Chapter 39
Instead of answering, I reached out my hand to Yu Hyunjae. He blinked, staring at it, as if caught off guard. My voice was bold, almost reckless.
“Help me up.”
I shook my hand again, and after a moment of hesitation, he took it. Leaning on his grip, I slowly pulled myself up from the bed. He still held my hand, standing there awkwardly. I looked up at him, my tone confident.
“Let’s go out.”
“Now?”
“I want fried chicken.”
I opened the small wardrobe beside the bed and pulled out my outerwear. Underneath it, my neatly folded school uniform was still there. I left the top and only took the pants, then turned to Yu Hyunjae.
“Are you just going to stand there while I change?”
“Ah—no.”
His neck flushed red. I chuckled as I changed my clothes.
“You can look now.”
After I was dressed, we slipped quietly out of the hospital room. The nurses on duty and the restless patients didn’t spare us a glance. We took the elevator down and crossed the lobby, our steps quickening as we caught sight of the world outside. A strange sense of freedom washed over me. Yu Hyunjae didn’t seem much different—he kept smiling as he took in the dark surroundings.
He looks seventeen.
That’s what I thought. For the first time, we actually looked our age. I broke into a run, sprinting ahead of Yu Hyunjae into the street. My stomach, still tender from the injury, ached a little, but I didn’t care.
“Don’t run. Chanhee, you’re hurt.”
“I don’t feel anything.”
The street, lit only by streetlights, was empty except for us. I liked that. After running for a while, I spotted a small fried chicken shop, its lights still on. It was one of those local, no-name places. Yu Hyunjae, who had caught up to me, leaned forward with his hands on his knees, catching his breath.
Inside, we tried to hide our youthful energy, putting on serious faces—even though we weren’t drinking. The owner, a man in his forties, glanced at us and greeted us with a casual, “Welcome.”
“What do you want to eat?”
“You order whatever you want.”
I eagerly scanned the menu, my face bright. After we placed our order, Yu Hyunjae handed me napkins and forks as if he’d been waiting for the chance. I took them and looked at him.
“You said I seemed like a different person had taken over my body.”
“Yeah.”
“What if it’s true?”
I asked playfully, and he didn’t seem to take it seriously either. He rested his chin on his hand and studied me.
“I’d ask.”
“Ask what.”
“Why you went in.”
“I didn’t go in because I wanted to.”
“Really?”
Yu Hyunjae laughed—unfiltered, genuine. It was a smile I hadn’t seen in a long time. Not even in the life right before I died. I felt inexplicably embarrassed and looked away.
“And I’d ask something else.”
“What?”
“Why does the new Chanhee treat Yu Hyunjae so well?”
“I never treated you well.”
“Then why did you always look at me like you had something to say?”
“…….”
“I think I’d ask that.”
While I stayed silent, the chicken arrived, perfectly timed. The smell of oil and heat rose between us. Without a word, we both picked up our forks.
“It feels like we’ve done this before.”
It wasn’t a question, but his murmur felt directed at me. I dipped a piece of chicken in sauce and put it in my mouth, thinking.
Because we actually did.
We used to do these small acts of rebellion every day, buying food to suit each other’s tastes. Instead of answering, I just ate the chicken and laughed.
“Maybe we did.”
***
On the way back to the hospital, I carefully chose what to say to Yu Hyunjae. By the time we reached the entrance, I turned abruptly and looked at him. Then I blurted out what I’d been holding back:
“It’s the same for me.”
Yu Hyunjae tilted his head, confused by my sudden words.
“It’s true that I changed at some point.”
“Ah.”
“So you should just accept it naturally.”
I hoped that for every word I said, he would understand ten times more. I knew it was selfish, but I still hoped. Even if half of what I said was a lie, I hoped he would see the truth in it and treat me sincerely. Some versions of Yu Hyunjae had done that, and some hadn’t. But the reason I couldn’t help but smile at him, even in my tenth life, was because of that treacherous, deep word—emotion. Maybe the reason I had to die nine times was all because of emotion.
“But, Chanhee.”
Yu Hyunjae broke the short, heavy silence. His smile was as soft and cool as the night around us.
“I’ll find the reason for my feelings in my own way.”
He still smiled gently as he said it. I closed my mouth, which had been about to say something. If I opened it, everything inside me would come pouring out.
“I think every feeling has a reason.”
I barely held back the tears that threatened to spill. My lips turned white from biting them.
“……Yeah.”
I brushed back my bangs and answered in a bright voice.
“Thanks.”
For never giving up on me in every life.
***
That night, I dreamed again.
My reflection in the mirror looked subtly unfamiliar. My hair was a little longer than it was now, and I adjusted the collar of the jacket I was wearing, finishing my preparations to go out. The house I was in was somewhere I’d never seen before. I slowly looked around the room. There was a wardrobe, and next to it, the mirror I was looking into, and a bookshelf filled with thick books.
It was easy to tell this room belonged to two people. The large double bed was still unmade, the sheets in disarray. As I approached the bed, someone buried in the blankets began to stir.
—Chanhee.
The sleepy face looking at me was Yu Hyunjae. He, too, looked a little different—no, I had seen this face before. His slightly more mature face pouted at me like a child.
—Just five more minutes.
—No.
I firmly pushed Yu Hyunjae’s arm away. He gave me a sulky look but eventually got up, rubbing his eyes. His body was much more muscular and larger than when he was seventeen. I placed my hand on his broad shoulder and urged him:
—If we don’t get up now, we’ll be late.
—I know.
We must have had somewhere to go. Yu Hyunjae got out of bed and stood up straight, and suddenly, I found myself looking up at him. How much taller did he get after high school? He was already tall, but now it was beyond measure. Half-asleep, he leaned his body against my shoulder. His warm breath brushed against my neck. I naturally embraced him and patted his back.
—I only slept for three hours.
—Team Leader Gu is really too much. Treating the newbie like this.
—I know, right? You should scold him, Chanhee.
I let out a small laugh. Yu Hyunjae, sensing it, kept his lips on my neck and mumbled something. While he slowly got up and went to the bathroom, I made the bed.
—I’ll do it!
Yu Hyunjae rushed out with a toothbrush in his mouth.
—Just finish getting ready.
He nodded and went back to the bathroom. I buried my nose in the warm scent rising from the sheets as I straightened them.
After quickly finishing our preparations, we left the house. The place we were living in was a high-end villa I’d never seen before. Yu Hyunjae and I went down to the underground parking lot, familiar with the place as if we’d lived there for years, and found the car we would take.
—It feels like it’s been a while since we’ve been home.
—Yeah. Shouldn’t we buy something to bring?
—Buy what? There’s nothing we need at home.
—Should we buy some alcohol that your father likes?
Yu Hyunjae turned the steering wheel, slowly driving the car toward the entrance of the underground parking lot.
—No. Dad drinks way too much.
—Really? Isn’t it just because you’ve been his drinking buddy too much?
—Look who’s talking. You’re no joke either.
We continued our light bickering as we drove. The weather was perfectly clear and sunny. I rolled the car window halfway down and leisurely enjoyed the breeze. It smelled like warm spring. Yu Hyunjae followed suit and rolled down his window. I checked a missed call that had come in late.
—It’s from Hyung.
—He must have arrived already.
I tilted my head. Hyung? Who could that be? Even in my dream, I thought about it. There was no way Yu Chanhee had a living brother.
The car soon entered a tunnel. The inside was much longer and darker than it appeared from the entrance. There were no other cars around, and for some reason, it felt eerily unsettling. Yu Hyunjae continued driving silently. As we endlessly drove through the abnormally long tunnel, something caught my eye at the end of my gaze.
It was the back of a person.
I wanted to tell Yu Hyunjae to stop the car immediately, but my voice wouldn’t come out. The unknown figure stood in the middle of the tunnel, facing away from us. Hearing the car, perhaps, the man slowly turned around. The headlights illuminated his face, but even though his features were obscured, I instinctively knew who he was.
It was Yu Dohyun.
