# Chapter 76
Today as well, Boss came here without fail. I lifted my dropped head and stared at him. The wound on my neck chafed, bringing a stinging pain.
Boss just silently watched me as I barely maintained my faint breathing. Occasionally his lips would move, but I couldn’t understand what he meant.
I blinked, trying not to lose consciousness, but he seemed unwilling to speak and only maintained his silence. Because of this, I had no choice but to pull up my sinking consciousness and speak. I didn’t want to show him the sight of me fainting.
“Please… just kill me now.”
As I spat out the words, the taste of blood filled my mouth. It was the conclusion I’d reached after much thought. Now I had no choice but to choose death. If I hadn’t been in this situation, if things had been different, I might have understood. The fact that I was alive, and Boss saying those things.
But right now, I simply couldn’t accept it. The reason I’d been able to endure until now was because he had been thinking of me. Because Boss was angry that I had died.
There wasn’t even a hope of getting out. I knew I would die in the end. But I endured. Even when moments came when I wanted to give up, I was happy that Boss remembered me. That was all.
But Boss’s words mercilessly shattered even that sole comfort. The sanctuary I believed would last forever turned into ruins in an instant.
That anger wasn’t directed at me. It was directed at me, who was nothing more than an empty shell.
I knew there was no point in trying to distinguish between the two. But I simply couldn’t cut it off. I couldn’t think of the “me” Boss spoke of as simply “me.”
The reason for Boss’s anger was undoubtedly because of me, but I had doubts about who that “me” was.
He said I was alive. As my original self, not in Kane’s form. To Boss, the real “me” was the one lying down. Not me, waiting to die here.
To him now, I was just Kay, the researcher from Peace. A contemptible, hateful figure.
If that was the case, could I really consider the person he was talking about as me? After much contemplation, my conclusion was “no.”
I didn’t know the identity of the “Kay” who was supposedly lying down. It could be Kane who had entered my body in my place, or it could be someone else. Or maybe it was just the body with nothing else.
But whatever the case, what mattered was that to Boss, Kay was someone other than me. If that was the case, did I really need to live?
“…Aren’t you asking to be saved?”
Maybe that’s how it was at first. Kane’s life was precious too. Although I wouldn’t be able to meet him again, if he was just alive, a miracle could happen. If it had been me back then, that’s what I would have thought.
“I know I can’t survive.”
But now it’s different. In the midst of endless despair, I grew tired. To the point where I couldn’t feel any meaning in living. Reality was too harsh to expect a miracle based on “what if.”
Nothing I wished for could come true. It was strange. Just a few days ago, I had endured. But as soon as I heard from him that I—who wasn’t me—was alive, I collapsed so quickly.
“I just want to die now…”
Even at the moment I had to abandon Kane’s identity, I didn’t think I wanted to give up. But when Boss denied my existence, death became what I wanted most.
I didn’t want to be hurt anymore. I wanted to give up everything. I didn’t think I could stand up again even if I survived.
To be trapped in despair so easily like this. Had I been tired all along?
Perhaps Boss was just the reason. Maybe I had wanted to rest for a long time. Maybe I had just been enduring and living all along because I couldn’t find that reason.
I should have met my end as Kay. Then I could have died without realizing that I had barely been hanging on. I could have departed with just my memories of Boss.
“If that is your wish, then I definitely cannot grant it.”
I could have never known how cruel a person he was… His cold words pierced the center of my heart. Emotions boiled to the point where I couldn’t control them. Memories, now faded, quickly flashed through my mind.
Memories I once thought were incomparably beautiful, but now I felt nothing about them. I only questioned myself, “How was I able to live like this?”
“I…”
…liked you. That was the truth. I closed my lips as they moved and held back the sentence that was about to escape. How could I convey such words? I wasn’t even qualified to say I liked him now.
Liking him hadn’t changed, even now. How could I easily cut off such feelings? Boss had been my everything. Everything that made me who I was had been because of him. So this desperate love would not be severed until my death.
If that happened, in the end, I would be the one getting hurt, and I knew that, yet every time I saw him, I would continue to waver. Despite Boss hating me terribly.
“I’m the one who confined Kay in the superpower neutralization zone.”
As long as I was a researcher from Peace, his attitude wouldn’t change. Boss wouldn’t forgive someone who was in charge of Alice.
Then there was only one option left. For me to die.
I questioned whether this could even be called an option, but there was no other way. If I didn’t die now, I would continue to suffer.
In this place where no one was on my side, in a place that was once my everything, I would go insane.
“…So you’re asking me to kill you now?”
“Yes.”
It was a lie, but it didn’t matter. As long as Boss killed me. He would know too. If I hadn’t been confined there before the bomb exploded, I wouldn’t have died. So knowing that Kane was the mastermind behind it, he wouldn’t just let it go. Surely enough anger would surge to kill me and then some.
But my expectations were greatly missed.
“Restrain him so he can’t harm himself.”
“Yes, sir.”
As soon as Boss finished speaking, an organization member who had been waiting outside approached. Before I could say anything, she gagged my mouth. It was to prevent me from biting my tongue.
I couldn’t hide my bewilderment at this incomprehensible action. I had been prepared to die, assuming it was inevitable. But Boss merely frowned and didn’t inflict any attack on me.
To think I couldn’t even die. As time passed, blood began rushing to the top of my head. Why, even at this moment, would he not grant my wish?
I resented Boss. I resented him for not recognizing me, for not killing me, for everything.
* * *
Boss’s gaze, which blinked a few times hazily, fell upon Alex. Alex had been quietly observing him as he sat in a daze for some time. As if wondering how long he would stay like this, Boss’s eyes gradually became clearer.
“Alex, what happened with Alice?”
Only after seeing Alex staring at him intently did Boss come to his senses and bring up the issue he had been overlooking. He had forgotten to ask because he was preoccupied with that researcher. Alex couldn’t hide his bewilderment that Boss was asking only now, after several days had passed.
“You’re asking that now?”
He had noticed that Boss had been frequently dazed like just now or sighing deeply recently, but he didn’t expect him to forget this matter too. It was clear he didn’t even remember the submitted report.
“I had some things to think about.”
He was also aware that it was late, but he couldn’t help it. His mind had been so full of other thoughts that he didn’t have room to worry about Alice. Still, forgetting such an important matter was clearly his mistake.
Even to Alex, Boss seemed to be in a struggling state as he showed self-reproach. Eventually, Alex stopped blaming Boss, sighed, and recounted what had happened that day.
“It was a trap. Alice wasn’t there, and the place was full of people desperate to kill us.”
It was partly expected when they went, but indeed, Alice wasn’t there. Instead, as if they were fully prepared, quite a number of heroes were waiting. Alex quickly dealt with opponents using his telekinesis, but the number and rank weren’t something to dismiss casually.
“Casualties?”
“Just scratches? It was a bit tricky since they had an S-rank too.”
Moreover, even that Ben was there. For the executives of “Alice,” ordinary S-ranks could be dealt with anytime if they set their minds to it. But Ben was by no means an opponent to be taken lightly.
It was obvious that Melia would be no match, and even he could barely fight on equal terms with such a skilled individual. Besides, as if they had firmly made up their minds, there was no hesitation in their attacks. It was fortunate that there were no major injuries; if they had been careless, it could have been disastrous.
“So we couldn’t completely overwhelm them.”
He could inflict some damage, but not enough to crush them. Alex carefully observed Boss’s reaction as he spoke. This was because they hadn’t achieved much despite going out with confidence. But Boss didn’t even glance at him.
It didn’t seem like he was intentionally ignoring Alex, but rather that he had no interest in what Alex was saying. Belatedly realizing this, Alex tapped the table and spoke up.
“…Boss, do you realize you haven’t been yourself lately?”
Boss’s gaze finally met Alex’s eyes as Alex observed his complexion.
“Ah…”
Realizing that he had lost focus again, Boss let out a faint groan. He was clearly perplexed, as if he didn’t understand why he was acting this way.
“Is it because of that researcher?”
After briefly contemplating Alex’s words, which accurately penetrated his inner thoughts, Boss muttered something that sounded almost like a sigh.
“…Why does he look at me like that?”
