# Chapter 25
I took deep breaths, trying to maintain my composure. Exhaling steadily, I gently opened the tightly closed door.
As the door that had been blocking the way disappeared, Boss’s eyes, curved but coldly calm, came into view.
“Finally I see you.”
With slightly upturned corners of his eyes, he naturally stepped into the room. In response to Boss’s expected action, I silently followed behind him. My feet covered the corridor where Boss had walked.
This was the first time Boss had come to my home. Although he had secured this place for me, he had never visited before. The fact that he came now probably meant the situation was that serious.
At this level, I could get a broken bone or a deep cut. Such appearances from Boss were always accompanied by punishment. But I couldn’t just stay still like before.
If I received punishment, my remaining lifespan of less than a month would become uncontrollably short. A fatal wound would kill me instantly.
Today, I only hoped to get through this safely.
“What’s the reason for the communication blackout?”
As if wanting to hear my explanation, Boss sat on the sofa and quietly stared at me. His domineering gaze seemed to constrict my body. Urged by him to speak quickly, I uttered the only words I could.
“I had personal matters.”
Even to me it sounded absurd; how much more frustrating must it be for him to hear? Someone given a mission discontinuing it for personal reasons. I had no excuse, even if it meant death. Especially for this mission.
I hadn’t expected this of myself either. I thought I could live normally even with only a month left. But once I learned about my remaining time, I couldn’t think that way anymore.
The past gradually seeped into me. The everyday moments that had slowly permeated without even my notice had somehow become the source of my desire to live.
At the center of that past was Boss. He, whom I could never reach no matter how hard I tried, had given me a reason to live.
“How do you feel about letting your personal matters interfere with your mission?”
But Boss, who didn’t know the real situation, wouldn’t accept my words.
It was the expected reaction. But I had hoped he would ask me just once. What had happened. If I was okay. Even meaningless, polite words would have been fine.
I just wanted to hear a word from him that could suppress the approaching fear. But it was selfish of me, who couldn’t say anything, to hope for that. Suppressing my stirring emotions, I bowed my head.
“I’m sorry.”
I meant it. What use was all my training? When faced with death, I had already fallen to my knees. It was my fault for not being able to accept it.
“Kay, I don’t want to hear an apology.”
“I requested leave from Peace.”
It was something I had done in case the investigation failed. So there was no need for infiltration for a week.
“So you’re saying you did nothing wrong?”
I meant that I had minimized the impact on the mission, but Boss seemed to take it as an excuse, as the atmosphere around him became chilly. Hearing his sharp voice, I hastily added:
“That’s not it. I’ll accept any punishment.”
It was something I had done knowing I would face punishment. It would be more accurate to say I wasn’t thinking straight, but I was willing to accept any punishment.
I never thought I could escape punishment anyway.
“Let’s save the punishment for later. Right now, I think it’s more important to know what these personal matters are.”
An unexpected statement. I thought Boss would punish me right away. While it was fortunate for me, it was also confusing.
Did Boss think it was that important to hear the reason? His coercive gaze demanding an answer seemed like he would use force if I didn’t speak. But even after reading that look, I couldn’t tell him.
“I cannot speak about this matter.”
“Not even to me?”
The floor trembled. His mood was affecting his ability. The faint vibration seemed like it could collapse the floor in an instant.
“Especially not to you, Boss.”
It’s just the death of one person anyway. Isn’t that a common occurrence in the organization?
I didn’t want to trouble him with this. For Boss’s sake, this was the right thing to do.
Hiding this fact and leaving would resolve everything. If he didn’t know what to do, leaving would be better for him.
But in one corner of my heart, there was a resistance to that idea.
Is disappearing and dying what I’ve wanted? Don’t I know what I should do? The budding emotion that quietly rose would come back no matter how much I tried to suppress it.
If only I could ignore this feeling completely. These thoughts won’t help Boss at all. Suppressing the stirring emotions again, I continued.
“It will be resolved soon. You don’t need to worry about the mission, as I plan to complete it without mistakes.”
I just needed to rescue Alice within the timeframe. I had already located her; all that remained was the rescue. It was something I could definitely do within a month.
“Haa… I’m very curious about what personal matters Kay, who has lived his entire life in the organization, could possibly have.”
I avoided Boss’s gaze, which implied I couldn’t possibly have personal matters. The suspicion was understandable. As someone without even common hobbies, I was bound to raise suspicion.
“I’m… sorry.”
But still, this was all I could say. In response to my refusal to speak further, Boss let out a small sigh.
“There’s a meeting tomorrow. You’d better be prepared if the same thing happens then.”
“…I understand.”
I watched the back of Boss as he stood up, delivering a quiet warning. Staring at his retreating figure, a thought suddenly occurred to me.
The futile thought of how you would react to my death.
Even if I died, Boss wouldn’t be affected at all. What a ridiculous thought.
* * *
‘Alice’ headquarters, which I had entered countless times, looked different than usual. Even the walls and floors, no different from yesterday, caught my gaze involuntarily.
I won’t be walking on this place I’ve tread for 10 years after a month. That thought made me unconsciously put strength in my feet.
The truth is, I didn’t want to come. I hated feeling this way about something so insignificant.
A life lived with awareness of death was full of anxiety. Passing time was regrettable, and approaching time was fearful.
Unable to simply pass by everyday life as usual, I began assigning meaning to each and every moment. What an unsightly figure this was.
Death made one so powerless.
I clenched my fists so tightly that my nails dug into my palms. I boarded the elevator, dragging my legs that seemed ready to collapse at any moment in the face of death.
In the empty space, a faint vibration enveloped my body. Only then could I feel the pain in my arm.
Come to think of it, I had been injured. The experience of wounds not healing was something I had long forgotten since it ended before my ability manifested. Perhaps that’s why I kept forgetting the fact that I was injured.
I gently released the strength in my fist. The pain had definitely decreased compared to yesterday. Although not perfectly regenerated, my wrist was healing faster than an ordinary person’s due to my weak regeneration ability.
But even that wasn’t so welcome when I considered it was being exchanged for my lifespan.
What if I had known this fact when my ability first manifested? Then perhaps I wouldn’t have just a month left.
I might have been able to live longer. I might have died peacefully, enjoying an ordinary life.
With that thought, regret for my ignorant self enveloped my entire body.
It’s quite strange. Even though I resolved to live a life without regrets, regret eventually comes.
Though I pushed it away as futile, the emotion of regret didn’t disappear. Rather, it grew larger and consumed me.
The imagination that couldn’t become reality continued. If I had known that my lifespan was decreasing, many things would have been different.
I might have given meaning to each day and taken better care of myself. I might not have received such harsh training from Boss.
I might have received ordinary training like others—
“…”
Suddenly, my thoughts stopped. Could I really have received ordinary training? From none other than Boss?
Endless question marks filled my mind. I barely managed to regain my senses at the sound of the elevator door opening with a ding, and I moved my steps.
I simply couldn’t give an affirmative answer. The 10 years hadn’t been in vain, it seemed. Even though it was just a thought, I could be more certain than anyone that Boss wouldn’t have done that.
A body that regenerates multiple times before its lifespan ends. As much as the reason for training lay in regeneration, he wasn’t the type to stop.
He might not have done it frequently since it would be troublesome if I died soon, but he wouldn’t have stopped entirely. He probably set my expiration date and conducted training accordingly.
It was for ‘Alice.’ It was natural to care more about the organization than one person’s life. So I wasn’t sad or resentful.
I couldn’t feel such emotions about something so obvious. From the beginning, the Boss I loved was that kind of person.
Someone who doesn’t get caught up in personal matters and commands everything. Someone infinitely cold yet infinitely kind at the same time. What couldn’t coexist elsewhere coexisted naturally in Boss.
He probably thinks he isn’t kind, but that can’t be true.
Otherwise, why would he pick up someone like me with no power? A dying thirteen-year-old child was of no use. If I had had an ability, maybe, but back then, I was just a drifter who hadn’t even manifested.
But Boss took me in. Just that alone showed his kindness.
Boss said he picked me up because he needed a corpse to disguise, but corpses were all over the slums. I couldn’t believe such an obviously false statement.
It happened simply because Boss was kind. His kindness was severely twisted and misaligned to the point where even he didn’t notice it, but I liked that Boss.
Even if he regarded me as nothing more than an interesting tool.
This fact would never change, even as death approached.
