Walking down the stairs on one side of the hallway, Seunghyun took out his phone again. When he turned on the screen, the message window he’d been reading earlier appeared. Normally he would have deliberated more before answering, but Seunghyun moved his fingers without hesitation.
**Jeong Jiwon**
Seunghyun-ah, I’m really sorry about yesterday ㅠㅠ [9:01 AM]
**Jeong Jiwon**
If you have time tonight, want to meet up? I’m off today. I’ll buy you something delicious. [9:02 AM]
[1:15 PM] Sure
As if he wasn’t busy at all, a message with the meeting place and time arrived from Jiwon right away. Seeing it, his irritated mood settled down considerably.
Though it was about half an impulsive decision, meeting Jiwon after a long time seemed like it would be okay. Maybe because he’d faced such a shitty situation on the first day of the semester, he needed somewhere to blow off steam. It was also true that his desires had piled up from not being satisfied recently.
Whether it was sleeping around with countless women, playing around while seeing multiple people, or fooling around casually with anyone. The reason Seunghyun wasn’t swayed by those filthy rumors that had been going on for years was simple. He was used to such rumors, and more than anything…
Kwon Seunghyun was gay.
**1.**
He didn’t know when he started liking men, but he clearly remembered the moment he first realized he could harbor sexual desire for the same sex. It was when he discovered a desire that was anything but lukewarm in the eyes looking at him.
Not the innocent gaze or admiration you’d see in school or from peers, but eyes tinged with blatant lust. Understanding the meaning of that gaze wasn’t difficult, even for Seunghyun, who had just graduated middle school.
The subject was a new tutor he got as soon as he entered high school. A freshman in the pre-med program at Korea University, he was Seungjun’s—Seunghyun’s older brother’s—classmate, and though he was two years older than Seungjun, they were quite close. Close enough to arrange a tutoring position for his only younger brother.
The day he first met him, Seunghyun was sitting slanted against the window of his room, watching his new tutor. He watched everything—how the guy stood at the front gate taking deep breaths over and over, how he rang the doorbell with a nervous face, and how he entered through the door that soon opened, looking around with a dazed expression as he crossed the garden.
‘Hi? My name is Jeong Jiwon. I heard from Seungjun. You two really are brothers—you look so much alike.’
Despite all that, Jiwon boldly extended his hand in front of Seunghyun. The attitude of deliberately smiling cheerfully to avoid showing his nervousness was commendable. Having watched him fidget with his hands for a long time before ringing the doorbell, Seunghyun knew how hard he was trying.
While finding that effort amusing, Seunghyun willingly clasped his hand. At the palms touching as if enveloping each other, the other person flinched foolishly.
‘Yes, I’m Kwon Seunghyun.’
Replying amiably, Seunghyun slowly released the strength from his hand. A subtle gaze followed the hand as it fell away leisurely. Seunghyun pretended not to notice and tucked his hand into his back pocket. Only then did Jiwon hurriedly meet Seunghyun’s eyes.
That meeting had been in spring when the new semester started. While they met twice a week, the seasons had already shed their clothes and welcomed the sweltering summer.
The atmosphere that had been flowing subtly but peacefully shifted during Seunghyun’s first vacation after entering high school.
One summer day, sitting side by side at the desk as usual. The pen tip that had been gliding smoothly across the notebook with a scratching sound suddenly stopped moving.
‘Seonsaengnim.’
The gaze clinging to his face tickled. Seunghyun grabbed the end of the gaze directed at him and called out to him.
‘Ah, yeah. Do you have a question?’
Jiwon, who had been blankly staring at Seunghyun’s face, glanced down at the notebook as if pretending otherwise. It looked like he was checking which part he’d been working on. Toward him, calmly straightening his pen, Seunghyun nodded slightly and answered.
‘Yes.’
At the slow answer, Jiwon raised his eyes from the notebook. The moment their gazes met, Jiwon’s Adam’s apple silently rode a high wave.
The wavering brown eyes soon fled from Seunghyun’s pupils, grazed his eyelashes, and ran away to around his cheekbones. Watching that sight, Seunghyun belatedly closed his eyes and smiled.
‘Why are you looking at me with those eyes?’
‘…What?’
‘When it’s my hyung you like.’
Fuck… Swallowing the rest of his words, Seunghyun lightly tilted his head. Jiwon’s face, forced to face Seunghyun with nowhere to escape, stiffened rigidly.
Seunghyun hated being told he resembled his brother to a sickening degree. But now there was this guy sitting next to him, thinking of Kwon Seungjun while lusting after his face. What should he do about this? A question mark was suddenly thrown into Seunghyun’s mind as he pondered.
If that gaze were to shift to him, could he say he’d stolen at least one thing that belonged to Kwon Seungjun?
Before long, Kwon Seunghyun succeeded in binding Jiwon’s gaze to himself. He knew how to use the other person. The clearer what the other person wanted, the easier it became. In the transactional act of satisfying Jiwon’s desire while filling his own twisted sense of satisfaction, there was no affection.
Well, could you even say they had that much of a connection, just from having their bodies pressed together?
Even after becoming an adult and shedding the relationship of tutor and student, Seunghyun didn’t cut off contact with Jiwon. Generally it was Jiwon who reached out first, but occasionally Seunghyun would initiate too. The two met often, sometimes mimicking something like a date, and things usually ended with sex.
Just like last night.
“Hah…”
Seunghyun swallowed the yawn that escaped and raised his hand to press his thumb firmly between his eyebrows.
As the hour approached, he could see people gradually streaming into the liberal arts lecture hall. The desks that had shown sparse empty seats began filling up one by one. Seunghyun, seated in the back, twirled the pen caught between his fingertips with a bored expression.
“Is this seat taken?”
While he was blinking his sleepy eyes, a cautious voice came from beside him. When he turned his head, a woman with her hair tied tightly in a single ponytail was standing there. Seunghyun pulled over the bag he’d placed on the desk and shook his head.
“No. Have a seat.”
“Thank you!”
The woman smiled brightly as she pulled out the chair. He could hear the small clinking sounds as she sat down and took out her writing materials. Before long, Seunghyun was looking ahead again.
The professor only entered the lecture hall right on the hour. The unsettled atmosphere quieted down with the professor’s entrance. The young but strict-looking professor first explained the attendance system before taking out the course orientation materials.
“I’m Lee Yeongseon, and I’ll be teaching Literature and Film for the semester.”
The professor’s lullaby-like voice echoed through the lecture hall. The PPT filling the screen advanced as an explanation of the overall aspects of the course began.
The course topic was just as Noeul had told him. While it wasn’t his area of interest, the course content itself didn’t seem too difficult. Just as he was feeling relieved, an unexpected statement pierced his ears.
“This semester there’s a team project assignment. Email the team member roster to the address on the syllabus, with two or three people per group and one person submitting as the representative.”
Ah, fuck. Seunghyun’s brow furrowed slightly. At the sudden team project announcement, strength entered the hand that had been propping up his chin.
He’d heard there were only team projects in English courses, but it seemed they’d been added to regular courses this time too. Even Kim Noeul, who had enthusiastically recommended this as an easy liberal arts course with generous grading, probably hadn’t anticipated this variable.
Noeul was practically the only classmate Seunghyun maintained contact with. Though he hadn’t been close with Noeul for long, they’d known each other for quite a while. It was because they’d attended the same high school. They’d never been in the same class, so they only actually started talking after entering university.
When he mentioned returning from leave this time, Noeul took Seunghyun’s schedule and recommended some good liberal arts courses to fit in. He’d chosen what seemed the easiest among them… but it couldn’t be helped. Though it felt like he’d scratched off a lottery ticket only to find a dud, Seunghyun readily accepted it.
The first day’s class, which only covered orientation, was short. Just as Seunghyun was about to leave his seat after the class ended without even filling an hour.
“Excuse me, if it’s okay with you, would you like to team up?”
