Chapter 61
“You said you had something to talk about?”
“Yeah. It’s important.”
I looked at Yu Hyunjae, my expression a mix of confusion and creeping anxiety. What could this “important talk” be about? Lately, whenever he asked to be alone with me, I didn’t feel excitement or curiosity—just a gnawing unease.
“Is it that important? I kinda wanted chicken…”
Yu Hyunjae just stared at me. His face was unreadable—maybe a little angry, maybe sulky, or maybe just disappointed. It was a swirl of emotions I couldn’t quite place.
“Then let’s go together.”
I nodded, stealing another glance at him. But the moment passed, and he turned away, his expression more inscrutable than ever.
***
I splashed water on my face and arms, but the sticky, sweaty feeling wouldn’t go away. Normally, I’d shower in the gym locker room after training, but I’d bolted out for chicken without thinking and missed my chance. Now, sitting in class, I kept flapping my uniform to cool down. Go Hankyul looked just as flustered, fanning himself with his notebook, his face flushed.
I kept sneaking glances at Yu Hyunjae, wondering what this “important talk” could be. Our eyes met a few times, but he didn’t react, which only made me more uneasy.
“Hey.”
Yu Hyunjae looked up from packing his bag.
“Ah, wait a sec. Just gotta put this away.”
“No, that’s not—”
“Hmm?”
He stopped zipping his bag and turned to face me fully. I hesitated, shrinking back a little under his taller frame, before finally speaking.
“About what you said at lunch…”
“Oh, that.”
Yu Hyunjae’s face was calm as he let out a soft “ah.”
“I just thought it was important.”
“So now you have time to listen?”
I scrambled for an excuse.
“No, it’s not about time—it’s just, Go Hankyul was there, so I couldn’t—”
“Really?”
His eyes narrowed slightly.
“Why can’t you talk to me alone just because Go Hankyul’s there?”
“Uh…”
I had no answer. I didn’t even understand the question, let alone know what the “right” response would be. But Yu Hyunjae seemed to interpret it differently.
“You can’t answer, huh.”
“No, it’s not that—”
“I hate it even more.”
I blinked, surprised to hear the word hate come from his mouth. He said it firmly, then grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the door.
“What the hell, what’s going on—”
We ended up in a corner of the stairwell leading to the rooftop. He let go of my wrist and pressed his lips together.
“Chanhee.”
Yu Hyunjae sighed, struggling to continue. I couldn’t tell if he was having trouble finding the words or just didn’t want to say them. I watched his face anxiously, trying to read his expression.
“Stop trying to read me, Chanhee.”
“I wasn’t—”
“Looked like it.”
“So what is it, then?”
His face darkened—not angry or resentful, but sad.
“What are we, exactly?”
“Huh?”
I gaped at him, caught off guard by the question.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I thought we’d already confirmed how we feel about each other.”
His voice was resolute, and I could only stammer in response.
“Yeah, but… why all of a sudden—”
“Then shouldn’t you be able to ask me outright?”
“Ask… what?”
“To be alone with me.”
Oh. Now I understood why he’d grabbed my hand at lunch.
“Or to stop being so touchy with other people.”
“Hey! When did I ever—”
“You might not realize it, Chanhee.”
“…”
“But you do let people get too close.”
I wanted to argue, but… he wasn’t wrong. Go Hankyul was clingy, and among my limited social circle, I didn’t think twice about slinging an arm around someone or ruffling their hair.
“And I hate it.”
“Hate what?”
“That it makes me jealous.”
Heat rushed from my toes to my face. His bluntness was overwhelming. Was he always this direct? This honest? I wasn’t sure. The Yu Hyunjae in my memories was always exhausted, always on the verge of tears whenever our eyes met.
“So if I say let’s go for a walk, you go.”
“Okay.”
“If I say let’s eat alone, you say yes.”
“Okay.”
“If I say don’t go somewhere, you don’t go.”
I nodded absentmindedly. So that was it. I’d been so afraid he’d lash out at me for my connection to Han Jaemin, but it was this all along. The realization made me ashamed.
“Same goes for me. If you ask me to walk with you, I will. If you want to eat alone, I’ll say yes. If you tell me not to go somewhere, I won’t.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
I meant it. My voice trembled with the weight of every syllable. I cleared my throat and bowed my head.
“You don’t need to thank me. It’s how it should be.”
“Yeah, but… I just do.”
Would he understand why I had to say thanks? Probably not. Once he knew the truth, we could never go back to how we were.
“I’m sorry.”
“That wasn’t what I wanted to hear…”
Don’t you suspect me? After everything we’ve been through, I never once told you I was working with the anti-government forces. I spent my whole life tormenting you, then suddenly changed and started being kind. I’m always lost in thought, drowning in my own misery. Isn’t it strange that you don’t doubt me? That you trust me? Maybe Yu Hyunjae was the one person I could never understand. Even so—
“I like you.”
It was fate, I supposed. Yu Hyunjae smiled and lightly placed his hand on my shoulder. His face drew closer. The soft touch of his lips on mine felt sweeter than ever today. I felt like I might cry—not out of guilt, but because I liked him so much. Because I hated myself more each day for hiding everything from him. For hiding even the fact that I hated myself for it. For selfishly accepting his love while keeping the truth buried.
But I chose silence. A foolish choice, I knew, but I clung to it—this fragile, delicate connection—desperate to keep it from shattering. The kiss we shared in that empty stairwell tasted bittersweet.
***
<Advanced Skill ‘Application of Necromancy’ in progress. 99% until first summon.>
For days, I stared at the 99% that refused to budge. The moment it hit 100, the skill would be mine—guaranteed. The almighty System had given me this hint, after all. Unlike ordinary rankers, who could only guess at their own stats, the System was always precise.
Special. I knew better than anyone that being special—or peculiar—wasn’t always a good thing. That’s why I felt so conflicted staring at that stalled progress bar. After all, the only reason I could delay mastering this skill was thanks to this damn System.
I slowly picked up my phone and opened the messenger app. Han Jaemin’s name was buried deep in my chat history. I tapped it and began typing a message. Short and simple:
[It’s done.]
I hesitated for over thirty minutes before sending those three words. Would I really avoid being captured by Yu Dohyun this time? Would I survive?
The strange thing was, I wasn’t worried about facing death again or whether this would be my final end. What consumed my thoughts was Yu Hyunjae—what if he saw me like this and was disappointed? A bitter laugh escaped me.
The world was full of contradictions. I pondered this as I finally pressed send. The read receipt appeared almost instantly. I considered flipping my phone over to check the reply later, but I left the screen on and waited. The response was just as simple as my message:
[Han Jaemin: How is it?]
How is it?
[Han Jaemin: Fuck.]
Han Jaemin filled the chat with keyboard smashes. I waited, ignoring the noise, for something substantial.
[Han Jaemin: When works for you?]
[Han Jaemin: Next week?]
I glanced at the calendar on my desk. Next week was Yu Hyunjae’s birthday.
