# Chapter 18
I ended up forgetting. Alice. The person I absolutely had to find. In the confusion, I unconsciously blurted it out.
This had never happened before. As his head lowered, shadows gradually began to fall across his face.
When did it start? When I began to forget Alice. I thought I would never forget because of him.
He was the only person in my life I wanted to save. Although I couldn’t save him because of his request, I still sometimes think about it. That I should have saved him.
Even though he himself had changed because of it, the Boss knew that was also his consideration. He was thoughtful until the end.
Even though he was the one dying, he worried about the Boss until the very end.
Perhaps that’s why the Boss couldn’t forget him. Even in fading memories, his death remained vivid.
I’m not sure if that memory is pleasant. The Boss recalled his grave that had sunk into his memories.
Come to think of it, it had been quite a while since he’d visited the grave. By now, it must be covered in dust, with no one visiting.
If he rescues Alice, he should go visit. He would be happier than anyone about that fact. Cutting off his long train of thought, the Boss spoke.
“I guess it’s because I haven’t seen you for so long.”
The Boss’s casual smile as he brushed it off felt deeply uncomfortable. And Alex was not one to miss this fact. But the Boss knew Alex would let it slide.
Alex never probed too deeply. That was one of the reasons he formed the organization with him. Not taking a deep interest in others is harder than one might think.
As the Boss predicted, Alex stared at him for a moment but didn’t ask further.
“So, do you think he’s changed?”
Alex asked, returning the subject to Kay. It was about time they located Alice’s whereabouts. Enough time had passed that he should be able to find out what he was curious about.
But the Boss merely maintained his silence. A slight furrow appeared between his brows. He had clearly thought at first that Kay hadn’t changed. That thought hadn’t changed even now. After all, Kay had come to him even when it had been two weeks.
“…I’m not sure.”
But it was still not enough to be certain. He wasn’t sure where this lack of certainty came from. He even wondered if he could ever convert it to certainty.
He had thought that seeing the unchanged Kay would make him certain.
Why couldn’t he be certain even now?
That Kay would love him forever.
* * *
The sun that had risen high disappeared, and the moon revealed itself. A chilly wind passed by, sharply brushing against my body.
Winter wasn’t far off now. We might see snow within a month. I walked through the city streets, watching my breath turn to white mist in the air.
Light so bright it could even obscure moonlight settled on the streets. Though night had fallen, the streets were still as bright as day.
Looking at the streets, a memory naturally came to mind. That day too, I had walked through streets that were excessively bright like today.
I wouldn’t have normally done that. That day I had a mission. But ironically, it was because of that mission that I ended up walking the streets.
The mission was to strike first against another organization that was planning to betray us—a mission that could be considered easy. For missions like this, I just had to kill; there was no need to use my head.
But I didn’t expect to find them during that mission. The faces that had merely seemed familiar were none other than the group that had tried to kill me in the past.
The moment I broke their wrists and fractured their legs, I could tell who they were. Those crawling at my feet begging for their lives were the same ones from back then.
When I realized this, a strange sensation swept over me. I had been someone who had quietly waited to be stepped on and killed. And now, I was the one killing them.
Like a video playing in slow motion, that moment approached me infinitely slowly.
My hand stopped on its own. I observed the situation quietly. It wasn’t that I felt sympathy. Nor was I burning with the desire for revenge.
Back then, they had tried to kill me when I was like an insect. It was natural for humans to kill insects, and there was no reason for me to be angry about that fact.
I stopped because the situation was simply amusing. I, who had been an insect, had somehow become human, and they, who had been human, had become insects.
This structure, reversed in an instant, was truly amusing. And at the same time, terribly empty.
Because becoming human from an insect wasn’t something I achieved myself. I simply took the hand that the Boss extended to me.
Yet with that simple action alone, I became human.
I didn’t even cry out for help. I didn’t act in a cowardly manner, abandoning my pride.
I was just taken in, that’s all. The Boss took me in even though I hadn’t asked to be—that was all.
Yet, futile as it was, the Boss’s kindness made me human in an instant.
Human—something I couldn’t become in those days no matter what.
That was what seemed strange and disheartening, causing my hand to stop. The stirring sensation didn’t disappear until I twisted the neck in front of me.
Killing was a simple matter. If you just apply force with your hands, a fragile neck breaks in an instant.
So I faced their deaths. I didn’t turn away until their last breath was cut off. They wouldn’t know. That the person they thought had died then was the one killing them.
Perhaps because of such complex thoughts, I ended up doing something I wouldn’t normally do.
I walked the streets aimlessly. I had discarded my blood-soaked clothes and changed into different ones, but I couldn’t do anything about the smell that had seeped into my skin.
A terrible smell of blood enveloped my entire body. I only had blood on me, but my body wouldn’t release the fishy smell, as if I had soaked in a bathtub of blood.
But I couldn’t stop walking. Normally I would have returned by car, but on that day, I didn’t want to.
Originally, I should have been living in an alley where I couldn’t see an inch ahead. But I was walking in the light that I had so desperately longed for in the past.
That light was so bright it was dazzling, making the alley where I had settled seem invisible.
Reaching that light, which I couldn’t reach no matter how hard I struggled back then, was this easy.
This easy thing was something I couldn’t do back then. Unable to reach it, I ended up settling in hell.
But in the end, that hell was hell only for me. For others, it was just everyday life that could be saved with a simple extending of a hand.
At that time, this fact was terribly empty. My hell could be escaped so easily with a single touch from someone else.
That hand was both light and darkness to me. Along with the thought of salvation, an empty feeling swept over me. I even felt resentment towards the Boss.
Why did he save me only now? Now that I had given up on living.
Of course, I don’t think that way now. The scene from back then and the present slowly interlock.
In the interlocked present, the resentment has disappeared.
I only feel that I received salvation. Because thanks to that touch, I met the Boss. Thinking that even this hell was created for me to meet him, I was rather happy.
The Boss was quite a remarkable person. Even though I don’t know his name, he’s someone for whom I wouldn’t mind giving everything.
The Boss stopped me from trying to die, no matter how many times I tried. He stopped me when I thought it was better to die than to be abandoned.
Until then, I had only recognized him as the person who had picked me up. But seeing him smile at me while I was crying, I couldn’t think of him simply anymore.
That smile was so warm, a warmth I had never felt before, that I couldn’t help but like the Boss.
I feel joy from a single touch and want to grant whatever he desires.
Wasn’t this ability also manifested because of him? Regeneration manifested three years after the Wolf Man manifested.
I’m not sure if this ability is good, but I decided to be satisfied since the Boss was satisfied.
For the Boss, I, with my Regeneration ability, was a useful horse. Without this ability, I wouldn’t have been able to get this close to him.
I probably couldn’t have risen to the position of an executive this quickly either. Thinking about it that way, Regeneration was certainly an ability I couldn’t do without.
This ability healed not only external wounds but also internal ones, so it didn’t interfere with missions. Plus, there was no loss of stamina.
Normally, using an ability depletes stamina. That was no different even for S-class abilities. However, Regeneration was an exceptional ability even among S-class abilities because it didn’t deplete stamina and perfectly restored the body.
“But……”
Why didn’t it regenerate immediately that time? Although it healed later so I let it go, it was still unsettling no matter how much I thought about it.
It felt like something was about to happen. For now, I can only hope this anxiety is just a groundless fear.
I broke free from my reverie as I faced the cold wind. Walking unconsciously, I found myself in front of the officetel.
Instead of the lively surroundings, there was complete silence. The sudden silence felt out of place. I continued walking in the alley where only the sound of my footsteps echoed.
*Thud—thud—*
Suddenly, someone’s footsteps overlapped with mine.
At first I thought it was a coincidence, but by the time the sound reached the entrance of the officetel, I couldn’t possibly think it was a coincidence anymore.
Rather, I immediately turned around as the person tried to approach me more. I roughly brushed away the hand of the person trying to reach me.
“Who—”
“Have you been well?”
But the other person casually grabbed my wrist again. Through my shaking vision, I saw his face.
Long silver hair tied high in a ponytail swayed in the air. Between the strands, his golden eyes were shining strangely.
Smiling with gently creased eyes, it was Zenon.
“…How did you get here.”
I stared at him for a while before speaking, as he shouldn’t have been there.
“The Boss told me to come by.”
While I was in a daze, he naturally went inside. Somehow knowing the password, Zenon skillfully entered it and spoke to me.
“How’s the work? Is it difficult?”
