“You told me the name, I’ll enter the address. They said it’s a meat restaurant….”
“Meat? I wonder if it ventilates well.”
“It probably does. Ah, here it is.”
When I wrote the name of the meat restaurant Kim Wonwoo told me in the navigation, one came up. The car moved along with guidance saying it would take about 40 minutes.
“I’m seeing the kids after such a long time. Except for Wonwoo, I’ve barely seen them since graduation.”
“Right. It would have been better if I hadn’t seen that Wonwoo either.”
“Why are you like that to Wonwoo?”
“Originally one friend is enough. You have too many friends.”
Cha Jeonghan openly didn’t like me hanging out with anyone else. Since becoming close in first year of high school, he’d never hidden it or beat around the bush even once. Whenever I did something with another kid or something, he’d make a face like the world was ending.
“I’m with you the longest, Jeonghan. I really only see the other kids occasionally.”
“If I kidnap and lock up a friend, would it make the news?”
“It would appear in every possible media outlet.”
“I’ll have to do that after I retire.”
After a moment of silence, laughter burst out together. The small ringing laughter mixed up so you couldn’t tell whose it was. Cha Jeonghan would sometimes say absurd yet words I wished were sincere like this, making me laugh and tearing me apart.
The car was a bit jammed, so we arrived about 10 minutes late. Cha Jeonghan, who handed the key to the person doing valet parking, got out, looked back once to see if I was coming, then strode inside. When I quickly followed behind and entered, I saw familiar faces with 10 years of time buried in them.
“Long time no see.”
Cha Jeonghan greeted first before me. When Cha Jeonghan, who didn’t cover his face, went inside and stood in front of the kids to greet them, one side that had been mixed with laughter and talking suddenly became quiet. Everyone was frozen looking up at Cha Jeonghan with faces like they’d seen a ghost.
“Cha Jeonghan?”
The moment one of the kids called Cha Jeonghan’s name, one by one they talked about Cha Jeonghan and stood up extending hands. No one said to Cha Jeonghan ‘why are you here?’ It was clear everyone remembered him as being in the same class.
“Hey! I was so surprised seeing you appear in a drama!”
“Were you? Nice to see you. Yuhyeon, what are you doing? Sit here.”
The reactions were both amusing and absurd, so I was watching like a spectator when Cha Jeonghan pulled me like that to sit next to him. Since I was seeing almost all the kids after 10 years, just exchanging greetings was nice and it felt strange, like returning to being students back then.
Quite a lot of kids came out, so exchanging greetings took quite a while too. On top of that, everyone forgot why they’d gathered and bombarded Cha Jeonghan with questions, making it feel exactly like coming to Cha Jeonghan’s fan meeting. Then, when alcohol went in to some degree and the somewhat awkward atmosphere completely loosened, other stories gradually started mixing in.
Park Yeongjin, who had enthusiastically talked about work and said he was dying because making money was hard, was already very drunk or his eyes were a bit loose and his face was red as he laughed loudly then looked at me and Cha Jeonghan.
“Wow, you two are still stuck together? I really didn’t expect you to show up here together! Don’t tell me you work together or something?”
The question I hoped most not to hear burst out first and reached me. It wasn’t shameful and it wasn’t something I couldn’t talk about, but perhaps because Cha Jeonghan was next to me, I was a bit more conscious of it.
“Right. I work with Jeonghan. Like a manager… kind of?”
“Wow, really amazing. Just hearing about it is impressive. Then you see each other every day?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Really, these guys are hopeless, wow. Just hearing about it is tiring. You guys really have an extraordinary and tiresome friendship. Isn’t there an award? These guys should get an award.”
It sounded like it could be a compliment but also strangely like sarcasm, so I wanted to quickly change the subject. I wasn’t tired of it, and even if we were friends, I didn’t want to hear the words ‘tiresome friendship’ from others anymore.
“I’m not tired and it’s not tiresome.”
Wondering if I’d unknowingly said the words that were staying in my thoughts out loud, I lifted my head and the kids’ gazes were on Cha Jeonghan, not me.
“You guys have said that since before. When Yuhyeon and I hung out together, you’d say it’s extraordinary, say isn’t it tiresome, you always talked like that—why does it look that way to you?”
“You guys are a bit extraordinary though. Whatever happens it’s Ji Yuhyeon, wherever you go it’s Ji Yuhyeon, you had Ji Yuhyeon, Ji Yuhyeon completely stuck in your mouth, and that Ji Yuhyeon kid too only went on about Jeonghan, Jeonghan, Jeonghan. That was already 10 years ago, and you’re still like that—is that normal?”
“If it’s not normal, then what is it?”
My spine chilled at Cha Jeonghan’s voice gradually lowering. Of course, since rude words came out first, a fight could happen, but Cha Jeonghan absolutely couldn’t be exposed to and get caught up in this kind of atmosphere. He was an actor whose image was life, and creating something to get caught up in gossip over such a ridiculous matter was absurd. I quickly grabbed Cha Jeonghan’s arm.
“Jeonghan, let’s go.”
“Wait, I’m not fighting. I haven’t even drunk and I’m not angry. He’s talking weird. I’m just curious.”
Cha Jeonghan reassured me and looked at Park Yeongjin sitting in front again. Seeing his gaze turn coldly as he turned his head, my heart pounded with worry about what if something happened.
“No, don’t get angry, listen. It’s because I’ve never seen guys like you while going to school. Which guys act like that?”
“Right, you should have said that from the start. If you talk drunk without distinguishing what you can and can’t say, people misunderstand.”
Park Yeongjin smiled and raised his hand making a begging gesture to Cha Jeonghan. Then smiling, this time he looked at me.
“Hey, Yuhyeon. What do you believe in to be that guy’s lackey? What are you lacking? Your family’s well-off too, huh? You graduated from a good school, what are you lacking to live like that? An actor’s lifespan is only so long. You hurry and find a way to live. What will you eat when his work runs out?”
I shouldn’t have come to this place. It wasn’t something that happened because Cha Jeonghan came either. The moment I came here, kids who knew Cha Jeonghan and I were stuck together would have brought up Cha Jeonghan’s story, and in the end, it would have become like this. I couldn’t even speak comfortably worried my words might harm Cha Jeonghan. Because even one word from me couldn’t cause a misunderstanding. Cha Jeonghan, who saw me not saying anything, laughed out loud and looked at Park Yeongjin.
“Looks like your work will run out before mine does. Worry about your old age and find your own way forward. I’ll feed Yuhyeon, so don’t worry.”
The atmosphere was completely ruined, and the kids got angry at Park Yeongjin, not Cha Jeonghan, telling him to stop. Fortunately everyone knew Park Yeongjin had picked a ridiculous fight. Cha Jeonghan looked around at the chilled surroundings once, then looked at me.
“Yuhyeon, let’s go. They said my fan meeting is over.”
Seeing smiling Cha Jeonghan, I felt like I knew why Cha Jeonghan came here. He came all the way here knowing I couldn’t properly say even one thing in response to questions related to him at a place like this, to say the words I wanted to say instead.
I followed Cha Jeonghan and stood up, going outside the restaurant. And watching Cha Jeonghan receive the key and get in the car, I got in the passenger seat.
“If I ruined the atmosphere, I’ll apologize.”
“It would have been like that even without you.”
“You just realized that now?”
“……”
“You think I don’t know you can’t say a word even when those bastards say things like that, enduring it worried about harming me?”
“I didn’t think that far. I only made things difficult for you for no reason. I’m sorry.”
Cha Jeonghan, who started the car, looked at me and exhaled deeply. Then he reached out and stroked my hair.
“Don’t apologize, live getting apologies from bastards like Park Yeongjin. Honestly, you don’t even live doing things to apologize for.”
“…Still.”
“Let’s go eat something delicious somewhere. We didn’t even eat properly and only our clothes smell.”
Cha Jeonghan, who discontentedly raised his arm to smell it, shook his head. I quickly wrote the name of the steak restaurant Cha Jeonghan liked in the navigation.
“This is why I like you. I was just thinking about it too.”
It was such a pretty smile that it shook the heart I’d held tight with the thought that I absolutely must not show affection. Inside the moving car, I couldn’t smile at all at Cha Jeonghan’s smile that swayed like an afterimage before my eyes the whole time.
The next day, apology messages came from Kim Wonwoo and Park Yeongjin. Kim Wonwoo said he was sorry that this happened after telling me to come for no reason, and Park Yeongjin blamed all the fault on alcohol, saying the alcohol was too much. They weren’t apologies I particularly liked, but still, knowing their hearts must have been heavy and their pride hurt until sending these messages, I decided to let it pass. Honestly, Cha Jeonghan had said all the words I wanted to say at that place, so I had no emotions left.
‘An extraordinary and tiresome friendship.’
An extraordinary and tiresome friendship. There were many people in the world who hung out together like crazy, but people didn’t look at all of them and say they had an extraordinary and tiresome friendship. But people especially often said those words when looking at Cha Jeonghan and me.
It was probably said because we were so stuck together and did everything together, but honestly, my mood wasn’t great every time I heard those words. Because some people said it as a roundabout way of saying it was disgusting.
When on earth did this start? After Cha Jeonghan submitted the retreat participation form, he became close with me and wanted to do everything together with me. If that Cha Jeonghan had seemed burdensome or strange, I would have distanced myself, but I too liked everything I did together with Cha Jeonghan. Because I could see too clearly that Cha Jeonghan’s heart was empty.
