“You arrived early.”
“Yeah. There was a bus that came in one go.”
“We have to walk a bit.”
“I like walking.”
It felt strange to walk this path with Kkotmoa—a path I usually walked alone whenever I occasionally took public transportation home from school. Because he walked while sticking close to my side, I kept being conscious of our hands brushing against each other. Even though it wasn’t just once or twice that he’d held my hand, every time our hands lightly grazed each other, I couldn’t move a single knuckle.
“Jaea didn’t cry or throw a tantrum, did he?”
“He’s an understanding five-year-old, remember?”
“That’s true, but it was the first time our Jaea stayed at someone else’s house alone, so I was worried he might have felt out of place.”
“He thought he was my mom’s son, what more is there to say. He ate well, had snacks well, and slept well. He sprawled out like it was his own house, smiling comfortably.”
I’d only seen him eating, but I wanted to reassure Kkotmoa. Probably while I was at school, our overly enthusiastic ajumma who loves cooking definitely made him snacks and put him down for a nap. Just seeing how she was yesterday, acting like she didn’t know what to do with herself because he was so cute to death, made it obvious. Kkotmoa’s swollen eyes bothered me, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
“Your mother must have had a hard time. I’m not sure if it’s okay to just bring this.”
Only then did I notice the box of drinks in Kkotmoa’s hands. In the hands of the flower shop son who always gave me flowers, there was something I never expected to see. He must not have had time to stop by the flower shop. If that weren’t the case, this guy would definitely have brought flowers.
Ah. I told him I didn’t like flowers…
At the thought that suddenly surfaced, irritation suddenly surged up. The original me had no interest in flowers—until I became aware of you. Flowers had been objects of indifference, neither liked nor disliked. But the current me liked flowers so much that I’d have my gaze stolen by even nameless flowers blooming by the roadside.
Because you are a flower.
“Give it to me. From here on, I’ll carry it.”
“Huh? No, it’s not heavy at all.”
While the marks on his hands were bright red, he smiled breezily and spoke so well. I snatched the box of drinks from him with a motion that seemed annoyed. It felt quite heavy. I should have noticed when we got off the bus, but like an idiot happy just from his presence, I only noticed it now. I was pissed that I’d let him carry this heavy thing for over ten minutes. Even though Kkotmoa was slender, he wasn’t some delicate girl who couldn’t carry heavy things.
“Really, I can carry it…”
The guy who only rattled off useless words didn’t mention anything about going to the hospital yesterday. I felt like I was going crazy with curiosity. I glanced sideways at him, but Kkotmoa’s face was as neat and calm as always.
“Yesterday…”
“Hm?”
“…Why did you go to the hospital?”
“Ah…”
Kkotmoa scratched his head in an uncharacteristic way and made a slightly troubled expression. It seemed he didn’t want to talk about it. Still, I wanted to hear it. I wanted to know—all the things about him that I didn’t know. So I kept my mouth shut and just moved my legs until he opened his mouth. Already, our house gate was visible in the distance.
“Dad was in a hit-and-run accident last year, so he’s at the hospital.”
The lips that seemed like they’d stubbornly stay closed until the end calmly formed the words. Sad and painful emotions were transmitted in their entirety. So that’s why the homeroom teacher and the teachers had collected money for him. But did the homeroom teacher know that this kid had two dads?
*’Our family always ate samgyeopsal when we went out for birthdays. Well, that’s been impossible since last year too.’*
When his father was hit in the hit-and-run accident, everything must have gone wrong. In a house where only men lived but laughter and harmony overflowed, worry and sadness must have accumulated. Yet this admirable guy was enduring it well, smiling brightly.
*’Spring 2007, the day my younger sibling came’*
Ah, but in the photo I peeked at yesterday, it said they brought Deonggeori last spring. Did the accident happen as soon as the kid arrived? If so, it would be too burdensome a situation. With the family suddenly growing, and I’d heard kids cost a lot of money, but on top of that, covering hospital bills wouldn’t be easy.
“He got that way saving Jaea from almost getting into an accident. It was when he was at the height of enjoying walking, so he let go of Dad’s hand and ran across the crosswalk, but it’s not Jaea’s fault. According to witnesses, it was definitely a green light. There’s CCTV evidence too.”
“But it was a hit-and-run? They didn’t catch the culprit?”
“No. They found the car by identifying the license plate, but it was already a car that had been reported stolen, and after the accident, the car was abandoned too.”
At most, it would have been a year ago. But Kkotmoa explained in a monotone speech with no emotional fluctuation, as if telling a story from long, long ago. That made the area around my ribs ache even more.
“Then yesterday…”
“Dad had been unconscious the whole time, but yesterday his consciousness suddenly returned and he had a seizure, so I got a call saying he was critical… that he might pass away… So I couldn’t even think about Jaea and went. I guess I wasn’t in my right mind.”
“…Do you have time to be here doing this? Deon—no, your younger brother can stay at our house longer, so…”
“No, it’s okay now. They said Dad’s consciousness fully returned. They said if things go well after monitoring him, he might even be able to be discharged. He’ll need rehabilitation treatment, but they said he’s really okay now. He recognized me and our dad, and said he wanted to see Jaea.”
I saw hope. What Kkotmoa was desperately clinging to was definitely hope. I only hoped this wasn’t cruel hope torture being inflicted on him.
“If it’s a hit-and-run, the hospital bills… Do you have insurance?”
“We don’t have insurance, but it’s okay. Our family runs a flower shop.”
I wondered if they were covering those hospital bills with just the money from the flower shop. If he’d been unconscious until now, he would have been in the ICU, and the costs would truly not be trivial. He said it was okay, but the situation was not okay at all.
I understood why he said their circumstances were difficult. I understood why he lived frugally without complaint on 100,000 won monthly allowance. I understood his small head that didn’t want to go to college, but I also understood why his dad said he’d kick him out if he didn’t go to college. Struggling with hospital bills and being so difficult, yet his dad wanted to give the flower he was raising everything others did. He’d cherished the flower he took in. Even if he couldn’t give expensive fertilizer, he tried to give sunlight, water, and affection. He wanted to see that flower bear lush fruit.
And I wanted to see it too.
The sight of fresh fruit forming on a lovely flower.
“Hyung-ah!”
When we entered the house, the little guy who had been cheerfully acting cute in Mom’s arms suddenly started twisting his body around. As soon as he saw his hyung, his eyes became teary, but he didn’t cry. The enormous heart bursting from the small lump, not wanting to make his hyung struggle, was transmitted in its entirety.
As soon as Deonggeori, who had been fussing to be put down, escaped from Mom’s embrace, he ran to Kkotmoa and was held in his arms. Kkotmoa lifted Deonggeori up and kissed his cheek.
“Our Jaea, you behaved well without causing trouble?”
Deonggeori, nodding his head up and down repeatedly, buried his face in Kkotmoa’s neck and finally swallowed down his tears. He’d become a reliable younger brother to Kkotmoa when he grew up.
While holding the child, Kkotmoa greeted Mom neatly and politely, expressing his gratitude for the kindness received. Mom, having looked after someone else’s child, offered dinner with an air of reluctance, clearly not wanting to part. But Kkotmoa seemed to only want to quickly show the child to his dad at the hospital. Having adopted him with difficulty and saved him at the risk of his life, their dad would naturally want to see him. Moreover, though I hadn’t known it before, seeing him like this—the five-year-old lump clinging tightly to his hyung’s embrace as if not wanting to be separated—looked quite lovable. Even though he would have eaten better things and felt greater comfort from Mom’s touch while staying at this house, the child clung as if hyung was the only one in the world. No matter that he’d stayed in this house for a day, the only family Deonggeori blindly embraced in this unfamiliar place was Kkotmoa.
“Hyeondo. Take your friend home. Carrying a bag, a baby—it’s no ordinary matter.”
Yesterday I came home alone carrying my bag, Kkotmoa’s bag, and a small living lump, but Mom didn’t say this. At first, she was so surprised she didn’t even think to take the bag, let alone accept the lump in my arms. That ajumma was now personally carrying Kkotmoa’s bag that I’d brought down from the second floor. In her heart, she’d want to hold the child.
“It’s okay, there’s a bus that goes straight from here. Hyeondo just got home from school too, so he’ll be tired—tell him to rest. We’re really okay.”
Despite Kkotmoa’s words declining, Mom insisted stubbornly, saying to listen to adults. Just the fact that she extended the time I could be with Kkotmoa made me feel Mom was reliable today. Actually, if it weren’t for this situation, I wanted to let Kkotmoa eat the meal my mom made, show him my room, and study together while eating the fruit Mom would serve us in my room.
“Uh… don’t give him this kind of thing. It’ll spoil the child.”
Kkotmoa was flustered, seeing her slip a 100,000 won check into the child’s pocket. If he’d been a child born to a normal couple, he would have received this kind of spending money every time he met adults when he was young. But Kkotmoa, living with a gay couple, seemed to have no experience with this and didn’t know what to do.
“Adults are supposed to give kids spending money. If I had my way, I’d take him out and buy Jaea lots of presents, but my son stopped me from doing that. It’s not much, but use this to buy Jaea something delicious.”
“But still…”
“At times like this, you just say thank you and accept it.”
It was a sight often seen from Mom. Even when going to social gatherings or events, Mom couldn’t just pass by young children without pressing spending money into their hands. Telling them to buy something delicious. But none of those children’s parents had ever refused with a face steeped in bewilderment like Kkotmoa. They accepted it as if that money had been theirs from the beginning, naturally. While telling the child, “You should say thank you.”
