Chapter 65
Dinner was awkward. Mom barely ate, busying herself with picking fish bones and placing them on my and Yu Hyunjae’s spoons. We finished the meal with uneasy expressions.
“Mom, you should eat too.”
“Ah, right. Go wash up, both of you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
As we climbed the stairs, we mouthed words to each other.
“Mom’s acting weird, right?”
“A little different from usual.”
Sure enough, Mom came upstairs after a while and called us. That was unusual. The three of us sat in the living room in tense silence.
“What’s going on, Mom?”
“Chanhee.”
Mom looked at me. I tried to read her expression—was it anxiety? Nervousness? Worry? Or anger?
“What’s really going on?”
I asked again. Mom blinked, swallowed, and then slowly, painfully, asked us:
“Are you two… dating?”
Her sudden question left me speechless. When I didn’t answer, Mom seemed even more certain. Yu Hyunjae jumped in first.
“What are you talking about, ma’am? Suddenly?”
“Chanhee’s always been so sheltered, so he might not realize what he’s doing.”
“What do you mean, Mom?”
“But Hyunjae, you know better, don’t you?”
“What?”
“After all we’ve done for you for over ten years.”
I frowned at the implied entitlement in her words—so blatant, so condescending.
“And now you’re going to stab us in the back?”
“Um, ma’am…”
“You need to come to your senses and fix this, Hyunjae.”
“Mom.”
I called her sharply.
“You need to wake up too, okay?”
“Chanhee.”
“Is this your wish, Mom?”
“Chanhee.”
I grabbed her arm, cutting off her rambling.
“Why are you suddenly saying this?”
“I heard.”
“Heard what?”
Mom hesitated before answering.
“One of your classmates told me.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Did Dad put someone in my class to spy on us?”
“No, your father wouldn’t do that.”
“This doesn’t make sense. Everything you’re saying is ridiculous.”
“Chanhee, calm down.”
Yu Hyunjae grabbed my wrist. Mom slapped his hand away.
“Don’t you dare touch him!”
She glared at Yu Hyunjae.
“Mom!”
I grabbed her shoulders and shouted.
“Whatever you heard, it’s not true.”
Only then did Mom seem to snap out of it, her voice softening.
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s not.”
I wanted to escape this situation, but I held back. Deliberately avoiding Yu Hyunjae’s gaze, I repeated:
“Whoever said that in my class, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.”
“Can I trust you?”
“Mom.”
I looked at her firmly.
“I’ll make it clear.”
I felt Yu Hyunjae slowly turn to look at me.
“I’m not a puppet who does whatever Mom and Dad say.”
“Chanhee, how could you…”
“I’ll handle who I see. Don’t make a fuss about this again.”
“So you’re not with Hyunjae?”
“Is that what’s important to you?”
“…”
“Whether I date a guy, a girl, or even a monster—”
“…”
“You just don’t want it to be Yu Hyunjae.”
My words hit me like a boomerang, but honestly, that kind of pain didn’t even register anymore.
“Believe what you want. I’ve said all I need to say.”
Mom didn’t respond, just stared at me.
“Chanhee.”
“Yes.”
“Mom… still dreams about your brother.”
“…”
“He comes to me in my dreams and cries. ‘Mom, I wanted to live. Mom, please save me.’ A grown man who never once said that in life…”
“Mom.”
“So it really can’t be.”
It was cruel, horrifying—especially when the accusation wasn’t even true.
“Mom, I’m begging you. Understand?”
“Go. Just leave.”
I couldn’t look at Yu Hyunjae until Mom’s footsteps faded down the stairs. I couldn’t imagine how disappointed he must be, how torn up inside. After a long silence, he finally spoke my name softly.
“Chanhee.”
Guilt choked me. Yu Hyunjae must have—
“You did your best.”
My eyes widened. He slowly approached and hugged me.
“You worked hard. Really.”
Even on our last happy day, we were hiding our true feelings from each other. What would happen after this? I sat there, letting him hold me, my heart heavy. The unease soon turned to reality, seeping in like water through unseen cracks, soaking me through.
***
Yu Hyunjae’s room was warmer than mine. Not that it had much in it—actually, it was even simpler than my room. I glanced around, breaking the silence.
“Your room’s really clean.”
Yu Hyunjae smiled, almost shyly.
“Well… I never know when you might drop by.”
That’s ridiculous… Like I’m his maid or something. But I knew what he meant, so I didn’t argue.
“Can I lie on your bed?”
“Huh?”
“Hey. Why are you blushing? I just said I’d lie down.”
“I-I’m not blushing!”
“You’re as red as that book on the shelf.”
“Am I?”
Yu Hyunjae awkwardly rubbed his cheek.
“You’re really gonna lie on my bed?”
“Why not?”
“It’s just… weird.”
“You’re the one who said it.”
I answered sincerely. As if you’re not the most direct person I know. Honestly, I just wanted to return the favor for all the times he’d caught me off guard with his bluntness.
“Not coming?”
At my question, Yu Hyunjae scooted over without hesitation. He looked so cute I pinched his cheek.
“Ow, Chanhee. I’m not a kid.”
“You are cute, though.”
“Can’t you warn me before saying stuff like that?”
“You should warn me. You say stuff like that all the time.”
“When do I?”
He genuinely looked confused. It was wild that he didn’t even realize he said those things. I swallowed my retort and cupped his cheek instead of pinching it.
“Shh. I don’t want to spell it out.”
I pulled his face close and pressed my lips to his. When I pulled away, his face was bright red.
“Kissing in bed feels weirder, huh?”
“What’s weird about it?”
“Just… everything.”
Yu Hyunjae nodded. I stared at him for a few seconds, memorizing the sight.
“Then let’s kiss as much as we can today.”
“We can do it tomorrow too.”
“No, we’re doing it all today.”
“Why?”
Yu Hyunjae drew out the word, pulling me into a hug.
“We can do it tomorrow and the day after too.”
“If you want.”
“If I want?”
“Yeah. If you want, I’ll do it no matter what.”
Yu Hyunjae tightened his arms around me.
“I’ll do whatever you want too.”
I didn’t answer. He squeezed me harder.
“I mean it.”
“I know.”
“Then why no answer?”
“Just… sorry.”
Yu Hyunjae fell silent, probably piecing together what I meant. I hoped he wouldn’t overthink it. Hurriedly, I added:
“I’ve just done a lot of things to be sorry for.”
“Chanhee.”
“Hmm?”
“From the start, liking you meant accepting all of you.”
All of me? Could he really accept everything? For a moment, I let myself spiral into impossible happiness.
“You don’t believe me, do you?”
“I do.”
I did, but I couldn’t bring myself to believe I deserved it. Wordlessly, I wrapped my arms around his waist. We held each other for a long time, like we were soaking up the last sunlight before a long, dark tunnel.
***
I stood in front of the building I hadn’t visited in a long time. As I walked toward the reception desk, the staff guided me to the elevator as if they’d been expecting me. Following them, I stepped inside, my mind racing with two conflicting voices: Stop. Run. No, you need to know. This is the only way to fix things. Avoiding it wouldn’t change anything.
The elevator doors opened. Han Jaemin stood there, just like always, waiting for me.
“Took you long enough.”
