Chapter 55
When I returned to the table, my face still flushed and my eyes rimmed red, both men looked genuinely startled.
“I think I ate something bad. My stomach feels awful.”
The main course had just been served, the spread as lavish as ever, but the rich aromas only made me nauseous. All I wanted was to escape.
“Shouldn’t you go to a hospital?”
“Yes, go see a doctor for now.”
“No, I’ll be fine if I just rest at home later.”
Kim Guhyeon shot my father a glance—disappointment flickering in his eyes. Whatever he had planned clearly wasn’t going to happen now.
“I wanted to introduce you to a hunter I know. But it seems your condition won’t allow it.”
“……I appreciate the thought.”
I downed the water in my glass. The cold liquid sent a shiver through me, sharp and unbearable. I wanted to reach inside myself and rip out whatever was choking me.
“Father.”
The word slipped out before I could stop it. My father turned to me slowly, and the words I hadn’t meant to say spilled free.
“If there were a world where you could bring back the dead—”
Kim Guhyeon paused mid-motion, his chopsticks hovering.
“—could you bring Hyung back?”
“……What are you suddenly talking about?”
“Could you really bring back the dead?”
“Why are you bringing up your brother all of a sudden…?”
“I’m afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“That there might be people who are grateful he’s not alive.”
The air between us froze.
“……Why are you saying this?”
“I don’t understand what you’ve been talking about since earlier. Are you feeling this way because you’re sick?”
“Why did you do it?”
My father’s expression darkened. I bit back the words I really wanted to say, cloaking them in vagueness.
“No matter what you’ve heard, the truth about me is usually mixed with lies. That’s just how things are.”
“What kind of position do you even hold?”
“No matter what position I hold or what power I wield—”
My voice trembled. I swallowed hard.
“……it doesn’t matter to me anymore.”
My father’s gaze turned cold. I recognized that look—the defensive reflex of someone whose weakness had been exposed. The face of a man who lashes out when his shame is touched. For him, his position was both his shield and his trigger.
“Stop.”
I met his gaze with the same icy resolve.
“Who is it?”
“Who what?”
“The person who filled your head with nonsense.”
“What would you do if I told you? Would you put someone on me?”
“Yu Chanhee!”
His face flushed with rage as he shouted.
“Is it Hansung?”
“What?”
“I’m asking if it’s Han Jaemin.”
I faltered, caught off guard by the name. I knew my father wasn’t completely unaware of my connection to Han Jaemin, but I hadn’t expected him to bring it up now.
“Are you investigating my personal relationships too?”
“It’s just something a parent does.”
“A parent?”
A hollow laugh escaped me. The word parent from his mouth felt more grotesque than hellfire. How could he say it so casually when the person standing in front of him had lost their parents because of his greed? Was this the kind of thought only a murderer—stripped of even the barest shred of conscience—could have?
“If you’re rebelling against me like this, it’s not just some rumor.”
My father lifted his chin slightly, looking down at me as if to assert his dominance.
“Tell me what it’s about.”
“I don’t want to.”
“You don’t want to?”
“No. I don’t.”
“You’re making judgments about your own father based on something you can’t even tell me?”
“So, do you really think you’re blameless? That there’s nothing you’re hiding?”
“Blameless?”
He let out a bitter laugh. The faint lines on his face seemed to darken with something sinister.
“Blamelessness is something no human can ever achieve.”
“How shameless.”
“Let me ask you again.”
“……”
“Are you blameless?”
“……Why suddenly—”
“If a seventeen-year-old like you can’t even answer whether you’re blameless, how can you demand blamelessness from a father who’s lived more than twice as long?”
“So being blameless doesn’t matter to you at all.”
I stared at my father, my expression blank. He met my gaze, his eyes sharp and unyielding.
“If you can find me a human without flaws, bring them here.”
“What a childish answer.”
“Around someone without flaws—”
“……”
“—there’s usually an overwhelming amount of violence and coercion. All to make that one person appear blameless.”
My father’s posture remained rigid as he continued.
“That’s what a parent has to do.”
“Ah.”
I let out a laugh—too complex to define. So that’s what he meant.
“So it’s my fault you’re not blameless.”
“Did I ever blame you for that?”
“It’s horrifying.”
My father’s expression shifted. The cold, hardened look from before was gone, replaced by something unsettled, as if something inside him was trembling.
“I’m horrified by the me who was forced to be blameless under your violence and coercion.”
“Yu Chanhee!”
“Even without your twisted protection, I was already horrible enough.”
“You—!”
“We were already the worst—Hyung and I. So why did you do it? We were already at rock bottom!”
My father stared at me, stunned. I had expected a slap, but his reaction was different—and somehow even more unpleasant. It felt like he genuinely believed his twisted version of paternal love justified everything. I had no idea where to even begin fixing this. Should I die again? Even if I did, I’d only go back a few months. If I were lucky, I’d return to being an eight-year-old child—but it wouldn’t change anything. What was done was done, and it wasn’t something I could undo on my own.
“Hah….”
In the end, my pathetic death wouldn’t even begin to atone for the sin my family had committed against Hyunjae.
My father stood and slowly approached me. He placed his hands on my shoulders, took a deep breath, and spoke calmly.
“What exactly do you know?”
“……I said I don’t want to tell you.”
“Chanhee.”
His voice softened—a tone I had never heard from him before. He looked at me with an unfamiliar expression.
“Tell me.”
“What would change if I did?”
“Things could change.”
“They won’t.”
“Don’t be so certain.”
“They won’t change.”
I gritted my teeth. The irony was, I still didn’t have the courage to reveal everything I knew. It was ridiculous. I was desperately trying to avoid confronting my own guilt. As long as I didn’t openly admit that I knew the truth, I could cling to the delusion that I might still have a little more time with Hyunjae when I got home.
“Director, Chanhee.”
Only then did I turn to Kim Guhyeon, who had been sitting quietly to the side. This was a gathering of the mastermind and his accomplice. Kim Guhyeon, trying to appear calm despite his confusion, raised his hand gently.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but it would be best if you both calmed down.”
His attempt to mediate only made me sneer again.
“Don’t worry about it, Director.”
“Chanhee, I don’t know what you’ve heard or why you’re acting like this—”
“……”
“—but your father is my savior. He gave me, someone with no proper education, opportunities and brought me to where I am today.”
“……Director Kim.”
“No matter what shock you’ve received, your father has saved lives. He has given life to others.”
“Saved? Life?”
“Yes.”
“Him?”
“If it weren’t for the Director, I might not even be alive.”
“Ah.”
I let out a bitter laugh. My father’s hand slid off my shoulder.
“So you became his dog.”
“……Yu Chanhee!”
“If that’s how I see it, then there’s nothing to say. Serving him loyally is how you repay your debt—similar logic, I suppose.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
I slowly looked up at Kim Guhyeon.
“I just think that if I had a beloved dog, I wouldn’t let a single drop of blood be shed on it. But my father isn’t like that.”
Kim Guhyeon’s face began to pale, just like my father’s.
