Chapter 34
I didn’t even think to introduce Cha Suhyun, who had come with me, to my parents. Instead, I went straight to my room, my whole body trembling with chills. Han Jaemin had pinned me down until the drug’s effects had fully taken hold—until there was no chance I’d throw it back up. Because of that, I’d had to pretend I was stronger than I actually was in front of Han Jaemin and Cha Suhyun.
“Have you gotten lazy?”
Cha Suhyun, who should have been downstairs greeting my parents, was now standing in front of my door, staring at me. My body already felt like it was falling apart, and his indifferent expression only made it worse. No—it was more than that. A creeping sense of déjà vu washed over me, something far worse than discomfort. It was like insects crawling up my skin, wrapping around my throat, squeezing until I couldn’t breathe.
“I’ve just been busy,” I forced out, my voice trembling despite my best efforts.
“How much have you forgotten?”
“…Bits and pieces. It’s patchy.”
“What about Yu Hyunjae?”
“What?”
His question hit me like a slap. The unease twisted into irritation. I hesitated, unable to read his intentions, and his frown only deepened. My throat tightened. This place. This person. This atmosphere. That expression. It was all the same as my first death—except for the way Cha Suhyun and I stood now. To hide my panic, I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down.
Cha Suhyun’s voice was flat, devoid of any emotion. “You’ve forgotten how you swore to kill him every single day, haven’t you?”
“That—”
“Something’s been off about you lately.”
“What the hell are you—”
I curled in on myself, hiding my shaking hands. Cha Suhyun stepped closer, and a chill ran down my spine.
“Because the Yu Chanhee I know would lose it at just the mention of Yu Hyunjae’s name.”
“It’s still the same…”
“No, it’s not.”
Cold sweat trickled down my back.
“Why are you acting like a scared little coward?”
“Get out of here…”
“At this rate, you’ll die before you even get to him.”
I could barely breathe. The desperate need to hide the truth crumbled between my ragged, burning breaths.
“What’s been going on with you?”
“……”
“You were so desperate for revenge for your brother. What happened to that?”
His words made me flinch, my body aching. Had I ever told Cha Suhyun I wanted revenge for my brother? No—it was him who wanted it. Of course. Because Cha Suhyun liked Yu Dohyun. This was all a lie. I steadied my breathing and answered slowly.
“So are you helping me just for fun? You have your own reasons, right? That was the condition.”
“Ah.”
I widened my eyes, feigning realization. “Actually… you’re the one who wants revenge for my brother, aren’t you?”
Before he could respond, a loud thud echoed through the room, and pain shot through my body. The violence only made the memory of death cling tighter. Cha Suhyun loomed over me, his face flushed crimson. I was too dazed to think straight, too desperate to push him away.
“What the hell. How did you—”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re the one who brought it up, so what do you mean you don’t know?”
“Didn’t think you were a coward.”
“What do you know?”
“You’re the one who wants revenge for his brother.”
“Shut up!”
“Why do you keep taking it out on me?”
Cha Suhyun opened his mouth to say more, but the sound of footsteps on the stairs cut him off. My mother rushed up, and behind her—Yu Hyunjae. A shaky, relieved breath escaped me. At least now, I wouldn’t die.
“Chanhee!”
My mother pulled me into a hug. As my racing heart slowly settled, I sneered at myself. It was ridiculous how even this fake mother could calm me down. Still in her arms, I looked past her at Yu Hyunjae, standing at the foot of the stairs. He was just watching me. I moved my lips silently, not expecting him to read them.
He actually came this time.
I didn’t die. I had protected the present.
***
My father was right—if things kept going like this, I wouldn’t be able to perform in the ranking selection. He had a point. Ever since that day, when the past had suffocated me, the days I was overwhelmed by pain had only increased. It was all because of what had happened before.
<You have learned the intermediate skill ‘Basics of Necromancy.’ Progress to first summon: 60%>
I closed the book and collapsed onto the bed. The unfamiliar surge of mana finally settled. The drug Han Jaemin had given me was illegal, forbidden even among rankers—something that pushed the limits of mana to their absolute breaking point. He’d insisted I keep studying to stabilize the mana waves. The principle was simple: skills that required massive amounts of mana actually helped stabilize the latent energy in the body. So I had to keep acquiring them.
I looked back at this life, unfolding just as the novel had predicted. Soon, I’d meet death again. Even though I was accepting it, the fear still lingered, creeping in when I least expected it.
When I checked my phone, I was flooded with messages from classmates. Only then did I realize—tomorrow was graduation. I looked at the school uniform hanging neatly in the corner of the room and slowly covered my eyes with my hand. There really wasn’t much time left.
<Would you like to save? (2/3)>
A mechanical voice rang out, and a system window appeared in the air. I opened my eyes and stared at the floating letters, their cheerful tone jarring against the weight of my room. There was no time to be surprised. I answered without thinking.
“What’s the point of saving?”
<Make saving a habit! It keeps your data safe!>
“Bring it back,” I muttered darkly, enough to make anyone who heard me think I’d lost it.
“Bring me back to that time.”
And then I realized—what time? The moment this damn novel possessed me? Or the first life, when I’d talked with Yu Hyunjae without a care in the world? There was no happy time to return to. Even in my best moments, death was always waiting, and Yu Hyunjae was always preparing to leave me. It wasn’t surprising, not really.
The system said nothing. It was strange for it to ask if I wanted to save and then stay so vague. I pressed again, deliberately.
“You know everything, don’t you?”
……
“But you’re pretending not to.”
……
“Is this fun for you? What did I do wrong? Why are you doing this to me?”
<Would you like to save? (2/3)>
“I said no.”
Just then, I heard a faint but distinct sound outside the door. I sprang up and rushed to open it.
“……What?”
Yu Hyunjae stood there, looking at me with a confused expression.
“Were you on the phone?”
“Why are you here?!”
I assumed he’d heard everything I’d said to the system. I’d never imagined it would be exposed like this, and it left me flustered. The system’s insistence on saving suddenly felt absurd.
“You…”
Yu Hyunjae spoke calmly. “After what you said yesterday, how could I just stay away?”
I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, he was still there.
“I know you’ve changed. But why are you acting like this?”
“……”
“I’m so confused. That’s why I came to ask.”
I answered as kindly as I could. “I never tried to confuse you.”
“……”
“I’ve never acted any differently. It’s always been the same. Painfully so.”
“No.”
“Will you listen to me? Let me ask you first. Why are you confused?”
Yu Hyunjae fell silent, unable to continue.
“You’re still putting on that act in front of others, pretending it’s all for me. You even pulled a knife on me just to kill me.”
“……”
“Where exactly are you confused?”
Yu Hyunjae never lies. After living so many lives with him, I knew that. If he was confused, then I must have been the one acting confusingly. But I wished he would just hate me consistently. His ambiguous attitude, like he remembered me but couldn’t place it, only made things harder. After dying nine times, I was a fool to think he’d remember me again, find me again, and stay with me. That’s why I had to break this cycle—once and for all. With a single, final ending.
“It’s all your delusion, so could you please leave?”
I grabbed the doorknob to close the door. Yu Hyunjae’s face disappeared, but suddenly, the door was forced open. He yanked it back, and my body lurched forward with it.
“Really?”
In an instant, I was in his arms. He wasn’t avoiding me or running away. He was looking at me clearly, asking, Really? I nodded without hesitation.
“Are you really Yu Chanhee?”
Everything stopped. Even my breath. Slowly, I nodded again.
“You don’t seem like Yu Chanhee.”
“If I’m not Yu Chanhee…”
“……”
“Would it be okay if I were Yu Dohyun?”
Yu Hyunjae’s grip on my forearm tightened. He didn’t smell familiar anymore. Of course. Things were different now. Our bodies slowly separated. He seemed even bigger than he had in my previous life. Maybe because he’d been through so much back then. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t grown.
“No.”
“……”
“You’re different.”
“I’m not.”
“Chanhee.”
“Stop it.”
I had to stop now. I was afraid this conversation would spiral out of control again.
“I’m asking you one last time.”
Yu Hyunjae looked at me, his expression unreadable. I couldn’t meet his gaze. When I turned away, he grabbed my face and forced it back toward him, like he’d done so many times before.
“Do you need me?”
A chill ran through me. What if the system was still behind me? If I saved now, what would happen? Would I return to this moment, able to say no if I made another mistake?
“Is there something… I need to know?”
I already knew. The answer was already decided. Even if I chose wrong and came back, I’d only see more of Yu Hyunjae’s suffering.
“No.”
His hands loosened. I let my head drop, but my voice was clear.
“There’s nothing.”
