Chapter 38
Whether it was my father’s influence or the sheer shock of what had happened, I was quickly moved from the emergency room to a private hospital suite. The room was sparse—a sofa, a wardrobe, a bed—just enough to give me the solitude I needed to untangle my thoughts.
My parents stood by my bedside, their faces tight with worry. I forced a smile, trying to look more composed than I felt, just to ease their minds. As exhaustion settled in, there was a knock at the door. Cha Suhyun stepped inside.
“Oh, Suhyun’s here,” my mother said, her voice uneasy after our last confrontation. She ushered my father out, leaving me alone with him.
I stayed in bed, only turning my head slightly to face him—a deliberate, indifferent gesture.
“What do you want?” I asked. “An apology?”
“No.” His voice was firm. “What I did was self-defense.”
I smirked. Self-defense? Anyone would’ve thought I was the one who started it.
“You know why I’m here, don’t you?”
“I don’t.”
“Then how the hell did you find out?”
His impatience was palpable. This wasn’t the first time he’d tried to see me after that incident. I knew from my past life how relentless he could be. If the graduation ceremony had gone as planned, he probably would’ve dragged me away the second it ended.
Cha Suhyun’s obsession was like thorny vines—once they latched on, they wouldn’t let go until they’d drawn blood. And Yu Dohyun, the person those thorns protected, was untouchable in his eyes. That was why he could lose control, why he could try to kill me—because he saw me as an extension of Dohyun. Even now, just being near him sent a wave of discomfort crawling up from my feet, the memory of his grip around my throat still too fresh.
“Does the reason even matter now that you know?”
“Is there anyone else who knows besides you?”
“No. It’s just intuition.”
“Intuition?”
“Why can’t you believe me?” he snapped, as if I were the one being unreasonable. Our eyes locked, sharp and unyielding, like two snakes sizing each other up. After a long moment, his gaze finally dropped.
“Now that my purpose is out in the open, things are clearer.”
His voice had gone cold. A shiver ran down my spine—unfamiliar, unsettling. I hoped he wouldn’t realize he was the one who had triggered my trauma.
“Now I don’t have to pretend I have any other reason for wanting to get rid of Yu Hyunjae in front of you, do I?”
The words were cryptic, almost pitiful. What was it like to pity someone you feared? It wasn’t pleasant. And knowing everything but being unable to explain it was even worse.
“You’ve had a hard time pretending not to know.”
“That’s a surprisingly gentle tone for sarcasm.”
“What about you?”
The question caught me off guard. Was he asking if I still wanted to destroy Yu Hyunjae by force? I just shrugged.
“Yu Hyunjae’s voice when he calls you—it sounds pretty affectionate.”
“You must be mistaken.”
“Really?”
He didn’t push it. Instead, he seemed to be thinking, his expression unreadable.
“I was actually surprised when I saw you after you first returned. You seemed like a completely different person.”
He was right. I had changed.
“Well, it’s the stormy age, isn’t it?”
He let out a hollow laugh, as if amused by his own question. Moving from the door, he sat down on the sofa.
“The Gate. How was it?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You went in on purpose, didn’t you?”
I stared at him, stunned. He frowned back.
“Why would I go into the Gate on purpose?”
“Didn’t you discuss it with Han Jaemin?”
“Han Jaemin?”
This time, I sat up abruptly. Han Jaemin had created the Gate? Artificial Gates weren’t impossible, but they were heavily regulated. The government only permitted them in controlled, uninhabited areas, and only for designated rankers. So why would Han Jaemin install one at a school graduation—right where it would cause the most chaos?
“That doesn’t make sense. He never mentioned anything like that to me.”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“Did he tell you?”
“He told me yesterday.”
I wanted to storm over to Han Jaemin and demand answers. But first, I needed to figure out why he’d set up the Gate to trap me—or someone else.
“He didn’t tell you, did he?”
“No. Not a word.”
As if on cue, my phone lit up with a message from Han Jaemin. His usual sly, amused tone seemed to leap off the screen.
[Han Jaemin: Chanhee.]
[Han Jaemin: What if you went in?]
“Did you make it to put Yu Hyunjae inside?”
“What other reason would there be?”
“But how can you just install something like this at school without any discussion?!”
I didn’t reply. I threw my phone aside, and it landed near my feet.
“Who knows.”
Unlike me, Cha Suhyun’s voice was calm.
“Seems like you haven’t earned his trust yet.”
I pressed my palms into my forehead, rubbing hard.
***
That night, I lay awake, trying to piece together why Han Jaemin had installed the Gate at the school. Cha Suhyun was probably right—Han Jaemin still didn’t fully trust me. Was he so invested in my goal of “Yu Chanhee” that he’d unilaterally shove Yu Hyunjae into the Gate? Or was he trying to win me over, the son of the Combat Division Director, by aligning with my objectives?
Or was it me he wanted to test?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized Han Jaemin wasn’t just a one-dimensional rebel from a novel. He had his own motives, his own story. So what was it? What drove him to push Yu Hyunjae—or me—so desperately?
My head was already spinning from my father’s issues, and now this. I flipped over, burying my face in the pillow. My breath came back hot against my skin, my thoughts spiraling endlessly.
Then, the metallic click of the doorknob.
I turned my head slowly. Someone stood there, backlit, watching me.
“…Yu Hyunjae?”
He was dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans, hesitant as he stepped closer. In the dim light of the hospital room, he seemed different—softer, almost fragile. His pale face studied mine, his lashes blinking slowly. Despite everything, I thought he looked beautiful.
“The only time your parents wouldn’t be here was now, so…”
I gestured for him to sit on the folding bed. We sat in silence, both of us unsure of what to say. After ten minutes, he spoke first.
“I was so shocked when that suddenly happened…”
“It was an accident. Fortunately, there was nothing inside the Gate.”
I thought of young Kim Guhyeon firing his gun into the void, of Yu Hyunjae in his twenties caressing my cheek.
“That’s a relief.”
Silence again. He fidgeted with his hands. Even though he was sitting lower than me, he somehow seemed bigger—stronger. He was only seventeen, but he would keep growing, keep getting stronger, and one day, he’d effortlessly claim the top ranker spot that Yu Dohyun once held.
“Hey, Chanhee.”
“…Yeah.”
“You said I wouldn’t understand how hard things are for you, right?”
I remembered my words in the auditorium earlier. I had said that.
“Is there anything I might be allowed to know?”
I stayed quiet. I didn’t know what he should or shouldn’t know. If there was one thing Yu Hyunjae and I needed, it was distance.
“What do you think it is?”
He looked at me, his face glowing so brightly it almost hurt.
“You’ve changed.”
“I told you that already.”
“Like a completely different person has taken over your body.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“The funny thing is, I think I’ve changed too—since then, in the way I treat you.”
His gaze held mine, unwavering. I was the first to look away.
“Even though I thought I only had hatred for you, at some point, looking at you started to feel strange.”
His voice wasn’t sweet, but it sent a shiver down my spine. I unconsciously licked my lips.
“Do you feel the same way?”
“Do I feel the same?”
“Yeah. I’m asking if you’re in the same state.”
No. It wasn’t sudden. That moment—“at some point”—was the result of countless lives lived and lost, of loving him in every single one. He’d confused me like this before, in lives past, and I’d always fallen for his words.
It wasn’t something I could answer with a simple “yes” or “no.” Fortunately, he seemed to understand my silence.
