# Chapter 44
To put it conclusively, Kane did not agree to the experiment. He became a researcher without any knowledge of what Peace’s experiments were really about. And after facing the ugly truth, he strived to protect the test subjects. Well, given his personality, it would have been stranger if he had simply ignored it.
Normally, one might consider it a reckless act, but when the opponent was Peace, it was the right choice regardless of the intention.
Kane believed that if he quit being a researcher, he would have to live under surveillance for the rest of his life. But Peace wouldn’t bother with such troublesome actions.
Probably, all those who discovered the truth about the experiments and tried to escape were killed. Killing them would ensure their silence and eliminate any aftermath. Surveillance would only be a waste of manpower. For Peace, covering up incidents was nothing, so killing would be an easy task.
Of course, that doesn’t mean things went according to his intentions. Kane’s life became increasingly desolate as time went on.
He tried amidst those who were constantly dying and those who wished for death. But the end was a precarious cliff edge.
In the end, Kane couldn’t save anyone. Those he tried to protect all turned into cold corpses. There was no way he could endure that situation. Eventually, Kane reached the point of giving up everything and wishing for his own death.
On the last page, marked with tear stains, I could understand why I had possessed Kane’s body.
There wasn’t a single sentence in the diary that mentioned Kane having a superpower. That meant he didn’t know he had an ability.
A person who didn’t even know they had an ability used a superpower. The only explanation for this phenomenon was manifestation. Manifestation is different for each person, but they say it happens when there’s a desperate desire like this.
Kane sincerely wanted to die that day, so he possessed me, who was destined to die. That’s what I could think.
No matter how I looked at it, it was an astounding coincidence. Fitting together like puzzle pieces, I carefully murmured.
“Should I live as Kane from now on?”
Since he wished for his own death, Kane might have truly died. Since nothing changed even after a day, it seemed to be true.
But it was still too early to feel at ease. There’s no telling where a variable might occur. So I couldn’t be certain that Kane had died.
Moreover, I didn’t want to live as Kane. The reason I wanted to live was to be by Boss’s side as Kay. If I wasn’t Kay, there was no reason to live.
But it’s also true that if I’m alive, even as Kane, I might someday meet those I miss again. Unlike death, everyone existed here.
The desire that had been dormant, acknowledging death, started to creep out. My soul could disappear at any time, but perhaps I could continue to live.
If so, wouldn’t it be possible to at least watch them from afar? Once the thought arose, it didn’t fade but grew in volume.
About a week had passed since the day I died. By now, everyone would know I was dead. A superpower user with regeneration abilities dying—regardless of the reason, they would be bewildered.
I wonder how many of them would mourn for me. Since death was a daily occurrence in the organization, it was hard to estimate.
Still, Fenil, Alex, and Melia might feel a bit sad. Given the time we spent together, they couldn’t ignore it. As for Boss, I’m not sure.
Normally, I wouldn’t have had such thoughts. I would have thought they would forget my death immediately. But Boss’s final appearance kept flickering in my mind.
He told me to come back. Like grasping the lifeline of a dying person, he spoke desperately. So I came to expect that he might feel a little sad about my death.
What should I do? The more I thought, the more my longing grew. I wanted to go see them right away.
But they were very perceptive. If I went, there was a risk of raising unnecessary suspicion. Unless it was revealed that I was a researcher, if they discovered I was Kay, I couldn’t predict how the situation would unfold.
At a point where I wasn’t sure if I could continue living in this body, I was nothing more than an obstacle to them. Additionally, I was fundamentally dead. A dead person approaching the living would only leave lingering attachments.
The desire that emerged at the end of my thoughts gradually diminished. Indeed, the dead should remain dead.
For both them and me, attachments would eventually become memories. If I could endure that period, it would naturally fade away.
In the end, I had no choice but to decide to live as Kane, not as Kay.
* * *
Having decided to live as Kane, I needed to become the perfect Kane. I began to carefully read the stack of diaries.
The diary began from elementary school, and with its volume, it was also detailed. After reading it all, I could grasp Kane’s personality to some extent. I could understand his relationships through the text messages with his parents and friends on his phone.
His personality wasn’t much different from what I had thought. A person who is foolishly kind to everyone and timid.
I was worried about whether I could act like such a person, but since there was no way to avoid it, I decided to try my best for now.
When I checked the time, it was already approaching work time. After identifying the clothes he used to wear from the drying rack, I selected clothes with a similar feel from the wardrobe.
Instead of a suit, I put on a knit and pants, and there didn’t seem to be any particular difference from Kane. Although the thick bangs covering my eyes hindered my vision, it wasn’t to the point where it was difficult to see, so I decided to get used to it. Finally, when I put on the horn-rimmed glasses without a prescription, a perfect Kane stood in front of the mirror.
Kane wasn’t originally very talkative, so if I just stayed quiet, I probably wouldn’t be discovered. With that thought, I hunched my shoulders and narrowed my stride as I stepped outside, just like his appearance that was often described as being mocked in the diary.
With a clicking sound, the door opened, and a refreshing breeze swept through my entire body. It was the first outing as Kane. In the chilly cold, I unconsciously raised my head. With the cold feeling touching my face, the impression of ‘whiteness’ filled my mind.
The snow falling from the sky was piled up densely as if to hide everything. It was as if the whole world had turned into a pristine white canvas.
After staring at the snow for a while, I carefully moved my steps. Since I didn’t have an umbrella, the snow accumulated on my entire body as it fell. Not an unpleasant sensation. I thought that would be the last snow I’d see. To think I’d be able to see snow again like this.
Coming out of the house that felt like a prison and facing the world again, I finally realized I was alive. Even though the scenery was no different from before, I couldn’t turn my eyes away.
Cars with honking horns, roads with footprints, and snow piled like flowers on dry trees. All of this felt new. I could feel my heart beating faster than usual. Is this excitement? Or is it anxiety?
I was glad to be alive, but anxious about living. Should I really be living in this world?
It seemed like the energy of the dead was surging in the streets I had passed. People no different from me brushed past, but somehow, I didn’t feel like we were the same beings.
It was as if I had become a foreigner in a world I had lived in all my life. A foreigner who couldn’t belong anywhere. I knew it was inevitable because I had died, but it was a feeling I didn’t want to know.
It seems that even in a world I newly encountered, which I thought was like a canvas, there are things that cannot blend in.
The only way for something that cannot exist to exist is to live by killing oneself and wearing the skin of another.
It’s the first time living has felt so awkward.
* * *
The way to Peace’s laboratory was easy. It was because Kane’s neighborhood was familiar, and I had been to the lab before.
Unlike when I had secretly infiltrated, I entered by swiping a card. As expected, people in white lab coats were busily moving around.
“Discard C-5. There’s nothing more to see.”
“Understood. For B-16, we’re planning to change the drug. The progress has been slow recently.”
“Do that.”
Listening to their conversation while knowing everything, my brow furrowed involuntarily. Indeed, this is a place I don’t want to stay for even a minute. I was newly impressed by Kane who had endured all of this.
Keeping my head down as much as possible, I entered Kane’s laboratory. The quiet lab felt more comfortable than the noisy corridor.
From now on, I would have to participate in conversations like the one just now. And for that, I would have to do research too. I have knowledge that’s a bit above the common sense level, though not as much as the researchers. It’s thanks to the organization that educated me on what kind of acting to do, saying you never know where you’ll have to infiltrate. If I decided to live, I could somehow manage by putting Kane’s knowledge into my head to avoid dying.
The problem is whether I, who was only accustomed to moving my body and killing people, could adapt to research. But no matter how much I worried, there was no other way. I just had to adapt as quickly as possible.
I reached for the documents on the neatly organized desk in the lab. First, I need to know who Kane was in charge of as a test subject.
I opened the file with the log written on it. Along with various information, a photo of the test subject was visible. But before I could check the face, suddenly the door opened and an uninvited guest barged in.
“Kane!”
“What… is it?”
I barely changed my original tone that was about to come out instinctively. The man who entered pushed up his glasses, which looked like they might slide down his face, and strode toward me.
“You’re in charge of A-11, right?”
If it was A-11, it must be… Alice. To think Kane was in charge of Alice. How far would this incredible coincidence continue?
“…Yes.”
“From today, A-11 will have a guard.”
“A guard…?”
“Sounds strange to have a guard for a test subject, right? Honestly, I’m thinking it’s a waste of money. It doesn’t make sense to have a guard for something that’s not even a success.”
The man immediately distorted my genuine question about guarding Alice.
“Ah… yes.”
If I were Kay right now, I would have cleanly killed him. But since I wasn’t a villain but an ordinary person, that became difficult too.
“Anyway, it’s an order from above, so just shut up and follow it. Since you’ll be going there often, I called you to at least greet each other.”
“Is he here now…?”
“Yes, they started coming in today.”
No sooner had he finished speaking than he looked behind the door. With that, the closed door opened once more, and a figure began to enter.
A familiar figure that couldn’t be mistaken.
