While I was floundering trying to find something to add, the teacher said to collect the papers from the back, and before I could say to wait, the kid in the back seat took the paper, so I put down my pen. It was the kid who had been lying face down sleeping in the back seat even before I sat down, and when he stood up I saw he was incredibly tall. On the uniform jacket of the kid who yawned while returning after submitting the paper was a yellow name tag that read ‘Jung Woojin’. I was nervous that he might read my introduction while collecting them, but there was no interest in the introduction whatsoever on his face full of sleepiness.
“I’ll read through these carefully. I’m really good at memorizing this kind of thing, you know? I’ll memorize all your names in three days.”
“Really?”
“Of course, Na Junsu.”
“Oh… Ooh.”
Kim Eorin’s seatmate asked energetically, then shrank back in admiration when his name was called. The kids burst into laughter at the unexpected comedy.
“Next period we’ll distribute textbooks, so class president and vice president, during this break each of you take one… no, two friends and go to the Second Teachers’ Office on the second floor to bring back the books.”
“Yes.”
“Then see you next period.”
The bell rang right on cue. As the teacher who’d gathered up the stack of papers left the classroom, the classroom quickly became noisy. When Kang Yeongjin and Kim Eorin got up from their seats to find friends to take along, everyone nearby ran away. Only after laughing and exchanging playful punches did the six people depart to receive the books, and hooked on one of Kim Eorin’s arms was Eorin’s seatmate Na Junsu, who had run away until the end. It was funny how he cried out with a comical expression even while leaving the classroom, but worried that my seatmate who hadn’t gotten up from his seat might think it strange, I swallowed my laughter and turned my head to look outside the window.
The next period started, and while waiting for them to bring the rest of the textbooks they couldn’t carry during the break, the teacher cracked a few jokes. Once all the textbooks came to the classroom, the teacher cut the rope binding the textbooks and had the kids in the front seats distribute textbooks to their rows. Since class president Kang Yeongjin was in the front seat, he ended up having to carry books again. I wrote my name on the textbooks passed from the front with a name pen.
For a guy, I wrote pretty neatly. It was because I’d practiced writing while helping my younger siblings study Korean. If I was going to teach the younger siblings, I needed to be able to write well enough to be a model myself. As I was feeling proud alone looking at the neatly written name, I heard my name from beside me.
“Hey, Chiwon-ah.”
“…Me?”
Are you calling me? I was going to ask that, but my mouth stopped at “me.” Perhaps understanding just from that, my seatmate nodded.
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“If you’re done with the name pen, could I borrow it?”
“…Sure.”
I handed over the name pen and stole a glance at my seatmate writing his name. My partner’s name was Lee Kanghyeong. After scribbling the name down like scrawling, Lee Kanghyeong returned the pen to me.
“Thanks.”
“No problem.”
I couldn’t greet him first, but we had a conversation. I had something to tell the teachers when I returned to the children’s home. I touched my fingertips. I’d also learned my partner’s name. Lee Kanghyeong, Lee Kanghyeong. I rolled the name around in my mouth. I was terrible at memorizing people’s names.
“Once you’ve finished writing your names on the books, organize them and let’s do a big cleaning. Second period is cleaning time, you see. Since we need to push the lockers and sweep the floor, don’t put books in the lockers.”
“Yes.”
“Row 1 window-side friends, there are rags over there so rinse them and bring them, the rest of Rows 1 and 2 push the desks back, move the lockers and sweep the floor. Row 3 left side get the mops, right side I’ll give you newspaper and cleaner so wipe the windows. Row 4 hallway cleaning. Left side clean the floor and right side wipe the windows.”
“Yeeess.”
At the word to start, the kids got up sluggishly. I approached the drying rack where rags were hung, picked up a rag, and headed to the bathroom. The kid who was in the seat behind me also got up slowly, picked up a rag and started walking, and as I’d thought earlier, he was really tall. I thought he was probably the tallest in the class. While I, whose complex was not growing tall no matter how much basketball I played, was inwardly comparing heights, someone suddenly appeared behind me.
It was Kim Eorin. I drew in a small breath. This was the first time being this close. Kim Eorin was heading to the bathroom holding a mop. Huh, Kim Eorin is in Row 2, so… he should be sweeping the floor. While I was puzzled, a kid tapped Kim Eorin’s back and asked why he was here.
“Roh Jinho said he hated mopping so he asked to switch.”
“Why?”
“He apparently nagged his mom to buy expensive slippers. So he said he doesn’t want to go into the bathroom.”
“We’ll have to give him an initiation.”
The kid walked away laughing. Kim Eorin, now alone, readjusted his grip on the mop and suddenly turned his head. I, who had been secretly looking at his hair and the area around his ears from behind Kim Eorin, hurriedly lowered my head and needlessly fidgeted with the rag in my hand. I felt like I’d done something wrong.
While rinsing the rag and returning to the classroom, I was quite close to Kim Eorin but didn’t talk to him. The hallway was bustling, perhaps all the other classes were also in cleaning time, but it felt like only the area around Kim Eorin and me was particularly quiet. I returned walking quietly through the hallway and sat on the windowsill as I was, wiping the grooves of the window frame while sighing.
When the teacher briefly left their seat, the kids quickly found things to play with. When a kid holding a broom pretended to play baseball with a paper ball, a kid holding a dustpan quickly sat next to him and took a catcher’s position. Then a kid who had been wiping windows poked holes in newspaper for eyes, covered his face with it, and bent at the waist like an umpire. It was amazing how well they got along despite seeming to have just met today, so I secretly watched too. Na Junsu picked up the paper ball and joined the comedy acting as the pitcher. Class president Kang Yeongjin had no intention of stopping it and held the broom like a microphone and started a live broadcast. The class kids stopped their hands saying there was something to watch. Kim Eorin was one of them too.
In the end, the baseball game came to an end only when the teacher came. It was already after they’d hit three home runs. Perhaps because there were many people, the cleaning didn’t take long. By the time I’d finished wiping both the windowsill and two window frames, the cleaning was almost finished. I thought hands were too fast, and the teacher must have had the same thought because they looked around the classroom with a dubious face. But since there were no particular problems, the teacher told us to stop and put back the desks and lockers.
“Since it’s the first day of enrollment, there are no special classes today, but from tomorrow it’ll be regular classes. And we’ll start evening self-study from next week.”
“Booo.”
“Why do you go ‘booo’ at everything?”
After school, I had to look after my younger siblings. Of course, high school would end much later than middle school or elementary school, but that’s exactly why I wanted to go straight back and lighten the teachers’ load as quickly as possible. So I planned to return to the children’s home without even eating dinner after classes ended. In middle school too, I’d return to the children’s home to look after my younger siblings, and when I had my own time, I’d study then. Of course, middle school didn’t even have things like evening self-study, and high school would be very different from middle school in terms of the amount and level of studying, but still, I thought if I worked hard it would be okay.
And on Friday, two days after the entrance ceremony, I submitted a reason statement for not applying for March evening self-study.
The faint confidence that had bloomed when Lee Kanghyeong talked to me faded the very next day. Since my commute time was very short, even after waking all my younger siblings and seeing them eat breakfast, I could arrive at the classroom before the class monitors when I went to school. After opening the locked classroom door with the key hanging in the teachers’ office key box, opening the windows to ventilate, and sitting at my seat reading a book, kids entered the classroom one by one. Lee Kanghyeong also came to school quite early, but after barely greeting me, he left his seat to talk with another friend. Kim Eorin also came to school early, and though it must be my imagination, it somehow seemed like he was coming to school earlier and earlier.
Even after a whole week had passed since school started, I still hadn’t made a single proper friend. Because of that, lunch was still alone. That much was okay since I’d gotten used to it over the past three years of middle school, but what was hard was shaking my head at the teachers who asked how today was every time I returned to the children’s home. To be honest… I was a bit disappointed too. Though it couldn’t be helped.
However, setting aside my lack of sociability, there was a reason why no kids particularly approached me. Part of it was that my seat was a corner window seat so there weren’t many opportunities to converse with kids, but above all, the problem seemed to be that several kids had learned I lived in a children’s home. Since the school and children’s home were close, perhaps someone had seen me commuting. That story spread through word of mouth, and now it seemed most of the class knew my circumstances, at least roughly. A few days ago when I went to the bathroom, I heard kids with familiar voices carefully talking about me. Come to think of it, there’s that Yoo Chiwon kid… from Kim Eorin’s family Foundation… such words. It wasn’t even bad talk, just talk saying that’s what they heard, but my mood inevitably sank.
I’d never thought of myself living in a children’s home as pitiful. And I didn’t want to think that way either. The children’s home was home to me, and the teachers and kids at the children’s home were my family. I’d never been ashamed of my family.
However, sometimes when I had to explain to someone that my family circumstances weren’t ordinary… When I had to deny the existence of parents that anyone unconsciously takes for granted, when I hesitated over whether it was okay to answer sixteen when asked how many siblings I had. And the pitying gaze that followed, the expression that they’d mistakenly asked something they shouldn’t have asked—I was honestly overwhelmed. The pity they’d feel toward me, the realization that they’d made the other person uncomfortable, and even the apology I couldn’t help but feel in the sinking atmosphere despite it not being my fault.
But until now I’d never talked about the children’s home to anyone with my own mouth, so my heart wasn’t particularly heavy or anything. Talking about rumors, that much… they could do that. And the kids in Class 5 didn’t try to look down on me or judge me based just on those facts like the kids in middle school had. They were just uncomfortable. I thought that point was fortunate. Because it seemed it wouldn’t turn out like in middle school.
[To be continued in the next episode….]
