Kim Eorin was very close by. Close enough to hold hands. Caught by the wind of the late spring cold blowing across the playground, a vanilla scent suddenly brushed past. It was the pheromone I’d smelled earlier. Unmistakably Kim Eorin’s—an incredibly gentle and soft fragrance.
“……”
I was glad I’d washed my hands. Because Kim Eorin wouldn’t be able to tell whether it was sweat seeping from my hands or water.
When I opened the gym door, the kids who had been waiting in front rushed out and surrounded me, starting to wail. I reflexively hunched my shoulders to cover my neck.
“Chiwon-ah, I’m sorry!”
“We were wrong!”
Flustered, I opened my mouth without being able to say anything. When the area around my eyes habitually turned red, the kids became even more flustered, thinking I was crying, and apologized while floundering.
“Sorry, Chiwon-ah!”
“Don’t cry!”
“No, I’m not crying…”
“Hey, back off a bit. You’re scaring him.”
Kim Eorin stepped forward and pushed the kids away. But this time Jung Woojin approached. I looked up without thinking and was startled. The other kids had made crying sounds but weren’t actually crying, but Jung Woojin was sobbing with tears and snot running down his face. It seemed that after I went to the faucet, he’d heard the circumstances from the other kids.
“Chiwon-ah, I’m sorryyy. Waaah.”
“Woo, Woojin, Woojin-ah.”
“I, *sniff*, I didn’t know, so… *sob*. I’m an idiot, a fool. I’m sorry. I, I didn’t mean it when I talked about it while smiling.”
Surprised, I looked around and saw that several kids who seemed close to Jung Woojin were clicking their tongues. I could see them muttering things like “That guy’s crying again,” so I realized he was originally a kid who cried a lot. I raised my hand and patted Woojin, trying to somehow comfort him.
“No, you don’t need to be sorry. Since I didn’t talk about it, it’s natural you wouldn’t know. I’m sorry. I’m not good with words…”
Jung Woojin was so big I had to look way up at him, but somehow he felt a bit like the younger siblings at the orphanage, so I unconsciously used a coaxing tone. Meeting Jung Woojin’s eyes, I smiled a little. When the younger siblings were crying, it was better to have a smiling face rather than a worried expression. Some kids would end up smiling along even while crying, and most importantly, a smiling face made them feel reassured.
But for some reason, seeing my expression made Jung Woojin cry even louder. It was to the extent that kids who didn’t know what was going on came to glance over. I took out a handkerchief from my pocket—since I often had to wipe the younger siblings’ faces, carrying it around had become a habit. I almost wiped his tears for him, but barely remembered he was a boy my age and just placed it in Jung Woojin’s hand instead. The handkerchief had a small bear drawn on it that looked similar to gummy bears—a few years ago when I said I wanted a handkerchief, a teacher at the orphanage had bought it for me.
“Don’t cry, okay? I shouldn’t have said it like that, I was wrong. It’s okay, Woojin-ah.”
When I patted him comfortingly, Jung Woojin rushed at me and hugged me. My fingers trembled for a moment. But I soon realized that no scent was coming from Jung Woojin and let out the breath I’d been holding. As I smiled with a helpless expression and patted his back, feeling a bit relieved, suddenly someone else rushed over from the side and hugged me.
“Waaaaaah.”
“Jun, Junsu-ya.”
It was Na Junsu. I was startled, but he wasn’t really crying. It seemed he’d playfully jumped in to both comfort Jung Woojin and lighten the atmosphere. The kids around who noticed this rushed in one after another and hugged Jung Woojin and me. At the “waaaah” sounds coming from all directions, I finally burst into laughter.
After the commotion died down and the bell rang for the end of class, the kids all headed to the school store together. Na Junsu’s team, who had lost the bet, bought steamed buns, and on top of that, Jung Woojin said he’d buy me a drink. I chose strawberry milk.
Walking with the steamed bun and milk in my hands, I spotted Kim Eorin. With confidence from who knows where, I approached Kim Eorin and spoke to him.
“Um, Kim Eo- Eorin-ah.”
“Huh?”
Kim Eorin, who had been talking with Na Junsu, was startled by my voice and looked to the side. When I apologized, feeling sorry for startling him, Kim Eorin shook his head.
“Back at the faucet… thank you.”
Actually, I was most grateful that he’d asked me to play basketball together, but feeling awkward about saying that much, I just smiled. Kim Eorin was about to say something but closed his mouth and muttered quietly, “No.” Then he changed the subject.
“The steamed bun’s getting cold, Chiwon-ah. Aren’t you going to eat it?”
“Ah, I was going to eat it in the classroom.”
“If you do that, it’ll all get stolen.”
Na Junsu blurted out.
“You have to eat this stuff right away. Those guys are all animals. They don’t miss opportunities, you know?”
At those words, I looked down at the steamed bun I was holding, debated, then took a big bite. The steamed bun that hadn’t cooled yet was warm and tasted pleasant. But then, seeing me like that, Na Junsu suddenly burst into laughter. While I was chewing the steamed bun with my mouth full and looking at him with an expression that said I didn’t understand, Na Junsu waved his hand while holding back laughter.
“Chiwon, you’re really… uh, different from what I thought.”
“Really?”
“I thought you were a kid who liked being alone. You were always just reading books in the classroom. But when I actually see you, you say you like basketball and suddenly start making 3-point shots like you’re breathing. When you were comforting Jung Woojin earlier, you were like a hyung, but now you’re like a younger brother.”
“I don’t really like being alone though… As for basketball, I don’t have many hobbies. So I ended up doing it.”
“Ah, so you didn’t learn it?”
“Right.”
“That’s crazy. How do you have that kind of shooting form without learning it anywhere? I thought you at least went to a club.”
“My sibling watched me. When I ask them to watch sometimes, they do.”
“How can having someone watch you make it like that… wait, you have a sibling?”
“Yeah. I have a lot of younger siblings.”
“…Ah, I see.”
“Yeah. I…”
Should I talk about it? We were having a good conversation for once, and I wondered if I’d ruin the atmosphere. I glanced up and my eyes met Kim Eorin’s. At that moment, Kim Eorin smiled slightly with his eyes. It was probably just my own delusion, but… I thought he seemed to be trying to reassure me. Entranced by those eyes, I opened my mouth.
“…I’m the oldest hyung at the orphanage.”
“Really???”
“Yeah. I have sixteen younger siblings.”
“Wow, amazing. So you’re the oldest hyung. It doesn’t suit you but it does.”
Na Junsu responded readily, and Kim Eorin listened to the story without avoiding eye contact, so even though it was a story I’d never told anyone before, I thought it wasn’t difficult to bring it up.
“The youngest one is four now. She’s a girl and really cute. But there’s a five-year-old boy who always sticks with her, so maybe because he’s a boy, she learned to say ‘hyung-a’ before ‘oppa,’ so she calls me ‘hyung-a’ too.”
I smiled faintly, thinking of my cute sibling’s face.
“Wow, that’s so cute. I want a younger sister too. I’m the youngest so I just get picked on. Ah, if I had a hyung like you, life would be great.”
“Really?”
The moment I answered like that, Kim Eorin suddenly bent down and took a bite of the steamed bun I was holding. He must have already finished his share, as Kim Eorin’s hand only held the wrapper. When I was so startled I just stood there with my mouth open, Kim Eorin raised his head and grinned.
“I told you to eat quickly, Chiwon-ah.”
“Uh…”
“Wow, there’s another little animal here too.”
Na Junsu personally held the steamed bun up to my mouth.
“I’m the one who bought it. Our Chiwon should eat it all. Got it?”
“Who’s your Chiwon? He’s our kindergartener.”
Kim Eorin joked and grinned. This time I could smile. But listening to it, it somehow felt like teasing, so I narrowed my eyes. Seeing that, Na Junsu and Kim Eorin burst into laughter.
The class bell rang, and as soon as the math teacher left the classroom, it instantly became noisy and bustling. It was lunch time, but since the cafeteria started from third-years in order, the kids weren’t leaving the classroom. I organized my math textbook, got up, and headed to the lockers at the back of the classroom.
After what happened in the morning, I couldn’t concentrate on class at all. I thought I’d become detached from this kind of thing by now, but I wasn’t at all. I kept ruminating on gathering together and chatting, comforting the sobbing Woojin, and the whole noisy affair of other kids rushing in too. How did that happen? I’d never thought I could have that kind of time without effort. I myself hadn’t changed from middle school, but the way the kids treated me and my family was completely different from middle school.
Even after basketball ended and we gathered to sit, the kids naturally grabbed me and sat me down. As if my place was naturally here too. I felt endlessly pleased about that. I struggled throughout the class trying not to smile.
But on the other hand, I didn’t want to acknowledge it a little. Because it meant that I was so starved for intimate relationships that just one ordinary thing like this, which would be everyday life for others, was enough to distract me all day.
I didn’t want to ruminate on it. If I kept ruminating like that, I would…
“What are you thinking about so much?”
A voice was heard. Startled, I hurriedly raised my head, and Kim Eorin was putting books into the locker right above and to the right of mine. The lockers were arranged horizontally by number starting from the top row, and coincidentally our positions were close. I couldn’t answer and swallowed my words. I didn’t expect him to suddenly talk to me—wasn’t the daydream over earlier?
“You know, is that a habit?”
“Huh?”
“Getting red here. You did that during PE class earlier too, right?”
Kim Eorin pointed at his own eye area with his index finger. I raised one hand to rub my face and lowered my gaze.
“Ah, yeah. When I’m flustered…”
“I see.”
Answering like that, Kim Eorin rested his elbow on the locker, propped his chin, and looked at me.
“…Why?”
Under Kim Eorin’s persistent gaze, even though it wasn’t something to run away from, I felt like there was nowhere to escape to. During PE class too, he grabbed my wrist firmly, included me in basketball, came looking for me at the faucet, and talked to me. Why was Kim Eorin suddenly acting this way toward me? I felt bewildered. Until yesterday, we were strangers to the point where you could say we were complete strangers. But I definitely didn’t dislike it. It felt like I’d become something, enough that Kim Eorin would come and talk to me. In just one day.
[To be continued in the next episode…]
