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Screech, the sound of a chair being dragged rang out. Cha Geonhyeok approached my side. I grabbed the wrist of him standing blankly in front of the cutting board and made him wash his hands. I pressed a knife into his damp hand.
“Cut the zucchini like this first, then stack them and do it like this. Okay?”
“…Okay.”
“Tell me when you’re done cutting.”
I gave him work to do and prepared the broth. I put in everything that needed to go in, covered it with a lid and turned on the gas, then washed two potatoes and peeled them. By then, I had Cha Geonhyeok, who had finished handling the zucchini, chop carrots this time. Perhaps because the difficulty was higher than the zucchini, his cutting hand was slow.
“What are you looking at?”
I was just checking if he was doing well, but he picked a fight for no reason. I straightened my head that had been turned toward him and cleanly washed the naked potatoes before placing them on the edge of the cutting board. I opened the small window in the kitchen a little. The rain was falling without knowing how to stop.
The sujebi was completed faster than I expected. It was thanks to borrowing the cat paws of Cha Geonhyeok, who only knew how to do what he was told. I ladled the sujebi into wide bowls and sat facing Cha Geonhyeok at the dining table. Hot steam rose from the sujebi boiled in clear broth.
Originally I was going to make spicy gochujang sujebi, but the amount of remaining gochujang was ambiguous. When I told Cha Geonhyeok I’d just boil it without gochujang, he answered that he didn’t mind, so I changed it to light broth. Fortunately, whether it suited his taste, Cha Geonhyeok’s spoon moved without rest. The sujebi was actually successful.
While eating well, Cha Geonhyeok’s hand entered my field of vision. More precisely, his hand gesture telling me to come here. I raised my head and looked at him with puzzled eyes. He pulled out a tissue and extended his arm. When I leaned my face forward, he rubbed and wiped my lips. He crumpled up the tissue, put it down, swept my cheek once, and scooped up sujebi again. I also picked up my spoon.
He had this side to him. It’s hard to explain in words, but his actions like this weren’t burdensome or uncomfortable. Rather, it gave me a feeling that it was somehow okay. Relief? Or comfort? I don’t know which word is right, but anyway, maybe that’s why I was continuing to get along well with him. With him, with whom I’d shared my unprepared first experience.
I saw it on TV once—one of the regrettable things people chose that they did in their early twenties was impulsive sex committed while drunk. In a way, I also fit that situation.
I had no intention of having sex with Cha Geonhyeok. Somehow he found out I was gay, somehow I ended up lying in my bed with him, and I was totally drunk at that time. I took off all my clothes and received his condom-wearing fingers in my hole. When about three went in, I suddenly thought, what am I doing right now?
I got scared. I was embarrassed to be showing my entire body to Cha Geonhyeok, with whom I wasn’t that close, and I felt anxious as if I was committing something bad. Since I’d already run my mouth saying it wasn’t my first time and that I was good at it, it was embarrassing to take back my words. So I just gripped the blanket and received his touch.
I don’t know whether Cha Geonhyeok noticed these feelings of mine or not. He just silently pulled out his fingers then and caressed my cheek with his clean hand. He playfully touched the tip of my nose with his thumb and swept my eyelashes. And he took my hand and placed it on his face.
I touched him the same way. For a long time. Then when I pressed down on one end of his lips that curved up, he kissed me. The penetration that happened shortly after was gentle and also careful. It was good. It would be a lie to say it didn’t hurt, but I felt so much that day that it would be shameful to say it was my first time.
So I don’t regret my impulsive first experience. I can’t say Cha Geonhyeok had no credit in this. Well, after that day Cha Geonhyeok also enjoyed rough sex, but anyway, the first time remained as a good memory that wasn’t bad even when I think back on it.
“Not eating more?”
I raised my eyes that had been looking down at the sujebi to look at Cha Geonhyeok. Having cleanly emptied his bowl, he was eyeing my sujebi. I was just full from scooping up quite a lot. I pushed the sujebi bowl I’d been debating whether to eat or not toward him and got up from my seat to go to the refrigerator.
“Want to eat yogurt?”
“Yeah.”
I gathered yogurt and two teaspoons and returned to the dining table. The plain flavor was also fairly edible. It was lighter than the peach flavor, so it also felt like I was less full. Fairly satisfied, I nodded and ate the yogurt. For reference, this yogurt was bought by Cha Geonhyeok.
“Are you participating in the department event during the festival? I heard our department is doing it for two days.”
I asked Cha Geonhyeok, who was taking the yogurt after pushing the empty bowl aside. Cha Geonhyeok shook his head while opening the lid.
“You’re not coming all three days?”
“What would I do there?”
“Drink alcohol and watch celebrities.”
“Sounds boring.”
Is that so? I pictured the festival I’d heard about from seniors in my head. There were various experience booths and things to do, and not only were the stages of celebrities hired with money worth watching, but the performances of performance clubs were also said to be quite worth seeing. I naturally thought most students participated, but at Cha Geonhyeok’s indifferent reaction, I thought maybe not.
“…Will Gyun not come either?”
Even if Woogyun didn’t come to the festival, I was planning to go all three days anyway, but I was still concerned. It would be nice to hang out together. If he was sitting at a pub, I could also pretend it was a coincidence and join him…
“Ask him. What are you keeping your phone for?”
Cha Geonhyeok, who started eating later than me but finished the yogurt first, said while getting up holding the empty bowl. I turned my body following his movement while sucking the yogurt off the spoon.
“Wouldn’t it be a bit much if someone you’re not that close with asks if you’re going to the festival?”
“It wasn’t anything.”
The answer was strange. While I was thinking with my head tilted, Cha Geonhyeok turned on music on his phone and started washing dishes. I finished the last bite of yogurt and went to his side. I added dishware for him.
“Who asked you if you were going to the festival?”
It was a plausible deduction. Whether I wasn’t wrong, Cha Geonhyeok answered “Yeah.”
“Who?”
“Gong Minyeong.”
Gong Minyeong. She was the girl said to be the prettiest in our department. The fact that she showed such subtle interest in Cha Geonhyeok meant…
“Minyeong must not be interested in Gyun, right?”
I said while poking Cha Geonhyeok’s arm. It was firm, as if he worked out separately.
“She might not have only asked me.”
“She didn’t come to me though?”
Snort. Cha Geonhyeok laughed. Ah. I felt bad. I hit his broad back once. Due to a failure in strength control, the sound was loud. Cha Geonhyeok’s eyebrows twitched.
“That hurts.”
“I hit you so it would hurt.”
I spoke shamelessly while turning on the water for Cha Geonhyeok, who had finished soaping. He gestured at the window with his chin.
“Open the window more.”
“Hot?”
“A bit.”
“You’re not excited from getting hit, are you?”
“Are you crazy?”
I giggled at Cha Geonhyeok’s annoying reaction and opened the kitchen window wide. Patter, patter. The raindrops that rushed in made small sounds. The wind wasn’t as strong as expected.
“Should I turn on the air conditioner?”
“No need.”
I rubbed my lips on the shoulder of him answering stiffly. Ah, fuck. Leaving him cursing behind, I bounced over and sat on the mattress. Come here. I gave him a teasing smile at him speaking in a low voice, then picked up my phone. I went into the messenger and found and pressed Woogyun’s name.
If Woogyun came to the festival even for one day, it seemed better to postpone the café date strategy until after that. It was because it would be more natural to ask to meet on the weekend after getting a little closer at the festival. And using the festival as an excuse to contact him was also a good method. Judging by Cha Geonhyeok’s reaction, and unless Woogyun was gay, the probability of him thinking my contact was strange was low. Okay, let’s send it. Having decided, I wrote a sentence as neatly as possible, read it over and over, then pressed the send button.
[Woogyun-ah, it’s me, Yunhae. Are you going to the festival by any chance?]
Cha Geonhyeok, who finished washing dishes, picked up the remote and sat down heavily next to me. He took the pillow, put it behind his back, and turned on the TV. I picked up the rabbit doll that had been lonely and stuck in a corner and hugged it. Although I was looking at the TV screen showing the program schedule, my five senses were focused on the phone I’d put down beside me. Flash. The screen turned on. I hurriedly picked up my phone.
[I know it’s Yunhae. I have your number. I’m going to the festival! On the second day I agreed to help out with our department pub for a bit, are you coming too?]
“…Gyun says he’s coming. He’s coming to the festival!”
My mood lifted. I smiled brightly and showed Cha Geonhyeok the message window. My Gyun actually had my number and even asked me a question. I was endlessly excited.
“Ah, what do I do? What should I say? Huh?”
“What do you mean what. Say you’re going too. Say you’ll stop by the pub too.”
I typed the message as Cha Geonhyeok told me. I read it about three times and sent the message. My heart pounded.
“Ah, I’m so nervous. What do I do? What if I make a mistake there? Huh?”
“What is there to make a mistake about? You’re just going to hang out.”
“That’s not as easy as it sounds in words… Let’s go together.”
I said while clinging to Cha Geonhyeok. I felt like I’d be more at ease if I brought my secret diary along. But whether he didn’t agree with my thoughts, Cha Geonhyeok waved his arm and shook me off while putting down the remote. I didn’t give up and clung to him.
