# Chapter 66
Kane had a habit of scratching his hands. According to the diary, the intensity increased as his guilt grew. Eventually, it became difficult to find an uninjured spot.
However, since I had possessed his body, there had been no reason to scratch my hands, so the wounds had healed, leaving only faint scars.
The scars were fading too, and in about a month, even those marks would disappear completely.
I slowly raised my hand, now clearly different from the day I possessed it. As my palm blocked the light fixture, it interrupted the light pouring over my body. This made my hand stand out even more.
I hadn’t looked closely before, but it was a beautiful hand. White skin with slender, long fingers. There were no calluses or oddly protruding parts. It was a delicate hand that couldn’t even remind me of my original hands.
And that wasn’t all. Besides the hands, many things were different from my original self. Physical strength, height, personality—everything was the opposite. That was Kane.
Because of this, I had expected living as Kane would be difficult. As expected, living in his body was definitely challenging. But that was because of Peace, not Kane’s fault. And although being a researcher at Peace was difficult, since I was currently only in charge of Alice as a test subject, it was somewhat bearable.
Even now, I can think this way, but if I hadn’t been connected to Peace, my expectations would have been completely off. To that extent, his life gave me a feeling of taking a deep breath.
The smell of blood that wouldn’t wash away no matter how much I scrubbed was gone. The screams and gunshots I heard every day were silent.
I didn’t have to live in tension, nor did I need to worry about how to kill someone. The shackles that had held me broke the moment I became Kane. So much so that I felt a sense of emptiness.
“Is it fortunate that I died?”
I mumbled as I withdrew my hand from the air. Being by Boss’s side was good. I was beside the person who was my entire life. I felt it was more than I deserved. But I wasn’t free. That’s obvious. In a life lived for him, there was no room for freedom. All my time was bound to him.
Back then, I didn’t feel anything special about it. Since I had never experienced freedom, there was no need to desire it.
But now, after acting on my own understanding and actions rather than someone’s orders, I felt I could never go back to the past.
The freedom I tasted for the first time was that addictive. Enough to make me say ridiculous things without realizing it.
“What if……”
What if Boss and I had met in an ordinary daily life? What if it wasn’t in a garbage dump where anyone could die at any moment, but on a brightly lit street where we could smile? Then, at least, we wouldn’t have had such a farewell.
Variables arise even in ordinary lives, but perhaps because it’s like a fantasy, even those variables seem beautiful.
If only we could have met that way, so many things would have changed.
Not just my relationship with Boss. Alice wouldn’t have been locked in a laboratory either. The ordinariness I wished for included Boss’s surroundings as well.
Seeing Alice earlier today made me think a lot. I felt helpless that I could only watch, and resentment toward myself for not being able to save her.
In the past, I deliberately denied such compassion. Not only was there nothing I could do about it, but such emotions were fatal for a member of the organization.
There might come a moment when I would have to kill someone I felt compassion for. Killing someone I had felt sorry for just yesterday.
There’s no way that wouldn’t affect me. It would definitely be a huge shock. So I ignored it, and ignored it again. Even though there was never a moment when I could truly pass by it.
I knew it was ugly, but I just couldn’t be nonchalant about it. I was foolish. I deserved to be called stupid.
But don’t I know the experience of being in hell better than anyone? As long as those memories remained, it was impossible to be indifferent.
Still, I thought I was hiding it well. But it finally burst out when I became Kane and met Alice. At first, I was interested because she was Boss’s sister. I didn’t even know he had family. I couldn’t help but be interested, even if I tried not to be. But that interest gradually began to flow elsewhere.
I had only felt sorry for Alice, who was subjected to harsh experiments. But compassion did not end with just compassion. The more I learned about her, a strange emotion began to seep in. I started thinking I wanted to protect Alice.
Normally, I should have buried it just as compassion, knowing my position and situation. But my desire to protect her grew beyond my ability to control my emotions. And that wish became even firmer after this incident.
But despite thinking that way, I still couldn’t do anything. Just as Kane gradually broke down, so did I. In my possessed state in Kane’s body, I had no power to change this situation.
That’s why I couldn’t shake off regrets about the past even more. Despite Boss’s orders, I should have helped Alice escape no matter what. I never imagined I would regret so much following the order to escape alone.
I had a vague understanding that I would be ruined by guilt, which is why I desperately pretended not to know until now.
Now I couldn’t do that anymore. Alice had become too precious to me.
* * *
In the room filled with tension, Zenon faced the other person without hiding his displeasure. He had been glad not to have to face him for a while, but to think he would be called like this.
“What is it?”
Undisguised hostility was directed at the person sitting relaxed in the chair. It was a demeanor so full of murderous intent that an ordinary person would have trembled, but he just quietly smiled as if watching a hissing cat.
“There’s something you need to do for me.”
Zenon’s eyebrow twitched at the attitude that showed no regard for the other party’s intentions. It was always like this. Treating him as less than human, merely giving orders.
Swallowing his rising anger, Zenon bit his lips hard. He had to endure. To him, Zenon was little different from an ant. An ant that could be killed anytime.
If he rashly confronted such a person, he knew better than anyone what would happen.
“It’s a very simple task, just killing one person.”
But at the words that followed, Zenon’s emotions finally exploded like a burst dam. His lip split, and blood seeped out.
The words flowed out so easily, as if the speaker didn’t understand the weight of what he was saying. Despite the fact that for the one who had to do it, it was something that could never be spoken lightly.
How could killing be easy? Even though he had killed countless people, he still couldn’t get used to the sensation of murder. Every time he watched a life extinguish, his hands would tremble involuntarily. The image of someone gradually turning pale and losing strength would be etched in his mind.
“Since when has that been simple?”
Red blood vessels that seemed about to burst appeared in Zenon’s eyes as he spoke in a voice choked with anger.
The man who had only given orders wouldn’t know. The feelings with which Zenon had killed others. The emotions of someone who had to kill.
But saying that wouldn’t change anything. That person had always been like that. From the first day he ordered him to kill someone.
“Since it’s the reason you’re alive, it should naturally be simple.”
In the end, it was Zenon who had to give up. The strength that had been applied to his entire body slowly began to drain away. As always, Zenon submitted to him at the quietly delivered warning.
“…Who do I need to kill?”
As his fierce spirit deflated all at once, the man finally curved his eyes, filled with desire, as if satisfied. He pulled out a photograph from his bosom and placed it on the table as if throwing it.
“The researcher called Kane. You just need to kill him.”
“Kane?”
As soon as the name Kane was mentioned, Zenon narrowed his brow. He had been planning to follow the order to kill. But if the person he had to kill was Kane, the story changed.
“…What’s the reason?”
Zenon, hiding his true feelings with effort, asked him.
“He’s annoying me. The sight of someone with no power causing trouble.”
He wasn’t unaware of Zenon’s reluctance. He had known from the beginning that there was a friendship between the two. That’s precisely why he had ordered Zenon to do it.
Kane’s value was now over. There was no need to keep something useless.
“But—”
“If you don’t want him to die, there’s also the option of you dying.”
Zenon’s mouth, which was about to raise an objection, was blocked by the man’s words.
“If you secretly release Kane, he could live. In return, you’ll die.”
He was still a stupid dog. A dull dog that only acts up, forgetting whose hand holds the lifeline. The sight of someone who couldn’t do anything yet acted up without knowing their place.
He barely suppressed the sneer that almost escaped with his teacup. It was fortunate for him that stupidity made people easy to use.
“Would you really let him go?”
“Of course. If I couldn’t bestow that much mercy, I couldn’t have reached this position.”
That can’t be true. Those words are a lie. If he let Kane go, both he and Kane would die. Because once he deemed a person unnecessary, he never took them back.
“The choice is yours.”
And yet he talks about choice. It was so absurd that he almost laughed inadvertently.
“As it has always been.”
Had he ever been given a choice? Since coming here, he had lived a life that could hardly be called “being alive.”
He was just a puppet who could only obey others’ orders. No matter how much he struggled, that fact didn’t change.
It was because he knew this that the man could display such an attitude.
“I’ll… kill him.”
Because he knew that he had no choice but to kill Kane.
Zenon’s entire body began to tremble. The force applied to his fist created wounds as his nails dug into his palm. Blood pooled in his fist and dripped down Zenon’s fingers.
“A wise decision.”
Once again today, all he had done was struggle in vain.
