward the bathroom and picked up a toothbrush. In the mirror, our bedhead and puffy faces stared back at us.
—Yu Hyunjae, you…
—Hmm?
—You’re still handsome even when you’re swollen.
—What? You’re being weird this morning.
—I’m just saying you’re annoying.
Yu Hyunjae smiled cutely and put the toothbrush in my mouth. We stood side by side, brushing our teeth and mumbling to each other about our plans for the day. It seemed we both had the day off.
—Want to exercise at the park?
Yu Hyunjae suggested after rinsing his mouth. I shook my head.
—Do I have to work out on my day off?
—Exercise is just something you do.
—No, I get enough movement at work.
—Yu Chanhee, you’re lazy.
—Yeah, I am.
So, no exercise. Yu Hyunjae didn’t argue further. After some discussion, we decided to stay home and watch a movie we’d been meaning to see. Still in our pajamas, each with a slice of bread in our mouths, we sat on the couch. The movie was a typical romance. The male and female leads stood silently on the street, staring at each other for a long time. There was no dialogue, but the tension was palpable.
Yu Hyunjae leaned against my shoulder.
—This is boring.
—Boring?
—Yeah. Talking and hanging out with you would be way more fun.
—We see each other all the time. What would we even talk about?
Yu Hyunjae suddenly leaned in and pressed his lips firmly against mine before pulling away.
—This is how I want to play.
—That’s ridiculous.
But despite my words, I naturally kissed him back. Our lips, briefly touching, soon parted with a wet sound. My hands instinctively wrapped around his neck. Yu Hyunjae pulled me closer, our chests pressing together as we leaned back. When we were lying on the couch, the kiss deepened. A short gasp escaped me as his hand slipped under my clothes.
—Here?
—Why ask now? It’s better than doing it in the kitchen…
Yu Hyunjae couldn’t finish. I raised my hand to cover his mouth.
—I get it, so stop talking.
Yu Hyunjae smiled and gently but firmly held my face. I couldn’t feel the touch. Only then did I realize I was slowly waking from the dream.
Ah, it’s too short.
I just wanted to stay here forever. I clutched at Yu Hyunjae’s clothes and spoke urgently.
—Don’t send me away.
Yu Hyunjae’s expression turned strange, as if he didn’t understand.
—Don’t let me go.
Yu Hyunjae gripped my arm tightly. I felt nothing. Of course. I was waking up. I didn’t even know what I was saying as I babbled incoherently.
—I’m sorry. For hiding everything. For not telling you. For shamelessly asking you to love me.
—What are you sorry for?
—I’m sorry, Hyunjae.
Don’t forgive me.
—But forgive me. Stay with me.
My words and thoughts didn’t match. Yu Hyunjae blinked slowly and replied. I couldn’t hear his voice. I tried to read his lips, but I couldn’t stay in the dream any longer. I had to open my eyes. Back to the cold, familiar room filled with the scent of medicine.
***
“You woke up at just the right time.”
Jeon Jeongwoo’s voice faintly reached me. Only after I opened my eyes could I decipher what Yu Hyunjae had said last.
“I’ll wait…”
“What?”
“I said I’ll wait.”
“Did you have a dream?”
“……Yes.”
“Must’ve been a sad dream.”
Jeon Jeongwoo pulled a few tissues from the box on the table and handed them to me. Only then did I realize I was crying.
“It wasn’t a sad dream. It was a really happy one.”
“People often feel sad when they have to leave happiness behind.”
I roughly wiped away the tears I hadn’t realized I’d shed. The liquid from the pack had already fully entered my body and disappeared.
“If you slept deeply enough to dream, it seems there were no major side effects.”
Jeon Jeongwoo muttered as he scribbled on the chart. I was still sorting through my emotions.
“A good start. We’ll continue our research based on this data.”
He nodded toward the door, signaling I could leave. I rubbed the spot where the needle had been with a cotton swab and stood up. As I stumbled out of the hallway, I belatedly noticed my bag vibrating continuously. It wasn’t my phone. It was the new, almost unused phone I’d received—the one with only one contact. I slowly answered.
“Hello.”
—Wow, you finally picked up.
“I… was asleep.”
—Your bed must be really comfortable. Maybe it’s because the institute gets a lot of government funding.
I stopped walking. Han Jaemin continued in his usual carefree tone.
—I’ve been thinking. Why would Chanhee go to the National Mana Research Institute?
Right. It was strange that my phone didn’t have a location-tracking app. I waited silently for him to continue.
—You’re not exactly the best host, are you?
“That’s—”
—Not only are you lacking in ability, but you’re also stupidly giving away the power I gave you without permission.
“It was an unavoidable situation.”
—Unavoidable?
Han Jaemin scoffed over the phone.
—That’s why I hate brats like you. You think saying ‘it was unavoidable’ makes everything okay.
“……What do you want?”
—Well, I guess we’ll have to dissect you whether we like it or not.
He casually uttered the cruel words and laughed.
—I’ll come pick you up tomorrow. Wait for me.
I sighed as the call ended abruptly. My father’s face flashed in my mind. The moment of choice had come again. Would I protect myself, or would I be protected? I was tired. Maybe it was because the dream had been so unfamiliar and happy.
“Father.”
Don’t ever forget that I only listen to you for my own sake.
***
“Today, we’re taking the car to school.”
Even though we usually took the bus, today it was best to follow my father’s instructions. I pulled Yu Hyunjae along and got into the back seat of the car waiting at the gate.
Act as normal as possible.
There were probably people watching me at school, too. I kept that in mind as I took out my textbook and listened to the lesson. It was a perfectly ordinary day. Go Hankyul chattered nonstop, and Yu Hyunjae came to talk to me whenever he had free time. By the time school ended, I had managed to maintain my usual emotions. Nothing out of the ordinary happened.
As promised, my father’s car was waiting at the gate. Han Jaemin or his people were probably watching me. With a stiff expression, I got into my father’s car. After arriving home, it was some time before I received a text from Han Jaemin.
[You’re really selfish.]
I didn’t reply, but thankfully, there were no more messages after that. I had even turned off the lights to sleep, but I felt oddly uneasy. Eventually, I quietly opened the door and went to the living room. There, in the middle of the room, sat Yu Hyunjae like a statue. His expression, barely visible, was one of pure distress. I had no idea what he was doing.
Yu Hyunjae lowered his head. A small sob escaped. His back, trembling as he cried, looked exhausted. I didn’t know why he was crying, but the cause was probably me. Why was he crying? I could have gone to him right then and asked, but instead—
I quietly turned around and went back to my room.
You’re really selfish.
I told myself.
Selfish.
But I had come to understand fear so deeply that I had become too selfish and fragile. The night passed just like any other—uneventfully.
