Chapter 6
I didn’t leave my bed for several weeks. Mom was in tears nearly every day, and even Father came to my room to ask what was wrong. I couldn’t answer. How could I say that after living normally until seventeen, I’d returned to this time? No one would believe me. I needed time. Time to regain my sanity.
For days, Hyunjae sat outside my door, just waiting for me to call him. He seemed to think my sudden breakdown was because of him. Honestly, I didn’t have the courage to face Hyunjae either. I had spent over ten years carefully creating and changing a new Hyunjae. And not only had those efforts vanished in an instant, but I had to start over again.
In my dreams, the Hyunjae and Cha Suhyun from my previous life appeared every night to remind me that this was reality. Cha Suhyun would excitedly ask questions while choking me. He’d say that the moment I woke from the dream, I’d face a nightmarish reality again, so wouldn’t it be better to just stay in the dream? I somewhat agreed. I didn’t have the confidence to live the same ten years again.
No matter how frozen a river gets, the water underneath continues to flow—and so did time. Hyunjae and I had to participate in the first Ranking Selection again. That day, I went outside for the first time. It was still a bit chilly, but flowers were blooming everywhere. Even this scenery was identical to when I first entered this world. So was this truly an endlessly repeating nightmare? Would I end up dying at Cha Suhyun’s hands again before turning eighteen?
“…Jjani-ya.”
Hyunjae, sitting in the seat next to me, cautiously called out. For the first time since returning, I looked directly at Hyunjae’s face. He looked gaunt, but he was exactly as I remembered.
“Yeah.”
Surprised that I’d responded, Hyunjae’s hands trembled slightly. Then, he slowly pulled out what he’d been hiding behind his back the whole time. It was a small bouquet of flowers, clumsily tied together at the stems. When I didn’t take it, Hyunjae’s expression gradually became gloomy.
“Did you make this?”
“Y-yeah… sorry for using the flower bed.”
I shook my head. Then slowly took the flowers. This was the first time I’d ever received flowers from Hyunjae, in both my previous and current life.
“…Thank you.”
Hyunjae smiled so brightly, as if he’d received tremendous praise. I smelled the flowers. The scent wasn’t strong, but there was a subtle grassy fragrance. I felt like I might cry a little.
“Don’t leave my side.”
“Okay.”
“Always come save me if I’m in danger.”
“Okay.”
“If I’m about to die, you save me.”
“Okay.”
Hyunjae’s determined expression as he firmly answered resembled a resolute baby raccoon. Finding it cute, I hugged Hyunjae tightly, thinking that an eight-year-old child was cuter and more reassuring than I’d imagined.
The car slowly entered the parking lot of a building. An angular building exterior that couldn’t be more bland. I knew this place very well. I held Hyunjae’s curious hand and followed behind Mom and Dad. Soon, after a light examination, the eight-year-old children here would be graded like cattle in a slaughterhouse. When Hyunjae and I appeared, there was a slight stir inside the assessment center. Hyunjae seemed scared of the stares. At this age, Hyunjae became more attached to “me” due to a slight trauma related to others’ gazes. I’d happily accepted this and used it appropriately. What should I do now? Should I just go with it?
“Number 264, Yu Chanhee?”
My name was called. I entered a small room that was completely enclosed. The inside was very dark, with only the light from the machines illuminating the space. “Place your wrist on the sensor and stand still.” The mechanical voice I’d heard only once in my life echoed in my ears again. I slowly placed my wrist on the sensor. The first Ranking Selection was very simple because it only measured the pure “mana” inherent in a person. As soon as the measurement finished, I opened the door and walked out. Hyunjae, who had the number right after mine, soon came out through the door as well. Hyunjae looked somewhat flushed. Somehow reminded of the seventeen-year-old puppy-like Hyunjae, I smiled.
“Were you a little scared? It was too dark.”
“I wasn’t scared at all!”
When I teased him, Hyunjae’s ears turned bright red. He seemed a bit embarrassed about saying he was scared when he was alone.
“Chanhee is so… brave.”
“Not really.”
I grabbed Hyunjae’s wrist and headed out of the waiting room. Normally, we should’ve gone toward the parking lot where Mom and Dad were waiting, but I wanted to avoid it because there would be faces I didn’t want to see.
“Chanhee, aren’t we going to the aunties and uncles?”
“I want to go to the bathroom.”
“But the bathroom is right there…”
“I mean I want to go to the bathroom in the building next door.”
Hyunjae kindly indulged my unreasonable demand. But unfortunately, as soon as we opened the building door, we had to face my father. Ah, it seems I’ll have to meet that person again without fail. Unaware of my complicated feelings, Father grabbed my hand and personally led me to the group standing in front of the car.
“Chanhee, do you remember Aunt Hyerin? And your Suhyun hyung.”
I slowly raised my head. When my eyes met Cha Suhyun’s, I instinctively stepped back. Fortunately, Hyunjae was behind me. I grabbed Hyunjae’s hand. Cha Suhyun glanced at Hyunjae for a very brief moment. Although he quickly averted his gaze as if he’d seen something unpleasant, seeing Hyunjae’s face seemed to stir up some emotion in him.
The seventeen-year-old Cha Suhyun looked cold and fragile, like thin ice that might break if touched. Even though I already knew Cha Suhyun’s secret, somehow the Cha Suhyun I saw then and the one I was seeing now seemed different. Of course they would be. That bastard couldn’t forget a dead person for ten years, mistook me for him, and even killed me. I recalled the lines Cha Suhyun had recited at the end. What you like, what you hate, your habits, your way of speaking, even the cologne you use. Unless Cha Suhyun had gone crazy from not being able to forget Yu Dohyun, there was no way he would tell such lies.
Then why did I share the same habits as Yu Dohyun?
I had the gloomy thought that what I knew as the “original novel” was probably just a very small amount of information that recorded only a tiny part of this world. I only learned that Cha Suhyun liked Yu Dohyun after I became “Yu Chanhee.” The fact that Hyunjae could follow Yu Chanhee like the gentlest lamb, that Father tried to make his only remaining son take illegal drugs—none of these were things I could have known beforehand.
“Why are the kids so quiet? It shouldn’t have been that hard.”
“Chanhee, it’s your aunt. Aunt.”
Only then did I turn my eyes to the woman beside Cha Suhyun, who appeared to be in her thirties. Cha Hyerin. The department head who commanded the core personnel of the Combat Division and boasted being at the top among the surviving 2nd generation Rankers. Although it was hard to see because it was covered by her hair, Cha Hyerin had a large scar on the nape of her neck. It was a wound she’d received after subjugating an S-rank Gate more than a decade ago.
“Hello.”
“Chanhee keeps growing every time I see you.”
Cha Hyerin stroked my head as if I were cute. My right hand holding Hyunjae’s trembled a bit. It was because Hyunjae had stepped back. The only unwelcome presence among these members gathered under the pretense of coincidence. I felt sorry for Hyunjae.
“Hyunjae.”
“Y-yeah.”
I rummaged through my pocket. I found a bag of bear-shaped jellies with a few left after eating some. Did Hyunjae like sweet things? I don’t think he ever drank Americanos at cafes either. With a somewhat uncertain expression, I held out the jellies to Hyunjae.
“It’s something I like.”
Hyunjae received the crumpled bag and remained still. Maybe he didn’t like it after all?
“Thank you, Chanhee.”
Hyunjae smiled. I always liked this guy’s smiling face. Those droopy eyes that seemed incapable of any malice were so contrary to my eyes, which naturally looked like a villain character.
People started pouring out as if the selection was all over. The parking lot became crowded in an instant. I tightened my grip so I wouldn’t lose Hyunjae.
“Let’s get in the car quickly.”
“Okay!”
Hyunjae clutched the jellies tightly and followed me closely. Yes, I could start again. Just like this, Hyunjae was still kind, and I was here. Nothing had happened yet, and I could avoid Cha Suhyun in another way. It was when my thoughts were turning positive like this.
Far away, the sky began to turn gray. Before I could notice and recognize it, everything surrounding us became gray. I’d seen this scene once before. After blinking several times, red text appeared before my eyes.
<Do you want to break free? Y/N>
I looked down at Hyunjae’s hand that I was holding tightly. This must be what it meant by breaking free. Because right now, I had nothing but this small hand. The red text was still insistent. It started blinking. I held Hyunjae’s hand even more tightly. Why would I break free from my only lifeline?
Upon hearing my answer, the background and text disappeared as if they’d never been there. I walked toward the car again with Hyunjae.
That’s when it happened.
Urgent footsteps could be heard from afar. Someone was running quickly in this direction. With his hat pulled down low, I couldn’t tell who it was, but his shabby appearance didn’t look good. I just watched as he ran toward us. The man, whom I thought would pass by, quickly turned and approached me. Then, with wide eyes, he slowly asked me:
“Yu Hyunjae?”
Hyunjae, who was behind me, flinched and began to shake slightly. I nodded. I didn’t know why, but it felt like I should. My parents were walking from the car. I looked at the man quite bravely without avoiding his eyes. The man, who seemed like he would stare at me for quite a long time, suddenly stepped forward in front of me.
A sharp metal object immediately pierced through my stomach. I slowly looked down. For a few seconds, I felt nothing, but that was only for a brief moment. I felt my legs give way and my body fall backward. Hyunjae was looking down at me with a pale face.
“Chanhee… Chan…”
Only then did I start to feel a mortal pain. But before tears could flow from my eyes, blood flowed from my mouth.
Ah, I knew this feeling. Experiencing this shitty feeling twice as a human was quite a valuable experience.
My vision flickered as if my sight had disappeared, and only sound remained to torment me before it too faded away.
I’d shown death to Hyunjae again.
