The man stared at me as I leaned at an angle. Receiving that gaze made me momentarily dizzy. This man is wonderful from head to toe, but his eyes are especially pretty. They’re what I like most.
“Do you know me?”
“—I’d like to.”
When I answered shamelessly, his docile and upright-looking eyes wavered as if flustered. With a ticklish feeling, I gazed at his lowered eyelashes and leaned in close, bowing my head. Our gazes and breaths collided.
“We have really similar taste in drinks, let me recommend one.”
“……”
The man stared at me quietly without answering. I didn’t mind and grinned, rolling my tongue and pressing it to the roof of my mouth.
Quick Fuck.
Fuck—the lingering sound of the pronunciation, heavy and moistly sticking then separating, fell soundlessly onto the bar table. With my tongue still rolled, I parted my lips slightly. The man’s gaze fell and fixed on the slightly exposed teeth and the red tongue they were pressing.
“Want to continue outside?”
Between my lips, not the sheets.
***
There’s no need to string out long words for seduction. Beautiful people are accustomed to courtship. They don’t easily waver to sweet words. They don’t agonize for long either.
“Mm…”
In 3 seconds, it’s decided like sifting stones through a sieve. The moment eyes meet.
“Mm.”
I opened my eyes that had been closed while moaning. The deeply sunken eye corners were wet. I’m having a hard time because I’m feeling it too much. But it really is a good kiss. Good enough to momentarily forget the weapon embedded inside.
“Ah!”
But as soon as our lips parted, his cock pounded into me like a bell. Even though he was wearing a condom, the sensation of it carving through my flesh and burrowing in was creepily vivid.
“Ah, ah, ah!”
“…Too…”
Fast? The man whispered. Unlike his gentle tone that seemed like he’d stop immediately if I just nodded, his hip thrusts were shamelessly chaotic. His eyes, scattered like fragments from his earlier composure, demanded my answer. It was an anxious look, as if he’d had to gather all his patience even to say these words now. The rapture I’d felt at the bar deepened, and along with it, a thirst surged as if I’d been waiting a long time.
“No, no.”
I smiled and threw back my chin.
“More…”
Thwack!
As if he’d never waited for an answer, a fierce and shameless thrust shook my pelvis. His lips urgently sought me again. Before being thrown into mindless pleasure with both top and bottom blocked, my last memory was only this. Big, strong, and long-lasting. What exactly is this man lacking?
“I’m sorry.”
And then, back to the beginning of the story.
“That person always has someone else besides me. Sometimes multiple people.”
His manner of speech was refined and unique, like a translation. The stiff language like stage directions paradoxically meshed with the dramatic development to heighten interest. Without realizing it, I leaned in and concentrated, absorbed as if watching a play.
“So they cheated first, basically.”
“I’m not sure. I don’t think of it that way.”
“Then?”
“Open relationship.”
The man said matter-of-factly. It was a term as impossible to follow as his fluent pronunciation.
“That’s what they said. That they wanted a relationship that freely expands and opens. That exclusive possession isn’t necessarily ideal love.”
“Ah, I know what that is.”
Bullshit.
I recalled the “in an open relationship” status on SNS whose meaning I didn’t understand at first. The one who explained its true meaning was my annoyingly fluent-in-Korean French ex-boyfriend. He was even a groundbreaking idiot—or shameless denial gay, I couldn’t tell which—who advocated for open relationships only with men while in an open marriage. I can’t forget what he said to me after getting caught having three affairs plus a wife back home.
‘Jin, why are you angry? This isn’t infidelity or cheating, it’s just love without constraints. Having other people doesn’t make my feelings for you any less. Marriage? Men can’t marry each other anyway. My wife is just a legal, institutional partner. It’s the same as paying taxes to the state. Oh, and we both agreed to a free partnership, so don’t worry. Did I deceive you about being gay? What are you talking about? I’m not gay. I just married a woman, so naturally I date men. That’s how life balances out. And it’s also my way of showing respect for my wife.’
Oh, the endlessly spouting cheerful sophistry. The painful memory that made me hate even poodles if they were French brought back the anger of that day, prying open old wounds and crawling out again. Without realizing it, sarcasm crept into my tone.
“So you agreed to it? Is this the commemorative beginning?”
“I haven’t thought about it that way.”
“You must have unconsciously. That’s why you followed me right away when I approached you.”
I knew something was off. No matter how I looked at it, you weren’t that type, but it was too easy.
I recalled how, unlike the stiff beginning when he was rigid like an angry person, he’d transformed and pounced as if he’d been waiting the moment the kiss ended. What pulled his trigger wasn’t desire so much as suppressed anger, wasn’t it? Well, it doesn’t matter. Whatever the source of the anger, the more bitter what lies beneath it, the more delicious cigarettes and sex taste.
“I’ll say it again—it wasn’t an impulse.”
The man said quietly.
“I had no intention of following just anyone.”
“Well, I am fucking attractive. I’m very popular, you know.”
I retorted without laughing and bit into a new cigarette, then suddenly looked up.
“Sorry for smoking so much. Thinking about the past got me a bit heated… I can open the window though.”
“I’m fine.”
“Want one?”
“I don’t smoke.”
“Now I feel worse.”
I lit up while looking at his face that showed no sign of complaint. Such a good man. Frustratingly upright too. To think my first impression of him as a sheltered young master who doesn’t know how the world works was exactly right. After seeing so many people whose appearance and actions don’t match for so long, encountering this type felt so refreshing that I even felt a clumsy sense of guilt for no reason. Instead of that uncomfortable feeling, I shook my head while tapping off cigarette ash.
“Anyway, you don’t need to apologize to me… This isn’t my first time with something like this.”
“Meeting someone like this—with someone who has a lover, you mean?”
“Did you hear rumors about me?”
I looked at him searchingly, but only an innocently good and honest gaze returned. Feeling embarrassed, I tapped off ash that hadn’t even accumulated again.
“Well, let’s not misunderstand. It’s not like I deliberately go looking for those kinds of guys.”
But those kinds of guys always latch onto me. Am I the problem, like Pujo hyung says? I rubbed my cheek and muttered as if to myself.
“Turns out there are so many two-timers in this world… I was even a third once, not even a second.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What now?”
“For making you say such things.”
I stared blankly at the man, holding my smoldering cigarette, dumbfounded.
“I really don’t care about this or things from the past.”
“That’s a relief.”
“It’s not like I laid out my unpleasant memories to comfort someone else.”
“Yes.”
The man took my hand holding the cigarette and guided it to my lips. Tap tap—when he gently knocked as if knocking on a door, my lips naturally parted and the white, slender nicotine stick was inserted.
“But I was comforted.”
And at that moment, something else probably got inserted too—something different, not quite like me.
“…I’m worried, but do you handle social life well? You don’t get scammed?”
“Yes.”
“Your salary doesn’t get delayed, right?”
“I’m currently unemployed.”
“Huh.”
He’s getting more and more pitiful. That unemployed person who follows strangers he met in a strange place without fear despite being a beginner, faithful to his promiscuous lover.
“That’s similar then. I’m not unemployed, I’m on leave though.”
Definitely not the same. I emphasized while taking a sweet drag of my cigarette. I was already avoiding identifying with the subtly overlapping positions, and I didn’t want to feel camaraderie on top of that. Pretending not to notice the man’s gaze quietly resting on my lips, I leisurely stretched out my legs and crossed them before speaking.
“Since we’re at it, tell me about your lover. How long you’ve been dating and how you met.”
Maybe it’s like a pyramid scheme and he’s the only one who believes they’re lovers.
“A school senior, and my older sister’s friend. I’ve known them since childhood.”
The answer came out dry and diligent. The man slightly frowned as if tracing memories.
“We first had relations when I was around seventeen.”
Thief!
“We started having regular relations about 3 years ago.”
“Wow.”
I unconsciously stroked my chest.
“So you didn’t date the whole time.”
“Right. In high school, how should I put it…”
The man narrowed his eyes.
