“Going to study?”
Kim Eorin, who saw the concept book I’d placed on my desk, said. Wondering if he’d be put off, I rubbed the cover of the concept book with my hand and made a vague excuse.
“Ah… I don’t do evening self-study, so I feel like I should at least do this…”
“Ah, you didn’t do evening self-study. Do you have something to do in the evening?”
“I help prepare dinner, help the little ones brush their teeth, help with homework. The teachers work hard all day, so I feel like I should at least help with that. Even doing that, I have time left over, so I study a bit then, but it still seems insufficient compared to other kids. I heard private high schools study really hard.”
“Is that so… I’m not really sure though.”
“Really?”
“There aren’t many kids doing evening self-study either. Maybe it’s because it’s March.”
“I see.”
The conversation was easier than I thought. Maybe it was because Kim Eorin asked various things and I just answered. But in the middle of talking, Kim Eorin rubbed his face with both hands and let out a languid breath. Looking closely, the shadows under his eyes were dark.
“Didn’t you sleep?”
“A little. Maybe that’s why, my eyes feel a bit dry.”
Just as I was about to ask why he couldn’t sleep, the back door opened loudly and Na Junsu ran in. It was clearly much earlier than when he usually came to school. Na Junsu, who was catching his breath while looking around the classroom, spotted me and Kim Eorin next to me and made a sound like he was boiling over.
“Grrr. No way!”
“Hi.”
Kim Eorin waved his hand with a refreshing smile. Na Junsu strode over this way.
“I thought I’d definitely win at this time!”
“Try as many times as you want. As if you’ll win.”
“Ah, so frustrating!”
Na Junsu fumed. I was still bewildered. Seeing my expression, Kim Eorin smiled and said.
“We made a bet yesterday on who comes first. The person who loses was supposed to buy breakfast at the school store.”
“So that’s why you said you’d get breakfast?”
“Yeah.”
Kim Eorin giggled. Na Junsu rushed out with an expression that said he was dying of frustration. There wasn’t even time for Kim Eorin to say anything. Thinking the amount Na Junsu bought might be a bit small, Kim Eorin rummaged through his bag looking for his wallet, saying he’d buy my share.
My feelings became subtle, wondering if perhaps, just perhaps, Kim Eorin was being this excessive because he knew my circumstances. I hoped Kim Eorin at least wouldn’t do that. But thinking about the relationship between Kim Eorin and me, this emotion was contradictory from the start. I shook my head to shake off the thought.
Since there were kids who ate breakfast at the school store, our school store opened a bit early. The wallet Kim Eorin took out of his bag wasn’t needed. Soon after, Na Junsu returned with his arms full of bread of all kinds sold at the school store.
“Were you originally supposed to buy that much?”
“No, that wasn’t it… What wind blew through him?”
“This one’s yours.”
Na Junsu grabbed any bread and threw it at Kim Eorin. Then he walked briskly toward me and dumped all the bread he was holding in his arms onto my desk.
“Us aside, you didn’t even bet but you really come early.”
“…For me to eat?”
“Yeah. You didn’t eat breakfast, right?”
Now that I looked, it wasn’t just Kim Eorin who was trying to feed me. Na Junsu smiled broadly. I couldn’t bring myself to say I’d already eaten breakfast, so I silently bowed my head. Kim Eorin also said nothing, perhaps trying to play along with me.
“Thank you.”
“Is this how you score points?”
“If you’re frustrated, why’d you lose?”
While Na Junsu and Kim Eorin were bickering, the front door opened and Jung Woojin came in with half-closed eyes. Walking toward his seat and waving his hand at me, Jung Woojin’s eyes widened when he saw the pile of bread on my desk.
“Why all this bread, Chiwon-ah?”
“I got it.”
“From who, ah, Junsu and Eorin are here too. Hi.”
“You’re just noticing now?”
“Yeah… My eyes were half open so I couldn’t see you guys.”
“…”
“You’ll fall like that. Be careful.”
“Okay, Chiwon-ah.”
Kim Eorin and Na Junsu closed their mouths, perhaps at a loss for words at being told he saw the bread before them. Worried he might fall while not looking at the floor, I said something and Jung Woojin nodded. He answered obediently, but his face was so clean it was doubtful whether he really understood. Jung Woojin strode over and grabbed the cream bun that was on top.
“Can I eat this?”
Since I’d received it anyway, I glanced at Na Junsu. Na Junsu grinned and told him to eat a lot.
“He says to eat a lot.”
“Thanks.”
Jung Woojin tore open the bread wrapper without even putting his bag down at his seat, and finished the cream bun in three bites while standing. Seeing Jung Woojin eat bread, Na Junsu also picked out his favorite bread from the pile, perhaps getting hungry. Kim Eorin was lying down at the seat next to me, sighing.
“Sleepy?”
He said he couldn’t sleep, and his expression looked like he’d collapse and fall asleep any moment. Hearing my words, Na Junsu tilted his head to look under Kim Eorin’s eyes and giggled.
“Surely you didn’t stay up all night to come early. What did you do at night that you couldn’t sleep?”
“Shut up, you bastard.”
“You’ll wear yourself out like that. Watch it moderately.”
“What, did Eorin watch something good yesterday?”
Even Jung Woojin joined in teasing Kim Eorin. Kim Eorin glanced at me and waved his hand.
“It’s not like that.”
“Not what?”
“Eorin shouldn’t watch that kind of thing. Eorin should go to bed early at night.”
“Ah, really.”
With a reddened face, Kim Eorin giggled and pretended to flare up. It was funny, but Kim Eorin being teased seemed a bit pitiful too, so thinking to comfort him, I grabbed whatever my hand went to from the bread pile and handed it to Kim Eorin. But seeing the bread I handed over, Na Junsu held his stomach and laughed.
“Man, Chiwon’s something else too.”
“What…?”
“That’s cheese bread. They say cheese is so good for reducing sexual stamina, Eorin-ah. Even for Chiwon’s sake, you should eat a lot.”
“Ah, no. That’s not it!”
I opened my mouth wide, but Na Junsu and Jung Woojin were already laughing happily, and Kim Eorin was looking at me with resentful eyes. It was an expression that said he didn’t expect even me to do that. I couldn’t even connect my words and just shook my head hard. Only then did Kim Eorin burst into laughter too and rubbed my head. I thought that touching hair must be Kim Eorin’s habit.
That day, Kim Eorin, Na Junsu, and Jung Woojin went to class rotation with me, and as if it were natural, ate lunch together. During breaks, Na Junsu and Kim Eorin would come to my seat and chat with Jung Woojin in the seat behind. I mostly listened, but that wasn’t because I was being left out—it was because I was struggling to keep up with the conversation.
After eating lunch, Kim Eorin, who kept poking my side as I habitually tried to open a book, rushed at me saying he’d find my ticklish spot when I showed little reaction. Jung Woojin and Na Junsu joined in too, tickling me everywhere, determined to make me burst into laughter somehow. When someone touched the nape of my neck, I hurriedly covered my neck with my hand and backed away. The kids made puzzled expressions, but I said nothing. Lunch time passed just like that. After afternoon classes ended and I, who wasn’t eating dinner, packed my bag and stood up, the three of them said to see me tomorrow as if they’d planned it. I hesitated, then answered that I’d see them tomorrow.
Even after several days passed, the three remained by my side consistently. They made a place for me as if it were natural.
Today, on the way to the school store together, Kim Eorin met a friend from another class. Kim Eorin, who was taller than me, had recently gotten into the habit of sticking to me, so even though it was just the short path to the school store, he leaned on me as if riding piggyback. Since it was a posture Jung Woojin often did to me, when I asked if he was perhaps envious, Kim Eorin didn’t answer.
When we came out to the courtyard in front of the school store, someone greeted Kim Eorin.
“Oh, hi.”
“Hi, it’s been a while. Maybe because there are ten classes, we don’t get to meet.”
“Right.”
“Who’s that?”
When I happened to make eye contact with that kid, feeling awkward, I gave a nod greeting. At the words asking who I was that immediately followed, Kim Eorin answered without hesitation.
“A friend I made recently. He’s Yuchiwon.”
“Yuchiwon?”
“His name is Yuchiwon. Our Chiwon, he’s cute.”
Though I couldn’t see it, it seemed Kim Eorin grinned. I could feel his cheeks puff up with laughter and touch the back of my head. Kim Eorin’s friend laughed heartily, then said “You’re doing well,” and left.
There was a thump sound from my chest. It was such a huge shock I didn’t know whether my heart jumped up or sank down. Did Kim Eorin hear it too? We were stuck so close together, he might have heard. Until Kim Eorin bought strawberry milk for me at the school store and handed it to me, I stood still and ruminated on Kim Eorin’s words. Kim Eorin had called me a friend.
I found it difficult to call someone a friend. Friend seemed like a word to use only when extremely close. Even Lee Kanghyeong, whom I greeted in passing, I called partner rather than friend in my mind.
I knew that the weight of this word “friend” that Kim Eorin and I had was different for each of us. But, but.
Then what kind of relationship did I need to have to call someone a friend? Could I become friends even without any particularly great process? That easily, that simply? Then how long did we need to be together to become friends? How close did we need to be, how much…
How much did I need to like someone to be friends?
That night, after all the younger siblings went to their rooms, I brought up the words I’d been putting off and putting off to the teachers.
“Teacher.”
“Yes, why?”
“Um… you know.”
“Yes.”
“At school, I think I made friends.”
Even this, I couldn’t say with confidence. But the teachers seemed to already know, and instead of showing obvious joy, they smiled brightly and held my hand tightly. It seemed I’d been quite excited the past few days, enough for the teachers to notice. While feeling a bit embarrassed, I was also relieved. Because it seemed like those three really were my friends.
“But Kim Eorin is among them too.”
This fact was indeed surprising, as all the teachers opened their mouths wide. I ended up smiling. After being surprised and delighted for a while, the teachers told me to go to the director’s office. To tell the Director too. I wondered if me making friends was such a big deal to the teachers too, but I silently moved my feet.
[To be continued in the next episode…]
